He knew he had what could only be described as a sulky frown on his face. But he wasn’t going to be the first to blink, so he leaned back in his wheelchair, legs stretched out, affecting what he hoped was a casual pose. And waited for the other man to reply. He wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence. No way!
Nathaniel
Nathaniel was baffled. He wondered why Tristan was asking about men in his life. They’d already established they were both single last night. Was he asking about boyfriends or lack of them out of jealousy? Or maybe it was just curiosity. He hoped it was more than that though.
“There have been boyfriends. Although that’s being generous calling them that. Before the company, I had a one-track mind. I had to succeed at all cost, so there was no time for relationships. At least not ones that were going anywhere,” Nathaniel said, shrugging.
“After I had the company profitable, I dated around a bit, nothing serious, just casual stuff. Then a few years ago, I met a guy. I thought he was a really nice guy. He said all the right things, did all the right things, never asked for anything.”
“Fuck! Why do I feel like I know where this is going,” Tristan muttered lowly, but Nathaniel heard him anyway.
Nathaniel stopped, unwilling to add that this man had made a fool out of him. He’d thought himself in love with Patrick, and he’d been ready to commit to something more permanent.
“But it didn’t work out,” he finished, unwilling to say anymore.
Tristan frowned, although not at Nathaniel but at the bastard that had put that guarded look in his eyes.
“Go on. Why didn’t it work out?” he asked, placing his hands on Nathaniel’s knees like he was passing strength to him through that simple touch.
Nathaniel sighed, shrinking even farther into himself. “I guess he liked my money more than he liked me. He’d taken out credit cards in my name. Maxed all of them out. I suppose he figured I had the money to pay them off.”
He continued, almost whispering, “I only found out when I broached having children with him. He actually laughed hysterically at that. I’m not sure which was worse. Feeling like I’d been duped, or the fact that even though he saw me as a meal ticket, he still wasn’t willing to go the long haul and marry me and have kids. I guess I just lack that certain something that makes people wanna stay. Even when they’re duping me and stealing my money.
“He could have had access to my money and everything, but I guess I was good enough to steal from temporarily, but not good enough to shackle himself to. Even for just long enough to get a divorce pay-out.”
He couldn’t help but remember the awful things Patrick had said. He straight up told Nathaniel he was boring and had no personality, and if he wasn’t so pretty with a huge bank account, he would have skipped out long ago. He also said the sex had been absolutely vanilla, and he’d had to suffer through it. That there were just no sparks, and he had to get it elsewhere to keep up the pretense.
Nathaniel had never been so humiliated in his life. The situation with Patrick had spurred him to just move forward with the surrogacy by himself instead of waiting for some future maybe partner.
Tristan
Tristan felt bad for this line of questioning. He was trying to distract Nathaniel, not pour salt into open wounds. Now he’d embarrassed the man and made him relive memories he would have rather buried. Looking at Nathaniel, he realized his eyes held something akin to shame. The man’s face was beet red, seemingly from mortification.
He noticed Tristan staring intently at him, and he wouldn’t look him in the eye. He schooled his features and turned away instead.
Neither of them spoke for a long, uncomfortable moment. They sat seemingly very still, staring into space, presumably each lost in thought.
He’d expected Nathaniel to flip the script on him, make him share something personal too, but the man didn’t, leaving it up to him to break the tense silence that had befallen them. “He was a liar and a con artist. He probably studied you and found the easiest way to hurt you. That’s not on you.”
“You are none of those things,” he said with conviction, but Nathaniel still wouldn’t look at him. So he wheeled his chair next to him and waited till he took the hint. He didn’t say anything further until he had those beautiful eyes on him.
With Nathaniel’s eyes finally on him, he added, “You’re strong and amazing. You’ve built a life very few people could even aspire to, and I am in awe of you, Nathaniel Alexander.” He couldn’t hold back anymore, and with the look of wonder Nathaniel was giving him, the man didn't realize how amazing he was. Tristan had to admit it was a heady feeling, and it made him even more attractive. He just had to kiss the man.
Before leaning in, he looked into Nathaniel’s eyes to see if there was any hesitation or denial for the kiss he was about to give him. His fingers trailed ever so gently down the side of his cheek. The man deserved tenderness, and he was just the guy to give it to him.
His cheeks flamed red, but he didn’t pull away, and that’s all the answer Tristan needed. He leaned in, claiming Nathaniel’s lips with his own, savoring the unique taste that was Nathaniel’s alone. The taste of him and the scent of his skin were intoxicating. To his relief, Nathaniel melted into the kiss, his lips parting, and his body leaning further into Tristan’s. Nathaniel let out the hottest fucking whimper he had ever heard, and Tristan wanted to devour him.
He deepened the kiss, sucking on Nathaniel’s tongue, stroking it with his own, and they each added flames to the fire. Finally, he had a chance to find out how soft that hair was, and he took full advantage, grabbing him by his hair and nibbling on those plump pink lips. Nathaniel moaned into his mouth, and he wanted to ravish him there and then so badly, he ached with it. His dick had woken up and was paying full attention.
“Wait,” he gasped very grudgingly as his brain chose now to remind him that not only were they in a hospital, but their very sick child was sleeping not five inches away. Tristan didn’t want to stop kissing him. He wanted to hold him close, feel that long, hard body pressed up against his own, to hold on, and never let go. He wasn’t sure where that thought came from, and it scared him.
“Fuck, I shouldn’t have done that,” he said instead.
For a second or two, they gazed into each other’s eyes, smiling. Nathaniel had a look in his eyes, one that screamed commitment and happily ever afters. It should have scared Tristan, but all it did was excite him.
Nathaniel suddenly frowned. It must have finally clicked what he’d said. He immediately stopped biting those gorgeous lips, and his face shuttered.
The jolt of lust Tristan had been trying to suppress came back in full force as his eyes took in Nathaniel. The man looked so hot with his lips glistening, eyes glazed with desire before they lost all their spark. But Tristan wasn’t about to let that happen, so he clarified, “I shouldn’t have done that now, here, when we can’t figure out what this all means. Before the surgery, with everything sooo…”
He breathed a sigh of relief when Nathaniel smiled slightly, so he went for broke and said, “We’ll finish talking about this once I wake up from the drug-induced sleep of anesthesia, and that’s a promise.”
“Also don’t go feeling guilty on me. I know you feel a lot of guilt about our munchkin over there getting sick. It’s not your fault. You can’t blame yourself.”
He didn’t know why he said it. Maybe he was getting good at reading Nathaniel, or maybe he just felt like the man needed to hear it as much as possible until it finally sunk in.
When Nathaniel didn’t respond, he added, “I understand. Trust me, I do. When something bad happens to someone we love, it’s easy to convince ourselves that we’re to blame. You think about all you could have done differently to avoid that outcome. If maybe there was stuff you could have avoided or even something you did wrong.” He paused, making sure he had Nathaniel’s complete attention, “But if you don’t believe anything else, believe that this wasn’t your fault, Nathaniel. Y
ou’re a great dad. The girls and Wyatt are so lucky to have you.”
He could tell what kind of man Nathaniel was. The man blamed himself for every little thing that went wrong. Even shit that was out of his control. He saw the moment Nathaniel finally heard him, and it was like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. Jeez! The man needed to give himself a break.
The heaviness left Nathaniel’s shoulders, and his eyes that were fixed on Tristan were suddenly, and unexpectedly, tender. Tristan wanted to keep that look there, so he told Nathaniel something he knew was the truth, but he would never have said a few weeks ago.
“You’ve been a fabulous father, Nathaniel. I know Shay would think you’ve done a wonderful job. I certainly do.”
It looked like he was going to tear up for real, so Tristan swiftly changed the subject. “Anyways! I shouldn’t be up this late. I need to be in prime condition for tomorrow so we can get through that whole shebang and pick up from where we left off.”
He made sure to give him a wink and an eyebrow waggle so he knew exactly what he meant.
That seemed to make Nathaniel smile, and he couldn’t help himself. He leaned in for another kiss and had to forcibly make himself wheel away. At the door before letting himself out, he turned around. “This isn’t over, not by a long shot, babe. I’ll be back.”
He hoped his eyes flashed a message, showing how serious he was.
He wheeled away, leaving a dazed Nathaniel behind, and he hoped that the man would hold on to that feeling until they got a chance to explore whatever this thing between them meant.
30
Nathaniel
The surgery started at ten o’clock in the morning and finished sometime after six in the evening. He felt like he was going to vomit. His stomach was so twisted in knots that if he tried eating anything it would come back up immediately.
He had never been so scared in all his life. And life had given him a lot to fear. Emma had started the anti-rejection medication last night. They’d put it in her IV, so she hadn’t even realized. But he had. He knew what it meant.
He’d been torn this morning. He needed to be by Emma’s side before the surgery, but he also wanted to stay with Tristan till he went in. Somehow Tristan saw his dilemma and told him, “Go be with our baby, give her my love. I’ll see you soon. We have a date, remember.”
Before he’d even left the room, Tristan said, “ And eat something before you keel over from hunger and worry!”
Nathaniel had never had someone worry about him like that before. Someone that thought of his well-being just because.
He’d wanted to kiss the man right there and then, but his nerves had gotten the best of him.
Before they wheeled his baby away, he looked into those beautiful eyes that held such overwhelming trust, while all the time struggling to hold back tears, he pointed at the doctors and said, “The doctors are going to fix you, make you all better. You’ll go to sleep and wake up all better.”
His baby smiled up at him and replied, “But I not sleepy, Daddy. I hungry”
Nathaniel had to swallow back the tears threatening to fall when he said, “I know, baby, but you gotta wait. When you wake up, you can have some nice soup and crackers.”
His little girl must have picked up on his distress because she said, “Daddy, can we go home?” She sniffled. “I don’t like it here no more.”
“Oh, baby girl, I know you don’t.” He didn’t want to lie to his daughter. “We’ll go back home soon, real soon, I promise.”
“I don’t want to go in there.” She started crying. “I wanna go home see Wyatt and Sammy.” His daughter was about to get hysterical, and it was breaking his heart.
The doctor came in just in time and said, “We’re taking her to surgery. We’ll be in surgery a minimum of six hours. She’ll be in recovery for another two or so. After that, the first twenty-four hours are crucial. You’ve signed all the papers, so we are going to take her back and get her prepped now .”
Before they could wheel his baby out of the room, her new family descended upon her, kissing her, wishing her good luck, and telling her how much they loved her. That finally brought out the first smile of the day.
He leaned close to Emma one last time and said, “After this is all over, you’ll be able to run, play, swing, and swim again, just like before. See you soon, baby girl,” he said while trying to swallow the tears that threatened. He put his hands on her chest just to feel her heartbeat like he always did when she was asleep. Now more than ever he needed that tangible reassurance that it was. His daughter had seen him do it a lot, and when she’d asked, he’d told her that hearing her heartbeat from before she was born was one of the greatest moments of his life. And till now it was still his greatest gift and his version of perfect love. Whenever she saw he was sad, she would put his hands on her chest and say, “Still beating for you.”
When she did it before surgery, Nathaniel couldn’t keep the tears he’d been holding back in any longer.
They finally wheeled his daughter away, and Dr. Prescott said, “I’ll meet you right after the surgery and let you know how it all went. She’ll be in recovery before they return her to her room so we’ll have time to talk, and I can answer any questions you might have.”
Once the doctor left the room, he felt a hand on his shoulder guiding him out of the room.
Once in the hall, Sonya looked at him, saw the tears in his eyes, and her arms were around him immediately. She was leaning her head against his chest, comforting him.
“Oh God, Sonya, if anything happens...” He broke immediately, the tears pouring down his face, and the heart wrenching sobs were being dragged from his chest as he finally gave in to the emotions that had ravaged and torn at his soul for weeks. He knew that if it wasn’t for Sonya holding him up, he would have hit the floor.
It had all come down to this moment in time, where everything was in the hands of surgeons and there was nothing he could do... “Oh God, please keep them safe, please..”
“Oh honey, you can’t think like that. It must have been so hard for you for these past few months, watching her, hoping she got better. And when you found out it wasn’t going to.” She cleared her throat, not finishing her sentence.
“H... how do you understand?” He finally saw it the grief that had faded but could never completely disappear.
She sighed and said very softly for his ears only, “Teo had an older brother.” He nodded, not saying anything, and neither did she. There was nothing more to be said. He completely understood what had happened. It now all made sense why Sonya was so calm in this situation. She knew. She knew what he was going through. He hoped he never understood her grief. He hoped he never knew what it was like to lose his child.
“We’ll wait here until they bring them out of surgery,” Sonya said, and he knew she meant it. The woman would stand in the same spot with him for the entire six hours without moving if that was what he needed from her.
He hadn’t let anyone new into his life for years, but he was never more glad that he did than right now. Because somehow he’d found a tribe that he could maybe become a permanent part of.
Nathaniel’s mind wandered back to last night with Tristan, and he hoped they weren’t making a mistake. Was it all the emotions before the surgery? Was he being greedy wanting to save his child and keep the man too? Was he asking too much and would lose one, just to be taught a lesson?
He didn’t let that thought form though. For once he was going to be selfish and go for what he wanted. He sincerely hoped that Tristan had been serious about picking up from where they left off.
It was hardly the time to be thinking of seduction. But the time would come, and Nathaniel was going to have the family he had always dreamed of.
He would know what it was like to be in Tristan’s arms, absorbing that quiet strength and being part of protectiveness he had towards those he loved. And he would never have to let go.
He wasn’t sure if Tristan was aware of it,
but his eyes telegraphed a lot of his emotions. They changed with his mood, and last night they were a smoldering green, studying Nathaniel intently with a glint that was intense and hungry. Nathaniel wanted to get lost in them. He really hoped he got the chance. He would kill Tristan if he didn’t make it off that table was his slightly hysterical thought.
He knew he had to stay strong, but how could he? What if something went wrong? Would he survive it? It was like being on the world’s worst roller coaster, going round and round in circles, unable to get off.
He thought he had been strong surviving his mother’s neglect, then disappearance, add in everything foster care threw at him, and even being homeless for a time, but that was nothing, zero, compared to this moment he was living through right now.
He had to be brave. It never mattered more than in this moment. He couldn’t think of anything scarier than having two people, one who meant everything to you, and one who was slowly taking up residence in your heart, undergoing major surgery.
He made a decision right then and there. There would be no more tears. He would be ready for Emma and Tristan when, not if, but when they got out surgery.
It was shaping up to be the longest day of his life. Lain and Teo came in at some point but must have seen how agitated he was because they didn’t say a word. They simply took seats and waited quietly with him and Sonya.
After checking in on the other kids at home and reassuring himself that they were doing fine, he tried to distract himself with work. That was an epic fail. He tried getting lost down the social media rabbit hole, hoping something mundane would distract him. He was pretty sure it just made him fidgety and angry.
The plus side was the doctors in the OR sent updates back that Tristan’s surgery was going according to plan, and that was half a relief. He wanted to hear about Emma’s, but they had only just started hers as they had to harvest from Tristan before starting Emma’s procedure.
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