He was like a junkie waiting for his fix when it came to news from the OR. Whenever a surgeon or nurse appeared, he held his breath for a moment, preparing himself for bad news.
He held on to the assurances that everything was going according to plan like they were gospel. Emma and Tristan were in the best hands right now. He’d made sure of it. Still, none of that helped quiet the negative voices. Not that he expected any nasty surprises. He’d already had more than his share, he hoped, but worry held a permanent place in his head.
He tried to focus on the fact that when this day ended Emma would be healthy again, and hopefully, she would go on and live a healthy and happy life for a very, very, extremely very long time. He flashed back to the day she was born and how he’d fallen instantly in love the moment the nurse put her in his arms. He held on to that feeling.
Everybody tried to get him to eat something or at least drink some coffee, but the very thought of anything going in his mouth made him ill. His nanny and Cristian probably thought he was a basket case the number of times he called to check on the kids. But right now he needed that connection.
The one place Nathaniel had not allowed himself to go was what if Emma’s body rejected the liver. He refused to even entertain the thought. Nope. Emma would get the liver; she would grow up and live a long, happy, healthy life, with a partner or partners, and hopefully give him and Tristan grandchildren. That was the only outcome allowed.
Out of the blue Nathaniel wished he’d spoken to Tristan about the kiss and what he meant by “this isn’t over, not by a long shot, babe,” because even though the kiss had startled him and awoken a need inside that he doubted would easily disappear, he still didn’t know what any of it meant. He hoped he got a chance to find out. His heart did this weird flip-flop thing every time he thought about it. What did that mean? What kind of future could they have? Well, at least they had six to eight weeks to figure it out.
He could honestly say he had no concept of what relief felt like before the resident came out and said, “Mr. Callahan is out of surgery. He’s being wheeled into recovery and will be back to his room in an hour. Two tops.”
There was a collective whoosh of relief from Teo, Lain, and Sonya. It was a feeling he could relate to.
When he finally saw Tristan in his room, he was lying in bed, still asleep and with a worrying number of tubes still attached to him. “He came through the operation wonderfully, but he’s still sleeping off the anesthesia,” the nurses reassured as they efficiently took his vitals and checked the machines he was hooked up to.
Nathaniel saw Tristan’s eyes flicker open for a moment, but he went back to sleep almost immediately. The whoosh of relief he felt was indescribable. Now all he needed for his heart rate to return to normal was Emma.
Somehow he got through the remaining hours waiting on Emma. Finally, when Dr. Prescott appeared, Nathaniel’s heart was in his throat until she spoke, “Things couldn’t have gone better,” she said. “The liver’s in place and everything’s working. It pinked up beautifully.”
“Thank Fuck!” Nathaniel hadn’t meant to curse, but his relief was palpable. He hugged Sonya on reflex, and then turned and thanked Dr. Prescott effusively. He looked down at Tristan who had fallen asleep again after briefly opening his eyes a couple of hours before.
“We’ll tell him the good news as soon as he wakes up,” Nathaniel replied happily. Thank you again, Doctor,” Sonya added. “For everything you’ve done for my family.”
31
Tristan
Fuckin’ hell he was in pain.
Tristan had been prepared for some pain, but nowhere near this much. What the fuck? He needed drugs, and he needed them now, was all he could think.
When he was finally able to crawl out of the darkness weighing him down and open his eyes, it was to find Teo sitting beside his bed.
“How’s Emma?” Tristan asked. His voice sounded gravelly even to his ears, and his throat was drier than the Sahara, but he didn’t care. She was his first priority before even asking about Samantha. He knew she was well taken care off with Sonya and Cristian.
“Finally, your lazy ass wakes up,” Teo said sarcastically. But he heard the pleasure and relief Teo couldn’t hide in his voice.
“She’s doing very well. She woke up briefly but went back to sleep almost immediately after,” Teo finally informed him.
“Nathaniel has been shuttling back and forth like a crazy person, wearing a path in the floor between her room and yours. That man has feelings for you, Tris.”
Tristan ignored that observation. He wasn’t willing to speak about what was between him and Nathaniel till he’d spoken to the man himself. Which was a clear indication of how he felt about Nathaniel because he was usually quick to break down everything with Teo.
Instead, he asked, “What about Sammy and Wyatt?”
“They’re great, man. Cris was with them during your surgery. They brought the kids over for a little while. Samantha gave you a kiss, but you didn’t even stir. Mom took them home with Cris and Ms. Bea. Sammy didn’t like you not waking up, so Mom wanted to make sure she settled down tonight. I think she plans on staying at Nathaniel’s tonight.”
Tristan’s spurt of energy was waning, or maybe he was using all his strength to deal with the pain. He still had that drugged-up fog and was drifting in and out of consciousness. When he woke up again, it was completely dark out, and he could see someone asleep in the chair by his bed.
He tried to sit up and gasped as agony ripped through his side.
“What the fuck…” Tristan hissed from the pain shooting up his side. It felt like someone stuck a hot poker in him and had left it in, to torture him.
That seemed to wake Nathaniel up, but before Nathaniel could start fussing, Tristan pressed the button that administered his painkillers and said, “I’m fine. Stop worrying.
“You could have gone home, you know. There’s nothing you can do here, and you were at the hospital overnight last night,” he murmured, taking in the dark shadows under the man’s eyes.
“Emma and I are in good hands. You should have gone home, checked on the kids, and gotten some food and sleep.”
Nathaniel replied, “I’ve slept,” pointing towards the chair, “And I have a cot in Emma’s room, plus Sonya has kept me well fed.” He tried for a laugh; it was half-hearted at best.
The poor guy looked done in to Tristan. Nathaniel must have been completely exhausted. Even though most of the tension from the previous day before the surgery had left him, he still looked wiped.
Even with all that, Tristan thought Nathaniel was gorgeous. He also couldn’t help but admit he liked the man hovering, worried about him. He wanted Nathaniel to care, and not just in the “you gave my child a piece of your liver, so I hope you get better.” way. He wanted more. He wanted to mean more to the man than just that.
Because somehow Nathaniel had gotten under his skin. He wasn’t sure how it happened, but it had, with his vulnerability that so few people saw, and his absolute love for the children. His genuine kindness towards his staff and everyone he came in contact with… Okay, maybe it wasn’t somehow.
Nathaniel Alexander was special, and Tristan had a feeling he had yet to realize just how special the man was.
“Even though I think you should be in bed, Emma and I are happy you’re here for us,” he told him softly. “I’m happy you are here,” he emphasized so Nathaniel could not mistake his meaning.
“I’m happy that I’m here too,” Nathaniel replied with what Tristan could only describe as a shy smile.
Tristan was getting tired again, so he told Nathaniel, “I know you want to, so go stay with Emma. I’ll see you in the morning, and before you worry yourself sick, I haven’t forgotten. We will have that talk.”
Nathaniel did something Tristan found unexpected for the shy man. He picked up his hand and began to kiss each of his fingers. The tenderness in that gesture made his heart skip a beat. Tristan couldn’t hide how muc
h it affected him because his heart monitor announced it loud and clear. Tattletale much!
Although he couldn’t complain too much because it seemed to put a huge smile on Nathaniel’s face to see how much he affected Tristan.
Before leaving the room, Nathaniel said, “I’m so glad you’re okay, and I can’t wait for our talk.” He was just about to shut the door when he stopped and said again, “I’m very happy you’re okay, Tristan. I would have been furious at you if you’d bailed on our dinner plans.” His voice cracked at the last part showing Tristan just how scared Nathaniel had been of losing him.
He shouldn’t be surprised. A man like Nathaniel would hold on to family tightly since he had never had one before.
Tristan was feeling restless. It was a few days after the surgery, and he was already bored.
He was relieved when the door opened and Nathaniel stepped into the room. His breath caught reflexively. The man looked so fuckin’ sexy. He was wearing dark jeans and a black, fitted V-neck Henley shirt with the sleeves rolled up his forearms.
His arms were muscled. His thighs encased in the jeans looked powerful. His slim hips and broad shoulders and all that blond hair he wanted to run his hand through. Fuck, he was doing funny things to Tristan insides. But that was a feeling he had become accustomed to over the past few days.
Everything about him seemed so overwhelmingly male and was calling to him, like a siren song. Tristan was not complaining. He would take Nathaniel as eye candy any day.
Nathaniel smiled at him and said, “How would you like to see somebody?”
He finally looked down, noticing Sammy.
“Don’t forget Daddy’s been sick and he needs to rest, so you can’t jump up and down. You have to be very easy with him,” Nathaniel told their daughter, but before he was done, Samantha hopped on the bed and lay down next to him. Nathaniel moved at once. “Maybe you shouldn’t do that, honey”
“It’s fine,” Tristan said. “She’s not hurting me. I love the company of one of my favorite girls and guy,” he added for good measure.
Tristan saw the blush flaring up Nathaniel’s neck and cheeks, and decided to stop embarrassing the man. Instead, he asked, “How’s Emma?”
He and Emma still had three more days in the hospital, and Tristan was counting the seconds down till he could blow this joint.
He couldn't wait to have the rest of the IV tubes removed. He hated feeling like an invalid. He’d been up and had a shower already today, and he was eager to get on with his recovery. The pain was still there; it just wasn’t “curl up in the fetal position and cry for your momma” blinding.
Tristan had never appreciated his family more. Nathaniel bringing Sammy to see him, Teo plying him with trashy, gossip magazines, and his Kindle was well stocked with man-on-man action
He didn’t even have to suffer through hospital food. Honestly, it was the most downtime he’d had in years, and he couldn’t wait for it to end. That could only start with him being discharged from the hospital.
The first thing he’d done when he was able to was go in and see Emma after she’d gotten out of the pediatric ICU and was back in her room. He’d never been more glad to see the sparkle in her eyes and the healthy color in her cheeks. He’d never realized how much her illness had taken out of her body.
When Nathaniel had told Emma to thank him, Tristan had been on the verge of tears. He loved her so much already, and he was glad that someone up there was looking out for both of them.
Good looking out, sis. Thanks for the assist, he mentally told Shay.
In spite of everything, Nathaniel was on his mind. They hadn’t been able to talk at any point. There were always medical people in and out of the rooms. Or his family was lurking close by.
He wasn’t worried though. The awareness between Nathaniel and him had not lessened. In fact, Tristan was sure it had increased, and they would have time and proximity to explore what it meant.
He didn’t miss his friend's sly comments or Sonya’s knowing gaze, but thankfully they did none of it around Nathaniel. He wasn’t quite used to the guy’s version of support that involved taunting like they were third graders. He didn’t want them to scare the shy man off.
He remembered Teo asking him what was up between them. The only answer he could give was he didn’t know yet, but that he liked the things he knew about the man, and he wanted to know more and see where it went.
Tristan had realized that as confident as Nathaniel was in business he was painfully vulnerable in his personal life.
He had to tread carefully. He couldn’t jump the gun or rush him. If they were going to do this, and Tristan was 99.9% certain they were, then he had to go slow. It wasn’t just a fuck-and-run situation, and it wasn’t just about them. His daughter lying content in his arms right now was a vivid reminder of that fact.
He hadn’t forgotten that kiss though, how soft and pliant Nathaniel’s lips had felt. The feel of his mouth on Tristan’s, the way his cock had jumped to attention. They had barely scratched the surface, and Tristan couldn’t wait to see what was waiting for him under Mr. Prim and Proper.
He knew exactly what he wanted his family to look like, and it had him and Nathaniel as parents to their kids. He knew every argument Nathaniel would raise, and he was prepared with counter arguments on how good it could be. He knew the man was worried about them trying and having it not work out. He also knew it could make things more confusing for the kids, and he was well aware of how big a risk it was. But it was a risk he was willing to take because the more he saw of Nathaniel, the more he appreciated, and the more he wanted to know. He knew that under all that armor was someone he could and was falling in love with.
He couldn’t wait to see where the incredible chemistry between them led. But Nathaniel was like a scared rabbit. One false move and he would retreat, never to be seen again.
Three more days till they were home. He could wait three days. Then it was game, set, and match. He was claiming his man.
He was satisfied with his plan. As weariness overcame him, he went to bed knowing Nathaniel would be his. Tristan closed his eyes, letting the wave of exhaustion wash over him. He drifted towards sleep thinking about Nathaniel and about what they could possibly be if the man gave them a chance.
32
Nathaniel
Nathaniel was relieved to be home with Emma. Sure, he was on constant alert for infection, rejection, and viruses. And he’d had to give himself a stern talking to whenever he felt like wrapping Emma in bubble wrap or more like building her a room that had filtered air that no germs, bacteria, or virus could get into. But he knew he couldn’t do that to her. Right?
Sigh! He couldn’t let his fear stop her from being a kid and living her life.
He had memorized every single infection and bacteria that were common after major surgery and the signs and symptoms of their appearance. He’d also added a whiteboard schedule in the kitchen for her medication and nutrition.
They said to give your child medication at the same time every day. So, he had an alarm set down to the second. He was not taking any chances. Nope! No chance. No room for error.
He had ordered as much bottled water as he could because that was all she was allowed to drink. He probably even went overboard overcooking their food and washing the veggies her first few days back home. But he would never apologize for taking his child’s health seriously.
He had to admit he kind of loved that Tristan never made fun of him or told him he was being OCD. The man was like a quiet, calm, and supportive presence for Nathaniel.
He knew that Emma could live a long normal life with the transplant, but that included getting used to taking her anti-rejection medication and making sure she ate properly. And if he had to become the medicine and nutrition police for that to happen, then so be it. He probably didn’t do himself any favors by studying every single side effect from each medication, but it was too late. There was no unknowing what he now knew.
He felt
like a cat on a hot tin roof every time Emma so much as sneezed. Maybe it was overkill, but after not being able to control anything regarding her health thus far, this was something he had in his power to control.
He had studied all the brochures and PDFs sent home with him on caring for your child after a liver transplant. He also kind of liked that if he got carried away Tristan was there to reel him back down to earth. He was the yin to Nathaniel’s yang.
The man was great with Emma too. He was so patient with her during this recovery period. He wished he knew how to talk to the guy without feeling and acting like an awkward teen in the middle of his first crush. All stammers and blushes.
He was totally and completely into the guy, but he was also terrified and on edge. With the transplant behind them now, he had no idea where their relationship stood. Did they even have a relationship? I mean, could he call the one kiss, when he was feeling vulnerable and scared a relationship? He really didn’t want to build castles in the sky, but he also felt like they had really connected. It didn’t help that they were basically living as a parental unit. A family. It was everything Nathaniel had ever wanted and it had him all up in his feels.
The first week after getting home he was so focused on making sure everything ran smoothly, he had probably treated Tristan more like a patient than anything else, but the guy had just donated a major organ. He could hardly be expected to think about romance after going through something like that.
He’d looked pale and exhausted, those first two weeks after the transplant. Any thoughts of deep conversation, and the only conversations they’d had since he and Emma returned from the hospital revolved around the kids. He wasn’t sure if that was his or Tristan’s doing. He was driving himself crazy trying to figure out what the man was thinking, but couldn’t seem to bring himself to actually ask Tristan to sit down and continue the conversation they had begun.
A Family For Keeps Page 17