by Avery, Quinn
“I’m sorry, Quinn.”
It was the only truthful thing he said that day.
Cameron exited the bathroom wearing the sweet little white dress he’d peeled off her not too long ago, hair wrapped in a towel. Drawing her eyes away from his naked body, she muttered, “You should really go.”
“Seems you’re the one who regrets this.”
She scooped his cargo shorts off the floor and threw them at him, meeting his gaze. “I don’t. But I can’t be around you like this. Not the way things stand.”
“How do they stand, Quinn?” He slid off the bed and stalked toward her. “Why did you come here? Are you ready to tell me the real reason you’re with my brother, or did you sleep with me just to piss him off?”
Her features tightened. “That’s not fair.”
“You want to talk about what’s fair?” he snarled, grabbing her arms. “You should try walking in my shoes. I can’t imagine anything worse than returning from the other side of the world to discover my girl is getting married to the brother I’ve loathed my entire life!”
Tilting her head back, she pulled away from him and shuffled over to the bed, dropping onto the messy sheets with her head in her hands. “After you left, I missed you so damn much that I wanted to die. I kept hoping you would change your mind.” She threw out another one of those plastic smiles. “But when you never called, never messaged me, I decided you must’ve hated me for getting you sent away. So I started hating myself too until I was numb, and didn’t give a damn about anything. I don’t even know how I finished college and got a job because I merely existed. Then Kellen walked into the office where I was interning, and all the memories of him being a jerk in high school came rushing back. It felt good to hate someone else. It was the first real emotion I’d felt in ages.”
“Christ, Quinn.” Regret spiraled through him with the force of a tsunami. He dropped down at her side, balling his twitching fingers into fists. “I’ll never forgive myself for making you feel that way, and driving you into that bastard’s arms. But I’ve never spent a second of my life hating you.”
“Those things you said…that night in your room before graduation…it felt pretty hateful to me.”
“I didn’t mean a word of it. One day I hope to tell you the real reason behind what I did, but first I have to know that you’re completely invested in us, no matter the cost. Because the shit I’m forced to keep hidden isn’t only to protect you—it could destroy any chance I have of keeping you in my life.” He brushed his fingertips over her cheek. “You have to promise that you’ll break this bogus engagement with Kellen when you return to San Francisco. I won’t stand by and watch you endure the torture.”
“Do you really think it’s as easy as telling Kellen that I’m still in love with you, and then we can ride off into the sunset? We’ve only been back in each other’s lives for a few days, and it sounds like we’re both holding onto pretty big secrets that could have the power to drive us apart a second time. How am I supposed to prove that I’m ‘fully invested in us’ when I have no idea what you’re offering?”
Sticking his twitching fingers under his thighs, he tried his damnedest not to scowl. “I’m offering to love you unconditionally, Quinn. It’s as simple as that. Everything else will fall into place with time. We’ll survive whatever shit-storm life throws at us as long as we’re together.”
“You can’t expect me to accept your offer on blind faith. I need time to think this over. I can’t run back to you just because the sex is still good.”
“It was ‘good’, huh?” Shaking his head, he chuckled. “Sweetheart, from my end it was better than ‘good’. Being with you again was phenomenal. I’d go so far as to say that was the best sex of my life.”
Eyes flickering away, she stood to unwind the towel from her head, letting her damp golden hair fall over her bare shoulders. He could sense her reluctance when she sighed. “I’m going to grab something to eat from the restaurant downstairs. I expect you to be gone by the time I come back. I’ll let you know in the morning if I’m up for breakfast before I head out.”
“So that’s it?” His chest tightened. “You drove all this way for a casual fling?”
“It’s not like that, and you know it.”
“Unacceptable,” he grumbled, standing at her side. “I’m at least buying you dinner before I go.”
Her jaw slacked, but she snapped it back shut after he threw her a determined look.
* * *
The hotel’s restaurant was intimately small, and provided an impressive view of the moonlight stretching across the dark ocean. They were the only patrons, and the kitchen was about to close for the evening. Knowing Cameron planned to leave in the morning made him so uneasy that he couldn’t eat. He had to convince her to spend another day with him so they could at least hang out on the beach like old times.
After the intimate moments they’d shared in her motel room, it felt like she was back to being his girl. He was unable to look away as she swirled her glass of wine by its stem, waiting for her linguini. In the soft glow of the candle between them, her beauty was extraordinary.
He set his elbows on the little round table between them. “How’s your mom?”
A small, reluctant smile curled at the edge of her lips. “She’s…better, I guess you could say. She’s finally able to talk about my dad’s death without having a breakdown. Most days she’s still focused on herself, but she’s been sober for three years. She’s even dating some guy she met at an NA meeting.”
Lincoln inwardly winced, but forced himself to appear unaffected. “She still live in San Jose?”
“Yeah, but she moved closer to downtown. She’s working as a secretary in a law firm, and makes enough to rent an apartment that’s rat-free in a neighborhood where not everyone is carrying a weapon.”
With the reference to her old life, he was overcome with guilt. He should’ve tried harder to get her out of there. He should’ve done more. “I’d love to see her again sometime.”
Cameron watched her fingers play with her glass of wine. “She probably wouldn’t remember you. She doesn’t remember much about the days she spent doped up.”
“I think you’d be surprised.” He cleared his throat, wanting to revisit one of many subjects that she most likely wanted to forget, but not sure how to approach it without upsetting her. Either way, it was imperative for them to address the issue if there was any chance of moving forward. “I, uh, know the real reason you broke into my father’s office after graduation…I know about the money she owed her drug dealer.”
Her eyes snapped onto his, wide with shock.
“You could’ve just asked me for it,” he added. “I would’ve given you as much as you needed.”
“Are we really going to do this?” she whispered in a clipped tone. “Here? Right now?”
“We don’t have to if you’re not ready, but it’s unavoidable. At some point we have to talk about what happened.”
She slumped in her chair, closing her eyes. “Why would I ask for your help? We weren’t together anymore.”
“I was still your friend.”
“My friend?” she repeated with a snort. Her eyelids flipped open before her eyebrows lowered and cinched together. “Apparently we have different ideas of what it means to be a friend. You made it clear you didn’t want to be seen with the poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks.”
“I already told you I didn’t mean those things. I only said them to protect you. I needed to convince you that it was over between us.”
“Protect me from what?”
Blowing out a deep breath, he scooted his chair next to hers, and took her hand. “That night when you asked me if I had stopped loving you, or if I only told you that I did so you’d have sex with me, neither one was the truth. I’ve always loved you—as much as humanly possible. If you had told me someone was threatening to hurt your mom, I would’ve helped you, no questions asked.”
“Instead you to
ld your dad that you were the one who broke into his office that night.” Chin quivering, fat tears tumbled down her cheeks, one after the other. “You should’ve told him the truth.”
Collecting her tears with his knuckle, he grunted. “No way in hell I was letting him send you to jail. I knew there was only one reason you’d be desperate for that kind of money. So before I left for boot camp, I paid your mom a visit…made arrangements to pay off that Johnny guy.”
Cameron’s back stiffened. “Wait. That was you? She told me a friend loaned her the money.”
A smirk slid across his lips. “Told you I was still your friend.”
“Where’d you get that kind of cash?”
“It was just a fraction of a trust fund that went into effect when I turned eighteen. My old man didn’t find out that I had withdrawn it until after I left, and there wasn’t a paper trail for him to find out how it was spent. So there really wasn’t anything he could do.”
“I can’t believe you did that.” She noticeably paled. “I’m going to pay you back, Linc. Every last penny. You can’t lose a chunk of your savings and be forced to join the military all because of me.”
“I wasn’t exactly forced. The judge on my case was a Desert Storm vet. He said I could either spend two years in jail, or willingly enlist and serve my country. I realized that if I joined the service, I’d have less of a chance of growing up to be like my father. Once I made up my mind, I felt like I’d taken the right path. I’d do it again in a heartbeat, even if it was for any reason other than saving my girl.” He cupped her wet cheek, meeting her tortured expression with a smile. “It took me awhile to understand why I could never make a relationship work with any other woman, and this weekend confirmed it. I never stopped loving you, Quinn. You never stopped being mine.”
“How can you say that?” she cried, shaking her head against his hand. “I was convinced your dad somehow blackmailed you into breaking up with me. I was so damn angry at him. I wanted to make him pay. Then I found out Johnny had pulled a gun on my mom, threatened to kill us both if we didn’t come up with the four grand she owed, and I figured I’d be able to find something valuable in your house. It was easy enough to get in since your parents hadn’t changed the security code, and I remembered you saying that autographed baseball jersey on display in his office was worth more than your car.” With a pained sob, she wrapped her cold fingers around his hand. “You should hate me after what I did.”
“And you have every right to hate me after I left.” He bent to press his lips against hers, letting them linger for a moment before backing away. “I guess that makes us even.”
“I’ve always loved you too, Linc.” She touched his cheek, smiling. “And I want to be yours again.”
Relief rushed through him, stretching his lips into a matching smile.
10
Waking beside Lincoln sent Cameron’s stomach on a roller coaster ride of dips and bends. Part of her couldn’t believe she’d agreed to be with him when there was a mountainous list of problems in their way. A much bigger part of her was giddy they were moving forward. Together.
She rolled onto her side, running a finger along the thick curves of his body. Nothing had ever felt as right as agreeing it was useless to part ways. They’d exhausted themselves trying to pretend otherwise. Even though the road ahead of them seemed impossible, it would be well worth the trip knowing they could finally execute the future they’d dreamed about since they were kids.
Hooking an arm around her waist, he pulled her close. “Morning, beautiful.” His voice was thick and groggy. Eyelids fluttering open, his lips spread with a breathtakingly genuine smile. “Never thought I’d wake to see this view again.”
“That makes two of us.” She dusted her lips over his. “As much as I want to stay locked in this room with you, I better head back to San Francisco, and break the news to your brother.”
He grunted. “Not sure it’s wise to report to Coronado on Wednesday with a mangled face.”
“That’s why I need to do it alone.” She bit her lip and looked away. They had been back together for such a short time, and she was already feeding him more lies. Even though it was necessary, at least for the time being, she couldn’t shake the weight of guilt that fell on her shoulders. She was definitely going to Hell.
His fingers toyed with a strand of her hair. “You sure about this?”
“I need to get it over with before I lose my nerve.”
He sat upright, studying her with a lowered brow. “I don’t like the idea of you telling him on your own.”
“Why? Don’t you trust me?”
“Are you kidding? He’s the one I don’t trust.”
“He’ll be irate, but I can handle whatever he throws at me.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Once it’s done, we’ll be free to do whatever we want, whenever we want.” She bent to kiss him. “Then I’ll stay with you as long as you’ll have me.”
His twitching fingers twisted her curls again. “Promise you’ll call as soon as it’s over. I won’t get a moment of peace until I know you’re okay…until he can no longer have any claim on you.”
“I already told you,” she whispered, running her fingertips along the soft hairs framing his jaw, “I was never his.” At least she could tell him something truthful before they parted ways.
* * *
On the tedious drive back to San Francisco, unwanted memories came flooding back in spades, the least of which she wanted to recall being the night she was officially reunited with Kellen.
“Aren’t you going to invite me up?” Kellen asked when parking outside her apartment complex. She wasn’t surprised how much he had flirted over dinner. Even though he still made her skin crawl, she relished in the rule irony. It was like being closer to Lincoln while at the same time reminding her that Lincoln was gone because of her. “I promise to be a perfect gentleman…unless of course you want me to be someone else.”
“You’ll never be someone else,” she grumbled, irritated with herself for the slip of character. Then she forced herself to smile back at him. “Thank you for the dinner, Kellen, but—"
“If you’re still upset because of what happened at prom, I’m not that guy anymore. I was a drunk fool. I can be whoever you want.” He feathered a finger across her wrist, holding her curious stare. “I can be him.”
Sickness seared her insides with the offer. She couldn’t believe he was blowing off the assault.
“We can keep the lights off…I’ll call you Quinn…whatever you want. It’ll be easy to pretend I’m the man you really want.” He leaned closer, touching his lips to hers. “I don’t mind being your placebo as long as you give me another chance to be with you.”
Between the bottle of wine they’d shared at the restaurant, the way he touched her, and the idea of pretending to be with Lincoln again, she was fool-hearted enough to let it happen. She let him kiss her, releasing years of pent-up frustration and longing for the boy who had vanished from her life. Kellen was right, it was easy to pretend. With her eyes closed, she was kissing Lincoln.
Later she sent him away, claiming she had a long day ahead. In reality, she couldn’t wait any longer to scrub any trace of him with a scalding hot shower. She cried in the bathtub for an entire hour, hating herself for betraying the boy she’d loved.
The next day she found a large bouquet of red roses on her desk with another invitation to dinner. She had Kellen right where she wanted him.
By the time she tiptoed into the apartment, lights twinkled over the dark bay outside the living room windows. Kellen was slumped in his chair, shirt unbuttoned and uncharacteristically wrinkled, empty highball glass in hand. The only light inside the apartment came from the evening news on the flat screen, casting an eerie blue glow over his scowl. Unfocused eyes sliding over onto her, he released a grunt of a laugh. “Look who decided to come home. How’s your mom?”
She flinched with the bone-chilling tone of his voice. Whenever he was angry and dru
nk, things never ended in her favor. Ghost pains shot through her wrist as she set her overnight bag on the island. Dealing with his current temperament was a lot like dealing with a landmine: slow and careful was the only way to go.
“Struggling as always,” she answered.
The sound of his barking laugh injected fear straight into her heart.
He rose from the chair to stumble toward her. “She looked pretty good to me when she stopped by this mornin’ looking for you. Said she hadn’t heard from you in a couple of days.” He grasped her chin in his cold fingers. “Where’ve you been, Cameron? You with some other guy?”
The implication ignited a fire in her gut. She suddenly felt the courage to stand up to him, knowing what would happen if she returned to Lincoln bruised and broken.
“What if I am?” she challenged with a hard stare. “It’s okay for you to screw every random woman you meet at the gym.”
“Don’t need you gettin’ any ideas about leaving me.” A veil of darkness fell over his features. She tried to squirm away, but he trapped her in place by wrapping his other hand around her throat. “We have ourselves a deal. I took care of my end—paid for your junkie mom to get straight, took care of your school loans. This isn’t a damn charity. You don’t just get to walk away without makin’ good on your part.”
“And my end of the deal entails marrying you,” she clarified, swallowing past the searing pain in her throat.
“Yes, t’ marry me!” he slurred. “Wasn’t that the agreement?”
“I don’t understand. If the idea was to make your dad angry, why not just tell him we’re dating? Why carry through with the facade of getting married?”
“Because you’re the key to landin’ me the goddamned promotion I earned and that son-of-a-bitch won’t give me!”
Panic set in when his hand tightened around her throat. There’d been a few dark times in the past when she wished he’d follow through with his threats, putting the torturous charade to an end. But she always reminded herself she needed to play along until she could hit him where it hurt. And with Lincoln back in her life, she had a shot at a real future. One that would make her happy. She clawed at his hand, trying to breathe.