Making Midlife Mistakes: A Paranormal Women's Fiction Novel (Forty Is Fabulous Book 3)

by Heloise Hull

  “I’m not sure. It didn’t seem like it.”

  “There you go.”

  “But what about the curse and the fighting? How can I break it?” I felt my anxiety clawing at my chest like an animal desperate to get out. To live. The memories of my past failures assaulted me all over again, like fresh wounds. “It’s not just about me anymore. I refuse to curse them, too. It could even kill them.” There. I finally voiced my biggest fear. That my curse would kill one of my precious boys.

  “We’ll figure it out. I promise.”

  “But Nonna, you were right. The Council is hiding an archon under the Arch, and we’re not safe. No one is safe.”

  At my words, Nonna’s hands shook, and she lost her balance. I caught her before she fell. Behind us, Tiberius chittered frenetically, twitching his tail like a squirrel with a nut.

  “Yes, yes. Quiet now,” she scolded him. “Aurick mentioned it, but I can hardly believe the Council would be so stupid.”

  “Really? I thought that’s exactly what you believed,” I said. “Shouldn’t we figure out a plan? Storm the castle and all that? They should answer to their constituents. Us.” I didn’t want Aurick getting in serious trouble with the Council, too. If I could settle it myself, they wouldn’t have any excuse to fire him.

  Nonna said, “You want to be gung-ho and guns blazing, but prudence sometimes wins the day.”

  “I think you’re mixing metaphors.”

  She smacked my hand with her wooden spoon, this time a little harder. “Don’t interrupt your elders. Now, you want to charge in and save the day, but sometimes you need to gain a little perspective. Sit back and wait. That archon has been imprisoned for over a thousand years. He’ll last one more day until your boys are back at college. Don’t you want to give them a good trip?”

  “Are all archons male?” I asked.

  Nonna gave me a questioning look.

  “You just called it a ‘he’. That’s all.”

  “Force of habit from a patriarchal society, Mamma.”

  “Right. Well, weren’t you the one who wanted to—and I quote—burn it all down? Was all that ‘attack your enemies first’ just for show? What happened to that Nonna? I’d like her back, please.”

  “For an archon, you’re going to need a game plan.”

  I opened my mouth to protest, but she looked over my shoulder and plastered on a smile. “Buongiorno, boys. Did you sleep well?”

  Although this conversation was far from over, I went to give them mom-sized birthday hugs. Then we all settled around the table, the smell of fresh coffee and bread infusing the tiny kitchen. I couldn’t believe how much had already happened in this place. Only a few months ago, I was sweeping salt from the four corners and arguing with a translucent Nonna about murdering her. Since then, we’d planned an impromptu coup, tied Luca to a chair, and eaten countless meals together. It was more my home than anything in the world at this point.

  The front door banged open, and we all jumped at the noise. My heart fluttered when I saw who it was. Aurick had clearly tried sneaking in without arousing the boys, but he had failed miserably. A man who had to duck to get through the front door was never going to be graceful. His shoulders were much too wide for that.

  He picked up the coat rack and smiled sheepishly at us. “Ah, buongiorno. I was just… going.”

  Nonna waved him to the table, pointing to the focaccia slathered with olive oil. “Have a bite.”

  Aurick accepted the plate and smiled at me. “Do you have big plans today?”

  I could feel the boys watching our interaction and immediately knew how they felt that time we insisted they bring home their prom dates for dinner. Like they were on display.

  “Nothing huge,” I said. “I was going to take them to see the cliffs. What do you think, boys?”

  They nodded. “Sure. Whatever you want, Mom.”

  Aurick took a square of focaccia and stood. “Thanks, Nonna. I think I’ll leave you guys to it, then.”

  “You’re going to come to their birthday celebration later, right?” I asked, awkwardly half-standing.

  “I wouldn’t miss it.”

  Once he was gone, the boys looked at me suspiciously. “Mom, are you seeing someone?”

  “What? Me?”

  As one, they crossed their arms and furrowed their brows. Behind them, Nonna cackled.

  “Don’t encourage them,” I said.

  “Don’t change the subject,” the twins countered.

  “Fine. It’s nothing serious. Just casual dating,” I said hastily. Getting into what Aurick was—or wasn’t—did not sound appealing right now.

  If I expected the boys to turn their noses up or complain about not needing a new dad or not wanting to think of their mom with men in general, I was pleasantly surprised.

  “We’re happy for you,” Jacob said, buttering his bread and piling it high with mortadella and sopressata salami.

  My face must have given me away, because Josh added, “Seriously, it’s good for you. Dad moved on years ago. It’s about time you did, too.”

  “Wow. Well, thanks. That’s very mature of you.”

  Their smug faces told me they were letting their magnanimous gesture go to their head, but I was okay with that. At their core, they were good boys, and as soon as they left, I was heading straight to the Library of Alexandria to figure out how to stop the curse from warping them.

  The rocky crags of Aradia didn’t disappoint. At first, anyway.

  The jagged edges of the cliffs mirrored the energy of the waves below, and the water stretched out before us for miles in what appeared to be an intricate dance. The tang of salt was soothing and fresh.

  “It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen,” Josh said.

  “It is, isn’t it?”

  It may be dumb, but I was seriously proud of him for appreciating Aradia’s wild and unpredictable beauty. Until a colder wind hit my face. “No, no, no, not now!” I whispered into the air.

  But it didn’t matter. A glowing orb was speeding our way.

  “What’s that?” Jacob asked.

  “I don’t see anything,” I said, a little too quickly. “Maybe we should head back.”

  “I see it, too,” Josh added.

  The orb drew closer, expanding and taking form. I recognized it immediately. The Knight. Any other day, I would’ve been thrilled to see him, but not in front of the boys.

  “Is that...” Josh blinked and rubbed his eyes.

  Jacob finished his thought like they used to do as kids. “A ghost about to die? Is that a thing?”

  The Knight looked offended, but he was too winded from his chase to speak, which was a good thing. That would’ve been hard to explain.

  As the Knight wheezed and coughed, I slathered him in a thin layer of protective mother magic. If Nonna’s spell covering the twins’ eyes held, they would see… well, not a ghost.

  “That’s a pretty good projection” Jacob said.

  “A projection? Oh, right. Yes. Yes it is. It’s a joke they like to play on newcomers. They use projections to make it look like there are ghosts. It got me pretty good my first night.”

  “You fell for that?” Josh asked. “He looks super fake to me. I can see the lights flickering.”

  The very real ghost in front of us glared at me. I mouthed “sorry.” I was barely buying what I was selling, but I needed to protect the boys from anything that could trigger the curse.

  “Dolphins!” I shouted, pointing out to the sea. “There’s a whole pod.”

  While the boys watched, I slipped away to speak with the Knight. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

  “I can take the abuse from my woman, but your pups?” the Knight wheezed.

  “Sorry. They’ve never seen a ghost before.”

  He puffed out his chest. “Yes, well, they were lucky to have such a noble beginning.”

  I hurried him along with a not-so-subtle finger roll.

  “There’s chatter
on the astral planes, milady,” he said. “Things are happening at the pillars.”

  “The pillars? You mean the four that propped up Axis Mundi?”

  “Precisely. Shades who haven’t crossed over to their final resting place and who haven’t come back to this realm as a ghost are gathering there.”

  My eyebrows knit together. “What could that mean?”

  “Unknown. It’s unprecedented.”

  Over the Knight’s rusting armor, I saw his Italian housewife materializing, her rotting fishbone corset coming slowly into view. That felt like a bit much to explain, so I shooed them away with an apologetic nod toward the boys. They both vanished in a whoosh of sulfur with a touch of oregano, arguments already on their tongues about exposing themselves to the pups.

  My mind was full of questions, but it was only a few more hours until I could safely see the boys home and fully focus on the curse, the archon, and Thoth. As important as they were, it was just as important to be a good mom and enjoy this time with my growing young men.

  We stood on the cliffs in the chilled breeze, my hands on their shoulders, and for a moment, everything was perfect. Life was beautiful. I wanted to distill it, refine and concentrate it down to its most perfect essence so I could bottle it and keep it tucked next to my heart forever.

  “Stop crowding,” Jacob said, giving his brother a not-so-gentle nudge.

  “I was standing here first,” Josh said, returning the favor. “If you want to see better, go stick your neck over the edge of the cliff.”

  “Don’t touch me.”

  “Oh, grow some balls,” Josh shot back.

  I exhaled loudly. “Would you two quit fighting for one day? Seriously. One day. We barely have any time together as it is. This is it. Why spend it arguing?”

  They stopped shoving, but neither one backed down.

  I raised my voice above theirs. “And why is it that men can say grow some balls? It’s a woman’s vagina that literally births humans. Tap a man’s balls the wrong way and you send him into spasms of pain.”

  Oh good. That worked. They both gagged and told me how inhumane it was to hear their mom say ‘vagina’. As if I hadn’t pushed them out of my own.

  I pulled them close, fluffing up their thick hair. I might’ve taken a deep sniff of their smell, too. At this rate, they’d be reading me the Riot Act before the first slice of birthday cake.

  “Let’s get back,” I sighed. “It’s time to get ready for your party.”

  Chapter Eight

  Having only one bathroom for five people made it difficult to get ready for a party. Having a crazy host made it almost impossible. Every time I shut my door, Nonna knocked with a new question. Finally, she started making demands.

  “Can you run to the florist in town? There’s nothing blooming right now that suits me, but those fauns will have worked their charms. And I wouldn’t say no to a good wedge of caprino stagionato. That will be the aged goat’s milk cheese. Look for the deep red rind. And some Grana Padano for dinner.”

  I checked the cracked clock in Nonna’s living room. It hung over the old picture of her with beautifully waved hair. “Do I have time?”

  “Sì, hurry now. I’ll get everything perfecto for your twins.”

  I agreed, mostly because it was nice to have a few minutes alone to collect myself. The constant arguing was maddening, concerning, and downright sad. Had I failed as a mother? Was blaming the curse just something convenient I told myself to feel better and absolve myself of eighteen years of bad parenting?

  I wanted to primal scream, so in that cedar space between Villa Venus and Aradia’s town center, I did. I screamed into the wind and felt something adjust, as if turning over a revolution deep in my ribcage. It was a hard little nub that had formed over the last couple of days, and it was finally breaking loose. Metaphorically, of course. I screamed again and felt immensely better. It may not have solved anything, but never doubt the power of a primal scream.

  I parked in front of the cheese shop and smiled. Sadly, between Marco and Nonna feeding me, I had never had the chance to visit, and I was looking forward to exploring. While dairy didn’t love me as much as I loved it, I still enjoyed the indulgence. Calories, here I came.

  Inside, it was earthy and bright. I inhaled sharply and felt some of the residual, primal energy drain away with the exhale.

  Mae owned the shop, but I wasn’t sure of her connection to her wares. All I knew was that she was currently boycotting Rosemary’s Bakery on account of her ‘sad selection’. She seemed nice enough the few times I’d bumped into her at apertivo hour. She reminded me of the type that would be called a hippie or eccentric in St. Louis. She kept her ringlet curls in a bun under a crown of leaves and pinecones, and she stayed in a chiton no matter the season.

  “Hi, Mae. I’m here for some cheese.”

  Mae came around the front and embraced me with a kiss on each cheek. “Brava, I adore fine cheese.”

  “Do you make all of this yourself?” I asked in amazement, browsing her refrigerated case. It was crammed full of cheeses with colorful rinds, bloomy rinds, and moldy rinds. There were soft and hard cheeses, and the entire back half of her store was full of crates and cases housing various vinegars and wines.

  “I’m a maenad. It’s my job to make wine. The cheese is merely a hobby. I had to soak up all that wine with something!” she cackled.

  “You’re right,” I began as Mae grabbed an enormous butcher’s knife and launched into a wedge of cheese with a maniacal look in her eyes.

  “Try this.” She handed me a small chunk of sheep’s milk pecorino and added a thumb’s drizzle of thick, syrupy balsamic vinegar. “The vinegar is potent, aged eighteen years in barrels. A touch will do you.”

  I picked up the shard of cheese. “Wow, that balsamic is old enough to vote! In America, at least.”

  “Is that so? I will be sure to register it during the next town hall meeting.”

  I started to laugh, but quickly realized she was dead serious.

  “I’ve been dying to get Rosemary to add chocolate mousse entremets to the rotation for years now, but I’m always out-voted. She doesn’t keep enough chocolate. It’s a health elixir, you know.”

  “I’ve never heard of entremets before. What are they?”

  The maenad’s eyes shone bright. “Oh, just you wait. It’s layers of chocolate mousse, chocolate sponge cake, crunchy chocolate crispies, and chocolate glaze. You’ll vote with me, right?”

  “Yeah, sure. Sounds delicious. What woman doesn’t like chocolate?”

  “Exactly! Thank you. How much wine do you need?” She hefted a case of twelve bottles to her shoulder.

  “That seems a little excessive for one night.”

  Mae looked at me, a single ringlet escaping her crown. “I wasn’t finished.”

  “Oh, right. Sorry.”

  The door jingled, and we both turned our heads to see Jo the Cadmean Vixen enter with a curled lip. She nodded to Mae, then turned to me. “I smelled you in here, Ava. Quite a feat considering you’re standing in the stinky cheese section.”

  Well, there wasn’t a whole lot to say to that.

  “Having a party?” she asked, looking pointedly at my canvas bag full of cheese and the two cases of wine I was somehow supposed to strap to my Vespa. I hadn’t even made it to the flower shop yet.

  “What gave it away?” I asked.

  Jo sniffed. “I could carry those cases to Nonna’s for you.”

  I took a literal step back. “Oh, really? I mean. Thank you, Jo. That would be very helpful.”

  “You’re welcome, and while I’m there, I might as well stay for the festivities.”

  With an effort that would have made Hercules swell with pride, I didn’t narrow my eyes in suspicion, although it was coursing through my body. “You want to come to my twins’ birthday party?”

  Jo slung a case under each arm. “Is that what’s happening?” she said, innocently.

  She didn’t fool me. No
thing in this town happened without everyone else knowing about it.

  “What time does it start?”

  “In about an hour.”

  “Great. I’ll see you then.”

  “Yeah, great.” I muttered that last part, but with Jo’s ears, I had a feeling she heard anyway.

  Mae laughed. “That vixen must smell new boy blood. Keep an eye on your pups tonight.”

  I finally let my eyes roll and it felt good. “Thanks for the tip, Mae. I’ll put in a good word about that chocolate dessert to Rosemary.”

  I hopped across the square still annoyed at Jo’s presumptuousness, but immediately felt my mood lift the moment I set foot in the florist. The whole front of the shop was a curtain of hanging, pink bougainvillea flowers. I had to sweep them to the side with my arm just to find the door. And once I was inside? It smelled simultaneously loamy and fragrant, like I had entered a human-sized terrarium.

  “This has to be magic.” Outside, everything was still chilled and dormant for winter, but inside was a greenhouse heaven. I almost didn’t want to leave. The oxygenated air wrapped me in a humid blanket of love.

  One side of the shop was a wall of hanging, neon green herbs. I smelled basil, rosemary, and sage, but also a bright, biting scent of things I didn’t have names for. Over the window hung a tangle of vines that flowered and… breathed? In any case, they undulated slightly, a faint glow emanating from their interior.

  I heard a noise and saw two furry horns peeking over a shrub pot full of broom flowers, which only bloomed for a couple of months a year in the summer but looked vibrant in here.

  “Ava, welcome to our world,” the tiny woman said.

  A second, nearly-identical woman let out a huff as she set down her own pot of flowers and smiled. It was the faun sisters. They like iced mochas with a hint of cinnamon in the morning, and both shared a large fruit tart with apricot jam on Fridays.

  “Oh! And what an amazing world it is,” I said.

  The faun with blue eyes smiled shyly. She was Hilda, if I remembered right, and her sister with the green eyes was Donatella.

  “Nature magic,” they said together. They wore blossom-printed dresses, although it was a trip to see their furry goat legs peeking out of the bottom.