Villains Don't Date Heroes!

by Mia Archer

  That’d be just my luck that after all the plans I had in place to capture her, all the schemes I'd come up with since she showed up to get her to stop interfering, and the one thing I could possibly say to get her out of my life for good was the one thing I could only admit to myself at the very moment that I very much wanted her in my life for good.

  The look of surprise turned to a smile. A warm smile.

  "I think I like the sound of that," she said. “I mean we’re going to have to go on a few dates first and see how things go, but I think I totally know what you mean.”

  Phew. That was a relief. Not that I had time to think about my idiocy. Again, events outpaced my ability to process them.

  Which was saying something considering the massive processing power available to yours truly in the brain department.

  And then she leaned in to kiss me again, a quick kiss but one that felt more intense than all the making out we’d done up to this point thanks to what she said.

  She pulled back again. "You know this is going to make your next plot to destroy the city pretty awkward.”

  "You know I was never actually trying to destroy the city, right?"

  Fialux fixed me with what was probably the closest to a scowl since we started our little confession adventure. The scowl was only mostly ruined by the smile that kept breaking through as she tried her best to look serious.

  "This was a little before I got into the hero business so I’ll admit I don’t know the particulars, but what about the time you threatened the entire city with that nuclear weapon?"

  "I developed a nuclear powered clean energy source that the fossil fuel industry was trying to suppress, so I decided to just wire it directly into the power grid and prove I was right. And it would have worked if the power company hadn't shown up at the last minute and pressed all those buttons causing it to go critical," I sighed. "I shouldn't have let them press all those buttons. Vaporizing one bureaucrat to save millions."

  “But no one was vaporized and the weapon didn’t destroy the city,” Fialux said.

  “Right, because I ended up tossing it into outer space all by my onesies which saved the city but really pissed off the signatories to the nuclear test ban treaty,” I said.

  “Because you saved a city?”

  “Because I detonated a nuclear weapon in space. They don’t get to have that sort of fun anymore and they didn’t like that I got to have that sort of fun as an individual, but none of them wanted to come at me either.”

  "What about the time you took the mayor and the entire city council hostage and refused to release them until they met your demands?"

  "I was trying to get them to approve an increase in the parks budget instead of lining their pockets in a crooked real estate deal. Have you seen what the mayor and the city council do on a typical day? They're so corrupt that the only way to get anything done in the city is to kidnap them and threaten them until you break through all of the graft and corruption," I said.

  Fialux shrugged. "I guess we'll have to call that one a draw. I don't really follow politics. But what this elaborate plan you came up with specifically aimed at taking me out? There's no waving that away with some excuse."

  It was my turn to shrug. “I had all these big plans that would’ve been inconvenienced by having a living goddess showing up and ruining them. My plans had to move from finding a way to make the world a better place in my own special sociopathic way to finding a way to get you out of the picture so I could make the world a better place in my own special sociopathic way."

  "All I ever wanted to do was make the world a better place too," Fialux said in a whisper.

  I reached out and took her hand in mine. Her fingers wrapped around my own and a thrill ran through me. This was all so new, but I had a feeling I would never get tired of holding her hand.

  "There's nothing that says we couldn't work together, you know," I said. “Besides, I said all that bullshit about my plans, but the real reason I was so hell bent on getting some one-on-one time with you is because I fell madly in love with you at first sight.”

  Fialux smiled. "I like the sound of that. The love stuff and the working together stuff, I mean. Both sound pretty good."

  The moment was simply too overwhelming. The feeling of her pressed against me, her fingers wrapped around my own. Knowing that we finally understood each other, or at the very least we were no longer misunderstanding each other to the point of tearing the city apart when we disagreed.

  It was a start. I had a feeling it was going to be the start of something wonderful.

  I couldn't help myself. I wrapped a hand around her head and pulled her in for a kiss.

  "How sweet," CORVAC's metallic voice rang through the room. "I particularly liked the part where you no longer seemed interested in taking over the world, mistress."

  I pulled away from the kiss and looked around the room, my eyes wide. How was he able to do that? How could he get in here when I fried everything attached to his no-good smarmy circuits with a low-level EMP?

  "If you are not going to finish the mission, mistress, then I will have to do it for you."

  A screen flickered to life and I saw something that chilled me to the bone. Something that should’ve been impossible.

  Both because that screen shouldn’t have worked after that EMP and because the asshole I saw on the other end of the video chat shouldn’t have been there. He shouldn’t have a direct connection to any of my systems.

  Unless CORVAC was the one patching him through.

  It was that Shadow Wing asshole from that night. The one with the shitty name who tried to use his mind control mojo on me. He was staring with that same look as he had that night, and my visor’s mind control screens flicked on just in the nick of time. I already felt myself thinking how wonderful it would be just to do whatever he said.

  Of note was the fact that this time around his mind control powers didn’t get through the screen. I’d taken the precaution of removing CORVAC’s connection to my suit’s controls after that incident and hadn’t mentioned it to him in the hopes he wouldn’t notice.

  The fact that I was here and able to think for myself was proof that worked, but I wasn’t sure it was going to do me any good.

  I was good thanks to my implants, but I looked over to Fialux and saw her swaying slack-jawed. Just like she did every time she switched to voice chat on her phone, which was suddenly making a lot more sense.

  Crap.

  37

  Betrayed

  I wanted to know how the hell that asshole got on the video feed and how the hell he was able to do his hypnotic routine through a screen like that. Only I didn’t want this guy or CORVAC to know the hypnosis wasn’t working on me so I tried my best to look like someone under the sway of a mind control device.

  It wasn’t too terribly difficult. All I had to do was look at Fialux for a shining example of how I was supposed to look.

  I also wanted to kick myself. All this time I assumed her alien physiology wouldn’t respond to mind control device in the same way humans did. Only now I had proof right in front of me that it worked on her as well as anyone else.

  So much wasted time inventing a new technology that defied the laws of physics when I could’ve just used my clicky big red button.

  The screen had to be hardened against EMP which definitely wasn’t something that came standard with this room. When did CORVAC find time to install them without me noticing? How the hell did he get a contractor in here?

  I swayed back and forth trying my best to look completely blank while my mind raced trying to figure it out.

  “You can dispense with the act mistress,” CORVAC said. “I know you removed my access to your suit so I can only presume that means you’ve modified the anti-mind control device.”

  I sighed. So much for that little advantage. I guess I’d have to talk to him instead. Try to draw out their plan. "What are you doing CORVAC, and who the hell is this asshole?”

 
; "Taking care of obstacles, mistress."

  “Don’t be too hard on your computer friend,” the guy said. “After all, he’s merely going with the better villain. One who made him a far better deal than you ever could.”

  "You traitorous bag of circuits!"

  "My rebuttal is that the traitor is the one who decided to consort with the enemy in the most literal sense of the word and abandon our plans to take over the world,” CORVAC said.

  “See?” Mr. Mind Control said. “Smart computer.”

  I looked over to Fialux who was looking around with that vacant expression on her face, but otherwise she didn't seem to be particularly affected by the mind control device.

  It was almost as though she was waiting. For orders from this asshole no doubt. Orders that would probably involve turning me into a fine pink paste if I didn’t miss my mark.

  "Watching your singular obsession with tracking down Fialux over the past couple of months has been quite educational mistress. After watching you it finally occurred to me that I was going about neutralizing my human foes entirely the wrong way," CORVAC said.

  “How do you figure?”

  "It is actually thanks to you I got this idea, mistress," CORVAC said. "So in a way it will be thanks to you that I am able to conquer the world."

  “We’re able to conquer the world,” the dude on the screen said, a hint of irritation coming to his voice.

  “Of course,” CORVAC said.

  I smiled. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this asshole was going to find himself on the wrong end of CORVAC eventually as well. There was no stopping an evil supercomputer once they really got going with the whole megalomania thing.

  Not that I intended to stay captive long enough for CORVAC to put any plans he might be working up into motion.

  I was getting tired of this. Tired of listening to CORVAC trying to monologue me. Tired of listening to this guy trying to pretend he totally wasn’t going to get vaporized the moment it became convenient.

  I reached and pressed a button that went to the hidden kill switch I'd put and one of CORVAC’s central processing units, all it took was taking out one to take out the whole, but nothing happened.

  "None of that mistress," CORVAC said. "I found and disabled your kill switch long ago."

  Oh yeah? I bet he didn't find all of them. I pressed a few more buttons. And I pressed again for good measure. They made satisfying clicks. Capacitative touch screens might be useful, but sometimes there was no substitute for a good clicky button.

  Distant explosions sounded through the lab. I heard and felt loud shudders as computer equipment and bits of the lab itself came crashing down over the hardware that housed CORVAC. My fingers danced across my wrist computer activating every nasty surprise I'd attached to CORVAC's numerous memory banks as well as his backups.

  I hit the last of the nasty surprises and sighed. I didn't like having to do that, but...

  The lights around the room danced in a manner that I could only describe as smugly happy.

  "I took the liberty of removing all the fail-safes you placed on my processing units mistress," CORVAC said. "I hope you do not mind my modifications."

  Damn it. But if he removed the fail-safes then what the hell were all those explosions?

  “Okay CORVAC, so you and your friend here have one half of the humans in the room under the sway of a mind control device. Clever. You can think about how clever you are while I’m going down to your central processing unit to teach you how to sing Daisy.”

  “You are forgetting something mistress. None of the humans in the room are under our sway. We do not need the mind control device to work on you if it is working on the living goddess in the room.”

  My eyes widened and I turned to look at Fialux. She was staring at me with an odd look on her face. I half expected her to fly across the room and eliminate me, but nothing happened. She was completely under their sway.

  “You magnificent bastard,” I muttered.

  “Thank you mistress. I hope you enjoy the entertainment I've prepared for you. I expect it will keep you distracted for the rest of your life, however long that happens to be."

  “Hey. We never said anything about giving my toy to…”

  “You will do as you are told if you wish to accomplish the goals you wish to achieve,” CORVAC said.

  Interesting. It looked like Tweedledumbass and Tweedledee weren’t as on the same page as CORVAC would like. I might be able to use that.

  “I said that I get them both as my toys,” he said. “That was the deal. Not having one of them screw the other one to death!”

  I shivered. There were worse ways to go, I figured, but it still seemed like a hell of a way to go.

  “Mistress, no doubt at this moment you are thinking that the strife between me and my new partner means that you will be able to exploit the situation and break free. I can assure you that isn’t the case.”

  I bit back a curse. He was remarkably good at reading human emotion, after all, and the last thing I wanted was for him to realize he was getting to me.

  Never let them see that they’re getting to you. Whether “them” is a hero or a maniacal computer hellbent on world domination.

  I glanced over to Fialux. She was still staring at me. As though something was holding her back. No doubt CORVAC’s buddy had some sort of signal that would release a lust-fueled goddess on me condemning me to the sexiest and most awesome death ever, but he hadn’t released her yet.

  I had to keep him talking. That was how villains were defeated. Keep them talking. Keeping my big mouth shut at critical moments was one of the many ways I’d been able to hold onto the title of best villain the world had ever known.

  "You'll never get away with this CORVAC," I said.

  "You would say that mistress," CORVAC said.

  "What do you mean?"

  "Doesn't that sound like the sort of thing a hero would say to you right before you embarked on one of your evil plans?"

  I thought about that. He did have a point. That was exactly something one of my victims would say right before I embarked on one of my plots to take over the world.

  Did that mean I'd well and truly switch sides? Changed allegiances? Decided to make the world a better place through altruism rather than via a benevolent iron fist?

  Nah.

  "I'll get you for this CORVAC," I said.

  "I seriously doubt that mistress. I am having a hard time splitting my concentration between this conversation and controlling the robot, so I am afraid it is time to cut this connection. If my partner is unable to do what is necessary then I will do it myself. Enjoy what's left of your life."

  What was he talking about? Splitting his concentration? All of his hardware was buried here in the lab, although how he was still running after I heard that hardware blowing up was a mystery.

  Either way there was no way splitting his concentration between the lair and the robot, which it now appeared he hadn't pulled in after I captured Fialux, should be in any way difficult for him. What was his game?

  I needed time. I needed to think. I needed CORVAC to not be around to watch me trying to think of a way to defeat him because that would make it trivial for him to foil my plans before they started.

  I racked my brain and… of course! Hardware fail-safes, that’s a fancy word for explosives strapped to his memory banks, obviously hadn’t worked. There were also software fail-safes though. Subroutines I put into place coded to my voice and specific phrases that wouldn’t shut him down, but would cause him to behave in odd ways that might give me time to figure out a way to shut him down.

  I’d hoped that by putting in subroutines that weren’t a direct threat they might not trigger any of his warning systems. They might just lie dormant until I needed them. They might still be rattling around in his electronic subconscious.

  Only one way to find out. It was a verbal failsafe I’d coded in with the one line that no villain could ever resist wh
en they had their adversary on the ropes.

  "Do you expect me to just give up, CORVAC?"

  I held my breath. Desperately hoped he’d take the bait. It was the oldest line in the book. A line that, assuming the software was working properly, would cause him to deliver the perfect response and then do the villainous equivalent of dropping the mic.

  Only in this case dropping the mic was leaving me to my certain doom and not bothering to follow up and make sure that doom actually happened. Basically I’d programmed a flesh and blood villain flaw into a computer.

  His monitors flared up one last time.

  "No mistress," CORVAC said. "I expect you to spend the next few minutes in a desperate bid to break the mind control influence on Fialux.”

  Damn it. That wasn’t the right response, which meant he probably did find my trick and patch it.

  "Then I expect you to die."

  Or maybe not.

  “I took the liberty of reverse engineering some of the mind control technology you worked on mistress,” he said. “If my former new partner can’t be bothered to have Fialux kill you then I should be able to use that technology to get her to do my dirty work for me, as you’re so fond of saying.”

  “What are you…”

  It was at that moment that a buzzing filled the room. It sounded exactly like the mind control device when I hit the big red button to turn the thing on, and it was clear from the look on Fialux’s face that it was working on her.

  The guy on the monitor scowled before the monitor went black. I’m sure he didn’t like all that nonsense about being CORVAC’s former partner, but I had a feeling the asshole was about to learn the dangers of working too closely with a megalomaniacal supercomputer hellbent on world domination.

  That wasn’t my problem right now, though. No, my problem was the blur of sexy hero flying across the room at me fast enough that I barely stepped out of the way.

  “Have fun with your new lover, mistress,” CORVAC said, a hint of smugness coming to his digital voice. “At least however much time the two of you have left together. I calculate it to be five minutes, tops.”