"It's fine." I smiled. In all honesty, I barely knew the woman. I'd only met her once, so I would have thought it more unusual if she had been there. That said, I barely knew any of the Bellandis. The entire situation was strange, how quickly they adopted the kids and I into their family just because Ryker said we were his.
For them, it really was that simple.
I thought about our conversation a few days prior, about how his words had struck me to the core. They were true. No matter how much I'd developed feelings for Ryker, I still couldn't seem to let go of the fact that he'd stalked me. That he'd taken away my will the day he tricked me into walking into his home, knowing he wouldn't let me leave.
He'd betrayed my trust before I'd ever known him, and no matter how he made me feel, I couldn't shake the feeling that he'd do it again. "You said that you and Matteo had a rocky start?" I asked Ivory, and she set the eyeliner down.
"It was a little different, I imagine. I already knew him. We dated in high school. He broke my heart. The usual sob story," she laughed, but there was just the hint of pain in her voice that I knew came from that place where we all clung to past hurts. No matter what made up for them after the fact.
"Don't listen to her," Samara snapped. "She's downplaying it. She knew him, and she also wanted nothing to do with him. She hated him, as I'm sure you can imagine, given what he did to her. He only made it worse once they got together, moving her in here when she didn't want to, holding her down and putting a tracker in her, and he switched out her birth control for placebos so she got pregnant."
"Oh God," I whispered, staring at Ivory. "And you forgave him?"
She shrugged, a brief smile toying at her mouth. "Something happened, and it put things into perspective for me. I love him, and I wouldn't want to die knowing that I didn't give it a shot out of fear. You only get one life, one chance, at the love these men have for their women. Don't let fear dictate that you can't have it. So he isn't normal," she shrugged again. "But he's yours."
"Don't say the love word," Samara whispered as if she wasn't standing directly behind me. "You might scare her."
"He told me he loves me already," I laughed, and Samara rolled her eyes at the mirror.
"Well, lucky you that you have a man smart enough to do that before the wedding. Lino didn't bother to tell me until weeks after we were already married."
Ivory giggled, shaking her head. "He thought you knew. I don't know how you didn't. Everybody knew."
"The best way to make damn sure I knew would have been to just tell me, wouldn't it?" She grimaced at the mirror, but it faded quickly when her hand came down to rest on her belly before she took out the eyeshadow.
"Could you have gotten past it without whatever put things in perspective? Could you have forgiven him?"
Ivory pulled out a lip tint, touching it to my lips lightly enough to give them some color without overwhelming my face. "I don't know," she admitted. "I hope so, because when I think about where we are now and the fact that I could have none of this? That kills me. Don't push him away, Calla. Just give him a chance to show you what things can really be like if you just stop fighting it."
"It would help if he'd stop making decisions for me," I growled, standing to peek at myself in the mirror. My dress hung in the corner, and I dreaded having to put it on, despite the fact that it was stunning. It would mean the moment of truth had come, that I'd finally have to go down the stairs and marry Ryker or make a scene that probably wouldn't end well for me.
And would scare the kids needlessly.
"Mommy pretty!" Ines said, glancing up at me from where she continued to twirl in her dress.
"He will," Samara said. "That won't ever go away completely, but it gets better. We push them, they push back harder. Once you stop pushing, things just flow."
"I hope so," I murmured, stepping into the bathroom where I put the dress on. The silk clung to my body, gliding down in a smooth line from the sweetheart neckline held up by thin straps to the floor. Only a slit in the leg went up to mid-thigh, revealing a leg and trimmed in lace.
Brushing my hands over myself, I stepped into the bedroom. "Princess!" Ines cheered, clapping her hands excitedly.
I wrung my hands as I stepped up to the mirror, looking at my reflection. I felt far more bridal in that moment than my first wedding, even though it had been in a church, and a proper wedding with a crowd of friends and family to watch.
The knock at the door jolted me out of my thoughts. "Calla?" Lino called through the door.
"Yes?" My voice shook as I answered.
"Your father is here. He'd like to see you for a minute." Lino's voice was kind through the door, and I couldn't imagine that he was the businessman who commanded the city beside his crime boss cousin. It was also hard to imagine that he'd thrown Samara over his shoulder and carted her off to Matteo's house where he manipulated her into marrying him.
"Okay. You can send him in!" I called, turning to face the door.
"No Ryker!" Samara hollered out suddenly. "She's already in her dress."
"Okay, Little Dove." Lino laughed at his wife's antics. When the door opened and my father stepped through, he stopped in his tracks and stared at me. I hadn't thought we'd have one of these moments again since it was the second wedding.
Nobody cared about the second wedding as much, right?
But the tears that formed in my Dad's eyes as he took another step forward hinted that maybe I'd been wrong in that assumption. "Calla Lily," he whispered, an ache there that brought tears to my own eyes. "You look so much like your mother."
I nodded, because I knew I'd thought the same thing when I looked in the mirror. Pictures I'd seen of my mom had shown her to be feminine and always dressed well, despite her mechanic husband.
She put in the effort every day, and maybe that was part of why Dad still missed her nearly thirty years later.
"This," he whispered, "is much better than that monstrosity of a dress you wore the first time."
I laughed as he approached and drew me into his arms for a hug. My forehead pressed against his chest, taking comfort in the familiar smell of Dad. He never could shake the smell of oil that clung to his skin.
I wouldn't have changed it for anything.
"It is so much better," I agreed, laughter making my body shake.
"The man is, too," Dad said, and I tilted my face up to look at him. Leaning down to press a kiss to my cheek, he winked at me.
"Not even a question about the fact that I'm being married at Matteo Bellandi's home? That doesn't count as a mark against Ryker?" I asked, tilting my head away as he pulled back.
"It's interesting for sure, but it doesn't matter to me. All that I care about is how much he loves you. Nothing outside of that matters to me. Love is love. I miss your mom every day. I wouldn’t change anything, and not just because she gave me you. She gave me the happiest years of my life, and I love her enough that it was worth every bit of pain just to have those memories. I want that for you,” he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion as he talked about my mother.
“Is that why you gave Ryker your blessing?” I asked, fiddling with my fingers as I resisted the urge to pick the polish off in my nervousness. I would come out of my skin soon enough if I wasn’t careful.
"I know this is fast for you, but I can see he loves you and the kids the same way I love you and your mother. I want that for you. I want you to have a husband who will miss you every day if something takes you away from us. I want you to have a husband worth mourning. If you don't know already that Ryker is that for you, then I'm sad for you, Calla Lily. I messed up somewhere along the line, making you so damn scared of love. Let Ryker fix that mistake for me, please,” he choked out the last words.
“Daddy,” I whispered as the first tear fell. He dabbed it away gently, taking care not to mess up my makeup.
“Just let him love you.” He held a hand out for Ines, who raced over to put her hand in his. "Come on, pretty girl. Let's give yo
ur Mommy a minute." I read between the lines, knowing he needed to separate from me as much as he seemed to think I needed the space.
When they left the room, I realized just how deafening silence could really be.
✽✽✽
Father Alessi spoke, his words ringing through the yard and the small group of people who had gathered to watch us tie ourselves to one another. "Ryker, repeat after me." He went through the vows, and I had a moment where I wondered if Ryker would go through with it. If the memory of the wife he’d lost might prevent him from taking a new wife.
But the worry proved unfounded when he smiled down at me, sliding a thin rose gold band studded with diamonds onto my finger along with my engagement ring. "I, Ryker, take you Calla to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
My breath stalled as my heart thumped in my chest. Given that we'd both lost spouses, the until death do us part took on a new meaning that it hadn't the first time around. I knew what it was like to lose a husband.
But I knew with sudden clarity that I wouldn't survive losing Ryker.
I stared up at him, tears shining in my eyes. His hand reached up to stroke my cheek, as if he could see just how close I'd come to my breaking point. Closing my eyes, I leaned into his touch for just a moment before I looked to where the kids stood with my Dad and Aunt Sigrid. Even she looked pleased; even she had been won over by Ryker's gentle affection and how incredible he was with the kids.
"A once in a lifetime kind of man," she'd said as we parted ways at the restaurant a week before. "And a once in a lifetime love."
I knew she was right. I knew there would be no one who made me feel the way Ryker did. It didn't take a genius to see the way others went about their lives and how different we were.
"Calla, repeat after me," Father Alessi said with a smile. Ryker dropped his hand from my face, letting me look at the priest so I could really hear the words as he spoke them.
"I, Calla, take you Ryker, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." As I repeated them, it felt like a brand on my soul. Like the vows went straight to the core of me and seared themselves into me so I could never forget who I was.
Calla Fiore.
I slid the simple black band onto Ryker's finger, staring up into his face as he looked down at me with shining blue eyes. Once that was done, he ducked his head forward and stole my lips in a fierce kiss as he pulled me to him. Another brand on my soul came with it, our first kiss as husband and wife.
In the group watching, Enzo hooted. "Thatta boy!"
"I suppose saying you may now kiss your bride would be redundant," Father Alessi sighed, and I giggled in response as I tried to pull away from Ryker. Instead, his arms wrapped around my waist as he lifted my feet off the ground and spun me in a circle. "I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Ryker Fiore."
When Ryker finally set me to my feet, the kids rushed into us, hugging our legs tight as we grinned down at them. It was when I looked back up at Ryker that he spoke. "Hello, wife," he whispered, and it felt like my heart stopped.
"Hello, husband," I murmured in response.
We moved away from the center of the focus of the room, Ryker glad to be out of the spotlight as much as I was. As we approached where Matteo stood with Ivory, Enzo spoke. “You know, I have yet to meet Sadie.” He laughed.
Ivory eyed him curiously, and Matteo shot her a warning look with whatever he saw in his wife’s sea-green eyes. “How is that even possible?” she asked instead, though the amusement never left her face.
I didn’t doubt his words though, because I had a feeling anyone who met Sadie would have a very distinct impression and remember the event in significant detail. “No clue. She’s just never around when I am,” he shrugged. “I hear she’s quite the woman.”
“Don’t even think about it,” Matteo growled. “I will not deal with the wreckage when the two of you crash and burn.”
“Relax, Teo,” Enzo said mockingly. “I haven’t even met the woman.”
I didn’t hear Matteo’s response, when Ryker grabbed my hand and the kids and dragged me off into the kitchen where we could be away from the crowd. He knelt in front of the kids, the pant leg of his suit touching the floor in a way that most men might have fussed over, even though the floor was pristine. It didn’t bother Ryker in the slightest. He pulled a necklace out of his pocket, a sparkly ring hanging from the chain that he clasped around Ines’s neck. “I promised you there’d be one for you too, Princess.” She giggled in response, grabbing the ring and pulling it away from her chest so she could look at it with a shining grin.
“Thank you!”
“And for my Little Man,” Ryker said, turning his attention to Axel. “It isn’t much, but you love working on the Chevelle with me so much that I thought you might like to have this.” I recognized the adjustable wrench he pulled from his pocket as the one he most often used when he worked in the garage. “It was the first tool I ever bought myself after I discovered my love of cars. It only seems fitting that I pass it on to you now.”
Emotion clogged my throat, the meaning behind the gift not lost on me or Axel as he held out a hand and accepted the wrench with tears in his eyes. It was the gift a father gave to his son.
“Thank you,” my boy whispered, and both kids collided with Ryker’s chest to hug him tight. I clenched my jaw against the threat of tears as I watched Ryker tend to my kids with such gentle affection that they’d always enjoyed.
“I’m sure your grandpa will want to see that,” I said to Axel, making both kids dart into the living room to go show off their new things.
Dad’s shout traveled through the doorway. “Ryker, we're gonna have some words!” he called with a laugh, kicking himself for missing the opportunity to give Axel his first tool. He might have wished he didn’t miss that chance, but I wouldn’t change the way it happened.
“Thank you for making them a part of today,” I whispered, leaning down to touch my lips to his before he could stand. “Husband.”
“Careful, wife, or we might go home early.” I giggled as he stood. I couldn’t wait.
✽✽✽
With the kids spending the night at their Grandpa's for their first ever sleepover, the Mom in me wanted to call him and make sure everything was okay the second we got home.
I trusted my Dad with them, but Ines had never been away from me for an entire night. The way Ryker glanced at me out of the corner of his eye told me he knew just how antsy I felt as we pulled up the driveway. He smirked, and I refrained from asking.
They'd be fine, and Dad knew how to use a fucking phone if they weren't.
I took a deep breath as Ryker drove the Maserati down the side lane to park it in the garage. The rings on my finger felt heavy, as if the weight they put on my soul was tangible. I wanted to feel free, and I tried to focus on the fact that my feelings for Ryker only grew by the day. I tried not to think about that one dark cloud hanging over us in the form of his domination. I'd just give him the chance Ivory and Samara said, hoping that if I stopped pushing, so would he.
It was the only chance we had at finding our way through to the other side of our marriage.
To the beauty and the peace that I could feel hovering on the horizon. To the love that bloomed in my heart.
When we stepped out of the car, Ryker rushed around to lift me into his arms so that my legs draped over his arm and I clung to him with my arms around his chest. "It figures that the first time I have you here alone, I want to make love to you in our bed and not fuck you on the hood of the Chevelle."
I laughed as he stepped over the threshold, expecting him to set me to my feet once that formality was out of the way. Instead, he strode down the hall with me in his arms, showing no signs of stopping until we reached the closed doo
r that went to the main house. There he set me down, opening the door for me and letting me walk through. "So, make love to me first, and then fuck me on the Chevelle," I teased. "If the kids are gone all night, we have some time to take advantage of." Ryker stared down at me, taking my hand in his and pulling me to the stairs so that we could race up them. With no kids to think of, we left the gates open in our haste to get to our bedroom.
"I want to fuck you in the gym and the kitchen," he whispered as we went into the bedroom finally. He closed the door behind him, and I realized how odd it seemed given that we were alone. But the thought fled from my mind the moment he turned and strode for me. He gathered the silk of the dress up in his hands, and I raised my arms to help him shimmy it off my body. His fingers traced over the curve of my bare shoulder, and I stared up at him as my hands slid the suit jacket off his broad shoulders.
"We have time," I whispered.
"We have our lives," he said back, and his stare was intense on mine. As if he could compel me to believe the words, but I wouldn't have agreed to marry him if part of me didn't think it was true already. As soon as my fingers went to the buttons on his shirt, he pushed my hands away to undo them more hastily. My hands went to his pants, unbuttoning and sliding the zipper down in my hurry to get him naked. By the time they fell to his ankles, he'd tossed his shirt to the side and moved to step out of them, kicking his shoes off. "Get on the bed, Sunshine," he whispered, but I shook my head.
"Not tonight," I said shyly, but I reached behind me and unfastened my bra. When it slid down my arms, I watched Ryker's bright eyes darken to icy pools as his gaze narrowed in on my breasts. Hooking my thumbs into the sides of my panties, I slid them down over my thighs slowly, watching his gaze lower as all that intensity shifted down my body.
"Calla, get on the bed," he repeated, his voice dropping to a growl. I shook my head again, stepping forward to hook my thumbs into the boxer briefs that covered him and slid them down until they too fell to his ankles. Then I bit my lip, glancing down at the erection that stood ready as I took his hand and guided him to the bed. I gave him a playful shove, laughing when he let himself fall to his back but tugged me down with him. Shifting his body into the center of the bed, he narrowed his eyes on me. "What are you up to, Tesoro?" he asked as I laid my body on top of him and nipped at his neck.
Grieved Loss: A Dark Mafia Romance (Bellandi Crime Syndicate Book 3) Page 27