What the Heart Wants

by Kelli McCracken

  Heaven caressed the velvet cover, wondering what type of memories she’d find inside it. “Maybe this will give me a chance to remember some of my past.”

  Hope sat down beside her. She squeezed Heaven’s shoulder, giving her a little wiggle. “Don’t think about him.”

  “How can I not? Mick’s the reason so many of my childhood memories are gone.”

  “I know, Hev. But don’t let your anger toward him and what he did eat you up, again. You had such a hard time coming back from all of that. I don’t want to see you slip away, again.”

  “I’m not going to,” Heaven sighed, hugging the journal.

  “You have Dylan, now. Make new memories. Don’t worry about that past. And like you said, your journal might trigger some of those childhood moments you want to remember. You wrote in that thing every day.”

  The love and concern in Hope’s touch faded from Heaven’s shoulder. She gazed at her sister as Hope stood up from the bed. “Where are you going?”

  “I have to go jump in the shower. Scott will be here in an hour. That doesn’t leave me much time. Oh, before I forget,” Hope paused as she dropped a set of keys on the bed. “In case you need to go anywhere while I’m gone. And tell Chelsea I’m in love with her car when she comes by tomorrow.”

  “Won’t you be here?”

  Hope’s lips curved upward. “Depends how the evening goes.”

  Heaven shook her head as her sister disappeared out the door. Her eyes fell to the journal cradled in her arms like a favorite stuffed toy.

  What secrets and memories did the pages contain? Would she be able get back the many memories her psychotic ex-boyfriend had stolen from her?

  Guess there was only one way to find out.

  She cracked open the book, her eyes sweeping across the faded ink inside. Various lengths of entries filled the pages as she fanned through them. She stopped on one of the pages, laughing at how messy her handwriting used to be.

  I think I’m going to love fifth grade. All the teachers are super cool. Especially my music teacher, Mr. Compton. Can’t believe this is my last year in the elementary building. How cool will it be to attend the middle school next year?

  Mom wants me to try out for cheerleading, but I don’t want to. Faith doesn’t want me to, either. She’s such a jealous brat. Oh, well, at least I have one sister who loves me. Thank you, God, for giving me Hope. Thanks for giving me Faith, too. But could you make her a little nicer?

  Yep. Faith had always been a pain in the ass.

  Speaking of which, she’d have to ask Hope where Faith was. Maybe she should go check her room to see if her stuff was still here. As much time as she had spent with Layne, it wouldn’t surprise Heaven if they’d moved in together. Except that Layne didn’t seem like the type of guy who wanted to spend every waking moment with the same girl. Maybe Faith held his interest more than other girls did. She was definitely…a challenge.

  She fanned through a few more pages, still hanging out in the sloppy handwriting section of the journal. The cursive letters stretched across the page in dark blue.

  Nothing much has changed since the last time I wrote. Except the dreams are back…

  Her face tingled with warmth. The dreams are back?

  I wish I knew who the boy was. He doesn’t go to my school, although he does kinda remind me of Jason Sutton, but way cuter. I think his hair is darker than Jason’s and Jason’s eyes look like mud. The cute boy’s look like Mom’s coffee pot in the mornings.

  She was having dreams about a boy…with coffee colored eyes.

  Espresso eyes?

  Her fingers flipped through pages until she found the center of the book. She skimmed the neater writing, looking for more clues about the dreams.

  I can’t believe I start high school tomorrow. Chelsea’s all pumped about it, but me…I just want to stay in my dreams.

  I like it there.

  ‘Cause he’s there…

  I wish he were real. We’d be together if he were. I mean, he’s my best friend. God, Chelsea would be ticked if she read this, but it’s true. He and I…we’ve practically grown up together. I can’t remember a time his dark eyes weren’t staring at me. Even as kids. Not that we knew what love was back then, but the feelings were profound. Did I just say love?

  Another rumble of thunder filled the air. This time, the window reverberated with the sound. Heaven gazed outside, taking note of how dark the sky had become. Had she been that wrapped up in the journal?

  Thoughts of Dylan rushed through her mind. Was he the guy she had written about in the journal? The description matched the guy in her recent dreams. And Dylan definitely reminded her of that guy, especially earlier today.

  She wet her fingers and skipped over a few more pages, stopping here and there to check the entries. Each one containing a note about the dream guy. How he made her feel. How his gaze hit a soft spot in her heart. Made her feel like she was floating on air. Left her feeling weak in the knees…

  She finally stopped on another page. Taped to it was a heart-shaped pendant. Her fingers glided over the necklace as she read the words below it.

  He’s talking about leaving. Said that he couldn’t explain why, but he sensed our time was coming to an end. At least, for now. He gave me this necklace, saying it would help me cope with the separation.

  Like it could actually replace him or stop the way my heart aches at the thought of losing him. How in the hell did I bring a necklace out of a dream? And this message on the back bemuses me even more.

  Meus animus materia.

  It’s Latin. I’ll have to find Mr. Benedict on Monday and ask him what it means. Wish I knew what the D meant. Maybe his initial?

  What in the world was going on? It was one thing to have a dream about a guy you didn’t know, or to meet a man who favored him. But to pull an actual object from a dream? It wasn’t possible.

  Her gut clenched. Something about the locket swirled in her mind. Though she didn’t remember the dream, the pendant looked familiar.

  Only one page remained with writing. The one Chelsea said she’d written at her house, in the middle of the night, while crying. Reading it should prove interesting, though there wasn’t much to the entry but a few lines.

  He’s gone…He says we’ll meet again, but…it hurts. Why is he leaving when I need him the most? Feels like part of me has been ripped away. Like my soul is missing. I guess in a sense it is.

  Meus animus meteria is Latin for my soulmate…

  “Hey, Sis, I forgot to ask you about your date with—Hev?” Hope trotted to the bed. She touched Heaven’s arms, jostling her. Warm wetness trickled down Heaven’s cheek. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you crying?”

  “I remember this. And yet, I don’t remember.” Heaven mumbled the words as she stared across the room.

  “What are you talking about? You’re scaring me, Hev.”

  Heaven’s eyes shifted to her sister. She clung to the journal as another tear swept over her cheek. “Remember the dreams I’ve been having?”

  Hope nodded. “Yeah, about the mystery guy?”

  “He’s not such a mystery. Apparently, I’ve been dreaming about him since I was kid. This journal talks about him. His description matches the one in my head. And you know what’s even crazier?”

  Hope stroked her arm, her lips turning downward, as though she would cry with her. “What is it, Sis?”

  “When Dylan and I were together today, we had this moment. And I swear, Hope, everything about it was identical to my dreams. I think I’ve been dreaming about Dylan.” For some reason, Hope didn’t seem too surprised. “Did you hear what I just said?”

  Hope’s forehead creased as her gaze fell to the journal. “Sis, we need to talk.”

  Famous words for impending bad news. Heaven’s gut churned. “What’s going on?”

  “It’s not as bad as you think, and I’m not sure I should be the one telling you all the details.”

  “What?” Heaven grimaced wh
en her voice cracked. “How are you going to tell me we need to talk about something and then decide not to give me any details?” She wrung her hands together so fiercely, they started turning red.

  Hope let out a sigh. “Just hear me out. Believe me, I want to tell you everything, but I can’t. This is Dylan’s story to tell.”

  “Okay, you are confusing the hell out of me,” Heaven snapped.

  Hope clasped her hands around her sister’s. Her face grew closer, looking as though she were about to tell Heaven a deep, dark secret. “What I know about this…I found out by accident, today. Scott and I were talking, and he let it slip.”

  “He let what slip?” Heaven asked. “Please, just spit it out, already.”

  Hope’s shoulders slumped. She reached over to the night stand and grabbed Heaven’s cell phone. She held it out for Heaven to take. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this to Dylan. Call him and tell him you need to talk to him.”

  “Why can’t you just tell me?”

  Hope sighed as she hung her head. “Let’s just say, you’re not the only one who’s been having special dreams.”

  * * *

  Heaven eyes fell across the bricks of the two-story European style house—Dylan’s house. The heat of her breath steamed the windows, making it hard to see the tip of the willow tree in the back portion of the property. The tree that resembled the one in her recent dreams.

  As she listened to the rain beat against the hood of the car, her mind filled with images of her dreams. Was Dylan the man in those dreams? And what was this bombshell Hope had released on her? Had Dylan been dreaming of her, as well?

  Her belly was practicing acrobatics, again. She tried to settle the wave of nausea as she stepped out of the car and walked toward the door. Not even the cold drops soaking her dress forced her legs to move any faster. Nor did the rumble of thunder. She took baby steps, wiping away the water dripping from her head. She’d be soaked by the time she made it to the door. But with so many thoughts and emotions stealing the air from her lungs, she didn’t care if she got drenched.

  As she rang the doorbell, she recited an opening line. But every word that came to her mind didn’t feel right. How did you tell the guy you were seeing, I think I’ve been dreaming about you. Were you dreaming about me, too?

  The deep breath hadn’t helped to calm the fluttering in her heart. And when dark eyes fell upon her, she swallowed back the nerves threatening to spill the contents of her stomach.

  “Heaven?” he whispered, stepping around the door as he faced her. “What are you doing here? My God, how long have you been standing out here? You’re soaked.”

  She walked into his arms hoping the warmth of his embrace would settle her stomach. But no warmth came. At least, not immediately. He hesitated, but finally curled his arms around her.

  “I needed to see you,” she blurted, hoping like hell her voice wouldn’t crack.

  Fingers wrapped around her arms as he pulled her back. His eyes peered into hers. “What’s going on? You seem upset?” He stole a glance behind the door.

  “We really need to talk. I need answers and I need them now, before I lose my mind.” She didn’t wait for an invitation to come inside as she brushed by him and into the house.

  She waited until he finished shutting the door and turned around. Hugging her chest, the air blowing from the nearby vent sent a wave of goosebumps over her skin. The need to be in his arms overtook her.

  She stepped toward him, but when his gaze fell on her, something felt different. His brows gathered in a deep crease, his lips pressed firmly together. He was rubbing his hands, as though he was fighting against the urge to touch her. But she couldn’t blame him. He didn’t want to get wet.

  “Heaven, this really isn’t a—”

  “Are you upset that I’m here?”

  His face softened. “Of course not. I’m always happy to see you. I’m just…never mind. Tell me what’s wrong. What has your stomach knotting?”

  “How did you know my stomach was upset? Don’t answer that. I have other things I need to ask you. More important things.”

  His gaze went past her to the upstairs. Why the hell did he seem so distracted? “So talk. What do you have to ask me?”

  “I’m not sure if there’s a right way to ask you what I’m about to, so I won’t waste any time. Before we met, were you…um…having dreams about me?”

  That got her a jaw drop. “Wh—why would you ask me something like that?” he stammered.

  He was about to lie to her. She could feel it. The way his body stiffened at the question, or how his gaze kept averting hers. Why would he lie about this? If he’d had dreams about her, why not own up to it?

  When she reached for him, he took a step back. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you treating me like you don’t even know me?”

  “I’m sorry. I just…I don’t know what you’re trying to insinuate?”

  “I’m not insinuating anything. I’m asking you point blank. Were you dreaming about me, before we met?”

  His lips parted, his tongue pressed against his teeth. But when he met her gaze, the hardness had reentered his eyes.

  “I don’t know what you’re—”

  “Don’t you dare lie to me,” she shouted. Her voice had him flinching.

  He glanced up the staircase once more before taking a step closer, though his eyes lingered at her waist. “Can we talk about this later? I have to—“

  “Were. You. Dreaming. About. Me?”

  “Yes,” he whispered.

  Heaven struggled for a breath. Her stomach flipped as the room began to sway. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I tried…a couple times. Like today, when we were out by the willow tree. I started to tell you, but you kissed me.”

  “Are you blaming me for keeping this a secret?” she snorted. “And what about the other times? Why haven’t you told me before? Why didn’t you tell me when we first met?”

  Angry eyes shot down to hers. “Would you tell someone you just met that you’d been dreaming about them for months?”

  Her heart fluttered. “You’ve been dreaming about me for months?”

  “I can’t talk about this. I won’t talk about it. I’m sorry.” He backed away from her and turned around.

  “You can’t talk to me about it, but you could talk to Scott and Layne?”

  “Is that who told you about this? Was it Layne? I’m going to kick his—”

  “No, it wasn’t Layne. It was Hope. Scott let it slip to her today,” she half laughed when she wanted to scream. “Everyone knows about this dream but me. Hell, Faith probably knows about it. I don’t understand how you could keep this from me.”

  “Dylan, is everything okay?”

  Heaven turned in the direction of the voice. The soft, feminine voice. A bare shoulder stared back at her. As did a face that was all too familiar. “Susan? Susan Jenkins?”

  What the hell?

  Susan pursed her lips, her brows scrunched and gathered above her eyes. “Do I know you?”

  “No,” Heaven answered, choking back the urge to cry. “No, you don’t.” She turned back to face Dylan. His eyes were bigger than fifty-cent pieces. “Excuse me.”

  “Hang on,” Susan shouted down. “If I don’t know you, how do you know me?”

  “You’re a reporter. Who doesn’t know you?” Heaven couldn’t bring herself to look into those icy eyes, again. Her heart would finish breaking if she did. “But if you want to know who I am, think back to a little bridal boutique a few weeks ago. Maybe that will jar your memory.”

  The loud gasp was confirmation. Susan did remember. “That was you?”

  Heaven didn’t answer. She moved past Dylan, desperate to reach the door.

  * * *

  This really couldn’t be happening…not like this. The first tear that slid down Heaven’s face shattered Dylan’s heart. “Heaven, wait. This isn’t what you’re thinking.”

  “So now you can read my thoughts?”
/>   Fuck. She was on the verge of a breakdown. He didn’t need her voice to confirm it. The hum between them shook like a palm tree in a hurricane.

  “No. I can feel how upset you are. Please, let me explain.”

  Damn it! Why did he tell Layne and Scott about the dreams? And why in the hell did Scott open his big mouth to Hope?

  “I’ve been such a blind fool,” she sobbed. “I thought you cared about me. All of this has been a lie.”

  “That’s not true, Heaven. How can you say that after everything we’ve shared?” he reached out to her, his fingers wrapped around her arm.

  “You’re just like every other guy I’ve met. Just like your best friend. You’re a rock star. Where would you be without your fans? Guess you have the media in your pocket, too.” her eyes darted up to Susan. They didn’t linger long before they made their way back to him. “I can’t believe I fell for you. I should have known better.”

  “I’m not with—”

  “Go to hell,” she shouted, jerking her arm from his grasp as she ran out the door.

  “Heaven, wait!”

  Thunder cracked in the distance as the lights flickered. Dylan gazed up at Susan, who looked just as bewildered as he felt.

  “Does she think…?”

  He didn’t stick around to hear her finish. His heart pounded with such force, he thought it would beat out of his chest. He slipped on the wet tile, struggling to keep his balance as he rushed for the door.

  He stepped outside and into the buckets of water pouring from the sky, but Heaven was already in the car.

  As the engine turned over, the car jerked forward from the sudden shift in gears. Heaven met his gaze for a brief moment before turning away and stomping on the gas.

  “Heaven!” he cried out, hoping she would stop, but it was no use. He watched as the taillights of Chelsea’s car faded down the driveway.

  Pain seared his chest, nearly sending him to his knees.

  “God, no!”