by Elissa Daye
“Yes, of course.” Lysandra was glad for the company. With the women present, perhaps she could set her turmoil aside. She wiped a tear away from her eye and smiled at them. “Sorry, I don’t know what’s come over me.”
“It’s your condition, my lady.” Brenda looked at her perceptively.
“I’m sorry, my what?” Lysandra shook her head in slight confusion. “I’m recovered, Brenda. I’m feeling much better, see?” She stood up and twirled lightly around before them.
Layla chuckled politely then covered her hand with a cough. “Uhm, my lady. I don’t think that is what Brenda meant.”
Lysandra peered closely at them. What in the world were they going on about? She felt fine. There was nothing wrong with her. She pursed her lips in consternation and was about to tell them that when April placed a hand on her stomach. “You’re expecting.”
“I’m expecting what?” Lysandra still seemed confused, but the hand on her stomach sent her mind in the right direction. “What? How?”
It was Millie’s turn to chuckle this time. “I suspect ‘twas all the tumbling you’ve been doing with Lord Aiden, you silly girl. How else?”
“How else? Of course. Forgive me. My mind has been everywhere else, it seems. I never contemplated the possibilities.” She sat down slowly on the bench next to her and was suddenly lost in thought. She had completely lost track of her menses. It was normally very routine, but her life had changed so much since she had been stripped from Elkliss that she had not paid very much attention to such things. She counted back the months and realized the last time she had her womanly affliction was right before she first arrived at Ghelli House. She had not had one since.
“Oh my. I wonder what Aiden will think.” Worry knit her brows and the women were quick to notice the fear gathering.
“My lady, he will be thrilled to hear the news.” April touched her shoulder in comfort, but Lysandra could not help but notice the way her eyes slanted toward the other women.
“Nevertheless, please do not share this with him. I need some time to get used to the idea before I tell him. Please.”
“You can keep it secret only for so much longer, my lady.”
“Oh posh. Please call me Lysandra. You are the closest thing I have had to friends.”
“My lady, I mean Lysandra, might we talk about something dear to all our hearts?” Millie looked to her for confirmation before continuing. “You’ve been so accepted by the people we thought perhaps it was time for us to come out about our secrets too. We’d like to explore them a little more as well.”
“I think that’s a splendid idea. I have asked Aiden to find me somewhere outside of Blackwolf Keep that is safe for me to practice. He has yet to get back to me about this, but I will push the issue with him. I don’t think he would let me out of his sight if he knew about the child, though. I’ll have to gain his trust in our outings before I will be ready to tell him.”
Millie looked at her cautiously. “Lord Aiden will not like being kept in the dark for too long, Lysandra. He’s quite perceptive about things.”
“I’m not showing yet, Millie. I don’t even feel different. But if April says I am carrying his child, I know it is true. Not to worry, it will be on my shoulders. I can deal with him.”
They sat down and talked about their lives and what growing up different in a world of non-magical people had been like for them. Each had been unique among their people. When Layla told her that her magic was Adrianic as well, Lysandra was thrilled. She suddenly felt less alone in this world. She knew they could learn a lot from each other if given the chance to explore together. Millie was empathic, which had made her role at Blackwolf easier than most outsiders, for she was able to discern what someone needed before they could actually voice it. She was also prone to prophetic dreams that often came true. She had already known that April was quite skilled in the art of healing, but Lysandra had not known that she also was quite adept at reading the future with her bag of runes. Brenda could communicate with the dead and was able to astral project to different places, sending her soul free to explore the world while her body remained resting where its physical form was tethered. Lysandra’s spirit felt a little freer with their company, their understanding, and their positive outlook on her future.
When Lysandra made it back to her room she placed her hand over her belly. She had not commented to the others what she thought. She was a little confused, actually. Not every woman was instantly thrilled at the prospect of bringing a child into this world. What if her child carried the curse of Aesov? Would she be bringing her into a world that would hate her? And if this was a girl, would she carry her mother’s Adrianic magic. This poor child would be scarred before ever having a chance to live freely. There were so many thoughts that ran across her mind, but when she thought of the tiny face looking back at her, she smiled softly. There would always be something to worry about, but one thing was sure, any child of hers would know love, and any child of Aiden’s would know protection.
Later, when she had asked Aiden about practicing her magic outside of the keep again, he had brushed it lightly aside. He was dealing with quite a bit of day to day issues at the moment, but he promised he would get back to her about it. Until then she decided they would start using the garden behind the keep. It was big enough for the five women to get together, although not quite as private as they might like. They huddled together on the benches, hoping not to draw too many prying eyes from the people.
They had first gotten to work on restoring the herbs that were undernourished. April taught each of them what plants would be best for any ailment that might arise within Blackwolf. Lysandra was happy to learn as much as she could about healing remedies. Her Adrianic magic mostly thrived from the elements of the world around her and, up until now, she was unlearned in the ways of healing. She found solace in the company of the women, a peace that helped her stay calm, for she knew that someday soon she would have to tell Aiden about the child she carried. For some reason she did not think he would be overjoyed with the idea, but he was a quiet, reserved person. It was hard to tell what he thought from one moment to the next.
Time was passing almost too swiftly for her and hiding her pregnancy was getting harder to do. Her breasts were swollen and tender to the touch, so tender that Aiden’s touch often left them throbbing painfully. Her stomach was not nearly as hardy as it had been earlier on as every smell made her feel sick. The only foods that seemed to settle well with her were the fresh fruits that were always present on the table. Luckily for her Aiden had been so busy with the bartering lately that he had not been present for many meals. She knew he would catch on sooner or later, though, for her stomach had started to develop a slight bulge and tiny, opaque lines were showing where her skin started to stretch. She needed to tell him soon, but she was so afraid of how he would react. He had told her that he did not believe in love and it killed her a million times over to think he may not know how to love their child.
The women supported her, keeping her secrets for the most part, although Millie really encouraged her to tell Lord Aiden. After a while it was a fidgeting Layla who got through to her. “Lysandra, there is something I feel I need to tell you.”
“What is it?” Lysandra looked at her carefully, knowing that a stern talking to was about to arrive at her doorstep.
“I cannot stand here and let you go through this alone any longer. You must tell him, before it’s too late.”
“I know, Layla. I want to, but I’m just so afraid of how he will react.”
“I’m sure he will react like most of the men of Blackwolf.” She looked down to the ground so hastily that Lysandra knew that she was hiding something.
“And how is that?” Lysandra felt her body tense for the answer.
“With dread.”
“Dread?” Lysandra’s heart fell.
“The curse of Aesov has been a nightmare for these people. You would think that turning into a beast lurking in the forest wo
uld be enough, but there’s more.” Layla looked up at her with eyes that were filled with tears.
“What is it, Layla? You have to tell me.”
“The women, many times the women never make it through childbirth, Lysandra. It’s almost as if the infants rip their way through their bodies.”
Lysandra felt the air dissolve from her lungs. She sat there in silence, dizziness entered her body and she felt as if she were going to lose consciousness. She closed her eyes in an effort to calm down, but it was becoming difficult to think.
“What did you say to her, Layla?” April rushed to her side and put a concerned hand on her shoulder.
“I was just trying to tell her about what happens to the women here.” A guilty flush settled over her face. “Oh for heaven’s sake, Layla. Listen to me, Lysandra. Trust me, please. You and your baby are going to be just fine. I’ll be here every step of the way. That child is growing healthy inside you every day and, if you look around here, you will see there are plenty of people thriving in this town. If this happened to every woman within Blackwolf, then we would not have so many healthy people here. The women here do not fear delivering their babies. They do so in love and accept whatever path awaits them afterwards.”
Lysandra looked up at April, her tears fighting to clear a runway down her face. “I do not want to die, April. This child will need someone to love her.”
“You’ll be here, Lysandra. I guarantee it.” Millie had observed the last portion of the conversation. She came over to her and opened her arms.
“Have you seen this?”
“Aye. I have. I’ve seen many things, this is for sure. But I can guarantee this child will have its mother intact. Never you fear.” Lysandra hugged Millie tight and suddenly the world felt less cold. She trusted Millie’s gifts. She also knew that none of these women would steer her in the wrong direction. She could feel the guilty stare from Layla and she turned to offer a hug to her. “Thank you for warning me, Layla. I should know the path that I travel. It is good of you to tell me. Never feel guilty for sharing a truth.” As she hugged the women, she felt a tiny flutter echo around her belly. She pulled free from their embrace and placed a hand on her slightly swelling abdomen. “Do you feel that? None of the others could feel a thing, but she felt the life inside her flip-flop around and her heart grew wings. Her spirits soared above as the world suddenly looked like a happier place.
Chapter 31
Lysandra placed her hand over her belly and rubbed it protectively. She had started to accept that there was life inside her and this life was precious to her. She almost jumped when Aiden entered the room. She removed her hand and fidgeted at the bed. Aiden noticed at once. “Is something bothering you, Lysandra?”
Lysandra reached for the safest topic she could find and latched onto it like a lifeline. “Actually, yes. If you remember, a month or so back, I asked you for a place for me to practice my magic away from Blackwolf. There are others here that are waiting for this place as well. We could be of great use to our people.”
“I like the way that sounds.” A small curve appeared on his lips, almost a half smile.
“What?”
“Our people. I’m happy you consider them your people.”
“What else would I consider them, Aiden? This is my home now too. This is our home and, one day, our children’s home.” Lysandra skimmed over the topic casually without missing a beat.
“It’s a little soon for children, Lysandra. They’ll come in time.”
“Do you want children, Aiden?” She searched his eyes for any sign of hope. He took longer in his reply than she liked. She pursed her lips softly and took a small breath.
“What do you want me to say, Lysandra? I’ve never really wanted children.” He grimaced a little before her. He instantly changed the subject. “I’ve arranged for Lady Anna’s marriage.”
A large ball of hopelessness hit her. She was definitely right to not tell him about the baby she was carrying. She would keep it from him as long as she could, until maybe he warmed up to the idea. She decided to follow the safer topic of Lady Anna’s upcoming nuptials. “To who?” Lysandra truly felt sorry for any man that was saddled with her. He had better be strong of character or Lady Anna would walk all over him.
“James Mannon. He’s a man at arms. He’ll have a firm grasp over her destructive ways.”
Lysandra giggled nervously. “He’ll need it.” She continued to change topics, for she really did not care to hear about Lady Anna’s misfortune. “You never answered my question. Have you found a place for us to convene?”
“Yes. I found a place for you. It’s to the west of Blackwolf.”
Lysandra smiled secretively. He must have been getting an area cleared out for her when Terryn’s clan had attacked the keep. The more she thought about that day, the more it seemed like too much of a coincidence that Aiden and several of his men had been away from the keep, but she let the thought come and go. No one could have known he was gone that day. If there was one thing she knew about the people of Blackwolf it was that they had an undying loyalty to their leader and their home. Who would possibly have turned against them?
The answer came blaring forward, almost like a rabid hound chasing its prey. There was one person who may have had a reason to turn. Lady Anna. Lady Anna was still present within the keep, but she had no real proof. She would have to keep her eye on her, for she doubted that Aiden would listen to the suspicion that grew within her.
She looked to the window and pretended to be debating whether to ask her next question. “Will you let me go?”
“With guards, yes. I will let you go, but for short periods of time only.” His raised eyebrows indicated that he was not in the mood to be complacent.
Lysandra walked closer to Aiden and kissed him soundly on the lips. “Thank you.” She made to back away, but his arms came behind her swiftly.
“Where are you going?” He pulled her closer to him so that her head fell just under his chin. He inhaled her scent; blooming jasmine filtered through his nostrils. He always wondered how the scent always seemed to follow him around when she was nowhere near.
Lysandra took advantage of his distraction as she nibbled the throat so close to her mouth. Her tongue darted out slowly, making a line of heat wherever it touched. She could taste the day on him, as the sweat from his excursions had left a slight taste of salt.
Aiden murmured into her hair, words she could not understand. She lifted her head to his, not at all surprised to find his mouth take her lips softly within his. She was not used to soft and gentle. Their loving had always been hot, hammered into their souls so swiftly at times that it was hard to breathe, but this, this was entirely different. Desire pooled slowly within her, teasing her senses with the slow hum of the lazy energy that ran between them.
They made their way to the bed, losing their clothing somewhere in the process, and fell slowly to the mattress beneath them. She felt like a snowflake tossed in the sky, falling slowly, oh so slowly, to the ground as every inch of her floated deliciously somewhere between sanity and the ecstasy that Aiden was stroking within her. She felt treasured, almost adored. The sentiment was foreign to her. The translation was confusing because his actions spoke more than his words ever had. When their passion had culminated she stretched out next to him like a cat whose belly was full of forbidden cream.
Lysandra snuggled close to him, breathing in the leather and wood that felt like home. She did not see him peering closely at her, as if he were trying to figure something out. It was not until he spanned his fingers across her stomach that she started to feel a little worry.
“Lysandra?”
“Hmm?” She pretended to be close to sleep as she closed her eyes away from him. It did not work.
“Do you have something to tell me?”
“Whatever do you mean, Aiden?” Lysandra attempted to roll away from him, but he held her against the bed and examined her closer.
“You’re with child
.”
“I’m sorry? What are you talking about?”
“I should have caught on earlier, but now that my eyes are open, it’s easy to see. A mate should always know.”
Easy to see? How was it easy for him to see? He was so busy that he only paid attention to her during their lovemaking lately. “Aiden, I don’t know what to say to you. You just told me that you never wanted children. What else is left to be said?”
He moved her face closer to his. “I suppose it is a good thing we have time for me to get used to the idea. Don’t expect much from me, Lysandra.” He rose from the bed and jerked on his clothes. When he left a storm seemed to follow him and it was not of her making.
The sobs poured from her unexpectedly. If felt like a jagged shard of glass had ripped through her heart. One moment he was connecting with her in ways that gave her hope for their future. In the next moment he had shattered any chance for them to be happy. Aiden did not want children and soon he would no longer want her. She curled up in a ball and let the misery feed her long enough to fall into a calming sleep. She knew that he was riddled with the same fear as his people, his fear that inevitably he would lose her or his child. She knew it was a fear he would have to face for, whether he liked it or not, this baby was going to come.
When Aiden did not return to their bed that night she knew he would be gone. Lysandra was not surprised to hear from others that Aiden had left with a few men on a mission that would take him away for a few weeks. The people seemed oblivious to the distance between their lord and lady, even though it was completely obvious to Lysandra.
“Well, well, well, seems as if the harlot can’t keep her man happy,” Anna chided her when she entered the great hall for breakfast.
“Tut-tut, Lady Anna. I hear you will have your own man to deal with here soon. I think he’ll not take kindly to the venom you spew so carelessly.” She kept her head level with Lady Anna’s, not afraid of the challenge she saw beneath the depths of her eyes.