Villains Don't Date Heroes!

by Mia Archer

  Visions of my third grade teacher lecturing us on the importance of good mental math skills because we weren’t always going to have a calculator handy to help us with our addition and subtraction flashed through my head. They said your life flashed before your eyes before you bought it. Sure I was doing complicated calculus and trigonometry calculations in my head right now trying to figure out the exact physics of this situation and how to best use her strength against her rather than the basic arithmetic Mrs. Colby was thinking of back in the day, but whatever.

  Adding up the grocery bill. Calculating the exact force to use against a super powered goddess intent on turning you into the authorities for a life of super crime. I could do both in my head easily enough thank you very much.

  I gathered all the power left in my suit and channeled it down to my leg reinforcements. I had a moment of satisfaction as I saw her eyes go wide when I pivoted into a kick and my leg made contact. Her flight trajectory was thrown off ever so slightly, and apparently she couldn’t exactly turn on a dime.

  Either that or she was so surprised that she wasn’t able to turn on a dime in this particular case. Whatever it was, I’d take it. She went flying across the way and slammed into an older building which sent chunks of glass and stone flying.

  I winced. It really was a shame when some of the older Art Deco buildings in the city went down like that. I was always a fan of the more Gothic buildings in the city over the new glass and metal crap they were putting up these days.

  One more thing for my list when I eventually ruled the world. One of the lower things on my list, to be sure, but I still hated ruining a good building.

  Only perhaps she could turn on a dime, because no sooner had she recovered from slamming into that building than she was flying back towards me. My eyes darted around my heads-up display looking for something, anything.

  I didn’t have anything left. All the connections to my reactor were damaged to the point that if I tried to use them I was running the serious risk of having a nuclear meltdown, or even worse having the mini reactor go critical. Either way, downtown would be turned into a radioactive wasteland.

  I wanted to rule the city, not turned it into a radioactive slag heap.

  I closed my eyes. This was going to hurt. Of course a part of me figured it was what I deserved. I’d gotten cocky. I thought I was queen of this city. I’d been thinking to myself how wonderful it would be if I actually had a challenge for a change.

  Be careful what you wish for and all that.

  As she approached, her fist outstretched once more, the heads-up display now permanently red in the spots where it hadn’t gone dark entirely, I did the only thing that I could think of. The only thing that was left to me. I’d always been a “discretion is the better part of valor” kind of girl, like I said, and there was only one way left to use a little of that discretion.

  I fell to my knees and held my hands up. The only thing I had left was the hope she was a hero who saddled herself with a silly moral code. Who was I kidding? They all had a silly moral code. That’s what made it so easy to defeat them.

  Usually.

  A loud noise like I’d decided to take a nap on top of a 747 engine that was spinning up grew louder until it felt like I was standing next to an irritated Tyrannosaurus Rex who’d just been pulled into a futuristic science lab via a poorly advised time portal.

  Trust me, I knew what that sounded like from first-hand experience, and it wasn’t pretty.

  Fialux was traveling fast enough that when she hit it would destroy me. Maybe she didn’t have one of those pesky moral codes after all. Then again, maybe she did and my impending smearing was my fault. After all, I was the one who’d created the image of the indestructible villainess by using hidden technology scattered throughout my suit. I was the one who’d just gone toe to toe with a living goddess complete with super strength, the ability to fly, super speed, and who knew what else.

  How was she to know I didn’t have the same abilities she did? She could destroy me unintentionally and never know I was a normal under all these magnificent toys until the moment she hit me.

  I absolutely hated surrendering, but it was a better alternative than death.

  Unfortunately my work into figuring out a way to conveniently resurrect had hit multiple dead ends. Literally.

  I hated myself for it, but I screamed out my next words to make sure everybody heard. Though I had no doubt she’d have no trouble hearing me.

  “I surrender!”

  The noise like an angry Tyrannosaurus Rex riding on top of a 747 engine, I was confused and mixing up my metaphors, stopped. I opened up one eye and peeked out, scarcely believing I was still alive.

  A part of me was painfully aware of the steadily clicking cameras from journalists who’d used the distraction of our fight to sneak through, of news crews, particularly of that asshole Rex Roth, filming everything as I sat on my knees submitting to this annoying but incredibly hot new hero.

  I bet that asshole Roth was loving every minute of this. I’m sure it was going to be all over the news this evening. Hell, the way he worked it was probably all over the news live and in HD.

  Great.

  Only I didn’t care about any of that. The only thing I cared about was the goddess standing over me in her perfectly sculpted body. The wind caught her bright red hair sending it and her cape billowing dramatically as she stood before me with hands on her hips looking down with the sternest, most angry expression I think I’d ever seen.

  She was beautiful. I couldn’t deny it. And yet I wondered what the hell that meant. Where the hell that feeling was coming from. It was a new feeling to have at work. Thrilling. Terrifying. And confusing.

  I should’ve been worried about being captured. I should’ve been worried about the effect this was going to have on my reputation. And yet the only thing I could think about was how gorgeous she was. How nice it would feel to press my body against hers. To press my lips against hers. I wondered how softly she would kiss given the hard-as-steel strength I’d seen on display today.

  I shook my head. I really needed to get a hold on myself. I needed to take control. Why the hell did these thoughts keep running through my mind? It was like I had no control, and I have to say I didn’t like it however pleasantly confusing those thoughts were.

  “You submit?” she asked.

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever,” I said. “Just please stop.”

  The scowl broke into a huge smile and it was like the sun dawning. I stared, my mouth open and my eyes wide. This woman was gorgeous no matter what, but when she smiled it was as though I was seeing the dawn for the first time. It sent butterflies rushing through my stomach, a disconcerting feeling I hadn’t enjoyed in a long time.

  When you’re in the villain business you pretty much only have time for emotions like anger and revenge, that sort of thing. Butterflies were different.

  Not bad. Just different. I felt lightheaded. I felt giddy. I felt like a girl with a crush. Now there was a weird feeling.

  “God you’re beautiful!”

  It was a whisper, but she heard it. She arched a curious eyebrow. My hand flew up to my mouth, my eyes even wider. Now why the hell had I gone and said something stupid like that?

  Well, it was pretty obvious why I’d gone and said something stupid like that. I was more interested in what it was that caused me to completely lose control. What it was about this woman that brought down all my defenses, and I’m not talking about the sad state of my suit.

  I was the greatest villainess in the city, probably in the world. I shouldn’t be staring up at heroes with doe eyes and invoking the name of a deity I didn’t even believe in to describe how hot she was!

  This little encounter would’ve made for one hell of a session with my therapist if I still went to her.

  The hero, the goddess, Fialux I suppose, stepped forward and reached behind me. I closed my eyes and breathed in her scent as she moved in close. I could feel warmth radiating
off her body. I could smell her scent, a mixture of some sort of perfume or body wash and the sweat from our battle.

  Damn was that an intoxicating smell!

  No. I was not going to let these thoughts distract me! I was going to take control!

  She grabbed the back of my collar and lifted. I was thankful I’d put together one hell of a strong suit, because with the way she was lifting me like she was a mama cat and I was a kitten any other fabric would have torn and put me at the mercy of gravity since my antigrav units were out.

  I was even more thankful a moment later when I suddenly heard a low rumble. The air just around the edges of her body shimmered ever so slightly, and we exploded up into the air.

  Huh. That felt weird when someone else was doing it.

  7

  The Authorities

  I’m not ashamed to admit that I screamed like a hero who just realized they’d completely overestimated their ability to go toe to toe with the great Night Terror, though after this encounter that was an analogy I was going to have to reconsider even though it was one of my favorites.

  It’s not like I was afraid of heights or flying. I did it all the time with the antigravity units built into my suit.

  The problem was when I was flying with those antigravity units I was using a piece of technology I could understand. I put power from my reactor into the nice machine I built and the laws of physics took five and ignored me for awhile.

  It was simple, it was elegant, and most importantly I understood exactly how it worked because I was the one who invented the damn thing.

  This, though, this was a completely different experience. All the connections between my suit’s reactor and the antigravity units were severed, so there was absolutely nothing to save my bacon if this chick got butterfingers and sent me falling a couple thousand feet to my doom.

  I didn’t even have my shields or the inertial dampeners to absorb the impact so that I’d only break every bone in my body. I couldn’t help but think about how the square-cube law meant I was going to make quite the splash if she let go and I came in for an unscheduled landing.

  I was completely at her mercy. I hated being completely at someone else’s mercy.

  I had no idea what was holding me up. I hated not knowing how I was flying. There was only that slight sparkling shimmer close to her skin to go on.

  I wondered if my theory that she somehow manipulated the molecules in her immediate vicinity to provide flight had some truth to it. It was certainly interesting to see up close.

  It made me wish some of the instruments on my suit were working so I could take measurements with something other than the good old fashioned Mark 1 Eyeball.

  I didn’t have enough information. I was being dragged through the air by a super powered being I didn’t understand who was blessed with a power of flight that made no rational sense. She was disobeying the laws of physics just as cavalierly as I did, only there wasn’t any obvious technology to back her up.

  It was infuriating and terrifying.

  Also? I was just a little jealous. That must be pretty awesome to be able to fly whenever you wanted without worrying about putting on an advanced flight suit first.

  Of course along with the terror and the jealousy I was also getting a different kind of rush. The kind of rush I definitely wasn’t used to.

  She’d repositioned me so her arm was wrapped around me, which was just fine by me. I didn’t like the idea of my entire life hanging on her ability to keep her grip. She seemed really damn strong, but I’d only known her for about twenty minutes, most of that fighting, and I really didn’t want to test the limits of her strength while I was dangling a few thousand feet above the city.

  Of course wrapping her arm around me had the added effect of pulling me against her. Pulling me up so that I was right next to her gorgeous face.

  Sure it was a gorgeous face that was plastered with what I could only describe as a frown of justice, your basic look that most heroes got when they were dealing with a dastardly villain like yours truly, but it was still a nice face to look at even if she was pissed off.

  I closed my eyes and a goofy grin spread across my face. Not at all the stern defeated villain face I should be using in counterpoint to her justice face, but I felt what I felt.

  “Is something wrong?”

  I opened my eyes. I hadn’t even realized I’d closed them.

  Damn it. Here I was flying with a woman who I had a good feeling was about to become my new arch nemesis and I was grinning like a goofy schoolgirl with a crush because of the way she felt pressed against me!

  A blush rose to my cheeks. I hated it when I blushed. Blushing was a sign of weakness. Emotion was a sign of weakness.

  “No, nothing’s wrong,” I spat out at her.

  Perhaps there was a little more heat than I’d originally intended. She’d caught me in a moment of weakness, and I didn’t like that. It made me hate her even more even as I was drawn to her.

  It was a weird, roiling, confusing mix of emotions going through my head as I looked at her. So to avoid those feelings I looked down instead. And realized the city was coming closer again.

  “Where are you taking me?”

  She smiled. God what a smile. I realized that I absolutely loved making her smile.

  Which probably wasn’t a good thing considering my line of work was the kind of career path that made heroes frown more than it made them smile.

  Oops.

  “Don’t worry. I’m taking you someplace where you can’t cause trouble anymore.”

  She glanced down to me, a glance that took in my entire body. An appraising glance that sent a shiver running down my spine.

  That was new. I’d never had a shiver running down my spine when a hero looked at me like that before. Come to think of it I couldn’t recall a hero looking at me like that before, but I liked it.

  Though the look was tempered somewhat by what she said next.

  “Besides, something tells me the police will have no problem with you now that all your toys are broken.”

  Damn. My secret was out. I still had no idea what she meant about never causing trouble anymore. That was awfully cryptic.

  Usually these goody two shoes types were pretty straightforward about telling me exactly what they were doing. It was a weakness every hero seemed to have.

  I didn’t have to wait in suspense for long. Her intent became immediately obvious as we landed.

  I blinked as I looked up at the stylish new all glass structure in front of me. I hated this building, and not just because when the cops moved to their new headquarters they decided to go with a modernist monstrosity.

  “Police headquarters?” I turned and stared, incredulous. “You’re dropping me off at police headquarters?”

  “Who better to deal with you than the rightful authorities?”

  Anyone but the local cops, really. Half of them were completely ineffective and half of them were getting regular bribes from yours truly.

  Sure there was considerable overlap between those two groups, but there were enough cops in my pocket and enough cops who respected our unofficial peace that chances were they wouldn’t even bother to cuff me let alone book me or charge me.

  Not that I was going to tell her any of that. If she was going to drop me off in front of an organization I’d bribed fair and square that was her problem, not mine.

  I might be smitten by this new hero, but that didn’t mean I was going to do anything stupid like throw the game.

  A couple of cops were coming out the front entrance, but they were the only ones in sight. I smiled.

  Most of them were probably busy on the other side of downtown dealing with the aftermath of our little altercation. One was younger with the trimmed flat top that all young cops seemed to have and one was older with the bushy white moustache that all older cops seemed to have.

  Both stopped and stared when they realized who was standing on the steps of their HQ.

  “
Good,” she said. “Here are a couple of fine officers who can help me out. Excuse me, officer?”

  The old one stepped forward and scratched his head. Clearly he was just as bemused by her goody-two-shoes routine as I was.

  “Um, yeah?”

  He glanced between me and Fialux. Fear flashed in his eyes as he looked at me, then disappeared as he realized this new hero had actually gotten the best of me and had me in custody. Or at least as close to “in custody” as someone could get with me.

  Which was pretty close to actually being in custody, as much as I hated to admit it. Even to myself.

  I sighed. I had a feeling I could wave goodbye to my reputation and my off the books peace with the cops after this. It was going to take a hell of a lot of work to get back to that instant look of fear.

  “I believe you’ll find this villain has been completely incapacitated. You can take her in officer,” Fialux said.

  Talk about insulting! This villain has been incapacitated? It’s like she had no respect for my position as the greatest villain this city or the world had ever seen!

  Heroes these days. They had no appreciation for their betters. I was going to have to teach her a lesson.

  As soon as I figured out a way to get out of this.

  The older cop scratched his head again, but the rookie moved forward. The old cop held out an arm as though to stop him, but the young one was way ahead of him.

  I shook my head. Damn it! If it’d been a couple of older cops this might’ve gone better. Just my luck I got a rookie who obviously hadn’t gone up against me yet.

  He pulled out his cuffs and put them around my wrists, slight surprise registering when I didn’t do anything to stop him. At least he knew enough about the great Night Terror’s reputation to be surprised I wasn’t vaporizing him for daring to cuff me.

  That lack of vaporization seemed to encourage the older one. He stepped forward and a wide smile spread across his face.