Grieved Loss: A Dark Mafia Romance (Bellandi Crime Syndicate Book 3)

by Adelaide Forrest

  Most of it was nothing shocking. He'd been raised in the life, his father the trusted enforcer of the head of the Irish syndicate, Liam O'Connell, until the day he died. The connection had fostered his rise to power, but what surprised me were the notes that made me believe Murphy planned to overthrow Liam. At forty-years-old, maybe he'd tired of waiting for the old man to die.

  Though, if word on the street was right, he'd long since gotten tired of waiting. Certain contacts of mine suspected he'd been the one to kill Aoife's mother because she'd opposed his marriage to her daughter, but nothing had been proven. He'd hired the Russians of all people to do it and then turned on them and worked to push them out of the city. Aoife had been a child at the time, nothing more than a pawn in a political maneuver to take over after Liam died.

  But the old man showed no signs of slowing down.

  I snapped my attention up when Murphy's front door opened and a woman walked out. Murphy followed her, stopping to kiss her sweetly on the doorstep. I'd watched enough men over the years to know the difference between a goodbye with a one-night stand, and a goodbye with someone that mattered on some level at least. I snapped a few shots with my camera for good measure.

  She giggled into his kiss, and though I couldn't hear it from my distance, I could see the way her body shook and the tip to her lips as she smiled. She pulled back just enough to talk to him, though his arms stayed wrapped around her. With him dressed in his robe, he made no move to walk her to the BMW parked in the driveway with a driver waiting for her.

  I grabbed my phone, dialing Matteo quickly. "What have you got?" he answered.

  "Were you aware that Murphy has a woman?" I asked, starting the car as subtly as I could as she climbed into the backseat of the BMW.

  "Murphy has lots of women," Matteo laughed. "What of it?"

  "This one's different." I shifted into drive. "She spent the night at his house and seems to have her own driver or security detail. I can't say which yet."

  Matteo was silent on the other end. "That is interesting.”

  "Yeah. Get one of the others to watch Murphy for the day. He isn't going anywhere for at least thirty. I'll follow her and see what I can find." I pulled out of my parking space after giving them enough lead time to not be suspicious. Murphy was already tucked back inside his home, oblivious to the predator who could have slit his throat before he'd stepped inside if I'd wanted to act. But Matteo said we couldn't strike yet, so that was what we'd do.

  "She feels that significant?"

  "He could just be hiding her from O'Connell. I don't imagine Liam would take kindly to Murphy running around on his daughter even if they aren't actually together yet, but if nothing else it could be the information you need to win Liam's trust. Their operation is splintering at the seams, with the younger generation supporting Murphy and the old-timers staying behind Liam. It will explode at some point, so we might as well use it to our advantage."

  Matteo sighed. "It all comes down to the women, doesn't it?" he asked.

  I nodded, adding in a grunt so he could hear me when I realized he wouldn't see me. "Some men don't even protect the women they claim. Let alone the others who they don't give the first crap about."

  "But we do," Matteo said, and I knew like me, he probably questioned his sanity. Our need to shelter women and children would inevitably put our own at risk. We'd lose men in the coming war, and we could only hope that we would be enough to protect the wives and kids through it.

  But I'd never be able to look at myself in the mirror, let alone Calla, if I sat by and let Murphy establish his trafficking ring in our city. The thought of Calla and the kids being sold like that was enough to motivate me.

  Those women and children had families who loved them too. They were just helpless to defend their loved ones.

  So we did it for them. "But we do," I agreed. I hung up the phone, following the blond in the BMW to a luxury apartment building that confirmed everything I'd already suspected. The driver went upstairs with her. The personal security I'd thought him to be.

  The apartment building wasn't something that an escort could afford. It wasn't something most could afford on their own.

  I'd have to send one of the grunts to find out her name. I would be too memorable if anyone spotted me, and I suspected I'd be watching her regularly. With the fact that she wasn't known to O'Connell, she'd be a valuable point of contact for Murphy with his allies and men that Liam might not know about.

  It was a little victory, a little sliver of information we didn't have the day before.

  Hopefully, I'd have a little victory with Calla too.

  Thirty-Three

  Calla

  I was terrible at soccer. Absolutely and completely terrible.

  With Ryker in the center of the new, larger goal he’d had delivered the day before, I wanted nothing more than to hit his striking face with the ball.

  It was a shame I was horrible.

  I considered asking Axel to do it for me, but I figured that might not make the best impression as a mother. Stupid responsibilities.

  Ryker grinned at me as if he could sense my inner turmoil, and on the rare occasion that one of my kicks went anywhere near him, I hid behind my lack of skill.

  “Oops,” I shrugged when he caught the ball against his abs. He gave a light grunt that transformed into a laugh, and I glared at him. Of course, the fucking meatball couldn’t even pretend to be hurt for my sake.

  “Should I just lay down and you can use my head as the ball instead, Sunshine?” he chuckled, and Axel and Ines looked at me as they fought to control their giggles. Axel bent over at the waist, touching his knees as he pretended not to listen to our conversation and worked to teach Ines how to kick her smaller ball into a miniature net just for her.

  “I think that might help, yes,” I admitted. Ryker shook his head, tossing me the ball that I jumped away from. I’d barely settled myself down when he charged out of the net.

  Those hands of his grabbed me around the waist when he collided with me, lifting me up into his arms until I had to wrap my legs around his waist as he strolled around the field. “How much longer do I have to endure before you forgive me?” he whispered, staring up at me with a bright gaze and his lips pursed into a pout that looked comical on his rugged face.

  I didn’t answer, trying to resist the way he looked at me. The warmth had returned to his gaze the morning before, but he acted like nothing happened.

  Like he hadn’t made me feel like less and kept secrets from me.

  “I’m sorry I shut you out. I didn’t mean to upset you. I didn’t have an easy start to life and sometimes it comes up in my dreams,” he said, and I felt my body soften in response to the vulnerable look in his eyes.

  “You want me to believe in this relationship, or whatever you want to call it. But I have to know you to do that, and I don’t. I know absolutely nothing about you aside from your criminal life. You have no family. You never talk about what you were before you joined the Bellandis. I need to know you, Ryker,” I whispered. “Whenever I ask, you shut down. I understand not wanting to get into specifics, but I need something.” My arms wrapped around the back of his neck, toying with the bottom of his hair between my fingers. “I want to know you,” I admitted, even if it pained me. I knew with every layer of himself that Ryker unwrapped, I fell harder and harder.

  Bit by bit. Even when I tried to ignore it and hated myself for it.

  He smiled up at me, hearing the admission for what it was. A verbal acknowledgement of my growing feelings for him. “I’ll tell you at some point, but for now,” he reached up with a hand, supporting my weight with just the one wrapped around the back of my thigh. When he touched my cheek, I melted into that touch. “I want you to know that I give you everything that matters. You know me, Tesoro. My childhood contributed to the man I became, but not in a good way. The only thing that matters to you is the man I show you every day.”

  When he tugged my head down to his, I let
him coax a kiss from me. Soft and sweet, he showed me who he was. He showed me I mattered, contrasting with the way he’d made me feel two nights prior.

  “Gross! Not again!” Axel laughed. When I pulled back, Ryker turned to level Axel with a narrow-eyed stare that I had a feeling would have made most grown men cower. But my son wasn’t fazed, content knowing Ryker would never hurt him.

  “Are you ever going to let me kiss your mother in peace, Little Man?” he asked, setting me to my feet as my phone rang in my back pocket. He didn’t let me answer, wrapping an arm around my waist and dragging me so that my feet dragged along the ground as he raced toward Axel.

  “No,” Axel laughed, running in the other direction when Ryker chased after him. My feet dragging undoubtedly slowed him down, but he still caught up to my boy’s shorter legs quickly. Grabbing Axel around the waist, he swung him upside down as he lost his mind in a fit of giggles.

  “Why am I involved in this?” I asked, laughter bubbling in my chest as Ryker moved toward Ines. She giggled, hurrying around the field as Ryker chased her. He had to amble along like a swamp creature with both of us hindering his legs, but it only made Ines laugh harder. “Hulk! Put me down!” I laughed, wincing when he dropped me on my ass in the grass.

  He’d done it delicately enough that it didn’t hurt by any means, but I glared at him no less as I took my phone out of my pocket as it rang again.

  When Jason’s name popped up on my screen, I contemplated not answering. I didn’t imagine there was a world in which Ryker would relish me talking to a man on the phone, not given all his grunty alpha bullshit with James’s father.

  But in the spirit of not keeping secrets when I tried to demand full truth from him, I hit the answer button. “Hey,” I said.

  “Calla,” Jason called on the other end of the line. He sounded so uninterested, and I realized that he always did. I’d just never known the difference. My eyes automatically went to Ryker, watching him twirl the kids around in his arms like he was a carnival ride. “The kids sound like they’re having the time of their lives,” Jason laughed, undoubtedly listening to the peals of laughter.

  “They’re having a blast. What’s up?”

  “Is your Dad there? He’s the only one who can make them laugh like that,” Jason chuckled, thoroughly amused with his inner knowledge of our lives. I bristled, the insinuation that I couldn’t make my kids laugh not lost on me. Given that he’d made similar comments in the past, I shouldn’t have been surprised.

  “No. I met someone and the kids adore him,” I snapped, not bothering to hide the bite in my tone. “They were playing soccer, but it appears to have evolved into goofing around.” I didn’t know what it was, but since Ryker’s insertion into my life, everything Jason texted me or said felt invasive. Perhaps it was the knowledge that he wouldn’t approve of Ryker.

  Or maybe it was just the fact that he expected me to be loyal to Chad until I died.

  “You met someone? And you already introduced him to Chad’s kids?” Jason said, his voice full of warning.

  “My kids, and yup!” I popped the end of the word, feeling more and more aggravated when Ryker turned to watch me suddenly, staring at me with narrowed eyes and the humor suddenly gone from his expression.

  No longer amused. The kids picked up on his disinterest immediately, the smile drifting off Axel’s face.

  Instantly, I grew more and more annoyed. Between Ryker’s crappy jealousy and Axel’s fun ending, I wanted to blame Jason for ruining what had been a pleasant moment.

  One of those moments where I felt myself falling deeper and deeper in love with my stalker.

  “I don’t think that’s smart,” Jason said. “You might confuse them—”

  “Not your place, Jason,” I snapped, and instantly my body tightened when Ryker’s energy shifted from annoyance to pure fury. I knew he couldn’t hear the other end of the conversation, but just the fact that I was on the phone with Jason seemed to be enough to bring out the beast.

  He sighed on the other end, continuing on with a change of topic like he knew what was good for him. “I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I’m working a case and might not be able to get away tomorrow. I don’t want to get too wrapped up and forget to call.

  It said everything that he even could forget in the first place. We hadn’t talked about it, but somehow I knew Ryker wouldn’t forget my birthday.

  There was no doubt he knew about it, at any rate. Not with the way he’d stalked my ass.

  “Thank you,” I whispered instead of responding to the feeling of despondency he left me with. As much as Jason might have aggravated me, he was the only connection the kids had to their father. The only other person he considered family.

  “I miss you three. When can I see you?”

  “I’ll have to get back to you on that,” I said, mumbling the words as I bit my lip. Ryker’s face grew more thunderous every second I stayed on the phone, and I suddenly realized it would probably be in my best interest to end the conversation as soon as possible.

  Yikes.

  Spicy meatball.

  “Okay, but—”

  “Gotta go!” I said, pressing the end call button furiously when Ryker stormed his way to me. His eyes darkened as he stared down at me, making me swallow through my suddenly dry mouth. “Jason wants to see the kids.”

  “How about fuck no?” He growled, and I glanced over his shoulder. The kids watched the exchange with interest.

  “Uncle Jason says hi!” I called to them, patting him on the shoulders as I put on my big girl panties and walked around his heaving torso. “You gonna Hulk out or something?”

  “Calla,” he warned.

  “Deep breaths.” I stretched up, kissing his cheek as I went to improve Axel’s mood again. I practically skipped.

  Given the jealousy he’d made me feel with the suspicion of him dreaming about another woman, I didn’t feel even remotely guilty as I tuned him out.

  An eye for an eye.

  Thirty-Four

  Calla

  It was my first birthday in captivity.

  I didn't expect much, didn't want much. Moms quickly got used to being forgotten on their days.

  Who made the homemade presents with the kids for everyone else?

  Moms.

  Who did the shopping for other peoples' birthdays?

  Moms.

  It meant there was no one who put any thought into what my two-year-old could do for me. Axel was old enough to think about it now, but given that he was always with me, he was stuck too.

  I never expected to wake up to a living room decorated with Calla Lilies everywhere. I wasn't prepared for the fact that Ryker had let me sleep in or that the kids were up and dressed for the day in nice clothes I'd never seen before.

  There was a stack of pancakes on the table, with candles in the center and waiting for me to blow them out. My eyes watered when Ines lunged for me, wrapping her arms around my legs and shrieking. "Happy!"

  My throat clogged with emotion. Chad had never once thought to do something so simple for me.

  It was just another moment of realization of just how indifferent my marriage had been. I'd had my kids, and I'd thought they were all I needed.

  But they weren't.

  I needed more, and it was only after the realization that Ryker might love another woman that I knew I wanted it from him. Because it hurt, and it shouldn’t have.

  "Happy birthday, Mommy!" Axel said. He turned to Ryker excitedly. "Can she open her presents now?"

  I widened my eyes at him. "Let's let your Mom wake up and eat some breakfast. Why don't we save the presents for after?" Ryker asked him, in that gentle voice that still seemed so jarring coming from the man who I never would have thought capable. When Ryker pulled out my chair, I dropped into it in a daze. "You'll have cake later, but blow out the first candles of the day, Sunshine." Looking up at him, I forced myself to blow them all out.

  Aside from the day before, for three days,
he'd left us during the day. Gone off to do God knows what, in a car that blended in well. Following the dream where he'd begged "not her," I'd assumed he was finally growing tired of me. That he'd been going to see the woman he actually cared about and fighting for her, despite his determination to cheer me up.

  But I didn't know a single man who went to such trouble for his girlfriend's birthday if his heart wasn't in it. My heart pounded in my chest, and the threat of tears returned for an entirely different reason.

  I couldn't deal with the uncertainty anymore. I couldn't wonder what my place was in Ryker's life.

  I couldn't keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  The kids smiled at me, chattering happily, and I forced myself to enjoy that moment with them. It was the first year Ines was old enough to understand what a birthday was. The first time she'd ever tried to say happy birthday to me, and that was a memory I would hold on to forever.

  Unlike what I'd expected, I hadn't had to be the one who tried to teach her.

  The pancakes were delicious, and Ryker had gone to the trouble of making a strawberry sauce for me to use instead of maple syrup. The same way I would have done for myself. I ate until I couldn't stomach anymore, pleased that it was already near lunchtime and that I wouldn't need to feed the kids another meal for a few hours.

  It was close enough that this counted as lunch, especially with the way they shoved forkful after forkful into their mouths. There was no way to avoid the mess they made of themselves, and I chuckled as I stood to clean up the plates. "Sit down, Tesoro," Ryker said. "Axel and I have got it."

  I gave him a wide-eyed stare as my boy gathered up his and his sister's plates and brought them into the kitchen. Axel had never washed a dish in his life, such was the frenzied life of a mom who could do it much quicker if she just did it alone.

  When Axel came back with a wet towel and helped clean up his sister's hand and face, my heart melted at the gentle affection he used with Ines. "You're such a good brother," I whispered to him.