Karim, King of England

by Baz Wade

  “I don’t have reactionary views and I object to your question – come to think of it, you were the interviewer who failed to edit the unfortunate interview just after my father and stepmother were released by their kidnappers – perhaps you would now like to apologise for being a substantial cause of their assassination!”

  Wheatley reddened with a combination of embarrassment and anger.

  “That’s outrageous – it wasn’t my fault the interview didn’t get edited.”

  “It was your responsibility, and you know it – it’s people like you who signed my mother’s death warrant into the bargain – that’s it, this interview is terminated.”

  At that point Richard rose from his chair, tore off the mike and walked out of the studio.

  Richard’s planned interview with Hamish Buchanan of ITN then had to be postponed while the repercussions from Richard’s walk-out were dealt with and absorbed.

  Headlines in the anti-Richard Press the following day like RICHARD QUITS AGAIN! in the Mirror didn’t help, and it was with great difficulty that Richard’s friends and advisers persuaded him to continue his campaign.

  A full 48 hours passed before Richard sat down to the interview by Hamish Buchanan and that was on the condition that no mention was made of his walk-out over Wheatley’s comments.

  Buchanan had already resolved to stick mainly to the scripted questions so Richard would have no cause to complain.

  “It’s often said your grandmother would have easily got the job if she’d ever had to apply for it. Does that apply to you – if so, please say why?”

  “It’s kind of people to say that about her – I’m sure she would have been very flattered to know that’s what people thought. As for me, I was brought up knowing that the Crown would be mine one day if I wanted it, and I was also brought up to know about many of the tips and tricks involved in being a popular Royal – as regards whether or not I would get the job, we shall have to wait and see how the Electorate vote. I will, of course, fully accept the result of the vote, whichever way it goes.” Such was Richard’s measured and diplomatic response.

  Buchanan continued.

  “I see that you are emphasising you are a Christian and member of the Church of England, in particular. Do you see this as much of an advantage now that only around 44% of the population regard themselves as Christian?”

  “It’s still the case that the Monarch is Head of the Church of England, but I would not be worried by a constitutional decision that this role should be adopted by the Archbishop of Canterbury. In my view, there is a debate to be had about the pros and cons of Church and State being entirely separate.

  A separation may be the more modern approach – again, I will accept the decision of Parliament and the Government on this.”

  Much to the relief of Richard’s friends, advisers and supporters, the rest of the interview went well enough for Richard to declare himself to have been fairly treated this time.

  Piers Wheatley’s antagonism to Richard sparked bitter exchanges on social media. While many sympathised with his point that his stepmother was vulnerable to the predations of the Press, which was antagonistic toward her reactionary and prejudiced views, particularly after her recent kidnapping, Richard’s reaction to Wheatley’s pointed questions reminded others of John Nott. As Minister of Defence during the Falklands War in 1982, he had been so uncomfortable when questioned about his role in the handling of the conflict, he tore off his microphone and stormed out of the interview. It was commented by many on social media that Richard should have shown restraint commensurate with his Royal or ex Royal status.

  In its piece about the interview Karim had with Hamish Buchanan, ITN reported the popularity of a tweet suggesting he should back a campaign to make Islam the State religion. Despite Karim declaring his contempt for Jihadism and his commitment to separating Church and State, this tweet attracted over 12,000 likes and replies adding a demand for Sharia to replace English law.

  When asked by ITN for his views as a Muslim on this, Prime Minister Ibrahim pointed out that Islamist fundamentalism was a worldwide phenomenon and that it was most unlikely much of this response was from British Muslims.

  “Twitter is plagued by a multiplicity of false profiles” he told the Spectator in another interview. “The Home Secretary has made the effort to meet the major social media companies now and been assured they will police the presence of Jihadist platforms and eradicate such abuse. Failing that, my government will be proposing legislation to force them to take action.”

  Karim was beside himself with excitement as he and Kirsty, both in evening dress, installed themselves in the back seat of the Jaguar XK driven by a specially trained Police driver, accompanied by armed bodyguard, both from the Royalty & Specialist Protection (RASP) division of the Metropolitan Police (known affectionately by the Royals as Raspberries, not just due to their initials, but also due to the red cars they usually drove).

  The newlyweds had been invited by Ibrahim to a reception at 10 Downing Street for the referendum candidates and their wives.

  “Tell me something Darling…”

  “What’s that, Honey?” Kirsty gently responded to Karim’s plea.

  “How in Heaven’s name do you plan for a meeting with your long lost half brother?”

  “Act natural – don’t be stand-offish – it will all be fine,” Kirsty wisely advised.

  “I hope you’re right – I feel I’ve only got one go at this and I’ve got to get it right.”

  As they approached No. 10 it became apparent that the world’s media were out in force – there was a large bank of TV cameras and photographers, eager to capitalise on this major event in British and global politics.

  There was also a substantial crowd of onlookers, many of whom clapped and cheered when they caught sight of Karim and Kirsty, who arrived before Richard and Sophia.

  On the steps of No. 10, Karim and Kirsty turned towards the media contingent and waved for the cameras.

  Someone shouted:

  “Are you nervous sir?”

  Karim did not respond – he just kept smiling. He was nervous, but wasn’t about to admit it in public.

  Once safely inside No. 10, they were able to spend a few minutes taking in their surroundings while Karim sipped an orange juice and Kirsty enjoyed a glass of English sparkling wine from a vineyard deep in the Sussex countryside.

  The conversation in the room fell silent, which signalled the arrival of Richard and Sophia, both looking immaculate – Richard in a well tailored black tie evening suit and Sophia in an eye-catching royal blue gown.

  Protocol demanded that Richard and Sophia be then introduced to the various diplomats first, then the politicians.

  Karim and Kirsty were the last to be introduced to Richard and Sophia – by Ibrahim personally.

  Karim warmly shook Richard’s hand, then, throwing caution and protocol to the wind, proceeded to embrace Richard in a full-on Arabian bear hug – much to the amusement of most of the assembled politicians, diplomats and other prominent worthies, including Richard himself.

  Karim disentangled himself.

  “I’m sorry, sir, if that greeting seemed over the top, but I’ve been waiting most of my life for this moment…”

  “It’s fine old chap – a good way of breaking the ice I’m sure – call me Richard – meet my wife, Sophia; Darling meet Karim.”

  “Delighted, I’m sure,” said Sophia. “We were so sorry we could not go to your wedding, we were advised not to, if the truth were told.”

  “That’s fine,” – volunteered Kirsty, “we would have loved to see you, but quite understood when you said you could not accept – Karim has kept Richard’s letter – he really treasures it.”

  Richard laughed. Karim looked slightly embarrassed – the ladies smiled, and chatted together.

  “Listen old chap, ta
lking of letters, I have some unfinished business I would like to transact with you.”

  Richard produced an envelope from his inside pocket and handed it to Karim. Richard continued:

  “It’s a copy of a letter our mother wrote to me – just wonder if you’d seen it, or knew anything about it, like where it was written?”

  Karim quickly re-read the letter his grandfather had had posted to Richard four years ago.

  Karim gulped – he knew he should not betray the confidence of his grandfather, and yet he could not bring himself to lie to his blood relative.

  “I was aware of the existence of this letter, but would prefer not to say any more right now, except that you’re very lucky to have had a letter from her – I wish she’d written to me as well!”

  Richard smiled.

  “Don’t worry, we can perhaps discuss it some other time. When this election is out of the way you must both come and stay at Highgrove.”

  “That would be marvellous – perhaps you and Sophia would like to stay in our family chalet in Cortina and get down to some serious skiing.”

  “Yes, that would be very kind of you – all these trips and so on have to be vetted by my security people, but I’m sure a way can be found.”

  “Can you please assure me of one thing, sir… I mean Richard – that you will not hold the election result against me, win or lose? I would withdraw if you asked me to.”

  “You really don’t need to worry about that either, Karim – as the letter says, our mother wanted us to be friends and that’s the way it should be. Besides, I believe an election makes the Monarchy stronger.”

  “Thank you Richard. I’m relieved to hear you say that – it really puts my mind at rest.”

  “That’s all right, think nothing of it, may the best man win, and good luck!”

  “Good luck to you too,” said Karim.

  At that point a gong sounded signalling that the guests should take their places at the dinner table.

  The day after the candidates’ dinner at No. 10 saw Sheikh in his office at The Sun discussing the likely election result with his resident history guru, Harry.

  “How do you rate Karim’s chances?” asked Sheikh.

  “The polls show the candidates to be just about evenly matched in most areas.”

  “What about the Caroline factor; hasn’t Karim inherited most of her following?” continued Sheikh.

  “Yes, probably, although she was Richard’s mother as well – but he does not have her charisma – a nice enough bloke but a little ponderous and self obsessed like his dad.

  Karim, on the other hand, does have her charisma in spades” was Harry’s response.

  “I agree,” Sheikh continued, “so he has inherited her legacy – the hearts and minds of a substantial portion of the British public.”

  17

  The Referendum was conducted over 3 days in October 2018 – around 101 years to the day after the accession of the Bolsheviks to power in Russia, as a Guardian editorial helpfully pointed out.

  Three days were needed to collate and count the millions of votes cast, not just in Britain but also in the Commonwealth.

  Naturally each vote was of equal status, whether cast in Bermuda or Blackburn.

  The BBC and Sky News ran round-the-clock coverage of the whole process. Karim did particularly well in Scotland, West Indies, Birmingham and London.

  The result of the Referendum was due to be announced by the Chief Returning Officer in the main Banqueting Hall of Windsor Castle at 6.00 pm on Friday 19 October 2018.

  Sheikh and the editorial team at The Sun watched the proceedings on the TV monitor in The Sun newsroom.

  With regard to the Referendum itself on whether or not the monarchy should be restored, 76% of the Electorate voted for restoration.

  Harry, the history guru, joined the editorial group watching the monitor at around 5.00 pm on the day.

  “How is Karim doing?”

  “Very well, but Canada hasn’t declared yet” responded Sheikh.

  “The Canadian declaration isn’t due until around 5.45 pm” said the TV commentator.

  “The Canadian polls indicate that Prince Richard is very likely to do much better than Karim Khaled, but the latter is currently leading overall with 54% of the votes cast. Right now it’s too close to call.”

  As predicted, around 5.45 pm the Canadian result came through.

  “… of the 8,400,000 or so votes cast in Canada, around 5,350,000 have gone to Prince Richard… we are now checking through the figures, wait… I have the final result… the winner overall is Karim Khaled with 50.5% of the vote!!”

  Sheikh immediately texted Karim, who he knew was sitting in Windsor Castle waiting for the formal declaration.

  Congratulations, Karim, you’ve won. BW Andy S

  Karim showed Sheikh’s text to Kirsty, who just managed to refrain from shouting “Yes!” in front of the assembled dignitaries, journalists and TV crews.

  Following the formal announcement of the results by the Returning Officer, 10 minutes later, Karim immediately sought out Richard and warmly shook his hand.

  “This is really the greatest moment. Kirsty and I are so grateful to you for allowing this contest to proceed. Whatever happens, from now on, please stay in touch.”

  “Congratulations to both of you – I am sure we can rely on you to discharge your duties wisely, and if there’s anything I can do to help just say the word,” responded Richard.

  At that moment the Returning Officer approached.

  “Perhaps you would now like to address the Hall sir?”

  “Certainly” said Karim. He wasn’t about to ad lib a speech at this stage, and extracted his victory speech from his jacket pocket, just double checking it wasn’t the other speech he’d prepared which conceded defeat.

  “My Lords, ladies and gentlemen

  This is really the greatest honour and I am truly humbled by the victory which an international Electorate has bestowed on me and my wife, Kirsty. Thank you to everyone who participated in this election, whether or not they voted for me, and a special thank you to all those who campaigned for us. I only wish my – I mean our – mother could have been with us today.

  I am sure she would have been very proud of both Prince Richard and myself – sorry if that sounds conceited! A special thank you also to my wife, Kirsty, for putting up with me constantly talking about putting the world to rights and for continuing to have faith in me during this campaign.

  Finally, it should go without saying, but I will say it anyway, I intend to fulfil my role as your Monarch in the interests of all our people regardless of colour or creed.

  Thank you again, and may you all be blessed by the Almighty on this day and always.”

  “They need to take this seriously, this link between the Anglican Church and the Monarchy has existed in this country for nearly 500 years – since Henry VIII’s time,” said Harry at The Sun’s editorial meeting.

  “I’ll tell Ibrahim in case he doesn’t know it already!” commented Sheikh. “I can’t believe the average voter cares much about it these days,” he continued.

  “It’s part of the fabric of our society,” said Harry. “Our values, attitude to the law and system of justice are underpinned by Christian values.”

  “Tell that to the average MP or lawyer – he probably won’t understand what the fuss is about.”

  “That’s because people take it for granted.”

  “What exactly do they take for granted?” asked Sheikh.

  “That the Ten Commandments handed down by Moses should be the blueprint for everyone’s moral code.”

  “From what I hear of Anglicanism, you can get appointed as a Bishop without necessarily believing in God, let alone the Ten Commandments,” commented Sheikh.

  “I reckon there’s enough materi
al there for an article – if you write it, I’ll make sure Ibrahim sees a copy.”

  “Okay, you’re on” replied Harry.

  Following determined opposition from several Anglican Bishops in the House of Lords, the Monarchy (Abolition of Role as Head of Anglican Church) Bill became law on 20 January 2019, paving the way for the Coronation to take place on 25 February 2019.

  The location of Karim and Kirsty’s Coronation had been the subject of some speculation and debate until Ibrahim and Karim, after consulting various Cabinet members and constitutional experts, settled on Westminster Hall, the oldest building in the Palace of Westminster, and thought to be in keeping with the democratic and non-denominational preferences which both Karim and Kirsty hoped would characterise their new roles.

  The Coronation ceremony had to be specially customised to cater for Karim and Kirsty’s new style of monarchy. The couple would arrive in the unheated gold plated State coronation coach as used at Queen Elizabeth II’s coronation in 1953.

  “It’s February, make sure you wear a pair of long johns,” was Sheikh’s advice when he heard about the mode of transport.

  The ceremonial dress for both Karim and Kirsty was similar to that applicable to the House of Lords – red robes and ermine.

  By this time, Karim and Kirsty were living in a large apartment in Buckingham Palace while the rest of the property was refurbished in readiness for being opened to the public for educational and trade promotional purposes.

  By the time the great day arrived, the ceremony had been well rehearsed and everything went like clockwork, fully in keeping with the high standards of the British Monarchy and as expected by the billion strong TV audience worldwide.

  Like the location, the Coronation Oath had also been a matter of some conjecture. The Oath was administered by the speaker of the House of Lords and, on the day, the wording was as follows:-