Making Midlife Mistakes: A Paranormal Women's Fiction Novel (Forty Is Fabulous Book 3)

by Heloise Hull

  I felt lightheaded. Thoth had cursed me. Of course he had, and by walking into the crypt, I had begun to reawaken my memories and my magic.

  I’d been so blind. But the moon?

  Thoth rippled and the cave dissolved back into white-faceted crystal. I moved to slash my palm, barely noticing the cold knife until Aurick’s hand covered mine. “Ava, you’ve seen who it is. Nothing more can be surmised from this.”

  “I need to see everything. No, don’t touch me,” I snarled. My eyes went wide. I sounded just like the She-Wolf.

  So what, a little voice thought. You are the She-Wolf.

  I fought back against the madness swirling within me. No, I had been the She-Wolf. Now I was Ava and perhaps Aurick was right. I’d seen who had cursed me, and it was time to destroy him once and for all.

  “I have to see a little more. I have to understand.” I slashed my palm deep enough to cry out as the room exploded in a brilliant light.

  We all dove for cover, shielding our heads from the blast. Then the picture went dark. For a second, I thought the room had been struck by lighting, its circuits fried. Then, I remembered where we were and that the room wasn’t a sophisticated piece of electronics. It was archon technology.

  I looked to Hypatia. Her face was edged in concern, long lines appearing from her nose to her mouth. “That was unexpected. I believe the room is done.”

  “It cut me off?”

  Hypatia examined the pin in the wall. “It would appear so.”

  “Whatever the library has on Thoth, I want it.” My voice was steel and I wasn’t surprised. I felt unbendable, but perhaps brittle enough to break.

  Hypatia beckoned us out of the room, back the way we came. “Come with me, Ava. I will show you the ancient books on Thoth. We will figure out his connection to Rome.”

  No one spoke as we processed all of the implications. Thoth was my creator. But who was he, really? Was he anything like the myths humans had passed down for centuries? Would I learn the truth here or merely another narrative that had been re-shaped and retold?

  I used my jeans to wipe the blood from my knife before slipping it back into my pocket. Aurick looked as shaken as I felt, considering Thoth was literally asleep under our home. “That was intense,” he said.

  “Yes. And I have a feeling it’s only the tip of the iceberg.”

  Back in the stacks, Hypatia bustled around the shelves and bins, grabbing scrolls seemingly at random, but I knew she had perfect purpose. Two armfuls later, she’d assembled a pile of histories and mythologies.

  “Whew, that’s a lot.”

  Hypatia nodded happily. “Thoth was a busy god. Science, mathematics, wisdom—he had his fingers in a lot of development. Now that we saw it in action, I believe he had some resonance with the moon as well.”

  “Good to know. Oh wait.” I pointed my finger up and tapped my back. “Can we cross-reference Thoth with the Eye of Ra? Why would I have a solar image if I’m a wolf with moon inclinations cursed by a god of wisdom? Does that even make sense?”

  Hypatia waded through the scrolls, pulling some closer and pushing away others. She muttered under her breath, her cowl dropping down to her shoulders without her realizing as she went nose-deep. Literally.

  “Thoth IS connected to the Eye of Ra,” Hypatia announced suddenly. She scooted the papyrus to me and pointed with a wavering finger. There were images of the solar disc and the Eye of Ra in red along the margin. Hieroglyphs lined the edges as well as an image of a goddess with a leonine head.

  I began to read aloud. “One of the most famous of Ra’s Eyes, the Runaway Goddess or the Wandering Goddess, also known as Tefnut, had grown disillusioned with the world of men. Filled with jealousy and rage as all women naturally are, the goddess left Egypt to wander alone in the desert, contemplating her life. Thoth joined Tefnut’s husband, Shu, to find Tefnut and entice her back with pretty baubles and polished mirrors by which to admire herself.”

  I looked up from the scrolls. “This scribe sucks.”

  Aurick snorted. “Not too keen on women, is he?”

  “I bet he has mommy issues. Or he got rejected. This reeks of sad, rejected man tears. No offense.”

  “None taken. As long as you don’t make me cry sad, rejected man tears.”

  “Not planning on it, but the day is young,” I teased. “Also, what’s with the names? Shu and Tefnut?” I let my finger follow the lines of precise, black-inked script. “Oh snap. Shu and Tefnut were twins. And they had kids together.” My mind wandered as I thought about it. “I wonder what the true story is. Tefnut was obviously mad about something. Something that made her literally abandon everything and let havoc come to Egypt.”

  Aurick pointed to the sketched images in a thin hand over the margins. “Here it says that after Thoth and Shu brought her back, Ra had a festival to celebrate her return. The Festival of Drunkenness. Impressive.”

  I stifled a laugh.

  “Oh, it gets better,” Aurick grinned. “They built a platform over her temple called the porch of drunkenness. The whole point was to get wasted and try to have a divine experience with the goddess.”

  “And this happened yearly?”

  “Yep. A few people in the city were designated to stay sober. They walked between all the passed out people in the streets the next day banging drums and shaking instruments to wake up the revelers. Then, they all had to pray to the goddess for her protection.”

  “Ancient Egypt was wild. Ooo, I bet Tefnut was a tough nut to crack.” I waited a few moments. Aurick and Hypatia both blinked. “Oh come on,” I complained. “Tough. Nut. Tefnut. Someone had to do it.”

  “Make bad jokes?” Aurick asked.

  “A genius is never appreciated in her own time,” I muttered.

  Hypatia was already considering everything I’d said, however. “So there were multiple Eyes of Ra who were ordered to reign in chaos. They typically had a lion nature, which makes the fact that Thoth sought out a wolf even more peculiar. Did he want to make you into an Eye? Why? For what purpose?”

  “And, did he succeed? Does Ava have any powers associated with the Eye of Ra?” Aurick asked, his voice getting more excited.

  But not me.

  I read silently, my dread growing like a monster gnawing at my stomach. The Eye of Ra was a violent force that could quickly grow out of control. She was something to be let loose only when necessary, because she could very easily destroy all of humanity if not checked.

  A greater force of chaos.

  My uncontrollable chaos magic. Thoth gave it to me, a wolf.

  I continued reading. Once, when Sekhmet the lion goddess was Ra’s Eye, they had to reign her in by feeding her jugs of beer dyed with red ochre to resemble blood until she was convinced she had slaughtered everyone. Only then did she return to Ra’s brow, sated, her muzzle dripping red.

  I rolled up that scroll and set it aside without showing it to Aurick. That wasn’t me. It couldn’t be. We didn’t even know the significance of the Eye of Ra on my back. It could all be an elaborate hoax, one big running joke Thoth played on me over the centuries. Like I was a toy. The last thing I wanted was to put these ideas in Aurick’s head, that I might be uncontrollable or dangerous.

  But then, as they always did, the memories came bearing down. The explosion in Rosemary’s Bakery, my failed training with Nonna, the dead and moldy flowers at the fauns’ shop, and the complete surge of power when I killed Mestjet. All of them forced me to consider the worst.

  Perhaps I was a monster. An uncontrollable force of chaos that was only unleashed once a century because she caused devastation. Was that why I was reborn every hundred years?

  I squeezed my eyes shut in pain. No, I refused to let this be my destiny. There had to be one life where I fought back and won. Where I died happily, old and shriveled in my bed.

  “Can you kill a god?” I asked suddenly.

  Both Aurick’s and Hypatia’s heads snapped up on some invisible string, as if I were their puppetee
r. “Ava?”

  “If Thoth is the problem, I want to eliminate it. He’s the only god left in our world. We don’t know how or why, but perhaps that doesn’t matter. If we could figure out how to kill him, the whole system would collapse. We could take out Thoth and it stands to reason, the archon as well. It’s a lesser being than an immortal god.”

  “And what about you? Would it cut you loose from the curse or would it kill you for good?” Aurick said, his face blank in his carefully controlled manner, which is how I knew he was angry.

  “The Greek gods tended to make the fates of immortals worse than death,” Hypatia added. “Cruel punishments in the depths of Tartarus were the norm. The Egyptian brother gods Set and Osiris came to blows. Set killed Osiris. So, yes. You can theoretically kill a god.” She held up a finger as my obvious joy ballooned. “However, only another god could strike the killing blow, and furthermore, Osiris’s pieces were stitched back together by Isis and reanimated.”

  “You really don’t think it’s possible to truly slay a god?” I asked, disappointment deflating my balloon.

  “I would say it is highly unlikely. That is why imprisonment to another realm was the answer during the Archon Wars,” Hypatia agreed.

  Aurick looked thoughtful. “But Osiris is no longer capable of leaving the Underworld. That is a sort of death.”

  Hypatia watched Aurick through impassive eyes, but she seemed to be reassessing him. “Also true.”

  Aurick gave me an eyebrow waggle and patted himself on the back when Hypatia returned to her pile of scrolls. I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help smiling at his antics. I knew he was doing all he could to run interference with the Council at great personal—and professional—cost to himself.

  Thinking about that morning with Piero, I had another idea. “I should check the Emerald Tablets again. I saw a vision of Thoth and the Wandering Goddess when I touched them. Piero helped me. He’s terrified of them, but if I’m really nice, I’m sure he would help me again.”

  “What would that tell you?” Hypatia asked curiously.

  “No idea,” I shrugged. “But Nonna gave them to me for a reason.”

  “Because she’s losing it, and she’s afraid she’ll actually lose them?”

  I frowned and Aurick laughed, wrapping me up in his warm hug.

  “All I’m saying is let’s not be too hasty. We can sit and think on this information for a little while before deciding how to proceed. Take a deep breath.” He demonstrated sucking one in and out until I did it with him. “See? I feel better already.”

  “I’m glad you do.”

  “Okay, Ms. Pessimism. Will you also grab dinner with me tonight? I know a place.”

  “You mean you know Marco.”

  “And you really don’t need anyone else once you do.”

  “Well, I can’t argue with that. I think I need a little rest after all this. Pick me up at seven?”

  He pulled out his bone knife and hooked his arm inside of mine. “I look forward to it.”

  Ten minutes later, I sat on my bed back at the villa, holding the cimaruta between my palms. I was only resting. Not sleeping. Thoth couldn’t find me in this state.

  That was the idea, anyway. It wasn’t until I woke up that I realized I had slept.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  My dreams were hurried, frenetic. I darted from one landscape to another as if searching desperately for something. Answers, no doubt. I could hear myself moaning in my sleep, tossing and turning against the cool pillow stained with my tears, yet I couldn’t seem to wake.

  The landscapes shifted from fallow fields to modern cities. I saw a frozen tundra and a vast desert with an oasis of date palm trees and snaggle-toothed crocodiles lurking in the depths. Always, there was a wisp of danger. Of something stalking me.

  I landed upon a city locked in its medieval origins, pitch black in the streets except for a few burning candles in the taverns. Instantly, the frenetic energy pulsing around me paused. Just for a moment in time.

  Winter blanketed this city. It was much farther north than Aradia, and I stood on a bridge coated in thin hoarfrost. The river before me was a frozen expanse except for a dark thread that ran sluggishly through its center, and behind it in the distance, the woods loomed mysterious and silent.

  But when I shivered, it wasn’t the cold that got to me. Thoth moved easily, disappearing and reappearing as he approached. From the curve of his shoulders, even swathed in shadows and smoke, I recognized him.

  “Aren’t you supposed to have a bird head and a bird brain?” I asked. “I’ve seen the pictures now.” Only my shaking hands betrayed my fear, and I slipped those inside of my pockets.

  “Ah, found a sense of humor in this life, have you?”

  My eyes narrowed, but Thoth continued before I could give a retort. “You’ve come a long way from a wolf in a cave.”

  It was odd how it felt so easy slipping into conversation with him. My soul recognized it, and we jumped in as if we had never stopped arguing. My voice was full of venom.

  “I know it was you.”

  “Surely, you never seriously thought it was Khonsu.”

  “Why?” I demanded, ignoring the barb.

  “You still don’t know?” His voice mocked me. “You will soon.”

  The god disappeared again. This time, when he reappeared, I felt his warm body at my back. I gritted my teeth, but I didn’t flinch. I refused to give him the satisfaction.

  His voice was low and seductive. It swirled the hair on the back of my neck and stirred memories buried beneath centuries of lives. “Aren’t you tired of this game, yet?” he asked, his voice full of cunning.

  “My life is not a game.”

  “This life is pathetic.”

  That finally galled me into turning around. I slapped him across the face. “You don’t get to decide what I find worthwhile,” I told him as he laughed, the sound echoing sharply against the stone and ice. There weren’t any imprints or even red marks to show where I had touched him.

  “It never did take much to rile you, my little wolf.”

  “My hate flows deep, I guess.”

  “Love and hate are such mirrors, don’t you think?”

  “In some cases, but not all. Not this one. This one is pure hate, I assure you, Thoth.”

  His fingers traced an invisible line from my temple down my jaw. “You should know by now that you can’t trick the god of wisdom.” His voice sounded delighted. Like he enjoyed our banter.

  “You’re into some kinky shit if you go around changing wolves into women just to taunt them for eternity. Are there others like me?”

  Thoth’s laugh was loud and genuine at that. “Trust me, there are no others like you in the world.” His eyes took on an intensity that frightened me. I tried not to physically shrink back, but every nerve was on fire at this point.

  “You will never wake up,” I swore. “And if you do, I have an entire island of supernatural creatures who will help me kill you for good. The world hasn’t needed you for centuries. It will be fine without you.”

  “Quite the gamble, wouldn’t you say?”

  “No. We discovered that truth when my people collapsed the pillars between the realms. Your people are gone for good. I don’t know how you escaped, and I really don’t care, but it proves we don’t need you. And news flash: we don’t want you.”

  My bravado didn’t touch him at all. Thoth couldn’t wipe the smirk from his face.

  “This is so much more fun than I anticipated. I love this new reincarnation. Really, I adore it. Perhaps we should find a way to keep it from withering and dying like the rest. Would you like that? Would you like to stay a mortal woman?”

  Thoth’s words were disturbing on so many levels, but what he did next, the way he gripped my arm, made my stomach turn. He bent down to whisper in my ear. “It was worth slumbering all this time, just to meet Ava Falcetti. I promise you that, little wolf.”

  I tried ripping my arm out of his grasp but
found I was stuck fast by his unnatural strength. “I’m not your little wolf. I’m not your anything.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. You’ve always been mine. You just don’t remember yet.” He straightened, a pitiless turn of his mouth marring his perfection. “One last thing before I go, Ava.”

  I glared at him, wondering what cruelty he would try to unleash as a parting gift.

  “Thank you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I woke up, a scream on the tip of my tongue and my hands balled in fists. Protective energy buzzed around my body in an aggressively red hue.

  Beyond, I noticed the faded bedspread and Nonna’s quilt. My suitcase was still packed, and there were walnuts scattered around the dresser. The sun was starting to set outside my window.

  I was back on Aradia.

  I lowered my arms and forced myself to breathe. In and out. My body relaxed, and the energy dissipated.

  Groggily, I checked the clock. Shoot! It was almost seven p.m. I really needed to start using an alarm clock if I was going to continue getting sucked into these walking nightmares. Or continue going on dates with Aurick.

  Aurick. Poor, sweet Aurick. Did I really want to drag him down in my muck and mire? Every feeling of worthlessness that I had in my marriage to Jim resurfaced. Surely, even with magic, I was not worth all of the trouble.

  I could hear him talking in the kitchen as I rummaged through my bag, throwing things out at will. I needed clothes. Sexy ones. Or, at least, not frumpy, rumpled ones. I could manage that, right?

  A loud crack reverberated through the room that made me jerk and fall back on the bed. “You seem tense,” came a familiar voice. “Want a nut?”

  “You’ve been watching me sleep again? That’s creepy, Tiberius.”

  “I can’t help it. You’re like a giant light bulb when you sleep. It’s mesmerizing.”

  “You mean that metaphorically right?” I did not want to find out that I glowed in my sleep. That might make any future hook-ups even more complicated. I wondered if that was what drew Piero to me at night, too.