Villains Don't Date Heroes!

by Mia Archer

  Damn were there times I wished I had someone other than that stupid computer to talk to when I was working. Times I wished my meddling in forces best left untouched hadn’t resulted in accidentally teleporting a boyfriend I’d been lukewarm about in the first place halfway across the galaxy.

  I might’ve never felt any particularly strong feelings towards him, or any other man now that I thought about it which made the distraction that was Fialux all the more interesting and scary, but no one deserved to be teleported to a potentially cold and inhospitable nothing.

  Okay, not potentially. Definitely. The universe was a nasty harsh place that did its best to kill all life, after all.

  But no. Adding in that emotion chip seemed to turn him into a miserable, depressed, misanthropic, and overly sarcastic pile of circuitry. And it’s not like I could go back in and remove that emotion chip since I’m pretty sure he had safeguards on most of his systems that’d vaporize me if I ever got close enough to his hardware for anything other than an authorized upgrade.

  No, CORVAC definitely wasn’t the kind of computer to idly set by singing Daisy while someone ripped out his circuit boards because they were displeased with his performance or annoyed by his homicidal streak.

  I glanced through the shimmering shield and sighed again. They definitely called the cops. At least there were darker shapes that looked very much like the local five-oh lining up to do their impotent best to stop me from doing whatever the hell I pleased.

  To be perfectly honest this job could’ve been a hell of a lot easier. CORVAC was right in being just a little snippy and sarcastic.

  I could’ve hacked into the bank computers and created some money for myself and transferred it, all anonymous and friendly like, into my untraceable bank accounts where nobody would ever know the money was even missing. I could’ve cased the bank, gotten the coordinates of the vault, walked into the lobby in civilian clothes with my belt on, materialized the long range teleportation targeter into the vault using the short range teleporter built into my belt, transported all the contents out, and then rolled around in the money on my bed back at the lab without anyone knowing the great Night Terror was in their midst.

  Sure there was always the risk of also transporting some unfortunate bank employee along with the cash, but a quick transportation back to the old coordinates minus all the cash usually took care of that.

  The only problem with that?

  No one would know the great Night Terror had been in their midst. Every two-bit villain in the city would step up and take credit for the job and there would always be some doubt I’d actually done it even if I took credit.

  No, my reputation and my ego prevented me from doing anything other than a personal appearance for a job like this.

  Of course the main reason I was out today was boredom. This whole thing had gotten too easy. There were no new worlds to conquer. I was the top villain in a city that was filled with villains and heroes, a world full of villains and heroes, and there was nobody who dared challenge me.

  Boring.

  I mean sure the local cops dared to challenge me from time to time, but that was always a token show of resistance and it’s not like they even tried that hard anymore.

  We both knew the score. They didn’t overwork themselves trying to grab me, and I made sure I didn’t cause too much collateral damage, make them look too bad, or accidentally vaporize one of them while I was making an escape.

  No, you definitely knew you’d made it as a villain it when you went toe to toe with the cops so often that you gave one another professional courtesy.

  But the flipside of that professional courtesy was that it made the whole damn thing so mundane and routine.

  It was nothing like the early days when I was making a name for myself. When the people had no idea who Night Terror was. When I still had to prove myself against the best heroes the city had to offer. When I still had to fight for territory against the best villains the city had to offer.

  I smiled as I thought back to those days. That had been fun. Now those heroes ran as fast as their powers would carry them in the other direction when they heard I was around, and the criminal element in the city was well aware that Night Terror’s territory was wherever the hell Night Terror decided to be at a given moment.

  And it was all so damn boring. There wasn’t any challenge anymore. There was no fun in it.

  I’d hoped getting out and doing a good old-fashioned bank robbery would be a nice change of pace from the boring research stuff I’d been doing recently. Stupid CORVAC and his obsession with having me build him a giant death robot so he could get in on some of the city dominating fun.

  Not that I planned on ever letting him actually get out and take the thing for a spin, but drafting the plans for a pointless giant death robot was the same exhausting work whether or not you intended the thing to actually see use out in the real world.

  So much for a distraction. Now I felt more depressed than I’d been before I made this run. I’d hoped it would perk me up, but it was having the opposite effect.

  I reached down and made sure my wrist blaster was good and charged, that my shield was ready to go, and that the antigravity units and strength modifiers hidden in my suit were good to go.

  Hey, I might be bored, but I wasn’t going to go into a fight with a handicap and throw the game. I was never so bored that I’d deliver anything less than a total curb stomp to my enemies.

  Well, maybe I’d do less than a total curb stomp with the cops. They were just doing their job after all. But I still had to be good to go and ready to take on whatever they threw at me.

  Everything was in order. Everything was always in order. It’s not like I’d leave my lair if my reactor wasn’t working properly or one of the other numerous bits of body enhancing technology that adorned my suit weren’t good to go.

  I sighed. It was time to go out and be the scariest villain in the city.

  Again.

  It was time to make the police run in terror.

  Again.

  It was time to show any heroes who might be working in the vicinity exactly how futile it was to take on Night Terror.

  Again.

  Yeah, just another boring day at work.

  I took a deep breath and let the force field drop.

  3

  Goddess

  A hail of bullets flew towards me as soon as the force field dropped. Of course the cops might as well be firing blanks for all the good it was going to do them.

  I held up my hand and a wide dispersal force field sprang to life. I made sure to give the field a little give. It stretched wherever bullets hit but none made it through. The field stretched then sprang back and the bullets fell harmlessly to the ground when I let it go.

  No good having them ricochet and cause some collateral damage. Even if the collateral damage had been a little uppity on this trip.

  The cops lowered their weapons. Well, most of them did. One rookie kept his raised until the commissioner, I recognized his trench coat and impressive bushy gray mustache, reached out and smacked the younger guy on the back of the head. The rookie lowered his gun with a sheepish grin.

  I smiled and waved as I walked past them. “Hello boys.”

  Some muttered a hello right back at me. I held back a laugh. None of them tried to raise their weapons again.

  They knew the drill. They got off their first volley to make it look like they were doing something, they didn’t bother to raise their weapons again, and none of them had to go to the hospital because I had to break out my toys. It was a cushy arrangement all around.

  I nodded to the commissioner as I passed. “Commish. How’s the wife?”

  “Just fine Miss Terror,” he said. “Doing just fine.”

  “Good to hear,” I said.

  I’d have to be sure and wire a little extra bonus to his special account later. His daughter was getting ready to start college, and I did have some extra money burning a hole in my pocket
now.

  And then I was past them. I couldn’t help but sigh just a little in disappointment. There was a time when taking on the cops had been, well, if not difficult then at least something mildly amusing to pass the time.

  Oh well. That was what I got for proving I was so completely and utterly dominant in this city. It really was my own fault. I had no one to blame but myself.

  I blasted out of the double doors leading out to the street. Bright light shone through the cracks way up above in the high reaches of the concrete jungle.

  A police line had been set up all around the entrance to the bank and there were officers all around with their weapons raised, but none of them made a move. No, the real danger right now was some hero out there trying to make a name for themselves by taking on the great and powerful Night Terror.

  That was when things started to get messy. That was why the police had lines set up well down the street to keep the civilians away just in case something went down.

  Well, that and if they had that line set up then there was no way pesky reporters or members of the public could see just how little they were doing to try and stop me.

  Funny how public safety and covering their own asses went hand-in-hand.

  I smiled and waved at the group of cops on either side of me. Some of them actually smiled and waved back. Some of the rookies scowled. They hadn’t been on the force long enough to learn about our unofficial arrangement. Or at the very least they hadn’t been on the force long enough to appreciate just how useful our little understanding was for both sides.

  It might be time to make another donation to the Fraternal Order of Police. It had been awhile since I greased the skids with the newbies and the FOP was the best about funneling my ill gotten gains where it needed to go.

  I stood with my hands on my hips glancing around. I almost hoped somebody was going to try and start something. I needed the distraction.

  Nothing.

  The only sound was the shifting of semiautomatic weapons in the cop’s hands, and believe me that never sounded as dramatic in person as it did in the movies. The distant sound of crowds trying to break through filtered down the streets. My computer system noted bullhorns and cops telling people to stay back off in the distance and dulled the noise before it reached my ears because it wasn’t important to my current situation.

  All the usual stuff. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing to indicate there was a hero on the way.

  Oh well. I guess I could console myself with the piles of money I’d just illegitimately gained.

  I was just about to activate my antigravity units and take off when something stopped me. An odd noise. Something that sounded almost like a fighter jet off in the distance, though it was unlike any jet I’d ever heard before. I cocked an ear to listen more closely.

  The noise was so faint that I almost thought I was hearing things. Almost thought I was going crazy. Only the cops were starting to look up and around as well. They heard it too.

  More importantly the helmet system was picking it up. Something was out there. Something that sent a shiver of excitement running through me.

  What the hell was that?

  I pulled up my wrist computer.

  “CORVAC, is there anything odd going on downtown? Anything like a jet or something else coming this way?”

  It couldn’t be a police helicopter. They didn’t bother sending those after me anymore. Not after I disabled the last one with a handy focused electromagnetic pulse and then gently landed it with one of my antigravity units.

  They got the message loud and clear. Don’t try to follow me and figure out where my lair was.

  “I’m picking up something odd on satellite,” CORVAC said. “An unidentified bogey. Moving fast.”

  “Well what the hell is it?” I asked.

  “If I knew what it was then it wouldn’t be unidentified, now would it mistress?” CORVAC’s testy reply came back.

  I rolled my eyes and let out a frustrated growl, but I was elated by this turn of events.

  Here was something new. Here was something exciting. Here was something to break up the monotony, even if it probably was something lame like the National Guard sending in a jet to try and take me out or something similarly stupid like that. Even if it was another hero this was likely to be over rather quickly.

  The sound grew louder. Louder. Wind kicked up. I looked around, but whatever this thing was I couldn’t see it through the concrete jungle surrounding me.

  But I could hear it. Loud enough that it was overwhelming the sound dampeners. Echoing against the walls. That sound bounced across the glass skyscrapers. Ornate stained glass windows across the way in the new Thomas Opera House rattled and several splintered.

  The noise was almost deafening. Even with ear protection which was sort of a necessity in my line of work.

  “CORVAC, can I get a satellite picture?”

  A holographic image projected up from my wrist computer. I saw a small blue tinted version of the city that zoomed in so I was looking at a 3-D map of the immediate area.

  Off in the distance, though not too far and closing fast, was a small dot speeding towards me. The thing was moving. Really damn fast. Faster than even my antigravity units could handle, and that was saying something.

  I raised an eyebrow. This was new.

  “Definitely not a jet,” I muttered.

  Then I didn’t have to look at the holographic projection to see what was coming. On the projection it rounded a corner and I looked up. Everyone else looked up at the same time and started pointing.

  I heard cheers from the crowds down the way and scowled. They never appreciated how good they had it with a villain like me who tried my best to make sure nobody got hurt while I was working.

  I only wanted what was best for the people of this city. All I asked in return was that they didn’t get in my way too much while I robbed them blind and ruled their city.

  The impossibly fast whatever resolved into a person, though still too far away to make out much detail. Then, faster than lightning, the unidentified flying person landed with a loud crash in front of me.

  I threw my arm over my face to shield myself. Bits of pavement went flying through the air and I kicked up my shield at the last moment causing several bits of asphalt to slam against it and then fall harmlessly.

  I pulled my arm down and looked. Well, looked is probably a little bit of a misnomer. When I saw the creature standing before me I stared, my mouth hanging open.

  I couldn’t believe it. A goddess stood before me.

  4

  New Challenger

  I stared at the goddess in her high boots and a skirt that molded itself to a body that looked like it was sculpted by the gods. A bare flat stomach ran up to perfect breasts encased in a tight shirt that didn’t have a symbol on it.

  Whoever this was, she was new enough in the city that she hadn’t even taken the time to brand herself yet. And that face. Deep green eyes you could get lost in. Beautiful soft features framed by flowing red hair that whipped dramatically in the wind created by her landing and matched the movement of the cape streaming behind her.

  I smiled. No branding meant a complete newbie. It meant a new hero who’d decided to forego jumping in the deep end and went straight to diving the metaphorical Mariana Trench by trying herself on the great and powerful Night Terror.

  It meant a newbie who was very quickly going to be relegated to the scrap heap of hero wannabes who learned the hard way what it meant to go up against me. I held out my arm and my wrist blaster started its ominous hum as it powered up.

  This was going to be fun, and I wasn’t just talking about the eye candy.

  “I’m Fialux,” she said, her eyes narrowing.

  Damn. Even when she was angry she was still so hot. So hot it wasn’t fair that she was that hot. Hot enough that I found myself wishing I put some sort of hotness filter in my heads up display, but who would think of something like that?


  I shook my head. I needed to get my head back in the game. I’d seen plenty of heroines before and they’d never affected me like this.

  Sure I could tell objectively when a girl was attractive, but I’d never felt this strange burning in the pit of my stomach before. Not on the job, at least. It was new, weird, and I’m not entirely sure I liked it even if it did feel oddly, strangely, good.

  Why was this starting now? I didn’t need this. Not with a hero I was about to rough up.

  She might be the hottest chick I’d ever seen, but she was also standing between me and continued dominance in Starlight City.

  It was business.

  “Well Fialux,” I said. “It’s time for you to learn what happens to heroes in this city who are foolish enough to challenge Night Terror.”

  Usually that was enough to send whatever hero hopeful was attacking me running, well, in terror. There was a very good reason I chose the name I chose.

  Only it was different with this one. She just stood there with the oddly sexy juxtaposition of a thin confident smile on her lips and a scowl in her eyes. Lips that were so red. That looked so delightfully inviting. That made me wonder what it would feel like to lean forward and brush my own lips against hers…

  No! I was not going to do this! Now wasn’t the time. There wasn’t ever a time for me to indulge these sorts of feelings, I was too busy with my plans for world domination, but right before a battle definitely wasn’t an opportune moment.

  I needed to chase these thoughts away. I needed to stop thinking like this. I needed to clear my head. That was the whole point of going on this little bank robbery excursion in the first place.

  And what better way to clear my head than by taking on the city’s latest hero hopeful? I couldn’t find myself hypnotized by a hero who’d been vaporized, after all.

  I raised my blaster and fired off a couple of shots, dead center, only they flew harmlessly through her and slammed into police cars behind her that lit up spectacularly.

  I winced. It didn’t look like any cops were standing around the cars when they went up at least. The city really needed to talk to the contractor who put their cars together. They had a pesky habit of blowing up at the least provocation. So I didn’t count that bit of collateral damage as my fault, even if I had lit the match.