Karim, King of England

by Baz Wade

  By the way, you asked about money and, as you stuck your necks out, we can pay you five grand for this story.

  Okay, so you’ve got bank Statements and company records re the Isle of Man company – anything else?”

  “I can give you a transcript of my last conversation with Morris at the Bank – I can remember it word for word.”

  “Okay good – if I give you an office to sit in, could you write that up straight away – I can get someone to fix you up with tea, coffee or whatever?”

  “Yes, that’s fine,” responded Ed.

  “Meanwhile I can run the whole thing past Andy Sheikh with a view to getting a scoop in the paper’s first edition tomorrow – let’s re-convene in an hour.”

  An hour and fifteen minutes later, Harry, Jeremy and Ed were back in the same board room.

  “Andy’s fine with it – if sued, one of our lawyers said we can use the public interest defence,” said Harry. “How about this for a headline” – Harry handed over a facsimile.

  “DODGY *ANKERS AT IT AGAIN”

  It was in 2-inch high lettering.

  “That looks fine to me – sock it to them!” commented Ed.

  The fallout from The Sun’s front page article the following day was at first inconclusive.

  Trevor Morris at first denied any wrongdoing, but under pressure admitted a potential conflict of interest.

  With a week to go to the general Election, the following day even the quality Press went on the rampage.

  The Telegraph, usually highly supportive of the Tories, went with:

  TAXPAYERS’ MONEY AT RISK AGAIN – THIS

  TIME IT’S CORRUPTION AT THE BANK OF

  ENGLAND

  Again, the Chancellor seemed complacent, provoking yet more Press hysteria, and prompting Smithson to promise a full investigation – after the Election.

  Would the Chancellor resign – no, not immediately, that would be an admission of guilt “sources close to the Prime Minister” divulged.

  Smithson dithered.

  Five days later the electorate of Leeds West made a decision for him. The Chancellor lost his seat, having previously been elected with a majority of 14,000.

  As before, Smithson’s Government’s complacency, arrogance and dithering presented Labour and the MDP with a gold plated opportunity to make political capital which both parties seized on with enthusiasm, offering, if elected, to make sure the culprits were sacked, prosecuted and a rigorous clean-up operation effected in relation to banking and it’s “so-called regulators.”

  Labour even promised to hire Ari Stavros, the investment guru, to act as a banking and financial services trouble-shooter on an 7-figure annual salary if necessary. The latter proposal was the brainchild of Jeremy Gilmour and Ed Ruskin, who had been taken on by the Labour Party machine as consultants to advise on economics, finance and banking.

  13

  After a meeting held to discuss progress and tactics in the election campaign, Ibrahim and Karim were left alone.

  “There’s been something I’ve wanted to ask you,” said Karim.

  “Go ahead.”

  “What’s your real view on Israel and the Palestinians and how can that problem be resolved?”

  Ibrahim pondered the question even though he’d spent what seemed like a lifetime thinking about it.

  “The problem with the two-State solution is that if they started fighting and trying to destroy each other, where would it end? Armageddon?”

  “Some say this problem could be overcome by the Palestinian State being de-militarised in return for its borders being guaranteed by the UN Security Council. Surely the Palestinians deserve a homeland, and they have been unjustly treated?” responded Karim.

  “Yes, it’s true, many had title deeds to property issued by the Ottoman Empire from which they were evicted by force, but I wouldn’t have much confidence in the UN guaranteeing anyone’s freedom and security – look what happened at Srebrenica – 5,000 Muslims got massacred by Serbs, despite the town being declared a UN protected safe haven complete with a so-called peace keeping troop contingent. Personally I think we need to consider financial compensation in return for acknowledging Israel’s right to exist. For a start there’s plenty of oil money around to pay compensation to the dispossessed. The problem is that there are extremists on both sides who don’t want peace.”

  “What Israelis don’t want peace?”

  “People like Rabin’s assassin – the ultra orthodox types – scratch the surface of them and you will find racists and fascists, yet they are the first to complain about others with those mindsets.”

  “Is that why Jews have been unpopular throughout history – their religion?”

  “It’s far more complicated and has to do with their tending to be clever and rich, neither attribute will make you popular. What it does is to make people jealous. Still, no-one can accuse me of being anti-Jewish – my ex-wife was Jewish and we had two kids.”

  “That sounds like the film, ‘Sleeping with the Enemy’.”

  Both laughed.

  “I had a friend at University who used to say the Jews were certainly right about one thing,” said Ibrahim.

  “What was that?”

  “The second Messiah – his name’s Bob Dylan!”

  While he did not aspire to being a Messiah, Ibrahim was respected and charismatic enough for Lena Khan, the new leader of the Labour Party, to have no problem with his proposal that the MDP and Labour enter into a non-aggression pact in several key constituencies.

  When they met to discuss the mechanics of the pact at Labour’s HQ in Millbank, London SW1, Khan was in a playful mood.

  “Some people are comparing you to Mandela, Ibrahim – that’s a statesman, not merely a common or garden politician like me!” Khan was only half joking.

  “Don’t go public with that statement – frankly I find it highly embarrassing,” countered Ibrahim.

  “That’s misplaced modesty, if you ask me – you should be flattered and be prepared to lap up all the compliments you get, even those provided by political rivals such as myself!

  By the way, how’s your friend, Karim, my former student? You’re very lucky to know him, he’s extremely bright and charming.”

  “Yes, I’m keeping him busy at our campaign HQ – he mentions you from time to time as someone whose views he respects.”

  “Well, we do our best don’t we? I might poach him off you one day, if I manage to play my cards right.”

  “Unlikely I would say – he’s not so keen on some of your fellow travellers – Communists and atheists among them,” explained Ibrahim.

  “Well, like every political party, we’re a broad church, we have to be, that’s democracy. Anyway, I used to be a Marxist when I was his age, it’s a phase loads of my colleagues have been through. There was a time, say, 30 or 40 years ago, when it seemed like a reasonable response to the world’s problems – you had the Vietnam War, fascist dictators running Spain and Greece, to say nothing of Pakistan, and Apartheid in South Africa, in case you’ve forgotten,” continued Khan.

  “Well, he was brought up in the UAE where they don’t assume democracy is that desirable and regard Communism as the work of Satan, as you know. Anyway, while we’re on the subject of Marx, I also see my function is to make history, not just write about it.”

  “I couldn’t agree more,” said Khan.

  “Okay, then, can we deal with this beneficial carve-up of constituencies,” Ibrahim continued, “I think you’ve already agreed in principle that a pact is the way to go with this first past the post system?”

  “Okay, fine, I’ve got a full list here”, said Khan. “It comprises the voting details from the last 2 General Elections and some comments relating to ethnic and religious composition in various key constituencies, which could be relevant.”

&nbs
p; Ibrahim spent several minutes looking over the papers supplied by Khan and said:

  “This all looks fine, can we look in particular at the Tory held marginals where Labour came second last time – we could probably split those between us, say, two-thirds to you and one third for us?”

  “We’d be looking for at least eighty per cent of those – how about if we give you twenty per cent of those plus all the seats where the Lib Dems came first or second, apart from those where Labour came first, of course?”

  The haggling continued along similar lines for another three hours, by which time they’d agreed on a carve-up of around 275 seats. At that point they decided to call it a day.

  By then, there were 170 where MDP had agreed to give Labour a clear run, and 105 where Labour had agreed to do likewise for the MDP.

  Meanwhile, in the Sun’s offices, Sheikh was busy contemplating a plot that could land the MDP with enough seats to hold the balance of power.

  The original proposal was that the Saudis would discount the price of their oil heading to the UK by fifty per cent, provided at least 50 MDP candidates were elected to the House of Commons. This proposal was quickly dropped as being a likely breach of electoral law.

  The crowning glory of the revised proposal was that the Saudis would pay across a large sum, say three hundred and fifty million dollars, to various charitable and educational projects, including at least half of such sum to be divided between the top ten charities in RUK.

  Sheikh understood perfectly that, whereas there are loads of Brits who will do just about anything for money, there are possibly more, who will do just about anything for charity.

  The whole scheme was later to be dismissed by the Telegraph as “the Tesco clubcard approach to politics”, to which Sheikh responded by saying “What’s good enough for Tesco is good enough for me!”

  The idea had originally been floated three weeks previously at a dinner at the Pakistani Embassy at which the Saudi Ambassador had been guest of honour. The Ambassador had been complaining about the Americans always wanting to call the shots on all international issues, from the failed invasion of Cuba through to the Middle East crisis via the Vietnam War and numerous overt and covert interventions in Iran, Chile, central America and so on.

  Sheikh, half jokingly, had said why don’t you get your own back by using your cash to influence some Elections in the West, starting with the current RUK General Election.

  The other dinner party guests fell silent at what seemed like a challenge, leading Sheikh to think he may have spoken out of turn.

  Perhaps surprisingly, the Saudi rose to the challenge.

  “What do you suggest?”

  “Well, the West needs oil to survive, so why not agree to discount the price in return for people voting for Ibrahim and the MDP?”

  “That’s a bit too obvious, I don’t think the MDP would agree that and it might be illegal.”

  “Okay, then, have regard to public relations – how about a massive donation to charity of, say, $350 million, whichever way people vote – but let it be known that you would welcome more MDP MPs?”

  After a thirty-second pause, the Saudi eventually smiled and said “Okay, I’ll put it to my government if Ibrahim Irani will agree it in principle…”

  Later, on meeting Ibrahim, Sheikh broached the subject of the proposed Saudi deal.

  “Why would they want this?” said Ibrahim.

  “It’s a combination of public relations and influence and to teach the Yanks a lesson. It was my idea in the first place, not theirs,” said Sheikh. “Your justification for agreeing it, if you need one, can be the charitable donation – the British will forgive virtually any activity if there’s a charitable side effect or spin off.”

  “Okay, that might do as a moral justification, but what about political justification – the Americans will call it bribery and corruption,” said Ibrahim.

  “Don’t be scared of the Yanks – put the boot in if necessary – they’re probably much less popular here than they realise. Say they are hypocrites if they criticise you – they purport to support democracy, but since 1945 they’ve engineered the overthrow of democratically elected governments in Iran in 1952 and Chile in 1971 – Gaza is currently a work in progress – there are countless other examples of interference. By veiled threats, they even attempted to influence the EU Referendum here. Besides, you know what they say, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth – or maybe in this case, that should read camel instead of horse!”

  Ibrahim laughed. “Okay”, said Ibrahim, “I’ll go along with it on two conditions – in your coverage in The Sun, first you say it’s your idea and not theirs or mine, and secondly that we’re not giving them any favours in return – it’s a goodwill gesture on their part and that’s all.”

  “Fine, I’ll run that past Rashid, the Saudi Ambassador.”

  That evening, Sheikh met the Saudi again at the Pakistani Embassy – neutral ground, you might say.

  Sheikh recited the deal on offer –

  “This is the basis on which Ibrahim will approve our arrangement – it’s got to be like this as anything he might agree formally in return, would compromise his integrity and potentially sink him.”

  At first, the Saudi was reluctant, but Sheikh sold it to him on the basis of the need to counter the often negative image the Saudis had in the UK and that the deal would be good public relations.

  Rashid was a mid-ranking Saudi Royal, and was able to clear the proposal quickly with his uncle and cousin, the ruler and Minister of Finance respectively in Saudi Arabia.

  At first, the English Press, apart from The Sun, was hostile, as were the Americans. With regard to the former, Sheikh went on a charm offensive using The Sun’s paper and online versions, and with regard to the latter, Ibrahim, on Sheikh’s advice, accused the Americans of being hypocrites and told them to stop lecturing the British people on how they should vote.

  The polls started to swing round to show Ibrahim’s MDP was gaining ground.

  Several leading charities spelt out in detail what they would do with the twenty million pounds or so, they were each expecting to receive.

  On the day of the Election, Karim remained at the MDP’s HQ coordinating the Party’s organisation, together with various other Party workers, in a bid to get all potential MDP voters to cast their vote, however elderly or infirm.

  That night, Karim and Kirsty stayed up all night watching the Election results on a BBC TV Newsnight Election Special programme chaired by Dan Nicholson.

  Much to Karim and Kirsty’s delight, Ibrahim secured a landslide victory in his Birmingham constituency – the result being declared at around 5.00 am.

  By 7.00 am, the results in around half the seats had been declared and the MDP had secured 70 seats so far.

  Karim, naturally, was over the moon and, while hugging Kirsty, said, “No-one’s ever seen anything like this before – we’re going to easily hold the balance of power – we can really make a difference now.”

  “Don’t overdo it, darling, not all seats have been declared yet,” – Kirsty counselled caution, but Karim was having none of it.

  “I’ll always remember this day, it’s just fantastic!”

  “Yes, Darling, I know you’ve done amazingly well, congratulations – just remember don’t speak too soon to the media, I’m going to bed.”

  Even if Karim had then tried to sleep, he wouldn’t have been able to, he was high on a mixture of adrenaline, excitement and caffeine.

  By 11.00 pm the following night, all the results had been declared and Karim still had not slept.

  With no seats now allocated to the Scots anymore, the number of seats being declared was down to 591.

  The result looked like this:

  Conservative Party

  184

/>   Labour Party

  213

  Muslim Democratic Party (MDP)

  142

  Green Party

  32

  Others

  20

  ___

  591

  14

  Following the election result, it quickly became apparent that Labour was the only Party able to form a government – even if substantially dependent on the co-operation of the MDP.

  Lena Khan, Labour’s leader, was duly summoned to Buckingham Palace for an audience with the King, who invited her to form a government, an invitation she was very pleased to accept.

  That same day she had a meeting with Ibrahim, who was ebullient following the MDP’s election successes.

  Ibrahim showed up at No. 10 with his close political ally, Majid Sharif.

  “Congratulations Lena, on Labour’s successes and your appointment as PM – what’s it feel like now to have the keys of the kingdom?”

  “Congratulations to yourselves as well, Ibrahim. It’s not rocket science what we agreed but the results are truly satisfactory, if not spectacular. Obviously I now need to ask you for another deal – how about Deputy PM and Foreign Secretary for you as the price of the MDP’s co-operation?”

  “That sounds fine if you can also give Majid here education – he’s dead keen to try his hand in that area. He’s got Degrees in PPE from Oxford and Economics from Harvard, so he’s well qualified, surely?”

  “That sounds okay to me so long as the approach is pluralistic rather than exclusively Islamic…?”

  “Yes, I reckon we can agree that, subject to some re-visiting of the issue of faith Schools – our manifesto promised as much.”