Karim, King of England

by Baz Wade

  Ibrahim later confessed to Karim that he found the dual role extremely stressful and that it detracted from his ability to carry out either role effectively.

  Meanwhile, a development in the lives of Karim and Kirsty was to give the Press more positive news to write about following recent traumatic events.

  “Kirsty, I love you, please will you marry me?”

  They had climbed to the top of Arthur’s Seat, the 820-foot volcanic hill dominating the centre of Edinburgh, a city they both loved.

  “I love you too, Karim, so the answer’s of course I will. Why did you have to wait so long to ask me…?”

  Karim, encouraged by the positive response, then produced the Cartier engagement ring his father had given his mother on the ski slope in Italy – it was in its original box and Kirsty was suitably impressed.

  “Darling Karim, where did you get this from, it’s fantastic?”

  “It was my mother’s, I’m sure she would have wanted you to have it…”

  They kissed and embraced for several minutes.

  “When and where shall we get married?” asked Karim.

  “As soon as possible, please,” said Kirsty.

  “Okay, and where?”

  “Crieff Castle, Perthshire, near where my mum and dad live.”

  “That didn’t take you long to decide!” said Karim.

  “Well, I’ve been dreaming about my wedding since I was six years old – since well before I met you! I just never mentioned it to you.”

  “That’s fine, Darling,” said Karim, “I’ll go along with anything you say – within reason!”

  15

  “We’re worried about this joint campaign being run by The Times and the Daily Mail, Prime Minister.”

  The Foreign Secretary, Ross Clarke, and Labour Party Chairman, Steve Bradley, had asked for a special meeting with Ibrahim at Number 10.

  “The campaign demands an end to the influence of Republicans and Islamists in the top echelons of government and it looks like the opinion polls are swinging behind it.”

  “So what are your suggestions?” said Ibrahim.

  “Well, the obvious way to water down the so-called Islamic influence is to amalgamate the MDP and the Labour Party,” said Bradley.

  “It would need a new entity with a new name as some of our people don’t want to inherit Labour’s baggage, in particular do not wish to be subservient to the will of the Unions,” said Ibrahim.

  “Fine, so if you can agree in principle, we’ll think about a new name.”

  “Yes, I can agree in principle, subject to there being a majority in favour amongst MPs and Party activists,” said Ibrahim.

  “Do you have a view on the point about the Republican influence?” said the Foreign Secretary.

  “It’s probably no secret any more that I am not happy being Head of State and Prime Minister – I’d be quite happy to see the restoration of constitutional monarchy, with the right person as Monarch of course.”

  “In that case, we could initiate a review of the issue – and promote a public debate, leading perhaps to a Referendum – legally binding this time, not just advisory!” said Bradley.

  “This will need a debate and vote in the House of Commons so we will need to inform the speaker,” commented Ibrahim.

  The subsequent debate in the Commons ten days later was, at times, fractious and heated. Ibrahim had to call upon all his powers of oratory to persuade waiverers that a Republic had been tried – he had been the guinea pig as Prime Minister and Head of State and it wasn’t working, and wasn’t popular. In his opinion the polls this time were right.

  The motion was:-

  This House supports in principle the restoration of a constitutional monarchy and the holding of a legally binding Referendum to gauge the will of the people and who should be their Sovereign.

  The motion was eventually carried comfortably with 330 in favour, 45 against and 70 abstentions. Most sceptical MPs were reluctant to be seen as anti-democratic by opposing a Referendum.

  The motion was then drafted as a Bill – the Restoration of the Monarchy Bill – which passed through the House of Commons and the House of Lords within the next three weeks.

  Ibrahim again had to work hard to counter opposition to uniting formally amongst some MDP and Labour Party members and MPs, but the leading lights in both parties were strongly in favour of joining forces and a vote to merge at a special joint party conference was eventually carried, as was a motion to call the merged Party the Free Democrats.

  “I’m determined to invite Richard and Sophia to our wedding – Richard is my only potential link with my mother’s family, and this would be the best way of breaking the ice.”

  “Surely your mother had several other blood relatives living,” said Kirsty.

  “Quite probably, though my gut feeling is that Richard is the most likely to accept me.”

  Karim and Kirsty were discussing the guest list for their wedding at his grandfather’s flat in Cadogan Square.

  Though now well into his eighties, Hassan was still on the ball, and Karim bowed to his better judgment on many things.

  “Don’t forget I’ll be funding most of this wedding so you can easily ask 250 if you wish,” offered Hassan.

  “That’s very kind of you Granddad – we have sold the exclusive rights to take Press photos to Hello magazine for £75,000 so we were going to use, say, £50,000 of that towards the wedding and give the rest to charity.”

  “I think that may look slightly mercenary – it would be better to err on the side of generosity and give it all to charity – I can easily afford £50,000,” Hassan commented.

  “That is fantastic, I can’t thank you enough,” said Kirsty, “my parents can only afford around £10,000 max and Karim and I have various friends and contacts who would be offended not to be asked.”

  The invitation for Richard and Sophia was to be sent to them in Canada by international courier and Karim, with input from Kirsty, drafted a letter to the (ex) Royal couple which read as follows

  Dear Prince Richard and Princess Sophia

  I expect you will have read in the Press that we plan to marry at Crieff Castle, Perthshire on 5 July 2018. We are enclosing an invitation to the wedding and would be very honoured and pleased if you would both attend. Karim attaches great importance to working towards a reconciliation with the family of his mother, Caroline, the late Princess of Wales, despite the trials and tribulations of the past.

  With very best wishes

  Your sincerely

  Karim Khaled and Kirsty McShane

  The letter was handwritten and two weeks after it was sent, a formal typed response was received at Kirsty’s parents’ address in Perth.

  Prince Richard and Princess Sophia thank Mr and Mrs McShane for their kind invitation to the wedding of their daughter, Kirsty, to Karim Khaled, but regrettably they are unable to accept due to other commitments.

  Inside the envelope was a smaller, handwritten envelope addressed to Karim personally. It contained a handwritten letter which read as follows:

  Dear Karim Khaled

  Many thanks for your letter and for inviting us to your wedding. Despite having abdicated, my diary is very full – the Canadians are still very keen to invite us to their social and charitable functions and seem to be in denial re the point that I’m not their Head of State.

  Believe it or not, I would very much like to have attended your wedding and followed it up with a visit to St Andrews, where I spent several happy years as a student. I was advised this was a non-starter, mainly due to the political situation.

  It may interest you to know that I have no reason to doubt that you are who you and your family say you are, and one day when things are calmer, I would very much like to meet you.

  Please keep the content of this letter confidential –
I am sure you understand the reason for this.

  With best wishes to you and your bride-to-be.

  Richard

  Karim was delighted that Richard had taken the trouble to write to him personally.

  “Darling, this is fantastic – he has acknowledged my existence and in language that’s about as positive and friendly as any I could have hoped for—­”

  “Don’t let it go to your head Darling, there’s still a lot of work to do before you can hope to meet him,” responded Kirsty.

  “But he says he wants to meet me – that’s us presumably.”

  “Maybe, but I expect he still has some stuffy advisers who will see us as a threat.”

  “On the contrary, I expect the stuffy advisers will have deserted him following his abdication,” responded Karim.

  “It remains to be seen if that’s true or if it’s wishful thinking by various journalists – how about reviewing the guest list for our wedding, Darling – we need to get on with it otherwise the Press reports will overtake reality…” commented Kirsty.

  “Well it won’t be the first time – everyone knows Andy Sheikh will make up news if he’s not told anything,” said Karim.

  “By the way, what’s this I hear about his dodgy wedding present to us?” asked Kirsty.

  “Oh he’s threatening to provide us with a belly dancer specially flown in from Cairo – he’s cottoned on to the point that belly dancers often perform in traditional Arab weddings. The ulterior motive is that it will give him something to write about that will appeal to Sun readers. I prefer to just let him get on with it, do you mind?”

  “That’s typical Sheikh – anything to appeal to the lowest common denominator,” said Kirsty.

  “He’ll call you a snob if you repeat that,” warned Karim.

  “It’s okay, I’ll stay out of it, I know you don’t want to fall out with him,” – Kirsty sighed – “even so, I can’t imagine what my mum will think.”

  “She can think what she likes just so long as she doesn’t make a scene – that would play into his hands,” said Karim. “And don’t forget Sheikh has also offered to pay for the two bagpipers – so you can tell that to your mum – that should keep her quiet.”

  “Mum couldn’t be happier really – she’s also very grateful for your granddad’s generosity in paying for most of the wedding. Mum and Dad were very worried before about footing the bill for entertaining all these high profile guests AND he’s giving us a Discovery 4 x 4 on top…”

  “AND paying for a Berber band to be flown in from Marrakesh – we’re very lucky…”

  “I know that darling” said Kirsty – “I’m very excited – I think it’s going to be a great day,” she continued.

  Several weeks later, on a sunny Saturday in early July, while amongst family and friends, Karim and Kirsty found themselves taking their wedding vows in the Chapel of Crieff Castle, Kirsty having entered the Chapel on the arm of her father while a lone piper played Amazing Grace.

  The Service was mainly Christian and included hymns such as ‘Jerusalem’ and ‘Guide Me O Thou Great Redeemer’. In ‘Jerusalem’, the words were carefully altered to include Scotland instead of England, as the preferred location for a new Jerusalem. Sheikh made a mental note to include reference to this in his write-up of the event for The Sun a couple of days later.

  Partway through the Service, a passage was read out from the Koran in Arabic to acknowledge the bridegroom’s heritage. An English translation of the passage was printed on the Service sheet. It read:-

  God is Bounteous

  And they say “Our Lord, let our spouses and children be a source of joy for us, and keep us in the forefront of the righteous.”

  “Our Lord, admit them into the Gardens of Eden that you promised for them and for the righteous among their parents, spouses and children. You are the Almighty, Most Wise.”

  Among His Proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquillity and contentment with each other and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who reflect.

  Today, all good food is made lawful for you. The food of the people of the scripture is lawful for you. Also you may marry the chaste women among the believers, as well as the chaste women among the followers of previous scripture. You shall maintain chastity, not committing adultery, nor taking secret lovers.

  Anyone who rejects the faith, all his work will be in vain, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.

  Many of the guests commented after the Service that the bride looked stunning in a cream dress with lace and a veil complementing her red hair.

  After much soul searching and consultation with Kirsty, Karim wore a dark jacket with bow tie and trews in the Stuart tartan. He insisted he had a right to wear these as his mother was a direct descendant of Charles II, no doubt via one of his mistresses, but the family tree of his late mother was not something Karim was prepared to question.

  When Sheikh heard this he again made a mental note to include such factoid in his piece for The Sun.

  At one stage, Karim had intended to wear a ceremonial version of Dubai Dish Dash, but Kirsty had gently reminded him that the Scottish weather could be unkind and soggy Dish Dash would not look very smart, as well as being too cold for the climate.

  Following the wedding service, the party continued with a reception in the Castle’s impressive baronial dining hall lined with portraits of the current and previous Dukes of Atholl, whose family had owned the Castle and its land, now comprising 145,000 acres and some of the best fishing and deer stalking in the whole of Scotland.

  The reception included a feast for 250 at which the guests were offered various canapés, followed by a choice of main course comprising either fresh salmon with green salad and new potatoes, or a Moroccan lamb stew with sweet potatoes, dried apricots and cous cous.

  This was followed by locally grown strawberries or Rocky Road pudding. There were generously filled glasses of champagne and large quantities of soft drinks for teetotallers, of which there were several on Karim’s side of the family.

  During this time the guests were serenaded by a Moroccan Berber Band flown in at the expense of Hassan. This Band was accompanied, discreetly, by an Egyptian belly dancer, as promised. She made a beeline for Karim, who was relatively unmoved, much to Sheikh’s disappointment.

  Karim had been advised by Hassan to steer clear of religion and politics in his speech, which was generally low key, as were the other speeches, much to the relief of Kirsty and her mum.

  There then followed the spectacle of Reeling – Scottish country dancing – serenaded by two pipers and two accordions – the reels attempted included the Duke of Perth, an Eightsome, and the Reel of the Fifty First.

  Theo, Karim’s best man – a friend from Uni and fellow band member, had recently finished reading a biography of Oscar Wilde. He had picked up a point he decided then and there to share with Karim.

  “You may be better off taking Oscar Wilde’s advice…”

  “What’s that?”

  “He said he’d try anything once apart from incest and Scottish country dancing!”

  “It will disappoint Kirsty if I don’t give it a try.”

  “No really, you may fall over, which would disappoint her even more – it’s much more difficult than it looks apparently – that’s the dancing I’m talking about not the incest!”

  By this time Sheikh was listening in to the conversation.

  “Exactly, and you don’t want to injure yourself and be off games tonight,” he guffawed.

  “That’s enough – both of you – stop nannying me around,” snapped Karim.

  He took Theo’s advice all the same and confined himself to some safe moves in the disco that followed the reeling.

  The party continue
d til 2.00 am, at which point Karim and Kirsty adjourned gratefully to the marital bed. It was at times like this that Karim thanked his lucky stars he was teetotal – on the night Kirsty had good cause to be grateful he was teetotal as well.

  The following morning, Karim and Kirsty had breakfast before most of the other guests and set off in the new Discovery presented to them by Hassan.

  For their honeymoon, they spent the next ten days touring the Western Isles, mainly Mull, Iona and Eigg.

  They swam from a deserted beach on Iona, complete with white sand – the product of millions of years of erosion by clear salty water.

  They sampled the delicious fresh salmon on offer at the best restaurant in Tobermory, arguably the most picturesque harbour with the purest air and cleanest sea water in the whole of Britain.

  They visited Duart Castle on the north-eastern tip of Mull and marvelled at the commanding views over the adjacent sea loch, an ideal location for repelling any seaborne invaders who might decide to mount a challenge to the local supremacy of the MacLean clan.

  After an idyllic honeymoon during which they agreed they’d found, in each other, soul mates and not just spouses, they eventually found themselves back in Edinburgh.

  Karim was lucky indeed to have Kirsty as his partner, an ideal person to have by his side during the severe test of character and courage that would soon engulf them…

  16

  “This referendum isn’t going to work unless we have at least one genuinely popular candidate to be Monarch, and you are one of the two obvious choices,” observed Ibrahim, who had rung Karim the day after he’d arrived back in Edinburgh.

  “Who’s the other obvious choice?” asked Karim.