Star Minds Chasing Stardom

by Barbara G. Tarn

  "I think you envy her a little." Shantel giggled. "I certainly do. Kay-low is gorgeous!"

  Astrid shrugged. She'd grown up with Kay-low. He might be handsome, but she didn't like him much. He was an icy Sire who didn't seem to feel anything. Astrid was almost sure he'd end up breaking Laura's heart.

  She had her monthlies too by now, and had grown nicely-sized breasts. Her Prince Charming looked more real now, but she hadn't really anyone specific in mind. Although she hadn't seen Tyrell in two years, she wondered what effect he might have on the new her.

  "Here's your brother." Astrid brightened at the sight.

  "Hello girls," Tyrell greeted.

  "You never change, do you?" Astrid told him.

  Tall, handsome, with brown hair and blue eyes, he'd lost all his childhood features in the years he'd been away. He probably needed to shave every morning and his voice had a husky depth that sent shivers down Astrid's back. She felt dizzy under his stare and her heart started beating faster. So much for not wanting to think about love.

  "I think he got worse," Shantel teased. "You should have seen him when he grew a goatee!"

  Tyrell smiled and didn't respond. Bickering with him was almost impossible. He was clean-shaven now, which pleased Astrid.

  "Come and dance with me, Astrid," he said, offering his hand.

  She followed him onto the dance floor.

  "It's unbelievable," he said as they moved to the rhythm.

  "What?" she asked, puzzled.

  "How much you changed. I left a child, I find a woman now. I'm impressed."

  "Come on!" She blushed and averted her eyes. "I haven't changed that much! I'm only fourteen after all. But you... you're a man now. You're so tall! How come you don't snub us like Kay-low?"

  "I'm not a Mighty Sire like Kay-low Meraini," he replied. "And the age gap hasn't changed between us. You're wrong when you think you haven't grown up. You blossomed like a rose and you're different now."

  She giggled, embarrassed. She had started to look at the other sex differently, but hadn't really gone out with anyone yet. She'd had a couple of slow dances at classmates' parties, but nobody had tried to kiss her.

  Tyrell seemed to be a safe bet. She liked what she saw and how she felt dancing with him on the grass...

  But Astrid would never dare ask him out. In spite of knowing him since childhood, she thought men should make the first move.

  ***

  "Hey, Astrid, remember when we rehearsed the school plays here?" Shantel pirouetted on the bank of the stream in the park of the palace – a peaceful spot that felt like open countryside instead of in the middle of the Sire capital. A few trees grew in the area, mostly apple trees all green with leaves. When they were children, they'd often used them to play, but today they ignored them to stop by the stream. It was a bright sunny day and Astrid cursed herself for forgetting her sunglasses at home.

  "Of course, Shantel. You were the evil witch and Tyrell the prince charming..."

  "And you were the princess! I think he already loved you back then!"

  "You're kidding, right?" Astrid glared at her best friend. It wasn't even funny. She was growing very fond of Tyrell, and she didn't want to be teased about it. She hadn't spoken about it yet – with anyone. It was still inside her, and she wasn't sure of how she felt, so she kept mum about it.

  Shantel burst out laughing.

  "Let's try that Gaian story David rewrote for us!" she said. "The Sleeping Beauty! Come on!" And she continued pompously, "At fifteen she will prick her hand on a spindle and die!"

  Astrid smiled against her will and shook her head. She joined in with the next line. "What are you doing, old woman?"

  "I'm spinning, lovely maiden." Shantel made funny faces as she pretended to be an old woman with a wheel.

  "How does this work?" Astrid leaned forward, eyes wide with fake curiosity.

  "It's easy. Here, look. Try it."

  "Ouch! I pricked my hand..."

  "You were always so good with this part," Shantel said, delighted, as Astrid slumped on the grass, feigning to be under the evil witch's spell.

  "Don't make me laugh," she said with a giggle, keeping her eyes closed as if she really were spellbound.

  "Now wait and see if your prince comes!"

  "Oh, shut up, Shantel!" Astrid lay there, breathing deeply, relaxing in the smell of grass. It felt good to lie under the sun. She could fall asleep, lulled by the birds' songs.

  Suddenly unknown lips brushed hers, and her eyes popped open and widened in surprise.

  "What a blunt awakening, princess, how come?" Tyrell asked, amused, still crouched by her side and leaning over her.

  She gasped. "Tyrell, where were you?"

  He pointed at the branches of a tree above them. "Didn't you see me?" he asked, puzzled.

  "I did!" Shantel said, laughing out loud. "I did it on purpose so you could kiss her!"

  "Shantel!" Tyrell and Astrid protested at the same time.

  Shantel stuck her tongue out at them and ran away, still laughing.

  Tyrell and Astrid stayed where they were, although both sat more comfortably side by side.

  "Sorry about her," Tyrell said, avoiding eye contact. "Sometimes she's really dumb."

  "It's the first time you've got mad at her," she said. "Did she find out your secret?"

  "I'm afraid so." He sighed. "I love you, Astrid."

  She gaped at him, taken by surprise. "Are you kidding?"

  "No." He looked her in the eyes. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

  Tyrell was the most handsome of the boys of the group. Kay-low's androgynous beauty didn't appeal to Astrid like Tyrell's new manhood. She couldn't refuse him. Besides he was so sweet and tender...

  She let him kiss her again – a longer, different way – and understood she'd fallen in love too. A first, innocent love, but finally "boys" weren't the enemy anymore.

  ***

  Astrid stared at the branches overhead. As a child, she'd tried to climb it with Shantel so many times. But they were both too short – although Tyrell had easily gone up there. Now she was tall enough to climb it, but she felt ashamed.

  Tyrell did it, she told herself, chasing the last doubts.

  She found a comfortable spot on a branch and let one of her legs dangle as she relaxed in the embrace of the old tree. The childhood voices didn't obsess her on the branches and she felt peaceful for the first time since Tyrell's death.

  "What are you doing up there?" A man's voice startled her. She almost fell out of the tree. "Whoa, don't come down by the shortest way," he added as she focused on a young man standing with a hand to shield his eyes from the sun.

  Astrid climbed down, blushing in shame. "I wanted to do something stupid," she apologized. "What are you doing this side of the park? Nobody ever comes here anymore."

  "True, and it's a shame, since it's a very nice spot," he declared. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, but it's not every day that one finds a pretty girl up a tree. How are you, Astrid N'ardi?"

  Astrid's heart jumped in her throat. "You got the wrong person, I'm Astrid's sister, Anjali," she lied quickly. Astrid N'ardi was an actress. The young woman climbing trees in the park of the former Imperial palace was again Astrid Anjali Sumirasko N'ardi. She wasn't famous enough that people would know she didn't have any sisters, so she could probably pull it off.

  "Excuse me?" He looked puzzled.

  "Astrid N'ardi is my twin, I'm Anjali Sumirasko," she insisted. Which wasn't completely wrong. It had been a good idea to use a stage name when she'd attempted the conquest of the movie industry. "Who the hell are you?"

  "Pierrick." He offered his hand. "Nice to meet you, unknown twin of Astrid N'ardi that looks exactly like her. I came to see where my favorite actress was born, hoping to find her here, since she vanished from Vilas Lok and didn't even bother coming to the premiere of her latest movie."

  "Ah, no, sorry, she didn't come back. We're still waiting for her and Shantel Malandra to come back."


  Astrid patted herself on the back for such good acting. Pity it wasn't a movie and she wouldn't get any prize for it. She had received the invitation for the premiere, and she knew the heroine movie was doing fine, but suddenly the Best Actress Award had lost all meaning for her. To pursue it, she'd lost her best friend and her boyfriend had committed suicide. There was enough drama in her life without adding to it by acting in some other big production – and pretending everything was fine. Her agent kept sending her scripts and she still read them, but none of those stories spoke to her – or her depression.

  "Weird, I thought they'd both come back," Pierrick said. "Ah, well. Will you tell me about their childhood?"

  "Are you a journalist?" she asked, staring at him, wary. Journalists had done their best to make her fall, and she hated the whole category. The worst part of her job.

  "No!" He burst out laughing. "I'm a rebel and a dissident, my father hates me because I just wander and I'm good for nothing... It's not my fault if I was born wealthy, is it?"

  "No, I've met plenty of Sire aristocrats with the same problem," she assured. "Kay-low Meraini tried to get his own spotlight without using his family name and..."

  "Oh, yes, Stardust Kay-low... I remember his meteor almost four years ago. What happened to him?"

  "Optimistic Holograms. And the Music Project with Planetary Mix and Zafar Nagarkar, the artist formerly known as..."

  "Zaphadin, I know. We were neighbors on Vilas Lok."

  "Really?"

  "Yes. I mean, when he was the king of music we were neighbors. I don't know where he lives now."

  She was starting to enjoy the conversation. Pierrick didn't look like the usual movie fan. He seemed to know a lot about the whole entertainment industry. If he was the son of a wealthy man of Vilas Lok, maybe his father was a producer, or worked in the industry, although she couldn't place his face. And asking him his name meant she was interested in him – and she wasn't, she only wanted to protect her own privacy. And Zafar's and Rashaun's.

  "With his husband, on Vilas Lok. He teaches dance at the School of Performing Arts. And he's having quite a career as an actor."

  "Ah, yes, he does have potential to become a great actor. How come he gave up the music business though?"

  "He couldn't really write his own songs, but he's an entertainer, so he decided to try movies. Apparently there's a lack of good dancers for movies, so he's doing just fine."

  "He obviously recovered from his breakdown. I wonder when Astrid will recover... if the box office isn't enough to make her come back, I wonder what will."

  "Who knows." She shrugged lightly. "Maybe chasing stardom isn't such a good idea after all."

  "So what do you do, Anjali?"

  "I'm... a writer." Since she spoke a lot with David, she told Pierrick David's latest project as if it were hers.

  "Will you write a movie for your sister and Shantel Malandra?" Pierrick asked, hopeful.

  "Nah, I don't think so," she replied. "I'm sick of writing plays and screenplays, prose is so much more fulfilling!" Again, she was repeating David's words.

  "Aw, shoot." His pout was endearing. "Well, I look forward to getting to know the relatives and friends of my favorites." He grinned. "Can I see you again, Anjali?"

  ***

  Pierrick met David and the others. Astrid had warned them to call her Anjali, and everybody had obeyed, amused by her trick to keep her privacy. David even suggested he pretended to be her boyfriend, just in case Pierrick tried to seduce her. And of course he was okay that she used him for her so-called writing career. She didn't really have an alternative yet, so she'd probably go back to acting, eventually...

  At the end of the summer there was a celebration in the palace gardens like the one of Tyrell's comeback. Astrid went again after three years, wearing her second name as the first and with her heart filled with nostalgia. Tyrell was gone, and who knew where Shantel was...

  David would soon be off to Serenaide for his space travel course, and most of her friends would be busy studying again. And she couldn't bring herself to go back to Vilas Lok or agree to do another movie.

  Pierrick's presence lifted her spirits, though. He was so happy and cheerful and curious of everything, that it was impossible to be sad or melancholic near him. She wasn't sure if he'd leave too or would stay a little longer – her old shyness had come back and she didn't dare ask him personal questions.

  "Let's go have a romantic walk under the moon," he suggested at last. "Come on, the stars are bright, the night is still young and looks made for us... Come with me?"

  She couldn't refuse him. She was a little scared, but she did follow him. She hoped she wouldn't make another deadly mistake in her dealings with the other sex.

  He took her to their favorite spot – where they'd first met. The moon was bright and gave them some light. They sat in the grass, silent and thoughtful. Crickets sang around them and the stream gurgled in front of them. They lay down to stare at the stars and the moon overhead.

  "Anjali," Pierrick whispered, breaking the silence and leaning over her.

  "What?" She stiffened.

  "I love you," he whispered, brushing her forehead with his lips and her shoulder with his hand.

  "Because I'm your favorite actress's twin?" she asked.

  She knew it would end like this. She wished Tyrell would come back. Or that she'd accepted David's suggestion and introduced him as her boyfriend. Or that she'd told Pierrick to go home and not bother her ever again.

  "Don't be stupid," he replied kissing her face, neck, hair and lips. "What do I care about Astrid, she's famous and haughty and wouldn't even look at me, while you're the sweetest girl ever and I love you!"

  His butterfly kisses seemed never-ending.

  He's right, she thought. Astrid N'ardi was a starlet who thought too much of herself. A little bitch who killed Tyrell. But now she's dead too, along with her first love...

  She was crying now and he was drying her tears with his lips.

  "Why are you crying?" he asked, worried. "Is it me?"

  "No," she managed to say. "I was thinking about Astrid. She's dead, you know?"

  "I'm sorry." He pulled back to stare at her in the darkness. "I don't care, Anjali, I'm here if you need me."

  "Oh, Pierrick!" Astrid hugged him, laughing and crying at the same time. Pierrick was giving her back what she'd lost.

  4. Twenty-one years old

  Happy days for Astrid. The heroine movie was nominated for Best Actress Award, in competition with Shantel's latest – a contemporary drama that Astrid saw in theaters. She admired her best friend's work. Shantel was an accomplished actress who could play any part – unlike her, who kept bemoaning her pride that had ruined her career.

  Astrid turned twenty-one and kept wondering what to do with herself. Six months away from Vilas Lok, and she missed acting. Pierrick never mentioned going home or what his projects and dreams might be, but he cuddled her and spoiled her.

  He took her to the Mega Arena to see the Galactic Theatrical Company that Shantel had joined, but she refused to go backstage and talk to her friend after the show. Shantel didn't want to see her – well, Astrid, but even Anjali felt uncomfortable meeting Shantel.

  Sometimes she thought she should tell the truth to Pierrick, but never actually did. Someone else interrupted the game and revealed the truth – someone she wasn't hoping to see ever again.

  Two days before the Awards ceremony, Astrid found someone waiting in her room.

  "Who are you?" she demanded, stepping forward as Pierrick stopped by the door, puzzled.

  The intruder turned around revealing Shantel's smile. "You should be ashamed of yourself, Astrid N'ardi! You can't even recognize your old friends?"

  "Shantel!" Astrid squealed and hugged her. "When did you come back? Did you go home? Where have you been? How are you? You changed, you know?"

  Shantel burst out laughing, putting her hands over her ears to stop the flood of questions. Sudden
ly she was again Astrid's best friend, the smart one, the only person Astrid had actually missed since she'd come back.

  "I just came back," Shantel said cheerfully. "Dropped my bags at home and came straight here. I wanted to surprise you. I missed you, you know?"

  "I missed you too." Astrid squeezed her again. "I loved your movie, you were awesome!"

  "You're not too bad either." Shantel giggled. "So we're competing for the award! Like we said – oh god, three years ago, can you believe it? Should we go together to the ceremony?"

  "I wasn't planning on attending..." Astrid's voice shook. "Have you forgiven me?"

  "Of course! You're a bitch, but so am I! We're best friends forever! How are you? You look great, who can I thank for this?"

  "I guess that would be me," Pierrick said, reminding Astrid of his presence.

  "Uh-oh." She stared guiltily at him. "I wanted to tell you, but..."

  "What? What did I miss?" Shantel asked. "Don't tell me, I made a mess!"

  "No." Astrid smiled. "I meant to tell him the truth."

  "I already know the truth," he replied. "You're an only child. And no, none of your friends betrayed you, I'm just very good with computers – much like Kay-low Meraini."

  "Oh, my!" Astrid touched her burning cheeks, staring at her feet in shame.

  "Pierrick Asher-Sorrell, you're a real bastard, you know?" Shantel said. "How dare you take advantage of Astrid?"

  "She started it," he replied with an impish smile. "I'm glad to see you're not as ignorant as she is."

  "I'm the smartest half," Shantel retorted promptly.

  "Wait, what did you call him?" Astrid asked, aghast.

  "Pierrick Asher-Sorrel." Shantel shrugged. "We met him at the party for Prince Waylon's first movie... I remember him very well."

  "You couldn't keep your eyes off of me." Pierrick winked.

  "Oh, really?" Astrid glared at both. "So did you have a thing or what?"

  "I was never interested in her," he replied.

  "And not only didn't you say anything, but you forgot to mention who you were! I should kill you!"

  "What did you expect? You cheat, I cheat!"