I squeezed my eyes shut as tears began to flow. I hadn’t listened to what she had to say, I’d just thought about how everything would change.
When I’d pressed my ear against the tiles and she’d whispered her secret to me, it felt like my entire life changed. But it was her life that had been permanently altered, and instead of being the friend she needed, I got angry.
Maybe she wouldn’t have disappeared if I’d tried harder, if I’d promised her that everything would be okay. Maybe she wouldn’t have changed her number and ignored my emails. Love could be a more powerful thing than I ever knew. She’d gotten caught up in the heat of the moment, she’d made a mistake, but I’d made one too.
As my mind drifted back to Oliver and the intensity of the feelings I had for him, I realized now that I was the one who needed to be careful. I couldn’t wait to see him again, but I needed to be careful.
Chapter 20
I woke up to a knock on my door early the next morning.
“Maby? Are you up? Wake up!”
“I’m up, I’m up.” I groaned as I threw a pillow at the door. “What do you want, Fi?”
“I want details!” She knocked even harder.
I couldn’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm. As I pushed myself out of bed, I realized that my smile lingered. It was a rare thing for me to feel so cheerful in the morning. Maybe Oliver being around wasn’t such a bad thing.
When I opened the door, Fifi practically tumbled inside.
“I know you went off campus last night.” She grinned at me as she settled on the end of the bed. “You have to tell me everything.”
“There’s not much to tell.” I shrugged. “We just went to dinner.”
“Liar.” She threw a pillow at me. “Oh, you’re holding back on me! Why?”
“I just can’t.” I began to pace through the room. My hands knotted together as I attempted to settle the emotions that raced through me.
“You’re not happy?” Fi stood up from the bed and walked over to me. “Did he do something to hurt you?”
“No, not at all.” I took a deep breath, then sighed. “This just wasn’t part of my plan.”
“It never is.” Fifi frowned as she studied me. “I know that out of all of us, you’re the most determined to make it to college without any distractions, but life doesn’t work that way, Maby. Sometimes the right person comes along at the wrong time and you have to decide what’s more important, your plans or your heart.”
“I just feel like it’s all crazy.” I turned to face her. “The more I try to control it, the less in control I feel.”
“So, don’t try to control it. Be honest with yourself. What will you regret more, being with him and seeing where things go or denying your feelings and missing your chance to find out?”
“You don’t have to be so logical about it.” I frowned. “That’s supposed to be my job.”
“That’s my point, though. Logic isn’t even a factor here. You can’t count on it to get you through this. You have to really dig deep and figure out what it is that you want.” She shrugged. “You don’t have to choose Oliver, but you have to be honest with yourself.”
“Easier said than done, I think.” I blew air from between my lips and placed my hands on my hips. “I’m used to things being pretty simple.”
“Unfortunately, there’s nothing simple about this.” She shook her head. “Make sure you get some breakfast. Being in love on an empty stomach can be very nauseating.”
I held my breath as she left my room. Was that what I was experiencing? Being in love? Sure, there was no question that I was attracted to him, that I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him, but did that mean that I was in love?
I went through the motions of getting ready for school and managed to eat half a bagel. But my mind remained fixated on the idea that I might be in love. I’d always rolled my eyes at my friends when they claimed to have fallen in love, because it seemed impossible at a young age.
My heart raced at the thought of seeing Oliver again, at the memory of his lips seeking mine. A tingle tickled at my lips as I smiled to myself, lost in the fantasy of what it would be like to actually kiss him.
By the time I made it to my first class, my thoughts were torn between fantasy and reality—the fantasy of his arms wrapped around me and the reality of his desire to return to England.
Throughout each class, I found it hard to concentrate. Schoolwork normally came easily to me, at least easily enough to provide the grades that I needed. But with Oliver on my mind, I seemed to be making foolish mistakes.
“Mabel, do you need to go to the nurse?” My math teacher dropped my practice test on my desk and looked into my eyes. “Are you not feeling well?”
I stared down at the red marks all over my paper. How could I have gotten that many problems wrong?
“I’m fine. I’m sorry, I’m just a little distracted today.”
“Snap out of it.” She gave my shoulder a light pat, then returned to the front of the room.
Snap out of it. The words echoed through my mind as the bell rang for lunch. Maybe that was what I needed to do.
I prepared myself to see Oliver again as I walked toward the cafeteria. Maybe the newness and excitement wouldn’t be as strong. Maybe it had worn off. But as I neared the entrance of the cafeteria, I spotted him in the hallway near the door and instantly my mind swirled with a mixture of pleasure and nervousness. I noticed that he had his phone pressed against his ear.
“I’ve been waiting for your call.” He paused, then spoke again, this time a little sharper. “I know about the time difference, but you knew I needed to talk to you. Did you get my texts?”
My heart dropped as I heard the determination in his voice. Clearly he was still trying to make things work with Shauna. He’d said he’d be patient. He’d said that they could let things flow because he likely wanted to keep his options open.
“I hear you, Shauna, I do, but please, you have to think this through. Please, just reconsider it. I know it’s all my fault and I’m so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”
He hopes she can forgive him? My stomach twisted into a knot. Yes, Oliver was in love with someone, but it wasn’t me. He was still in love with Shauna. Not that I should have expected anything different.
My hands trembled as I clutched the straps of my backpack. I knew that in just a second he would turn to look at me and find me frozen there, with my bottom lip pathetically shaking and my emotions spilled all over the floor.
I couldn’t let that happen.
Instead, I turned and hurried down another hall that led out to the courtyard. I couldn’t imagine eating a bite of food.
I’d let him get under my skin. I’d let him convince me that he felt something real for me. But the only thing he truly felt was for Shauna. Maybe it was for the best, maybe they were the ones that belonged together. But even if that was true, it didn’t make my heart ache any less.
As I ran through the courtyard, I felt dizzy and sick at the same time. How could I have let myself be so vulnerable?
I closed myself off in the hideout and immediately thought about Jennifer. Had she felt this alone? Had it been even worse for her? It broke my heart even more to think that she had suffered this way and I hadn’t been there for her when she needed me.
What kind of friend was I?
“I’m so sorry, Jenny.” I pulled my knees to my chest and wept into them. I cried not just for Oliver’s betrayal, but for my friend who had likely shed just as many if not more tears than me. I cried because I’d lost sight of my plan, of my future, all for the sake of some boy who clearly did not feel the same way about me.
After a few minutes, I wiped my tears. I took a deep breath and stood up. Now that I knew I’d been right from the start in terms of avoiding relationships at all costs, I would have to be strong and do just that.
Let Oliver get back with Shauna, let him go back to England. It would make avoiding him that much easier.
<
br /> It would take some time, but I could get him out of my system.
Chapter 21
I spent the rest of the day relieved that I didn’t share any classes with Oliver. At the end of my last class, I noticed him in the hallway not far away. Despite the sudden rush of excitement I felt to see him, I turned quickly and headed in the other direction.
Soon enough, I was sure, that excitement would wear off. But for now, the best plan of action was to stay as far away from Oliver as possible.
As I headed out into the courtyard, the sky rumbled above me. Another thunderstorm was on its way. The sound reminded me of us getting caught together in the rain. Would it always? My chest tightened and I clenched my jaw. I couldn’t let it. I had to stop all of this from happening.
As I walked in the direction of the hideout, the people around me began to scatter to escape the rain. Soon I heard only one set of footsteps. I ignored them at first.
When I turned down the alley that would lead me to the hideout, I realized the footsteps were still behind me. I stopped and glanced back over my shoulder.
Oliver, his hair already slick from the light rain that had started to fall, locked his eyes to mine and stared back at me.
“Are you following me?” The words popped out of my mouth as another roll of thunder crashed above us.
“Are you avoiding me?” He shoved his hands into his pockets as a burst of wind ruffled his loose t-shirt.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shrugged.
“Why lie about it?” He took a few steps, then paused, still a short distance from me. “You weren’t at lunch. You haven’t answered my texts. When I saw you in the hallway, you ran away.” He narrowed his eyes. “Why would you do that?”
“Why does it matter? We said we were keeping things casual, right?” I licked my lips as I wondered how to say what I had to say. Was I ready to tell him that I was done? That I never wanted to see him again? My eyes misted with tears at the thought.
“Casual doesn’t mean avoiding each other like the plague.” He crossed the small amount of distance that remained and peered through the lightly falling raindrops at me. “What’s going on, Maby?”
“I just think it’s best if we spend less time together.” My voice wavered with each word that I spoke. I tried to remember how desperate he’d sounded on the phone when he’d spoken to Shauna. I tried to remind myself that it wasn’t me that he was after. But the way he looked at me—as if he wanted to see into the depths of me—it made me wonder if I was wrong.
“I knew it.” He frowned as he glanced away from me. “I knew you would get scared and talk yourself out of all this. Didn’t I say that?” His jaw tensed as he looked back at me. “You don’t have to be scared, Maby.”
“I’m not scared.” I felt a sudden surge of anger. How dare he lie to me? How dare he say that I didn’t need to be scared when I knew the truth? “I told you before, this isn’t part of my plan. I’m not going to let some silly crush take my entire future away, I’m not going to do it!” I took a step back and held up my hands. “Just get over it, Oliver, okay? Soon enough you’ll be back in England and living the life you really want.”
“Get over it?” His eyes flashed, despite the clouds that covered any hint of sunlight. He reached for my hand as if he might grab it but stopped at the last second. “How am I ever supposed to get over you, Maby?” He let his hand fall back to his side as he drew a heavy breath. “I guess I’m the idiot here for thinking that you felt even close to the same way about me as I feel about you.”
“Enough, Oliver, enough with the dramatics. Okay?” I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure you can find someone else to pass your time with—to keep yourself entertained—until you get what you actually want.”
“Why would you say that to me?” He glared at me. When he spoke again, his voice shook. “Is that what you really think of me? That I’m just some kind of manipulative user that’s out to hurt you? Where is all this coming from?”
“Never mind, Oliver. Just drop it. It doesn’t matter anyway, right? It’s not like we even kissed.” I bit into my bottom lip as a hint of regret threatened to flood my eyes with tears. Maybe I should have kissed him, just once, just to see what it would be like. “You’re the mysterious new guy with the sexy accent. You can have any girl here; just go find someone new to follow.”
“Wow.” He ran his hands back through his damp hair. “Maybe I didn’t know you at all, if this is the way that you can think of me. Fine, if that’s what you want, I’ll go.” He turned and started to walk away.
With each step he took, I felt as if my entire world had begun to collapse. I wanted more than anything to call out to him, but I kept my lips sealed shut. I couldn’t survive his choosing Shauna over me. I couldn’t trust him, when all he said appeared to be lies.
“No!” He turned back suddenly and strode right over to me. “I won’t. I won’t just walk away from you.” He stared into my eyes as his hands curved around my shoulders. “Maby, just tell me, please. Why? Is that so much to ask of you?”
I continued to keep my mouth locked shut. If I opened it, I had no idea what I might say, what I might do. As rain streaked down his face, I could see the pain dug into the ridges and grooves of his handsome features. Was I really the cause of that?
“Am I just that terrible?” He shivered. “Do I mean so little to you that you can just toss me aside like garbage?”
“Stop.” I cupped his cheeks as my urge to soothe him overtook me and forced my lips apart. “Stop lying to me, Oliver.”
“I’m not lying.” He settled his hands on top of mine and held them against his cheeks. “I don’t know why you think I am. Maybe it’s because of the friend that you lost, maybe it’s because of your rules. But I’ll do anything if it means that you’ll give me a chance.”
I wanted to believe him. I wanted to throw my arms around him and hold him close. I wished I’d never overheard his conversation with Shauna. I could still be living in blissful ignorance and enjoying the affection he offered me instead of being ripped apart by my own emotions and desire.
“It’s not right, Oliver. I’m sorry.” I let my hands slip out from under his and fall back to my sides. “Please, don’t make me say why.”
“Just talk to me.” He caught my hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Just tell me what’s going on. What did I do? Is it Aaron? Is that it? It’s not right. He’s too old for you!”
“Ugh, no.” I shook my head and sighed. “Of course it’s not Aaron. He would never do that; neither would I.”
“So it’s someone else then?” He tipped his head toward mine. “Tell me the truth. You don’t want to be with me because there’s someone else.” His gaze locked to mine, our eyes only inches apart.
“Yes.” I whispered the word as I ignored my desire to pull him into my arms, to touch every inch of his skin that I could reach. “It’s someone else.”
“I can’t believe it.” He released my hands and turned away from me. “I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I’ve let this happen to me again.”
As he jogged off through the rain and the puddles that had begun to form, I felt as if he’d taken a huge piece of me with him.
Chapter 22
“What was that all about?”
The voice from the alley startled me. I turned to find Candy in the shadows behind me.
“Candy, I didn’t know you were there.” I pressed my hand against my forehead as I tried to settle my emotions.
“I thought you said you weren’t interested?” She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “I’ve been making a lot of effort to get his attention and the whole time you’ve had something going with him behind my back?”
“No, it’s not like that.” I met her eyes. “I didn’t expect anything to happen between us, but then it just sort of did.”
“Sort of did?” She frowned. “I’m not sure that’s even possible.”
“You know my rules, Candy. I’m not sup
posed to date while I’m in high school and I take that very seriously. But there was just something about Oliver, something that drew me in.” I took her hand. “Trust me, Candy, there’s nothing between us now.”
“It didn’t look like nothing.” She pulled her hand away. “It looked like the two of you belonged on the cover of some kind of teenage romance novel. I mean really? The way he looked at you, the way you grabbed his face.” She scrunched up her nose. “That’s not nothing.”
“You’re right.” I sighed and closed my eyes. “It’s not nothing. At least not yet. But it’s going to turn into nothing. I’m going to stay away from him and whatever these weird mixed-up feelings are inside—they are going to disappear. I don’t want anything to come between us. You know that, don’t you?”
“I don’t know what to think.” Candy stared hard at the ground. “Maybe you thought I was desperate enough not to notice you playing this little game, but I’m not. Yes, I don’t have a boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean I’ll take yours off your hands.” She put her hands on her hips as she looked up at me. “I have feelings, you know, Maby. I really thought he liked me. And you let me think that, all the while knowing he was head-over-heels in love with you.”
“No, that’s not true.” I stepped in front of her as she tried to walk past. “It’s not true. He doesn’t really feel that way about me. The truth is, he’s still hung up on his girlfriend back in England. He doesn’t love me, he doesn’t have feelings for me, he just wants someone to keep him company until he can get back into Shauna’s good graces.” I pursed my lips at the thought.
“Seriously? He’s still into his ex?” She frowned.
“He is. If you want to just have some fun, I’m sure that he’d be up for it, but if you want anything more than that, I wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot pole. He will con you into thinking he’s in love with you, but the truth is, he only wants Shauna.”
Worth the Wait: A Young Adult Sweet Romance (Oak Brook Academy Book 4) Page 9