Creation- The Auditor’s Apprentice

by Frank Stonely

  The hand shot up again, ‘But that isn’t fair, sir, if you’re sitting-’

  ‘Mr. Daniel, please!’ the professor snapped, his gaze alighting on the female student sitting next to Daniel. Even at this distance, Dina’s hawk-eyed vison could read the name badge hanging around her neck. The badge gave her forename as Amy, her family index as 23764, and the subject she would specialise in as Planetary Auditing.

  Miss Amy 64, as she would be known, had gone to great lengths to choose her seat, hoping that its position, several rows back and to the side, would minimise her involvement in the professor’s lecture. Her plan had been going well, until the idiot sitting next to her had put up his hand. She now sat, trying not to make eye contact, flipping through the pages of her registration pack. Dina studied Amy for a few seconds, then, glancing down, placed the spectacles back onto his snout. She sighed with relief and relaxed back into her seat. ‘Right! Let’s start with something simple.’ He walked to the rear of the stage and wrote in large letters G. O. D. in the centre of the blackboard, underlining them with a dramatic slash of the chalk stick as he turned around to ask, ‘Tell me, what does GOD do?’

  Dina was now standing in the centre of the stage waiting for a response, but none came. He stood in silence, terrifying random students with a piercing stare, before his eyes finally came to rest on Amy. He walked across the stage and asked, ‘Miss Amy 64, please enlighten us, what does GOD do?’ Shocked by her sudden involvement, Amy froze in her seat and said nothing. The professor continued, his voice now more sympathetic and encouraging, ‘Miss Amy, please stand up and tell us what you think GOD does.’

  Amy’s heart was racing as she stood up. She took several deep breaths to calm herself before replying, ‘The acronym GOD is the abbreviation for Geo-Ontology Domain, Professor.’ As she spoke her voice gained confidence. ‘This is the organisation within Creation that oversees the production of Dark Matter.’ Amy remained standing, not sure if she had given sufficient information.

  Dina smiled, ‘I’m glad that at least one of you was paying attention in pre-Academy. That was a text-book answer, Miss Amy. Please, take the seat in front of you.’ All the students in Amy’s row had to stand as she shuffled past them towards the central aisle, once there she stood looking at the professor, unsure how to proceed. ‘Well don’t just sit there, Miss Amy needs your help!’ Dina said, gesturing to the student in front of her to vacate his seat. Chaos erupted on the left of the auditorium as the students attempted to reorganise themselves according to the rules of Dina’s quiz. Some pushed their way out onto the aisle, while others just climbed over the seat backs. The noise of the bickering became louder as tempers frayed, jostling turned into aggressive pulling and pushing with some of the males snarling at each other, showing off their long, canine fangs. It took about five minutes for everybody to reposition themselves and for the auditorium to calm down again.

  During the chaos a cloaked, hooded figure had entered the rear of the auditorium and now stood in the shadows beneath the overhang of the lighting gallery. The professor acknowledged the arrival with an almost imperceptible nod of his head and then brought the lecture theatre back to order with a series of sharp thumps on the lectern with his closed fist. He waited for the excited students to calm down, ‘You see how such a simple set of rules can lead to chaos and, from some of you, aggression!’ He paused, slowly scanning the auditorium, ‘Now we will carry on with the quiz, but this time, I will rearrange the seating.’

  He walked to the right of the stage, the students before him starting to squirm in their seats as he began to speak. ‘Miss Amy 64 was correct; the purpose of Creation, the dimension we all live and work in, is the production of Dark Matter, or DM as we refer to it. And GOD, the organisation you all aspire to work for, oversees that production. Without GOD, the production of DM would fall into chaos, an example of which we have all just witnessed.’ A ripple of nervous laughter passed through the auditorium. ‘So, on to another question. Where is this Dark Matter made?’ Several hands shot up, and the professor selected one from the right hand bank of seats with the thrust of an outstretched index finger, ‘And you are?’

  ‘Blazh 53, sir. I’m going to be a drone technician.’

  ‘Welcome, Mr. Blazh 53, please stand and give us your answer.’

  The student stood up, glanced at his friends, and began his reply. ‘Dark Matter is made in the Space Dimension, sir. I think it’s a by-product from the creation of stars and planets.’ Having exhausted his knowledge of the production process, Blazh sat down to satisfied mumblings from his friends.

  ‘Thank you, Mr. Blazh, your answer was basically correct, that is, that Dark Matter is produced in the Space Dimension, but not from stars and planets. In year three, you will learn how the process works in detail. Overall that was a good answer.’

  Immediately the students around him started to move, ‘Not so fast,’ Dina shouted as he returned to the lectern. Everyone sat down again. ‘I think we agreed that I would reorganise the seating this time.’ Facing the students, he theatrically raised his right arm slowly above his head. Then, looking directly towards the hooded figure at the back of the room, he clicked his fingers with a loud snap. Instantly the column of seats in which Blazh 53 sat was rearranged and he found himself one row closer to the stage. It took some seconds for the students to realize what had happened and then the whole lecture theatre erupted with loud excited cries of amazement and looks of disbelief.

  Dina rapped the lectern again with his knuckles, ‘Please!’ He paused and waited for the excited students to calm down. ‘I think you will agree that my approach is somewhat more efficient than yours.’ His audience was transfixed. He walked to the blackboard at the rear of the stage, picked up the chalk and wrote the word CREATION above the initials G. O. D. As he returned to the lectern he started to speak, ‘So, we know that we all live in a dimension we call Creation.’ Dina was again walking back and forth across the front of the stage. ‘And that the purpose of Creation is to produce DM, Dark Matter. And that DM is produced in another dimension called Space, the Space Dimension.’ Dina stopped and turned towards his audience, ‘So what do we mean by the word dimension, and where are these dimensions?’

  His eyes scanned the room; no raised hands this time. He was deliberately probing their knowledge. He would not have expected pre-Academy students to know much about heavenly dimensions. He was about to return to the lectern when he noticed a half-raised arm to his left. Amy couldn’t believe she had put her hand up and quickly pulled it back into her lap. ‘Ah, Miss Amy!’ Dina said enthusiastically, ‘Please stand and enlighten us.’

  Amy stood up, silently cursing herself. She took a deep breath and started to speak. ‘In this sense the word dimension refers to heavenly dimensions, each of which contains a reality such as our own, here in Creation. Heaven contains an infinite number of dimensions, all separated from each other by temporal phasing. That means that as we sit here we are overlaid by thousands of other dimensions. But because of temporal phasing, they are invisible to us and have no effect on our reality, or our lives.’ She paused, glancing at the other students, most of whom had no idea what she was talking about. Daniel, on the other hand, did and sat gazing up at her in awe.

  Professor Dina was also impressed and knew he had a very special student joining the Academy this year. He gestured to her, ‘Please continue.’

  ‘Well, although all the heavenly dimensions coexist, only dimensions that are temporally adjacent to each other can interact, this is called the Temporal Boundary Rule. It’s like a deck of playing cards, with each card being a separate dimension. I think interaction between heavenly dimensions occurs through temporal bubbles called Worm Holes, but I’m really not too sure.’

  Amy slowly sat down, glancing at Daniel who was now sitting behind her. He leant forward and whispered, ‘That was fantastic!’

  The auditorium sat in silence, waiting for Professor Dina’s reaction. ‘Miss Amy, are you sure you are at the r
ight class? Year five students should have registered yesterday.’ More polite laughter rippled through the room. Now addressing all the students, Dina walked back to the lectern, ‘I hope you all paid good attention to the answer just given, which was, of course, correct in almost every detail. My only comment is that the number of heavenly dimensions is not infinite, and that time is not uniform across them. For example, the time difference between Creation and Space is approximately two thousand to one, this is called the Temporal Ratio. So for each day here in Creation, two thousand days pass on the blue planets of the Space Dimension, but you will learn about this in year four.’ As he raised his hand and snapped his fingers again, Amy found herself even closer to the stage, triggering another excited uproar. Dina rapped on the lectern to regain their attention. ‘So, we now have some idea of what dimensions are and what the purpose of Creation is, so who can tell me the names of the divisions within GOD?’ A scattering of hands raised throughout the room and walking forward, Dina picked one to the right, on the back row of seats just in front of the cloaked figure. ‘You, at the back there,’ he said, pointing with an outstretched arm.

  The student looked quickly to each side, making sure he was the one Dina had selected, and then standing up said, ‘I’m Mikale 78, sir. I’m going to study galactic engineering.’

  ‘It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Mikale, please continue,’ Dina said, acknowledging the student with a flourish.

  ‘Apart from this Academy, I think the other divisions of GOD are, Universe Seeding, Planetary Insertion, Dark Matter Extraction and Auditing & Administration, sir.’ Pleased with his answer, Mikale sat down.

  ‘That was a very good effort,’ Dina said as he returned to the blackboard, ‘but you missed one critical division out, DNA and Evolution Control.’ He picked up the chalk and wrote under the word CREATION a list of the GOD divisions, each followed by its abbreviation:

  UNIVERSE SEEDING (US)

  PLANETARY INSERTION (PI)

  DARK MATTER EXTRACTION (DME)

  AUDITING & ADMINISTRATION (A2)

  DNA & EVOLUTION CONTROL (D&EC)

  He turned back to face the students. ‘Four out of five, not a bad attempt, Mr. Mikale, I think we will call that a correct answer.’ Another click of Dina’s fingers and Mikale advanced one row towards the stage. The professor returned to the lectern speaking as he went, ‘There are seven buildings in the GOD complex; one for each of the five divisions, one for the Academy, where we are now, and one for the Grand Depository, which contains the archive records of every universe, galaxy, star and planet that has ever been created. While at this Academy you will spend many days, possibly years in the Grand Depository library, it will become your second home.’ He turned, walked back to the blackboard and added the words GRAND DEPOSITORY to the list written on it.

  For the next hour the question and answer session continued with Daniel desperately trying to get back to a seat next to Amy. The object of the quiz had been to motivate and inspire the new intake and in this Professor Dina had succeeded. Each student left the lecture theatre with five academic credits, so in the end, it had been a fair quiz. They would remember this day for the rest of their lives and in the years to come would tell exaggerated tales of Dina’s lecture to their offspring.

  3

  The Interview

  As the elevator came to a halt, the control panel announced its arrival on the twenty-fifth floor of GOD’s Auditing & Administration building. The doors slid open and Hedrick stepped out onto the main auditing office floor. About the size of a football pitch, the office was divided by a wide central aisle, to the left and right of which were rows of identical work cubicles.

  He walked swiftly towards his office, located at the far end of the floor and, as he approached the door, paused to read the words engraved on its plaque, Hedrick 39841 – Director of Auditing. The last time he could remember reading the inscription was on the morning he commenced his duties, and had proudly opened the door for the first time.

  Considering his position, the office was small and sparsely furnished. In the centre of the room was the antique mahogany desk his wife had given him to commemorate his first centenary as director of auditing. The desk was large and imposing, with a well-worn, green leather captain’s chair behind it. The only items on view were a videophone to one side, and an auditing pad with a fountain pen placed precisely next to it.

  Against the side wall were two bookcases filled with legal and auditing reference books, a number of which carried Hedrick’s name as author. Mounted next to the window was a collection of framed holograms; the smaller ones, of family and friends, arranged around a large, silver-framed hologram of Hedrick and his wife, Kassia, taken on their commitment day. They had met at the Academy and lived happily together ever since.

  Hedrick was always the first to arrive in the department, that quiet period before the office started to fill being the best part of his day. He would sit at his desk and gaze out onto the auditing floor, mentally reviewing the issues of the day. Then his thoughts would be interrupted by the arrival of his secretary, Penny, who had worked with him for more than three hundred years.

  Hedrick took a moment to look around his office. This was no ordinary day. Today marked the beginning of his final week as director of auditing, the last week of a thousand year career working as GOD’s auditor. This time next week he would begin the retirement he and his wife had been planning for years. In just five days’ time, he would be presented with his retirement key, the key that would provide for him and his wife for the rest of their lives.

  There were six grades of key; copper, bronze, silver, gold, platinum and diamond, the grade of key determining the level of comfort provided during your retirement. For a creationist to receive a copper key was a disaster, not only for the individual, but also their family. Typically, a gold key was awarded, but Hedrick knew he had done an outstanding job and was quietly confident of receiving a diamond key, a great honour for both him and his family.

  Whilst looking forward to his retirement, he was going to miss the challenge of his job and the camaraderie of his colleagues. For him, auditing was as much an art as it was a science, he would tell his staff that, a good auditor has an intuition as to whether the figures are correct. Just because the columns add up, does not mean there is not an underlying problem. Under his directorship every universe created by GOD and audited by his department had been perfect, not an atom out of place, no dimensional leakage, and most importantly, no deviation from the Rules of Creation.

  The presentation of his key would take place at a retirement party organised by Penny, in the executive suite on the ninety-eighth floor. Late on Friday afternoon, Hedrick would make his way to join his work colleagues, family, and other GOD directors for the presentation. Then, having received his key, he would give the speech he had been rehearsing for weeks with his wife, before enjoying the refreshments and entertainment that Penny had organised.

  Hedrick’s daydreaming was interrupted by the aroma of freshly brewed coffee only to be immediately overwhelmed by the perfume Penny had chosen to inflict on her colleagues that day. ‘Good morning, Director,’ she said, placing the cup of black coffee before him. ‘We’ve got a busy morning. You’ve got that meeting with Deputy Director Anubis at ten and the new apprentice should be arriving shortly for her induction interview.’ Penny was a brash extrovert; she wore loud, gaudy clothes and jewellery. Her mane and tail hair were often dyed in bright colours, today deep purple with red streaks. She took crap from nobody, and just the threat from Hedrick of involving her in a problem usually resolved it. Her desk was strategically placed just outside his office, ensuring that visitors had to first run the gauntlet of Penny’s interrogation, before being allowed to cross the threshold. Hedrick had given her a chance rarely offered to a low-status female, the opportunity of working for a director of GOD, and for this, Penny was eternally grateful. Many had told him it was a mistake to employ an uneducated female without an academy dipl
oma, but now virtually every director was waiting for Hedrick to retire before making a move to acquire her.

  Anubis was to be Hedrick’s replacement and, out of courtesy, Hedrick had suggested that he shadow him during his final week. He envisaged a series of relaxed sessions with his team leaders, during which he could introduce Anubis and discuss the development of their careers.

  Having savoured the first sip of coffee, Hedrick glanced down at the daily audit report Penny had placed on his desk; it showed in black and white the onerous responsibilities of a director of auditing. Hedrick’s division oversaw the auditing of more than a billion universes, each containing trillions of galaxies, each galaxy packed with billions of stars, but each star being strictly limited to one life-bearing blue planet. There were two columns in the report he always made note of first, Universe Seeding and Dark Matter Extraction. Yesterday’s report showed that 2,854 singularities were seeded of which 98.56% ignited to form proto universes. Dark Matter extraction had matched this to within 0.0001%, all-in-all a very satisfactory day.

  Looking at the pages of the report, Hedrick could not see how Anubis would be able to improve on the auditing systems he had implemented. His team of over three thousand auditors monitored and reported on every aspect of GOD’s activities, from the design and seeding of universes, to specifying the DNA sequences of the simplest single cell life form. He found himself gloating – Perfection – that would be his legacy to Anubis, a thousand years with not so much as an electron unaccounted for.

  Hedrick slid open one of his desk draws and glanced down at the manila folder hidden away inside. To leave his successor perfection, there was one last assignment he must complete.