Karim, King of England
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Copyright © 2018 Baz Wade
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publication may only be reproduced, stored or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside those terms should be sent to the publishers.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, public bodies, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locations is purely coincidental. The opinions expressed are those of the characters and should not be confused with the author’s.
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Contents
Glossary
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Glossary
A & R. Artists & Repertoire. The division of a record label responsible for talent scouting.
BALFOUR DECLARATION. A statement contained in a 1917 letter from Balfour, the UK Foreign Secretary, to Lord Rothschild saying that HMG (see post) favoured “the establishment in Palestine” of a “national home for the Jewish people” provided that the rights of existing Arab communities were not prejudiced. The statement was essentially a fudge and has since been relied on by Israel and the Palestinians to justify conflicting standpoints.
*BRITISH FREE STATE. New name of RUK (see post) following declaration of Republic after abdication of the Monarch.
CHURCHILL, WINSTON. British politician instrumental in promoting disastrous Gallipoli campaign in 1915 as First Lord of the Admiralty. Wartime Prime Minister 1940-1945.
COLLINS, MICHAEL. Irish revolutionary, who was a leading figure in the early 20th century Irish struggle for independence. Active in Sinn Fein, the Irish Nationalist organisation. Negotiated with the UK Government, the 1921 Treaty creating the Irish Free State (later the Irish Republic). Killed by the IRA in 1922 for agreeing compromise allowing Northern Ireland to remain part of the UK.
CORTINA D’AMPEZZO. Italian ski resort in the Dolomites.
DISH DASH. Ankle length one-piece garment worn by men in Arab countries, including Dubai.
DYLAN, BOB. North American singer songwriter.
EEA. European Economic Area established 1994. Comprises the 28 member states of the EU (see post) plus the member states of EFTA (see post) excluding Switzerland. The member states are expected to comply with the 4 freedoms of the European Single Market comprising the free movement of labour, goods, services and capital.
EFTA. European Free Trade Association. A regional trade organisation and free trade area established in 1960 which comprises Norway, Switzerland, Iceland and Liechtenstein.
EU. European Union. A political and economic union of 28 member States.
FASLANE. Her (or His) Majesty’s Naval Base, Clyde. Naval HQ in Scotland and home base to Britain’s fleet of nuclear-armed submarines.
FCO. Foreign and Commonwealth Office is a department of HMG responsible for promoting British interests worldwide.
*FREE DEMOCRATS. The political party formed when the Labour Party amalgamates with the MDP (see post).
GAZA STRIP. A small self-governing Palestinian territory on the Mediterranean coast, bordered by Israel and Egypt. Comprises 140 square miles and is inhabited by around 1,100,000 Palestinians. Currently administered by Hamas (see post). Tends to be more politically militant than the West Bank (see post).
HABIBI. Arabic word for darling or sweetheart.
HAMAS. Palestinian Islamic Fundamentalist Organisation.
HMG. His (or Her) Majesty’s Government (of the UK).
HMRC. His (or Her) Majesty’s Revenue & Customs. The tax man (or woman).
HOORAY HENRIETTA. Female version of Hooray Henry. A member of the English upper or upper middle class, usually keen on horses, with tendency to speak loudly in public. Aka Sloane Ranger.
IDF. Israeli Defence Force, aka the Israeli military.
IRA. Irish Republican Army – paramilitary wing of Irish Nationalism.
KIF. Arabic word for cannabis.
LSE. London School of Economics and Political Science – part of London University.
MACMILLAN, HAROLD. Conservative Prime Minister of UK 1957-63.
MANDELA, NELSON. Leader of African National Congress (ANC), the anti-apartheid organisation. First black President of South Africa (1994-99) and Nobel Peace Prize winner.
*MUSLIM PARTY. Left of centre political party formed to protect and promote Islamic religion, culture and law. Precursor of MDP. (see post)
*MDP. Muslim Democratic Party – mainly moderate Muslim political party – left of centre – seeks to defend Islam but leaders strongly critical of violent jihadis.
MI5. The UK domestic counter-intelligence and security Agency (aka “Spooks”).
MI6. Military Intelligence. The foreign intelligence service of the UK (aka “Spies”).
NIQAB. Veil worn over face by Muslim women.
OPEC. Organisation of Petroleum Exporting Countries.
PPE. Politics, Philosophy and Economics. Respected Oxford University degree course.
POST COITUS TRISTIS. Feeling of sadness after making love.
*QUILMOD FOUNDATION. Reformist Muslim think tank. Opposes jihadi politics and violence.
*RAINBOW CRESCENT ALLIANCE (AKA RAINBOW crescent or rainbow alliance). Electoral and Political Alliance between Muslim Party, Labour and Green Parties to oppose Conservative government and promote alternatives to capitalism and the Consumer Society.
*RUK. Remainder of United Kingdom after Scotland has become independent.
SAS. Special Air Service – Special Forces unit of the British Army.
*SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE. Occurs when Scottish Government declares UDI (see post) after EU referendum.
SOAS. School of Oriental & African Studies – part of London University.
UDI. Unilateral Declaration of Independence.
VAL D’ISERE. Ski resort in the French Alps.
WEST BANK. Area to the east of Israel comprising part of west bank of Jordan River, currently partially occupied by Israel and partially administered by the Palestinian Authority. Israel has continued to allow Jewish settlements to expand on the West Bank and such policy has been condemned by the United Nations as the area has been earmarked primarily for occupation by Palestinians.
*Denotes fictional organisation or event.
1
February 2015
Karim knew this was the fiercest solo he had yet played live. He played hard, wailing above the din of a crowded pub, hating the reek of beer that seeped up from the out-dated carpet. As Kirsty leapt to the microphone to belt out the next verse, he took his left hand off the guitar to wipe his sweaty fingers on his trousers before adding more to the driving rhythm of the song. Sweat was flying off her face as she roared her passion into Sarah Joy’s lines, like a lioness tearing into its prey.
“War is his game and he’s playing for kicks
He has them all fooled with his cheap little tricks
They’re feeling guilty but don’t know what for
Begging like dogs for scraps at his door
He’s Everybody’s Bully”
As the song crunched toward its finale, a tide of cheers and whistles was rising up toward them from the standing crowd that was already spilling out of the door onto the street. The band took a bow and waved to their growing army of fans before disappearing off to the backstage area where they could cool off over chilled drinks, and earnestly discuss the impact of their performance. This was a top venue for unsigned bands, and A&R people from some big labels could be here tonight. It was the first time the Rainbow Warriors had played such an overtly political song for an encore. Consensus among the band members was that it seemed to have worked.
Sometime after 1 a.m, Karim was sitting on Kirsty’s sofa in her Kilburn flat, still strumming his guitar to cement the chord sequences for a new song. He paused momentarily to determine the scent, wild fig or passion fruit, as Kirsty emerged in her dressing gown from the shower and sat beside him to resume their earlier conversation. “Please don’t do it now,” she said, putting her hand on his cheek. “Your 21st birthday is just a few months away.” She leaned over the side of the sofa to plug in her hair dryer. “Let Andy Sheikh finish putting things in place to protect you against the tidal wave of publicity that will come.”
He fixed his eyes on hers, static blue points taut with concern amid the maelstrom of wild red hair being blown about her head.
“The people of Gaza need action now,” he replied. “Our Government is full of words but refuse to use the word ‘disproportionate response’ and so won’t take action against the bully. Why should its victims have to wait till someone privileged like me has been manoeuvred into place by the media?”
“Because you don’t realise what hell is going to break loose in our lives if you don’t wait till your next birthday.” Karim stayed silent as he carried on strumming his chord sequences. “This place will be besieged by journalists,” Kirsty continued. “Don’t just think of yourself. It will affect everyone you share your life with; me, my flatmates, everyone at SOAS. You can forget being able to finish your degree, life will never be the same again.” Still Karim was watching his fingers move through the chords. “Your mother would have urged you to think twice.”
Karim stopped and looked up. “It is because of her I want to act now. Don’t forget UN action against land mines was accelerated by the effort she put into drawing the matter to the world’s attention. She would expect me to take the same opportunity to make the most of my position.”
Kirsty put the hair-dryer down and removed the guitar from Karim’s lap. She took his hands between hers and squeezed them. “And what about the band? How are they expected to endure the pestering that your royal connections will bring? Think of the security implications for our tour next month.”
“I have, my flame-headed temptress,” he grinned, stroking her half-dried hair away from her eyes, “but the publicity it will bring the band will far outweigh that.” Karim got up and went across the room to open the chipboard wall unit that passed for a drinks cabinet and took out a bottle. “There’s no chance of Martin cancelling the tour. He’ll use the contrast of my rock-‘n’-roll lifestyle with my royal half-brother’s to our advantage.”
“Well you’re probably right about that.” Kirsty took the glass of dark rum that her boyfriend had poured for her. “But look, Karim, nobody is going to believe your claim to royalty for at least a few weeks. You’ll be hounded mercilessly when you’re least prepared for it. This is the worst possible time to announce to the world that Caroline was your mother.”
Karim sat down next to her again. “Since she died, Kirsty, I’ve lived my life according to somebody else’s agenda. Now I’m coming of age I want to take control of it.” He leaned forward and pulled her face towards him. The taste of her tongue was sweet from the rum but he recoiled at the alcohol. “My question is – can I rely on you to hold steady with me as I set off on the rocky road ahead?”
2
Cortina D’Ampezzo, Italy
Christmas Eve 1993
The chairlift was a 4-seater. Ali and Caroline were sandwiched between Fiona, Caroline’s old school friend, and Roderick, Caroline’s bodyguard, aka Rod, aka Mr Plod (by Caroline). As the mother of the second in line to the British throne, Caroline was entitled to a bodyguard financed by the UK taxpayer.
Caroline had been divorced from Prince James for 2 years and partners with Ali for 18 months.
Ali had all the boy’s toys he could ever want – helicopter, an executive jet, yacht and a ski chalet in Cortina. He was also generous, thoughtful and intelligent, and Caroline could not have been happier.
The drawback from the viewpoint of the stuffier elements of the British establishment was that Ali was an Arab, Moroccan to be precise, and a Muslim.
“Surprise surprise,” said Caroline, “there’s our friend Jim from the Sun.”
Caroline waved at Jim, hoping that would be enough to satisfy him for 48 hours or so. Jim took a couple of snaps and waved back – the physical co-ordination involved in taking a photo, and waving, combined with Jim’s only mediocre ability on skis, caused him to fall over, much to Caroline’s amusement.
“Careful – don’t break your camera,” shouted Caroline – “or your leg!”
“And a happy Christmas to you ma’am,” grinned back Jim – at this stage red-faced from mild embarrassment and physical exertion.
By this time the party had disembarked from the chairlift and decided to make for the nearest mountain hut for some lunch and a drink or two.
“Not quite so many paps around today – must be due to the holiday,” observed Ali. He spoke too soon, as just at that moment Luigi and Franco, two of the more resourceful and ruthless paparazzi, appeared and took a seat nearby, waiting for Caroline’s party to make a move, presumably.
Both the hunters and the hunted decided to sit it out for the time being.
After about an hour, Caroline said “I think it’s time we made a move.”
“Time for Plan B, I guess,” announced Ali.
Plan B had been talked about and rehearsed in the past. It involved the girls swopping jackets, hats and ski goggles in the toilets and the men doing likewise.
This manoeuvre was accomplished in a couple of minutes and a minute after that Rod and Fiona, in Ali’s and Caroline’s jackets, sped off down the slope pursued by most, if not all, of the Press pack.
Ali and Caroline exited a different door, hung back momentarily and then skied off in a different direction, pursued by no-one, or so they hoped. Caroline found the whole episode hilarious like some kind of school prank. Now she knew what it must be like to be a fox throwing a pack of hounds off the scent by pure animal cunning.
“We’ll go off piste to the top of Col Druscie and then go back to the chalet via the black and that run through the trees you like.”
Ali was an expert skier and knew the mountain as well as any ski instructor.
Caroline too was a highly competent skier, though perhaps not quite as fast as Ali.
“Fine, darling, whatever you say,” replied Caroline.
As they got lower down the mountain, they were mainly in its
shadow – but as the slope was north facing, the snow was still powdery and the couple found the skiing exhilarating, even if demanding, physically.
Eventually, they reached the tree line. Ali noticed a cul-de-sac, which he skied into, apparently to take a rest.
Caroline skied after him and skied to a halt, their skis nearly touching, he leaned forward to kiss her.
“Darling – I have an early Christmas present for you–”
“I thought you, as a Muslim, didn’t celebrate Christmas,” she said.
“When in Rome do as the Romans,” he replied.
“Besides, you might say it’s more than just a Christmas present.”
By that time he’d produced out of nowhere a neatly wrapped package which he handed to her.
“Have you been naughty?” she said.
“Oh yes, extremely naughty – this is to compensate you for putting up with me.”
By that time it was dawning on her that the present had very little to do with Christmas. She was excited but tried not to show it. She felt like tearing off the paper like a child. Instead, she carefully undid the package to uncover an exquisite Cartier box which she slowly opened.
Inside was a ring incorporating the largest diamond she had ever seen. Her mother might have described it tactfully as “overstated” – her grandmother, less tactfully, might have called it “vulgar” – but she, Caroline, thought it was truly wonderful.