It meant I had to wonder if it was real, and if what I had with Ryker was a lie, then I never wanted to know the truth.
So the knowledge that Ryker had arranged for us all to go to dinner with Dad and Aunt Sigrid felt like an unfortunate intrusion on my bubble. I loved her. I really did. But my aunt would tear our relationship to pieces. She'd analyze everything Ryker said and did in an attempt to rip it to shreds. She would say that he was just a rebound, that I wasn't meant to marry the first man I dated after losing Chad. A week prior, I would have agreed with her.
But Ryker made me question everything. I just had to hope he knew what he was getting into with her.
The kids bounced around in the backseat as we pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant Ryker had suggested. I knew just from looking at it that it must have been Bellandi owned. He swore it was child friendly, that Lino had encouraged Matteo to open it up to cater to the parents who wanted to go somewhere nicer but also wanted to bring their kids along.
I never would have guessed just by looking at it. I mostly assumed that if there was no animal on the sign, my kids wouldn't be welcome. Or at the very least, they wouldn't have a children's menu.
As soon as Ryker parked the car, I jumped out to get Ines out of her seat. The kids had been too antsy trying to get them dressed, and I thanked everything that was holy that Axel had seen Ryker in a suit on more than one occasion. Not that I'd put my six-year-old in a suit to go to dinner, but he did put on a button-up shirt with no fuss because he idolized Ryker.
And Ryker filled out a suit like no man I'd ever met.
Ines bounced up and down happily once I set her on the sidewalk and took her hand. The pretty pink and white dress Ryker surprised her with assured she would love him for the rest of the week.
The sparkly silver shoes had bought him a year.
I fought the urge to tug at my own dress, the navy fabric hanging off my shoulders felt inappropriate given I was a mom, but while it was fitted, it wasn't scandalously tight. And the length made it more appropriate as it hung down to my knees. I'd considered not wearing it, but the subtle, abstract pattern on the fabric made it too beautiful to pass up. The fact that the color was a perfect combination with my lilac geode necklace and my engagement ring was entirely coincidental, I was sure.
Ryker smiled at me, holding Axel's hand as they came around to the sidewalk. He carted Ines up into his arms, clutching her tightly as she beamed down at him with adorable baby teeth with gaps between them. They made a perfect pair, Ryker with his dark hair and olive skin and Ines all porcelain and blond.
Axel took my hand, tugging me to the door as Ryker strode toward it. For the first time, not that I'd had many opportunities, I watched women's gazes swing to him as he moved. The sight of my baby girl in his arms seemed to only amplify how handsome he was. Whereas without her, and without the warmth in his gaze as he stared down at her, he might have looked unattainable. With that steely look he so often had when he thought I wasn't watching him.
But with Ines cradled safely in his arms, women felt safer to smile at him. She became an entry point, an invitation. I knew if he even acknowledged their smiles, they'd probably approach.
It only made me chuckle, because I couldn't blame them. Every time I saw him with my kids, my ovaries burst to life as if I didn't already have my hands full as it was.
When we stepped into the restaurant, Dad and Sigrid weren't at the front. "Mr. Fiore," the host said with a smile, grabbing menus and ignoring the rest of the people waiting at the front. "Your companions are right this way." Axel looked up at me with amused eyes, nodding like the service impressed him.
Like a six-year-old knew anything about good service. I chuckled at him, mussing up his hair in a way I knew would pester him. He'd spent too long trying to get it to lay flat.
"Grandpa!" he yelled, running for where my father sat in the middle of the private room at the back. Why we needed a private room for just us was beyond me, but as the host took Ines's jacket from Ryker and hung it on a coat rack, I felt nothing but appreciation for the quiet.
"Hey, Axe," Dad stood, catching my son in a hug when he crashed into him. "Ryker, you didn't have to go to all this trouble."
"No trouble at all. I wanted to give my Sunshine a night off from cooking," Ryker smiled, stepping forward to shake Dad's hand as Sigrid came and pulled me in for a hug.
"You look beautiful, sweetie," she murmured.
"Thank you," I said, ducking my head shyly. I wasn't sure if I would ever get used to wearing dresses and makeup again after not having the time for things like that. I liked it, enjoyed feeling like I was a person again and not just a mom.
Like I could be both.
"Aunt Sigrid, this is Ryker," I said, introducing the man that I couldn't see, but I felt him when he stepped up behind me. His arm wrapped around my waist, stroking over the fabric covering my stomach as he tucked himself against my back.
"It's nice to meet you," he said, nuzzling his face against my temple until I giggled from the ticklish feeling of his scruff against me.
"You too. August hasn't been able to stop talking about you," she said, and her eyes narrowed on him.
"Could I get anyone drinks?" a waitress asked, stepping in from the door I knew must have led to the kitchens.
Ryker went about ordering a bottle of wine and water for the table, asking if anyone wanted anything else. When no one objected, "Apple juice for the kids, please,” he said.
"Isn't it a little late for them to have all that sugar?" Sigrid asked as she took her seat next to my Dad. The kids each claimed a seat at one end of the table, Ines in the high chair between Sigrid and I, with Axel between his Grandpa and Ryker. Right where I knew my Little Man would want to be. The way he flourished under male attention, I knew without a doubt that he'd needed it even before his father died.
He hadn't gotten it then, but he had it now.
I couldn't be anything but grateful for that, no matter how it came to be.
"We're celebrating," Ryker said, fully humoring my aunt through her judgmental phase of the evening. She'd come out the other side and be as warm as could be, but she had to feel Ryker out as both a potential husband and a potential father for the kids. I didn't blame her for the hesitance, given that Ryker had come out of nowhere and just magically appeared in our lives.
Since she couldn't know the truth, it had to seem as simple as we'd rushed our relationship. Which we had, regardless of Ryker being a creep.
"Oh?" she asked, taking a sip of her ice water after the waitress brought it.
Ryker didn't answer until she'd retreated to the kitchen, when the kids fiddled with their children's menus. It already seemed like old news to them, regardless of the fact that Ryker had only told them a couple days before. "I've asked Calla to marry me, and she's accepted." He took my hand in his, staring down at the ring on my finger as he brushed his thumb over it and then brought my hand up to kiss the back of my knuckles.
"I didn't exactly say yes." I pointed out, but there was a light lilt to my voice. Playful, rather than admonishing.
"Is my ring on your finger?" he asked.
I rolled my eyes. "Yes."
"Then you said yes, Tesoro." He beamed down at me, releasing my hand to turn his attention to Axel as my aunt gaped at me from across the table.
"You're engaged?" she asked, shooting me a look that communicated I was insane. Her eyes were wide, with her brow raised up to her hairline as she gaped at me. "This man didn't exist a month ago."
"I know it's fast, but—"
"It's insane is what it is!" she whispered, as if the entire table couldn't hear her.
"Don't cut her off," Ryker inserted, his voice going lower as he shifted from the warm and welcoming man that could win Sigrid over to the man who would just piss her off. If she knew half of how domineering he could be, she'd hate him. "You give her a chance to speak for herself, and you at least listen to what she has to say before you argue with her." I'd
expected Sigrid to glare at him, but a little of the anger faded from her face. "Fact is, I asked August for permission. He gave it. I asked the kids for permission. They gave it. So maybe you should take the time to get to know me and see our relationship before you condemn it as too fast."
"What's the rush? If your relationship is so fabulous, take your time with it and enjoy it."
"Why waste time?" Ryker asked back. "I know I will want Calla as my wife tomorrow, and next weekend, next month, next year, fifty years from now. I will always want her next to me. I won't throw that time away to appease other people's opinions." Sigrid had nothing to say to that, no argument that could be made in the face of Ryker's strict condemnation of wasting time.
"We never know where life will take us," I told her. "If you'd asked me five years ago, I'd never have guessed that I'd be a widow. I regret a lot of things about my life and that marriage, but I'll never regret the marriage itself. How could I when I got Axel and Ines?" Axel looked over at me, his eyes intent on me, and he surprised me by nodding with a smile. In that moment, it felt like my son had seen what I hadn't. Like he'd seen my marriage for what it was before I was ready to. "Ryker loves the kids, and he loves me," I said, and I felt emboldened as my voice didn't waiver when I said the words. I believed them.
As insane as it was, he made me believe them every day.
"Why wouldn't I want to give that to us all?"
"They aren't talking about getting married tomorrow, Sigrid," Dad inserted, leaning back in his chair as the waitress came to take our orders. Ryker was occupied, ordering Fettuccine Alfredo for Ines and encouraging Axel to order what he wanted himself like the big boy he was.
When he finished, the waitress came to me, and I opened my mouth to place my order. "Not tomorrow. Next weekend, actually," Ryker told my father. My eyes snapped over, looking at him like he was a pushy bastard. He just didn't know how to ease someone into it, how to show any semblance of normalcy with his expectations. "You're both invited, of course," he added.
My father stared at him like he'd lost his mind for just a moment, and then he threw his head back and laughed so hard the waitress jumped at my side and her menu clattered to the floor.
"Oh, Calla Lily," he murmured when his laughter faded. I finally ordered my dinner, watching the waitress move to a shell-shocked Sigrid. "I knew he'd move fast. I didn't think he'd have you married in a month, but I knew he'd move fast. You stood zero chance against that."
"Thanks for the help, Daddy," I shot back. He laughed again, and after he ordered his food, he jumped into a conversation with Ryker about the Chevelle, of all things. Sigrid watched Ryker interact with him, and the casual way he had with the kids that spoke of just how close they'd become in their time together.
I knew what she saw.
I saw it every time I looked at them, even as it killed a part of me to admit.
A father.
Thirty-Six
Ryker
Floating on cloud nine, I went through the motions of my morning. They unfortunately did not involve the pony I'd intended to have delivered for Ines.
Apparently, ponies were brats and a ton of work.
Who knew?
It would have to wait until Ines was old enough to help, otherwise Calla might have to quickly become a cowgirl. As much as I enjoyed the thought of her in boots, I suspected she might chafe a little trying to ride a pony naked.
Boots with clothes lost some of the effect.
I'd just have to buy her the boots, anyway. I was sure we could find a use for them.
"Ryker!" Calla shrieked, following me into the bedroom where I stripped the T-shirt off my head. "We have to talk about this."
"Nothing to talk about." I told her, ignoring the way her arms flailed in frustration.
"There is a wedding dress hanging in the closet! You can't just keep steamrolling over me and getting your way. When does it stop?" she yelled, her hands landing on her hips as she glared at me. My cock hardened in my sweats, the sight of her attitude doing the same thing it always did.
It made me want to fuck her into obedience, but the kids made that difficult to do at most hours of the day. "When you're my wife," I grunted, shoving the sweats down my legs. Calla averted her gaze, her cheeks flushing like I didn't have boxer briefs on. I'd have much preferred to go without them around the house, but I didn't need to traumatize the kids with my dick swinging.
That shit was noticeable.
I made love to her most nights, but Calla was still unsure with me. Like she didn't quite know what to do, when all she had to do was be herself. Her cautious, light touches threatened to make me shoot off like a rocket. It was a crime that at her age she was still as uncertain as a virgin because of the number that shit ex had done on her.
A woman like Calla was made to take what she wanted, and I was determined that I'd teach her how to do just that.
Starting with finally getting her mouth on my cock.
"Ryker," Calla sighed, exasperation in her voice. "We are not getting married on Saturday."
"We are," I said as I walked away to grab my jeans out of the closet. I stepped into them as I made my way back into the bedroom.
"So what I want is irrelevant? Again?" There was genuine pain in her voice, like she thought I didn't care what she wanted. The truth was the opposite, I cared enough to see the difference between what she said she wanted and what she actually wanted.
I saw through her bullshit, and her strong, independent woman act. She could be all those things.
Just not when it came to me.
"You said you didn't want to be with me. I pushed you. Did it turn out so horrible?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as I stepped into her and tilted her chin up to meet my gaze. She averted her eyes, too stubborn to admit that I'd been right when I told her we would have a beautiful life together. "Did it, Sunshine?"
"No," she said grudgingly, and I could see just how much it pained her to admit that I'd been right. I knew my methods were extreme.
I just didn't care.
"This is the same situation. I'm doing what's best for us in the long-term. I know it seems fast to you, but it's not to me. I waited four years to have you.”
“But I didn’t,” she whispered, her eyes pleading with me to understand. But I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t.
"I'm not saying I won't marry you. We’re just getting started. I’m just asking for a little more time before we make this into something permanent.”
Her eyes widened as mine narrowed on her, and I drew in a deep breath to calm myself before I said something I regretted. That had been the wrong thing for her to say. "This," I said, pausing for emphasis as she connected the dots, "is already permanent, Tesoro."
"I know—"
"Do you think if we're not married you have a chance of ever getting away from me?" I stepped into her, giving her no choice but to retreat until the back of her knees hit the bed. I resisted the urge to pick her up and toss her onto it, only through sheer willpower alone. I had to go to work, and the kids were downstairs with Dante. "You will never leave me. Do you understand me when I tell you that? Marriage or not, this is forever, Calla."
She swallowed. "I understand. I didn't mean," she paused, shaking her head as her face twisted. She looked dejected. "I guess it was nice to pretend that I had a choice for a little while. Thank you for reminding me what this is," she said, and the deep blue of her eyes seemed empty when she finally met my gaze again. "I wouldn't want to forget my place."
"Don't do that," I growled at her in warning. "Is it so horrible that I just want to marry you, to make you my wife?"
"It's not the fact that you want to marry me that's wrong, Ryker," she whispered, and I could hear the way tears threatened her voice, but she pushed through. "It's you not caring if it's what I want."
"Of course, I care. I know you want this life we can have together, Calla. You just have to pull your head out of your own ass long enough to see that the only thing holding you back
is shit that doesn't matter. I took you? So fucking what? You fell in love with me anyway."
She gasped, neither confirming nor denying my words. I didn't need her to say them, because I saw it in her eyes every time she looked at me. Whether she was pissed or hurt or happy, there was no lying about the kinds of emotions that played in those deep blue pools. She fought me at every turn, because she loved me enough that she wanted our relationship to be everything it could. Unlike with Chad, where she'd been content to accept the status quo, because deep down she'd known that it wouldn't bring her happiness. That it couldn't.
Because he wasn't me.
She opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. “Don’t even think about lying to me. No lies, remember?” She nodded, biting her tongue instead of spewing whatever kind of bullshit excuse she’d prepared in an attempt to deny her feelings for me. "Get over how we started, Calla. You're only hurting yourself by hanging on to hurt that you shouldn't have. If we're happy, then what difference does it make?" I asked, pressing a harsh kiss to her lips and stepping back from her. I tugged on my shirt, leaving her gaping after me as I walked out the bedroom door.
I took the time to smile and say goodbye to my kids downstairs, and then I left my Sunshine to think about what I'd said. It didn't matter what she decided, anyway. She'd be my wife come Saturday.
I just hoped she'd do it with a smile on her face.
Thirty-Seven
Calla
Ines pranced in front of the mirror of the guest bedroom at Matteo and Ivory's house, fluffing her lilac dress as she danced around happily. The men had taken Axel, letting him get dressed with Ryker in another room, and I wanted my girl with me while the girls went about doing my makeup.
"Where's Sadie?" Samara asked, as she finished contouring my face. When Ivory came at me with eyeliner, I shut my eyes for fear of my life.
"She already had plans with Patrick," Ivory said. "She wanted to be here so bad, but things aren’t going so well—"
Grieved Loss: A Dark Mafia Romance (Bellandi Crime Syndicate Book 3) Page 26