by Avery, Quinn
“Why not?”
Her eyes snapped away, brimming with shame. “It’s a long story.”
He wanted to slap some sense into her almost as badly as he wanted to drag her out of the apartment. What could Kellen possibly offer that she’d willingly agree to stay with him? Was it money? Security? Every justification he thought of didn’t ring true. Since she didn't seem ready to reveal anything more, he didn't want to hear any more half-assed excuses. Apparently she didn’t want to share the secrets dividing them any more than he was willing to divulge his own.
Twitching fingers wrapped around the doorknob, he pressed his lips to her ear and whispered, “Come find me when you wake the hell up. I’ll be waiting.”
8
Since the door to the office was normally shut, Cameron was convinced Kellen wouldn’t find her as long as she stayed quiet. She drifted in and out of sleep on the Murphy bed, tortured by Lincoln’s lingering scent, and dreams of the past.
“Cameron Quinn?”
Her stomach folded over itself with the familiar voice. Even though her heart sensed it wasn’t Lincoln, the use of her full name was a dead giveaway that it was his twin. She spun around to catch Kellen’s dirty eyes raking over her body, lips upturned in the sickening smirk he’d use when harassing her back in the day. She’d never felt so violated in her new workplace, and that was saying a lot the way her coworkers were always throwing out sexually demeaning comments.
It was shocking to see Kellen in an expensive suit that fit him like a glove. As much as she despised him, she couldn’t deny he was brutally handsome. He had changed considerably since high school—jaw defined, body bulked with muscle, bangs gelled back in the current trend. But his eyes were lit with the same cocky gleam as before, making her stomach drop.
Yet somehow she was able to see a glimpse of the boy she had loved. She wondered if Lincoln’s jaw had taken on the same broad slant, and if he’d grown as tall. She wondered if he wore his hair closely shaved. Most of all, she wondered if he’d given his heart to another woman. It was the first time she’d allowed herself to wonder anything about Lincoln in a very long time.
“Damn, girl!” Kellen said, licking his lips. “Get a load of you!”
The urge to retch tugged at her stomach. Her fingers curled into fists at her sides, and she stiffly smiled back. “Kellen. What are you doing here?”
“I have a meeting with the board. My company’s installing the new software on Vataban’s server.”
“Your company?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.
“Well, it’s technically not mine yet, but I’m working on it. With any luck I’ll be CEO before long.” He winked playfully. “What brings you here?”
“I’m completing my internship.”
“No shit? Where’d you go to college?”
She despised acting civil with him, but there was no escape that didn’t involve running down the empty hallway like a coward. She made the choices that led her to that moment, and she wasn’t going to let him get the best of her.
Swallowing the lump rising in her throat, she squared her shoulders. “I’d love to catch up, but I have a ton of emails to sort through for my boss. Maybe we could meet for drinks later?”
“Aren’t you going to ask me about Lincoln? I haven’t spoken to him since he left for boot camp. He cut me out of his life too.”
With a shake of her head, she looked away. She didn’t know what he wanted her to say. It was no secret to anyone how much the brothers hated each other. Why would he care if Lincoln had severed ties?
“Look, Cameron. I realize I was a jackass to you in high school. Screw drinks…let me take you out for dinner. I know it won’t make up for everything I did, but it’s a start. And the way you looked at me a second ago, like you’d seen a ghost, I get the feeling you’re still hurting because of what my brother did. Maybe we’d both feel a little better if we talked about what we lost.”
Though she’d die before she’d talk about her feelings with Kellen, she took him up on his offer.
Cameron woke to someone poking her side.
“Wake up.”
Kellen loomed over her, intense eyebrows knit together, the light of dawn spilling over his shoulder. In the usual bro tank and loose-fitting shorts he wore when going for a run, he reminded her of the douchy type that posted a million selfies at the gym. It was fitting considering his douchy personality.
“What the hell are you doing in here?” he demanded. “I figured you spent the night down at Rebecca’s.”
When she met his cold, shallow gaze, she couldn’t believe she ever saw any resemblance of Lincoln in him. He’d never have Lincoln’s kind heart or gentle soul. “I came back early and found you occupied.”
Rolling his eyes, he let out a quiet snort. “Didn’t hear you come in.”
“Obviously not. Like I said, you were occupied.” She turned her back on him and inhaled the pillow, savoring the last hint of Lincoln to remain. The memory of his demanding lips on hers made her stomach clench with regret. Why did she let him leave?
Kellen let out an irritated sigh. “Why didn’t you answer last night when I called?”
“Dropped my phone. Screen shattered.” It was merely a guess since she never bothered looking for it after Lincoln left. If he had messaged her again, it would only be more words expressing his anger and disappointment.
“We can’t put my parents off any longer,” he said. “I’m setting a date with or without you.”
With the idea of seeing their parents again as Kellen’s fiancée, she felt the sting of hot tears. What if she was too far down the rabbit hole to find her way back to Lincoln? “I’m not ready.”
“What kind of bullshit is that?” he snapped, nostrils flaring. “After all I’ve done for you, how can you sit there and tell me you’re not ready?”
Realizing he was having one of those days, she slid closer to the wall. In all the ways Lincoln was kind and gentle, his twin was the exact opposite. If she continued to push him, the conversation could end with more bruises, or another broken wrist. She’d endured a lot since they’d been together, but she refused to be his punching bag again.
“I have to visit the salon,” she lied with a shake of her head. “My nails and hair are a mess.”
“My parents don’t care what you look like, Cameron. It’s who you are that counts.”
Like she needed a reminder that Howard Farrington despised her. She started for the door. “We’ll discuss it later. Right now I need a shower.”
His fingers bit into her bicep. “When did you have time to grab your pajamas?”
She winced with panic. “They were in the laundry.”
Releasing her with a final glare, he finally left. She huffed out a long breath, relieved.
As badly as she yearned to return to Lincoln, she’d played the game with Kellen for too long. She couldn’t simply end it without finishing what she started.
She also needed to decide how much more Lincoln could absorb about the past. If they were going to be together, telling him the truth may be inevitable.
* * *
The drive to San Diego took too long, partly because Cameron second guessed her decision at least a dozen times. She tried drowning her worries with a heavy dose of rock and roll, but the music only reminded her of jam sessions with Lincoln. Instead, she rolled the window down. But the salty air reminded her of all the times they’d spent on the beach. He was always on the forefront of her thoughts no matter how hard she tried to pretend he wasn’t.
While Kellen was out on his run, she threw her things into a bag and left a note saying Rebecca had relapsed. Then she sent Pamela an email saying she’d be out for a few days due to a family emergency. Chances were pretty high that her friend would know she was lying, and she was sure there was a corner of Hell reserved for people who use their former addict parent as a scapegoat. But she was beyond caring.
By the time she checked into a quaint inn right across the road from the
beach in Oceanside, the sun was sinking low on the horizon. Though she’d only grabbed a chocolate chip cookie and several energy drinks since leaving San Francisco, she ignored her growling stomach and headed to the beach.
She hadn't been in the area since college, and didn’t realize how badly she’d missed everything about the laid-back atmosphere and mild temperatures. The sight of sailboats bobbing in the distance reminded her of happier times with her dad. It was pleasantly warm, and the close proximity of the ocean was more rejuvenating than any high-class spa. If it could only do something to repair her disaster of a life.
Weaving her way past the evening crowd, most of which seemed interested in capturing the impending sunset with their phones, she discarded her sandals and phone in the sand before heading into the water. She continued on until she was waist deep, letting the cool water and sounds of the roaring waves clear her head. It felt so amazing that she dove into a large wave, submerging her clothes and the top of her head. She briefly wondered what it took for a person to let themselves drown. Would she fall asleep, or would her panic lead to a most horrific end?
When she thought of Lincoln as a little boy, passing out in the family pool because his own brother held him under, she breached the surface.
Kellen had to suffer for hurting them both.
She returned to collect her things from the shore, pondering whether she should wait to call Lincoln after she’d had a chance to sleep on her decision. Maybe by then she’d change her mind, and realize she was being ridiculous.
He hadn’t mentioned how long he’d be in California. What if it was just a whirlwind visit and he was on his way out for another mission? What if he hated her for all the reasons she was using his brother, and couldn’t love the shallow person she’d become? Worst of all, if they were able to make amends, what would she do about Kellen?
All at once, her cracked phone buzzed with several incoming texts.
Sorry for the way I left.
I was angry.
This isn’t over.
Fate had intervened. With her lip caught between her teeth, her wet fingers slipped over the cracked screen with a reply.
Checked into a room at the SoCal Inn on S Pacific.
Less than five seconds after she hit send, her screen lit with an incoming call. Lips cracking in a wide smile, she answered. “Hey.”
“You’re here?” His voice was one notch below a shout.
“I couldn’t stand the way we left things. I have so much more to say.”
For a beat, he didn’t answer. Then, “Did you tell him? Does he know we spent the weekend together?”
“No. He thinks I’m with Rebecca.”
His long, frustrated sigh ticked against her ear. “Why did you come here, Cameron?”
“Because when I look in the mirror, I hate myself too.”
When he let out another reluctant sigh, she held her breath, hopeful he’d recognize they’d both made terrible mistakes along the way. They both needed to give up any hope that the past could change, and embrace the path that brought them back together.
“What room number?” he asked.
“Four-oh-five.”
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
With the sound of the call disconnecting, her heart fluttered. She hurried back to the motel, spending far too much time drying and styling her hair before applying makeup. She’d never been so nervous.
Exactly twenty minutes after their call, there was a precise knock on the door. The military must’ve made him more responsible, because the Lincoln she once loved would’ve shown up at least ten minutes late.
She checked her reflection in the full-length mirror beside the bathroom as she passed, wondering if the white sundress screamed ‘desperation’ or even ‘innocence’ that she’d long since lost the right to claim. But when she swung the door open and Lincoln stepped inside, he didn't seem to care what she was wearing. The moment his severe brown eyes fell on her, she couldn’t breathe. In the next staggered beat of her heart, she was in his arms, and their mouths were sealed together.
* * *
The room spun.
No other man had ever made her feel the way Lincoln Farrington could. It was as if he needed to absorb her essence in order to survive. And the familiarity of his eager touches made it seem like the past seven years had never happened. They’d crossed a line, and she wasn’t sure there was any way of going back.
She turned to study him, sprawled out naked on his back at her side. If there was one thing she knew of the fierce man he’d become, he wouldn’t have made love to her with such blinding determination if he hadn’t been tortured by regret for leaving her—not only the night before, but after high school. Every cell in her body had absorbed his apology.
“Maybe we should’ve talked first,” she said. “I don’t want you to regret this.”
He gave her a dark look. “There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by since I enlisted that I haven’t wanted you back. I may regret a lot of things, but making love to you when I finally had the chance again will never make that list.” His six-pack bunched when he curled up to sit and dwarf her face in his hands. “I’m going to do whatever it takes for you to come back to me, Quinn…for good.”
“Nothing has changed since last night.” With her heart in her throat, she shook her head sadly. She sensed she was close to executing her plan to get even with Kellen, but she still didn’t have everything she needed. “I’m sorry, Linc. I wish it was that simple.”
9
Rather than explain the reason behind her sudden tears, Cameron darted into the bathroom. With the sound of water rushing through the shower pipes, anger flared at the pit of his stomach. She told him she didn’t love his brother, but her blatant refusal to allow him to fight for her spoke volumes. So what the hell was her game?
Being with her had stirred up painful memories he thought were buried too deep to resurface.
Two days before their graduation from high school, he knew it was time to let her go. If he didn’t, her life would be in danger. He’d been avoiding it for as long as possible, knowing she wouldn’t understand, and that it would shatter her heart. His was already shredded to pieces just seeing her enter his bedroom that night in torn jean shorts and a blue tank top that brought out the striking shade of her eyes. Blond hair framing her tanned face, lips curled with a beaming smile, she was so damn beautiful that it physically hurt him to know she’d no longer be his.
When she met his somber expression, the light left her eyes. She hurried over to where he sat on the edge of his bed, wrapping her hands around his bicep. “What’s wrong?”
Whatever courage he had slipped with the concern in her voice. “I have to tell you something.”
She let out a nervous laugh. “You act like you’re breaking up with me or something.” When he didn’t return her smile, her hands fell into her lap. “Linc, this isn’t funny.”
He rubbed at his forehead, wishing there was some other way that they could be together. But the same reason they met was the same thing that was driving them apart, and he was helpless to change it. “We always knew it wouldn’t last,” he blurted.
The betrayal etched on her pretty face was what ultimately broke him. “What are you talking about?”
“I don’t want to be tied down.” It was a blatant lie, but it was easier than telling her the truth. She’d hate him either way. “College is supposed to be about finding yourself. I can’t do that if I’m anchored to you.”
Once she realized he was dead serious, tears pooled in her eyes. He hated himself for putting them there. “We’ve spent the last year planning out our future! What about Stanford?”
“We’ll both still go….just not together.” As his throat thickened, he looked away. “You can’t turn down the scholarship they’re offering.”
She shot up to her feet and crossed the room with hurried steps. With her back facing him, she wrapped her arms around her waist. “I don’t understand why
you’re doing this. Is there someone else?”
The instinct to comfort her was overwhelming. He would’ve given up everything for her, and that was essentially what he was doing.
“There’s nothing to understand,” he said in a flat tone.
She turned around, eyes hard with an angry glare. He stared back as he said something so cruel and heartless that he wouldn’t be able to sleep soundly for months after. But it had to be done. If he didn’t give her a reason to hate him, she’d never believe the lie. “Look where you came from, Quinn. Do you actually think someone who lives off the government and has a junkie for a mom was going to effortlessly fit in with a millionaire’s family? How do you think they’d look at us if I brought you to the country club? This could never work in the long run. We weren’t meant to stay together after high school.”
Her cheeks glistened with tears. “What happened to you? You’ve never talked to me this way before. Did your dad say something?”
“You think I’d listen to that asshole?” he snarled. But she’d hit the nail on the head. His old man had come into his room the night before, delivering threats that Lincoln couldn’t live with. Channeling his anger for his father was the only way he could look back at her without becoming too emotional to carry his plan all the way through to the end. “This is about me needing to make a change.”
Something clearly snapped when she balled her hands into fists at her sides and started for him. “You’re right, I am a junkie’s daughter, and I do come from the poor part of town, but you’re the one always saying none of that defines who I am! This doesn’t make any sense!” Nostrils flaring, she gave him a cold, loathsome look that he felt with every last nerve in his body. “So you’ve stopped loving me, just like that, or was that merely a lie you told to get me to sleep with you?”