Histoire comique des états et empires de la lune. English

by Cyrano de Bergerac

  CHAPTER VIII.

  _Of the Languages of the People in the Moon; of the Manner of Feedingthere, and Paying the_ Scot; _and of how the Author was taken to Court_.

  Thus, all the comfort I had during the misery of my hard Usage,were the visits of this officious[1] Spirit; for you may judge whatconversation I could have with these that came to see me, since besidesthat they only took me for an Animal, in the highest class of the_Category_ of Bruits, I neither understood their Language, nor theymine. For you must know, that there are but two Idioms in use in thatCountry, one for the Grandees, and another for the People in general.

  [Sidenote: Languages of the Moon]

  That of the great ones is no more but various inarticulate Tones,much like to our Musick when the Words are not added to the Air:[2]and in reality it is an Invention both very useful and pleasant; forwhen they are weary of talking, or disdain to prostitute their Throatsto that Office, they take either a Lute or some other Instrument,whereby they communicate their Thoughts as well as by their Tongue:So that sometimes Fifteen or Twenty in a Company will handle a pointof Divinity, or discuss the difficulties of a Law-suit, in the mostharmonious Consort that ever tickled the Ear.

  The second, which is used by the Vulgar, is performed by a shiveringof the Members, but not, perhaps, as you may imagine; for some partsof the Body signifie an entire Discourse; for example, the agitationof a Finger, a Hand, an Ear, a Lip, an Arm, an Eye, a Cheek, every oneseverally will make up an Oration, or a Period with all the parts ofit: Others serve only instead of Words, as the knitting of the Brows,the several quiverings of the Muscles, the turning of the Hands, thestamping of the Feet, the contorsion of the Arm; so that when theyspeak, as their Custom is, stark naked, their Members being used togesticulate their Conceptions, move so quick that one would not thinkit to be a Man that spoke, but a Body that trembled.

  Every day almost the Spirit came to see me, and his rare Conversationmade me patiently bear with the rigour of my Captivity. At length onemorning I saw a Man enter my Cabbin, whom I knew not, who having along while licked me gently, took me in his Teeth by the Shoulder, andwith one of his Paws, wherewith he held me up for fear I might hurt myself, threw me upon his Back; where I found my self so softly seated,and so much at my ease, that, [though] being afflicted to be used likea Beast, I had not the least desire of making my escape; and besides,these Men that go upon all four are much swifter than we, seeing theheaviest of them make nothing of running down a Stagg.

  In the mean time I was extreamly troubled that I had no news of mycourteous Spirit; and the first night we came to our Inn, as I waswalking in the Court, expecting till Supper should be ready, a prettyhandsome young Man came smiling in my Face and cast his Two Fore-Legsabout my Neck. After I had a little considered him: "How!" said he in_French_, "do you [not] know your Friend then?" I leave you to judge inwhat case I was at that time; really, my surprise was so great, that Ibegan to imagine, that all the Globe of the Moon, all that had befallenme, and all that I had seen, had only been Enchantment: And thatBeast-man, who was the same that had carried me all day, continued tospeak to me in this manner; "You promised me, that the good Offices Idid you should never be forgotten, and yet it seems you have never seenme before;" but perceiving me still in amaze: "In fine," said he, "I amthat same Demon of Socrates, who diverted you during your Imprisonment,and who, that I may still oblige you, took to my self a Body, on whichI carried you to day:" "But," said I interrupting him, "how can thatbe, seeing that all Day you were of a very long Stature, and now youare very short; that all day long you had a weak and broken Voice, andnow you have a clear and vigorous one; that, in short, all day long youwere a Grey-headed old Man, and are now a brisk young Blade: Is it thenthat whereas in my Country, the Progress is from Life to Death; Animalshere go Retrograde from Death to Life, and by growing old become youngagain."

  "So soon as I had spoken to the Prince," said he, "and received ordersto bring you to Court, I went and found you out where you were, andhave brought you hither; but the Body I acted in was so tired out withthe Journey, that all its Organs refused me their ordinary Functions,so that I enquired the way to the Hospital; where being come in I foundthe Body of a young Man, just then expired by a very odd Accident, butyet very common in this Country. I drew near him, pretending to findmotion in him still, and protesting to those who were present, that hewas not dead, and that what they thought to be the cause of his Death,was no more but a bare Lethargy; so that without being perceived, I putmy Mouth to his, by which I entered as with a breath: Then down droptmy old Carcass, and as if I had been that young Man, I rose and came tolook for you, leaving the Spectators crying a Miracle."

  [Sidenote: The Manner of Eating]

  With this they came to call us to Supper, and I followed my Guideinto a Parlour richly furnished; but where I found nothing fit to beeaten. No Victuals appearing, when I was ready to die of Hunger, mademe ask him where the Cloath was laid: But I could not hear what heanswered, for at that instant Three or Four young Boys, Children ofthe House, drew near, and with much Civility stript me to the Shirt.This new Ceremony so astonished me, that I durst not so much as askmy Pretty _Valets de Chamber_ the cause of it; and I cannot tell howmy Guide, who asked me what I would begin with, could draw from methese two Words, _A Potage_; but hardly had I pronounced them, when Ismelt the odour of the most agreeable Soop that ever steamed in therich Gluttons Nose: I was about to rise from my place, that I mighttrace that delicious Scent to its source, but my Carrier hindered me:"Whither are you going," said he, "we shall fetch a walk by and by;but now it is time to Eat, make an end of your _Potage_, and thenwe'll have something else:" "And where the Devil is the _Potage_?"answered I half angry: "Have you laid a wager you'll jeer me all thisDay?" "I thought," replied he, "that at the Town we came from, you hadseen your Master or some Bo[dy] else at meal, and that's the reasonI told you not, how People feed in this Country. Seeing then you arestill ignorant, you must know, that here they live on Steams. Theart of Cookery is to shut up in great Vessels, made on purpose, theExhalations that proceed from the Meat whilst it is a dressing; andwhen they have provided enough of several sorts and several tastes,according to the Appetite of those they treat; they open one Vesselwhere that Steam is kept, and after that another; and so on till theCompany be satisfied.

  "Unless you have already lived after this manner, you would neverthink, that the Nose without Teeth and Gullet can perform the office ofthe Mouth in feeding a Man; but I'll make you experience it your self."He had no sooner said so, but I found so many agreeable and nourishingVapours enter the Parlour, one after another, that in less than half aquarter of an Hour I was fully satisfied. When we were got up; "Thisis not a matter," said he, "much to be admired at, seeing you cannothave lived so long, and not have observed, that all sorts of Cooks, whoeat less than People of another Calling, are nevertheless much Fatter.Whence proceeds that Plumpness, d'ye think, unless it be from theSteams that continually environ them, which penetrate into their Bodiesand fatten them? Hence it is, that the People of this World enjoy amore steady and vigorous Health, by reason that their Food hardlyengenders any Excrements, which are in a manner the original[3] of allDiseases. You were, perhaps, surprised, that before supper you werestript, since it is a Custom not practised in your Country; but it isthe fashion of this, and for this end used, that the Animal may be themore transpirable to the Fumes." "Sir," answered I, "there is a greatdeal of probability in what you say, and I have found somewhat of it myself by experience; but I must frankly tell you, That not being ableto Unbrute my self so soon, I should be glad to feel something thatmy Teeth might fix upon:" He promised I should, but not before nextDay; "because," said he, "to Eat so soon after your meal would breedCrudities."

  [Sidenote: The Manner of Lighting]

  After we had discoursed a little longer, we went up to a Chamber totake our rest; a Man met us on the top of the Stairs, who havingattentively Eyed us, led me into a Closet where the floor was strowedwith Orang-Flowers Three
Foot thick, and my Spirit into another filledwith Gilly-Flowers and Jessamines: Perceiving me amazed at thatMagnificence, he told me they were the Beds of the Country. In fine,we laid our selves down to rest in our several Cells, and so soon asI had stretched my self out upon my Flowers, by the light of Thirtylarge Glow-worms shut up in a Crystal, (being the only Candles _Charon_uses,[4]) I perceived the Three or Four Boys who had stript me beforeSupper, One tickling my Feet, another my Thighs, the Third my Flanks,and the Fourth my Arms, and all so delicately and daintily, that inless than in a Minute I was fast asleep.

  Next Morning by Sun-rising my Spirit came into my Room and said to me,"Now I'll be as good as my Word, you shall breakfast this Morning moresolidly that you Supped last Night." With that I got up, and he ledme by the Hand to a place at the back of the Garden, where one of theChildren of the House stayed for us, with a Piece in his Hand much liketo one of our Fire-Locks. He asked my Guide if I would have a dozenof Larks, because _Baboons_ (one of which he took me to be,) loved tofeed on them? I had hardly answered, Yes, when the Fowler discharged aShot, and Twenty or Thirty Larks fell at our Feet ready Roasted. This,thought I presently with my self, verifies the Proverb in our World,of a Country where Larks fall ready Roasted; without doubt it has beenmade by some Body that came from hence. "Fall too, fall too," saidmy Spirit, "don't spare; for they have a knack of mingling a certainComposition with their Powder and Shot, which Kills, Plucks, Roasts,and Seasons the Fowl all at once." I took up some of them, and eat themupon his word; and to say the Truth, In all my Life time I never eatany thing so delicious.

  Having thus Breakfasted we prepared to be gone, and with a Thousand oddFaces, which they use when they would shew their Love, our Landlordreceived a Paper from my Spirit. I asked him, if it was a Note for theReckoning? He replied, No, that all was paid, and that it was a Copy ofVerses. "How! Verses," said I, "are your Inn-Keepers here curious ofRhime then?" "It's," said he, "the Money of the Country, and the chargewe have been at here, hath been computed to amount to Three _Couplets_,or Six Verses, which I have given him. I did not fear we should outrunthe Constable; for though we should Pamper our selves for a whole Week,we could not spend a _Sonnet_, and I have Four about me, besides Two_Epigrams_, Two _Odes_, and an _Eclogue_."

  "Would to God," said I, "it were so in our World; for I know a goodmany honest Poets there who are ready to Starve, and who might liveplentifully if that Money would pass in Payment." I farther askedhim, If these Verses would always serve, if one Transcribed them? Hemade answer, No, and so went on: "When an Author has Composed any, hecarries them to the Mint, where the sworn Poets of the Kingdom sit inCourt. There these versifying Officers essay the pieces; and if they bejudged Sterling, they are rated not according to their Coyn; that's tosay, That a _Sonnet_ is not always as good as a _Sonnet_; but accordingto the intrinsick value of the piece; so that if any one Starve, hemust be a Blockhead: For Men of Wit make always good Chear." WithExtasie I was admiring the judicious Policy of that Country, when heproceeded in this manner:

  "There are others who keep Publick-house after a far different manner:When one is about to be gone, they demand, proportionably to theCharges, an Acquittance for the other World; and when that is giventhem, they write down in a great Register, which they call _Doomsday'sBook_, much after this manner: _Item_, The value of so many Verses,delivered such a Day, to such a Person, which he is to pay upon thereceipt of this Acquittance, out of his readiest Cash: And when theyfind themselves in danger of Death, they cause these Registers to beChopt in pieces, and swallow them down; because they believe, that ifthey were not thus digested, they would be good for nothing."

  This Conversation was no hinderance to our Journey; for my Four-leggedPorter jogged on under me, and I rid stradling on his Back. I shall notbe particular in relating to you all the Adventures that happened to uson our way, till we arrived at length at the Town where the King holdshis Residence.

  [1] Officious = kindly, ready to serve, doing good offices. _Cf_.Milton, _Paradise Lost_:

  "Yet, not to earth are those bright luminaries Officious; but to thee, earth's habitant."

  [2] Cf. _The Man in the Moone_, of Francis Godwin: "Their Languageis very difficult, since it hath no Affinity with any other I everheard, and consists not so much of Words and Letters, as Tunes andstrange Sounds which no Letters can express; for there are few Wordsbut signify several Things, and are distinguished only by their Sounds,which are sung as it were in uttering; yea many Words consist of Tunesonly, without Words."

  [3] Origin. _Cf_. pp. 137, 170, 174*; and _cf_. Shakspere, _Henry IV._,Part II.:

  "It hath its original from much grief."

  (*p. 137 starts with: "...last meeting, had said, That..." p. 170: "... Thus he concluded, and..." p. 174: "CHAPTER IV")

  [4]

  "... On ne s'attendait guere De voir [Charon] en cette affaire!"

  In fact, our translator has made an amusing mistake, for which theprinter of the 1661 edition is perhaps partly responsible; in thatedition we read] "(Caron ne se sert pas d'autres chandelles)," whichshould of course be, as in the other editions, "Caron ...;" "For theyuse no other candles."