Villains Don't Date Heroes!

by Mia Archer

  “We’re gonna have to figure that out,” I muttered.

  “Picking something up on the long range scanner mistress,” CORVAC said.

  I turned to a dot projected off in the distance glowing brightly and moving in fast. I smiled. That had to be her.

  “Our buddy Fialux?”

  “Affirmative mistress,” CORVAC said. “Either that or another alien from another world with impossible powers has arrived on the scene.”

  “CORVAC, that was almost a joke,” I said.

  “I’ll try not to make it a habit,” he said.

  After all that buildup the ultimate result was anticlimactic. The villain of the week was gesticulating wildly on screen, I didn’t have the sound turned up since the doors and walls in this building were ridiculously cheap and by extension ridiculously thin. The last thing I needed was for some balding ancient professor to stick his head in and see me using the sort of technology that would give me away.

  Fialux appeared on screen with her cape trailing behind her. The villain seemed to notice, I could imagine the noise the pressure wave traveling in front of her was making even if I couldn’t turn up the volume enough to hear it, and started firing indiscriminately.

  I shook my head as blasts slammed into buildings and sent chunks of concrete, steel, and glass raining down on the streets below.

  Amateur hour. I might cause some damage, but it was always with a purpose or in defense of my life. Right behind the no collateral damage rule was no nonessential property damage.

  Public opinion turned against you pretty damn quick when you did that, but apparently this lady never got the memo.

  I’d obviously been away for too long if this was the sort of trash that was crawling out of the woodwork. This never would’ve happened when I was running the show. This city deserved a better class of villain.

  Of course firing indiscriminately into architecture was also counterproductive in that it didn’t do anything to stop the hero barreling towards the villain in question. That became painfully obvious when a green blur flashed across the screen and the amateur was gone, futuristic stolen gun design and all.

  “Well that was anticlimactic,” I said.

  “Indeed mistress,” CORVAC replied.

  “So much for her coming to office hours,” I muttered.

  “What was that mistress?”

  “Nothing CORVAC. Just observing that even the great Fialux can’t be in two places at once.”

  “So will you be returning to the lab?”

  “Yeah, I’ll teleport over in a minute.”

  Nobody had actually bothered to take me up on my office hours since I started this new position anyways. I don’t know why I was expecting anything different. If Selena was Fialux then she was off dropping that poor hapless wannabe off at the police station or something right now, not…

  There was a knock on the door. I looked up. That never happened.

  I opened the door and my eyes widened in surprise. Either I was wrong about Fialux’s secret identity or that super speed was way faster than I thought.

  I wondered what had happened to the villain of the week considering Fialux got here so fast, but decided I didn’t really care as long as she was here.

  Assuming Selena was Fialux and her arriving so soon after Fialux took out a villain wasn’t just a major coincidence.

  32

  Office Hours

  I quickly moved my wrist behind my back so the computer wasn't obvious as none other than Selena Solare stepped through looking absolutely radiant in the standard warm weather college girl uniform of a tight fitting tank top and an even tighter fitting pair of shorts. If she was Fialux, and I was starting to seriously question that hypothesis, then she’d changed back into her civvies pretty damn fast.

  Then again it she already had abilities like flight, super speed, and impossible strength so was it really all that odd to think she could also top that ability list off with a super fast change of clothes?

  The possibilities of maximizing time at the mall were mind boggling.

  I fought the urge to look her up and down. That wouldn't be appropriate for a professor. Even a phony baloney professor.

  "Miss Solare? What a surprise!” She had no idea how much of a surprise. “How can I help you?”

  "I can't do this midterm assignment," she said.

  I sat, still keeping my arm safely hidden behind the chair and hoping the rumors that she had some sort of x-ray vision weren't true.

  Partly because I didn't want her to glance through me and see the wrist computer, but mostly because I'd probably gotten dosed with way more than the recommended annual limit of radiation if she actually had that power.

  If she did have x-ray vision I could only hope the chair I was in had a lead lining under the cheap plastic cushioning. Not likely given my recent luck.

  Sure I had a chamber back at the lab that took care of excess rads, occupational hazard in a job like mine, but it was wasted time and I hated wasted time.

  I leaned back in my chair and shrugged. "That's fine."

  She smiled. "Really?"

  "Sure," I said waving a hand in the air. "If you don't want to do the assignment then you don’t have to do the assignment. And if I don’t want to give you a passing grade on your midterm I don't have to give you a passing grade on your midterm."

  "But it's not a fair assignment," she said.

  Selena leaned forward and gripped the other chair I kept in my tiny cramped office, this one for students to sit in. The phantom students who never actually materialized. Until today.

  I wasn’t sure if the lack of students was because my class was mostly upperclassmen who were already checked out, because I spent the better part of every class period threatening to kill those upperclassmen before they got out, or if it was just good old fashioned college student apathy.

  Either way it’d made for some peaceful office hours. Until now.

  "Why isn't it fair?"

  "Fialux is a force for good in this world," she said, her teeth clenched together.

  I arched an eyebrow. That was promising. The assignment was about heroes in general screwing things up by getting in the middle of a good old fashioned villainous plan. She was the one who jumped to Fialux.

  "Is she? Because all I see is a spoiled brat preventing humanity from getting on with its business," I said.

  Selena’s knuckles turned white as she gripped that cheap wood chair. Interesting. That was the first reaction beyond a smarmy smile I’d gotten from her since I started this charade.

  I managed to slip off my wrist computer and regretted doing so even as relief washed through me. The last thing I wanted was to push her buttons to the point that she revealed herself in this cramped office when I had no way of escaping and none of my toys around to help, but at the same time she was a lot less likely to go after me if I didn't have that protection out where she could see it and realize who I was.

  "Fialux stands for all that’s right in the world. Against any who would subjugate humanity," she said.

  I shrugged again. "Humans have been subjugating other humans for a long time Selena, and we somehow got on just fine without some magical space alien hero coming down and saving us. In fact, I'd say there's more damage done to society by Fialux swooping in to save the day than would happen if things were left to play out. At least that way we get to learn. To grow as a species. With Fialux all we have is stagnation and a super powered babysitter to handle all of civilization's major problems."

  I knew somebody with any grounding in logic or history could probably throw back most of what I was saying in my face with relative ease, but I also figured I was dealing with a college student. A college student in the journalism program, no less, and considering the state of modern journalism that meant she probably hadn’t learned enough proper critical thinking to be able to parse my statements well enough to realize they were concentrated bullshit clearly designed to get her to fly off the handle. Literally.
>
  "That's not true!"

  I felt heat rising in me as she shouted. Come into my office and shout at me like that? Who did she think she was?

  Well, I knew who I thought she was even if she didn't know I thought I knew who she was, but that was no excuse for her to be disrespectful to a professor. I shot up from my chair and leaned forward until my face was inches from hers.

  "It doesn't matter if it's not true! What matters is that you, a college student, can look at something from an outside point of view and at least understand that point of view even if you don't agree with it!"

  I was so close that I realized if I leaned in another inch I'd be pressing my lips against hers. I glanced down. It looked like she was wearing some sort of lip gloss that made her lips shine and look oh so deliciously plump.

  Damn it. Now I was not only holding back from getting in a shouting match, but I was also resisting the urge to plant a firm kiss on her.

  And the smell. A combination of shampoo, lotion, and probably the smell from that lip gloss. Either she’d also found time to take a shower at super speed or her alien physique got rid of heat through some mechanism other than sweating.

  Either way she was absolutely enchanting and intoxicating. Coupled with that outfit she was wearing, and the way her tank top was falling down, she was driving me crazy.

  Selena blinked and I saw her own eyes dart down for just a moment, running over my body. That glance sent another thrill running through me.

  Was she actually checking me out? I half expected her phone to ring and ruin the moment again, but it didn’t. I half expected her to lean forward and kiss me, but damn it she didn’t.

  What would I do if she leaned forward and kissed me? I realized I wanted nothing more than to find out what I’d do.

  Only it wasn't to be.

  Selena blinked and shook her head as though she was trying to clear it of something. Then she looked at me and the animosity was there again, though not as strong as before.

  She smiled and suddenly the flirtatious Selena was back. Not that I minded flirtatious Selena, but I was a little disappointed. All that work to get some sort of proof she was Fialux, I was so close, and then she regains control just like that!

  I wanted angry Selena. I wanted the Selena who was leaning in close and looked like she was about to lose control.

  "I'm sorry," she said.

  Now it was my turn to blink. What was she on about?

  "You're sorry?"

  "You're right, of course. I should be open to new ideas and new ways of thinking even if I disagree with them. That's part of what it is to be human, right?”

  Another tantalizing hint. In my experience only aliens talked about humanity from an outsider point of view like that. They seriously spoke in sentences that sounded like bad dialogue from old episodes of Star Trek.

  Mostly because a lot of them spent time boning up on earth culture from broadcasts before they came down here and Star Trek was always a favorite for some reason. And to be fair it’s not like I’d found more than a couple of aliens in disguise and sent them packing with a message to their superiors that this world was protected with a vengeance, but still.

  Not that I was going to point out that she was going on about strange “hu-mon” emotions. Not quite yet.

  "If you ask me being human means being free to make stupid mistakes," I said. "But that's just based on my observation of the species."

  Miss Selena Solare smiled and looked me up and down again. I felt a chill run down my spine as her eyes ran across my body.

  Sure, I was wearing a frumpy professor's outfit, I was a firm believer in dressing the part even if it made me look like an idiot, but judging by the way she licked her lips she was enjoying what she saw.

  Which only served to thoroughly confuse me considering the way she acted whenever she got a phone call after class. Was she interested in me or was she in the thrall of whoever it was that kept calling her?

  "Stupid mistakes, huh?" she said.

  I was painfully aware of just how close we were. I'd never had the TA and the naughty student fantasy when I was in grad school, but I have to admit I was suddenly very aware of the merits of that particular fantasy with her face just inches from my own and the charged emotion from our shouting match quickly shifting from anger to something else. Something different.

  Something sexy as hell.

  "Mistakes like this?"

  My heart stopped as her eyes closed and her lips pressed against mine. My eyebrows shot up so fast I was surprised they didn't break the gravitational pull of the earth and go straight into orbit.

  My eyes widened to saucers, and then beyond that to some other round shaped object that's bigger than a saucer but I was never all that good in English class so just put your own simile here. I felt weak in the knees. I felt a bolt of pleasure like lightning from the heavens, like an atomic explosion, warm my entire body.

  Then I was concentrating on the feeling of the kiss. If her lips looked soft, if that lip gloss looked inviting and tasty, well it was nothing compared to the actual experience of feeling her pressed against me.

  The lip gloss felt slick, and there was definitely a cherry taste to it that added a delightful element to the kiss.

  I inhaled deeply as her mouth opened slightly and I responded in kind. The smell of some fruity shampoo on her hair floated across my mind. A vaguely coconut smelling lotion on her skin caught my fancy and added to the hotness. Skin I wanted to run my hands over. The taste of her lip gloss spread to my lips and then my tongue as her own tongue shot out from her mouth and licked along the tip of mine.

  My apologies, but you'll have to indulge me in a bit of cheesiness for a moment. I knew for sure at that moment that she had to be Fialux, she had to be an alien from another planet, because the feel of that kiss was out of this world.

  Okay, that's the only one. I promise.

  Then the contact between our lips was gone almost as quickly as it started. I stumbled back and nearly fell over my chair, I was so lightheaded.

  Fialux, Selena, whoever she was, stumbled back herself. Her own eyes were just as wide as mine had been a moment ago. She brought a hand to her forehead and blinked a couple of times, then shook her head as though trying to clear it.

  She looked at me and her eyes grew wide.

  "Oh shit," she said. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry…"

  I held up a hand to forestall her obvious worry, but it didn't do a thing to help. I was going to tell her it was okay. That it was more than okay. But I never got a chance.

  She stumbled back towards the door. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I've never…"

  I never did find out what she'd never… Because a moment after she uttered those words the door flew open and she was out of my small office.

  The door slammed shut with so much force that the laptop sitting on my tiny desk nearly rattled off the edge. Dust flew from around the door frame where the cleaning people hadn't bothered to do their duties for decades. I heard a crunch and saw a crack run down the door.

  Well, she definitely gave that door a jolly good slam. I inspected the chair she'd been gripping when we were having our little argument. I'd grabbed the chair from an older professor’s office when I didn't think he was paying attention.

  He was tenured and so out of touch with reality at this point that the rare moments were when he was lucid rather than when he wasn't, so it wasn't exactly a difficult feat to get the chair from him. The thing was pretty solid construction, not at all like the tag board stuff that was a favorite of so many college students today.

  And yet despite the decidedly solid makeup of the chair there were ten indentations the top where Fialux had gripped it, white knuckled, while we were arguing.

  I smiled. No human with regular strength could leave those indentations. Proof. Tangible, concrete proof. Both that she was Fialux and she had a thing for me.

  I wasn’t sure which one made me happier. Either way, jackpot. />
  I peered out into the hallway to make sure she was actually gone, then grabbed my wrist computer. “Oh CORVAC?”

  “Yes mistress?”

  “How’d you like to take the giant death robot chassis for a spin?”

  33

  Secret Identities

  I glanced at my watch and then back up to the students who were waiting expectantly. We were five minutes into class and I still hadn't said anything.

  I didn't have any demonstration planned today. Today's lesson would be far more practical than anything the class had seen up to this point.

  Damn it. What was taking CORVAC so long?

  I had to say something. It was time to wing it.

  "Good afternoon class," I said. "How are those papers coming along?"

  More muttering. A few glances, a few heated stares. Surprisingly the only person who wasn't glaring at me was Miss Solare.

  Instead she was hunched down near the back instead of her usual perch near the middle doing her best to examine the floor rather than pay attention to me. Apparently she was still a little worked up over our little encounter during my office hours last week.

  "Going that well, huh?"

  I slapped my hands together and glanced out the window. Damn, damn, damn! You were supposed to be on time, CORVAC.

  "Well I'm sure…"

  Sirens.

  Oh thank God. Or, more accurately, thank whatever higher power may have once brought life to this planet. I was pretty sure it wasn't a bearded guy in robes, but I still hadn't devised an experiment to figure out exactly who it was.

  Either way my Bible belt upbringing tended to creep in at the most inopportune of moments when I was really nervous, which accounted for my little slipup invocation.

  Immediately the entire class's attention was out the window where the sirens whined. They were the same old air raid sirens, or I guess around these parts it was more accurate to describe them as tornado sirens, that could be found anywhere in the world, but in Starlight City they meant only one thing.