Brush Strokes

by E S Karlquist

  Nodding, Todd looks away. It still stings. “I know that. It’s just difficult. It’s my job and I’ve spent so much time here, plus this place was supposed to pay for her retirement, you know? It’s scary knowing that we might lose that.”

  Daniel’s gaze is so intense that Todd has to meet it. “I’m not trying to take the place away from you. I’m interested in the space, if it becomes available.”

  “I know. I’m sorry it took me so long time to come to terms with that.” Todd tries smiling, but he isn’t sure how convincing it is. His cheeks are stiff.

  “Sometimes we need a while.” Daniel hesitates. “When are you off?”

  Checking his phone, Todd realizes that it’s been over an hour. “Fifteen minutes ago?”

  “Would you like to grab a coffee?”

  “Sure, yeah, I’d like that.” Clearing his throat, Todd adds, “I really want us to be friends. I don’t want it to be this awkward when we’re with Mela and Jesse.”

  Daniel looks down, and Todd takes three breaths, convinced that he’s said something stupid, when Daniel looks up again. His smile is a bit tired, but, then again, it’s midterms for him as well.

  “Friends, yes, I’d like that too.”

  The relief must have been clear on Todd’s face, because Daniel’s tired look disappears. “Come on. Get your stuff.”

  Mrs. Floral’s smile is pleased when Todd tells her goodbye.

  They go to the coffee place where they bumped into each other last time, and they sit at the corner table again after getting their coffee orders.

  “Do you have any midterms left?”

  “What?”

  “Midterms, do you have any left?”

  “Only one, thankfully.” Daniel grimaces and hugs the mug in his hands. “It’s been a rough few weeks. It’s not like we’ve had less practice, either.”

  “Do you have a lot of that? Practice, I mean.”

  With a shrug, Daniel sips his coffee before answering. “Five to six days a week, depending. It’s usually two hours in the morning and two hours after classes.”

  Todd’s eyes grow big. Jesus. “That’s rough. And you have a lot of things in school, right?”

  “I suffer from fatigue a lot, related to school,” Daniel explains. “I have interpreters for most of my classes these days, but it’s exhausting trying to keep up with socializing with classmates and concentrating on the professor.”

  “There’s no way to make it easier?”

  “To make it easier? Sure, the best way for me is an interpreter. I always prefer visual presentations, because I can look at the slides before and after class. A study partner makes it easier too. Whatever I can’t catch, they might.” Daniel bites his lip, and Todd gets the impression that he doesn’t like talking about this too much. “What about you? Are you done with your midterms?”

  “I have three left.” Todd resists the urge to face-plant on the table. “Two of them are the same day, and the last one is the day after that.”

  “Ouch. How are you holding up?”

  “Even though I’ve been surprisingly caught up with schoolwork this semester, I still kinda want to die a bit.”

  “You’re usually not caught up?” Daniel says it as if it’s a foreign concept to him.

  Laughing, Todd shakes his head. “No, I’m the guy who has to be up all night before an eight a.m. deadline and hate myself and then I do it all over again next time.”

  “Except for now?”

  “Yeah, well, I’ve been feeling pretty bad about lying and I have this bad habit of overthinking everything, so concentrating on school has been the only thing that’s kept me from never leaving bed.”

  Daniel gets that crease between his eyebrows again. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

  Yeah, why?

  “As I said,” Todd begins, and bites his lip. “It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t really your fault that the gallery hasn’t been doing that well.”

  “Better late than never.”

  “You must’ve been so pissed,” Todd says, in an attempt to lighten the mood. To his surprise, the crease between Daniel’s eyebrows grows deeper.

  “Why would I be pleased?”

  After a second of frozen confusion, Todd’s brain manages to connect the dots. “No, pissed, angry.”

  The expression clears on Daniel’s face and he looks away. “Sorry, pleased and pissed look very similar to me.”

  “No need to apologize,” Todd assures him.

  “Anyway.” Daniel clears his throat. “To be completely honest with you, I think I was mostly hurt.”

  Wincing, Todd digs his fingers into his thighs under the table, where Daniel won’t see. “Sorry.”

  “It’s all good now. I felt, I don’t know, like a fool for a while there, but as I said, we’ve moved on. I appreciate the apology, and it’s definitely going to be easier hanging out all of us.”

  “Mela is going to be really relieved.” Todd doesn’t say that he will be too, now when he won’t have a nervous breakdown every time there’s a possibility of bumping into Daniel.

  “We have a meet next weekend and we get the day after off from practice. We’re going out. Do you want to come with? Mela is coming.”

  “I’m still not twenty-one.” But he wants to. His coffee cup is standing forgotten on the table in front of him. It’s probably cold by now, but he still takes a sip and manages not to make a face over the lukewarm coffee taste.

  “Don’t worry about that. It worked last time, didn’t it?”

  Saying no is tempting. He strongly suspects that we refers to more people than just Jesse, Daniel, and Mela. However, Daniel is offering him an olive branch, and who’s he to refuse that?

  “Okay, sure.”

  He texts Mela as he walks home, and she calls him immediately.

  “You had coffee with Daniel?” she says as a way of greeting.

  Todd sighs. “Calm down. I showed him the gallery, and then we had coffee afterward.”

  The silence on the other end tells him that she’s waiting for something. Sometimes she has this creepy sixth sense.

  “And I apologized.”

  “You did?”

  Why she says it as if it’s a huge thing, he doesn’t know. Well, okay, he does. Apologizing is something he’s rarely done to anyone except her or Evan, even when they were kids.

  “I did. And then we agreed on being friends, and he asked me to come out with you guys next weekend.”

  Mela lets out an awed sound. “Wow, I don’t know how all of this happened, but I approve.”

  “So, can I crash at your place?”

  She’s quiet too long, and Todd’s good mood plummets.

  “Sorry,” he winces. “Of course you’re staying with Jesse.”

  “I can change that.”

  “God, no, never.” He’s not going to be that friend—ever. He sidesteps a person staring at their phone while stumbling over his own feet.

  “I’m sure my parents won’t mind if you crash in my room by yourself.”

  Todd’s sure about that, too, but it would make the entire evening awkward. He was hesitant to agreeing to begin with, and now he has an excellent excuse that won’t make Daniel upset.

  “No, don’t worry about it. I’ll join in when you guys are in Brooklyn.”

  “But I want you to come along,” Mela protests.

  “I have no way of getting home and I’m never again deciding to stay up late enough to catch the first morning train.” It’s not that the subway is unsafe at night. Actually, Todd knows that crime levels decrease after eight or nine in the evening—he knows, because he’s googled this, and Dad’s told him a billion times. However, since that time he almost got mugged, he refuses to take the subway after midnight.

  “Just beca
use last time—”

  “We don’t talk about last time!” Todd interrupts.

  Mela laughs, but then she quickly grows serious again. “I don’t want you to feel excluded.”

  “I’m not. It was a last-minute thing. I should’ve understood that you have plans with Jesse. Obviously. Don’t feel bad about it. There’s always the next time.”

  “Okay,” she says, voice soft. “I’m really proud of you for apologizing.”

  “It took me two months to get there.”

  “But you did get there,” she points out.

  “Yeah,” he admits, and his steps grow a little lighter.

  “See you this week?”

  “Sure, I work Monday and Thursday.”

  “I’ll get back to you.”

  Todd tries some of the signs in the apps that have been untouched since he downloaded them and makes Sandwich jump over the DVD obstacle twice before he goes to bed.

  * * *

  Three days later, he receives a text from Daniel.

  > Heard from Mela that you’re not coming with us on Saturday. If you need a place to crash you’re free to stay here.

  Why is he suddenly out of breath, as if he’s run five miles? Sleeping at Daniel’s? Did he offer, or did Mela ask him to?

  “Daniel offered to let me crash at his place,” he says when Mela finally picks up on the fourth ring.

  “What?”

  “Did you ask him to offer?” Todd prompts.

  “Offer what?” She sounds genuinely confused.

  “Offer me a place to stay, because you’re staying with Jesse.”

  “I didn’t. I’ve told Jesse that you can’t come, so I’m guessing he must’ve talked to Daniel.” She adds, before Todd can ask, “I didn’t ask him to do it, either.”

  “What do I say?”

  “You say yes, of course, dumbass!”

  Todd stares at Daniel’s text. He reads it four times just to make sure that he isn’t making wrong assumptions and making a fool of himself. But the text is pretty straightforward.

  < Would that be okay? Don’t feel pressured

  > Sure. My parents are away and my sister doesn’t care.

  < That’s really nice of you. Thanks!

  > No problem. It’s more fun when everyone can come along.

  Does this mean that he needs to bring nice underwear for sleeping? This is a new kind of nerve-racking. It’s not as though he hasn’t slept over at a guy’s place. It’s just that he still isn’t quite sure where he stands with Daniel. He’s practiced some basic signs a lot over the past couple of days, but they just don’t seem to stick.

  < Do I need to bring anything?

  > Just yourself.

  Todd rolls his eyes. He can’t picture Daniel writing that with a straight face. Daniel obviously wants them to be friends, and that’s way more than Todd dared to hope for.

  * * *

  Come Saturday, Todd is in the crowd by the pool in the seat next to Mela’s. Despite the humidity and the smell of chlorine, it’s decidedly less strange this time around.

  When it’s Daniel’s turn to swim, it dawns on him just how hot Daniel actually is. He forgot about that somehow while he was upset. Daniel looks nothing like the kind of guy Todd would usually find attractive, but he’s not blind. Daniel obviously lucked out with his gene pool.

  This time, Todd cheers with the rest of the crowd when Daniel wins.

  Afterward, his skin is crawling in a mix of anticipation and anxiety as he waits with Mela outside.

  “Jesse and I will come by as soon as we’re ready, so we can have dinner before we head out.”

  “Okay.” He’s going to be alone with Daniel for several hours, probably. Jesus.

  When Daniel exits the building, Todd forgets how to breathe. He has his bag slung over his shoulder and a dark-green, nice-looking jacket. His hair is still damp and darker than usual, and his eyes have that shine like the last time Todd saw Daniel after a meet.

  “Hey,” he says, stopping in front of them. “Jesse will be out any second.”

  “Hi,” Todd says.

  “Did you bring your stuff?” Daniel asks, and Todd pats his own bag.

  “Yeah, but I’m sure I forgot something.”

  “Let’s hope it’s nothing vital,” Daniel smirks.

  “I’m not too sure.” To be honest, right now someone could have told him that he needs meds every five minutes to stay alive, and he would’ve believed them, because right now his brain is too busy registering the smell of Daniel’s cologne.

  “It’s really sweet of you to offer to have Todd sleep at your place,” Mela says, after tapping Daniel’s arm to get his attention, as if she knows Todd’s mind is useless right now.

  “It’s no problem. We have guestrooms, so it’s not much of a hassle.”

  Todd is simultaneously relieved and disappointed about sleeping in a guestroom. He tries not to think too much about either of his reactions.

  “Still, thanks,” he says, once Daniel has turned back toward him, remembering his manners.

  Daniel smiles at him. “We’ll have a good night. It’s always more fun when everyone can be there.”

  “I’ve been looking forward to this a lot,” he confesses. “Last time was a lot of fun.”

  “It really was,” Daniel agrees.

  When Jesse emerges, Daniel bumps Todd’s shoulder. “Ready to go?”

  Nodding, Todd hoists his own bag farther up on his shoulder. “Is it far?”

  “We’ll take a car. My legs are dead.”

  Todd grins. “Okay.”

  “See you in a few hours!” Mela calls after them, and Todd waves at her over his shoulder as they turn around.

  Once they’re in the sleek, black car that’s taking them to Daniel’s place, Todd taps his arm to get his attention. “So, what are the plans exactly?”

  “What the plans are?” Daniel asks, and Todd nods. “Getting ready and having dinner. And then we’re going to a pre-party at a friend’s house.”

  “Sounds good.” Todd clears his throat. “Are you sure I’ll get in?”

  “Almost positive,” Daniel shrugs, “but if you don’t, we’ll leave. It’s no big deal.”

  “You can still stay.”

  “And leave you waiting outside? That’s not going to happen when you’re sleeping at my place.”

  As it turns out, Daniel is basically next-door neighbors with Central Park. He lives in one of those white, fancy townhouses just a couple of streets from where they first met.

  “This is nice,” Todd says, except that nice isn’t the right word. Then he remembers Daniel mentioning his sister. “I don’t know how to ask this without being impolite or rude, but is your sister hard of hearing too?”

  “That’s not rude,” Daniel says, as he digs out a set of keys from his jacket pocket. “And no, she isn’t. It’s just me.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  Daniel gives him a long look before he unlocks the door. The entrance hall looks like something from an interior design magazine. It’s all sleek and white, gray, and brass with fresh flowers in vases and hardwood floors.

  When Daniel takes his shoes off, Todd does the same. “Wow.”

  “Sorry?” Daniel turns toward him.

  “I just said wow.” Todd flexes his fingers, to resist shoving his hands into his pockets.

  “It’s all my mom.”

  “Is she an interior designer?”

  Daniel looks at him as though he isn’t sure if Todd is serious or not. Todd has no idea why, because this place looks like a magazine spread.

  “No, but she thinks it’s important to have a beautiful home,” Daniel says finally, as if he’s decided that Todd’s question was sincere.

  “You fit in,” Todd blurts, and if there was a hole in the
floor he could fall into, that’d be great.

  “Thanks.” Daniel isn’t entirely able to conceal his smirk, but at least he’s trying.

  “I guess I’ve migrated from rude things to embarrassing things.” Todd doesn’t know if Daniel will get the reference to their first conversation. Daniel laughs, and Todd is momentarily light, as if gravity just checked out.

  “Let me show you where you’re going to sleep.”

  Daniel takes off up the stairs, and Todd suspects that his whole my legs are dead was a lie to save Todd’s dignity, because he’s forced to climb four flights of stairs and, while he’s panting as he reaches the final floor, Daniel isn’t even a little out of breath.

  “That’s my room.” Daniel motions toward a closed door to the right. Most of the floor is a lounge area, with couches and a TV. It’s the perfect place to hang out with friends.

  “The guestroom on this floor is over there. We have another guestroom on the second floor that most people use, so I usually have this floor to myself. I figured you’d rather be up here, though.”

  Being alone on a different floor in a house where he’s never been? No thanks. “That’s… yeah, I think that would cause more anxiety than necessary. Thanks.”

  Daniel pushes the door open, and Todd takes in the queen bed and the white sheets. There’s a gray armchair in the far corner with a sheepskin thrown over the back and an ottoman at the foot of the bed, which is mostly covered by a soft-looking, beige blanket. It’s very light and sleek. It must be horrible to dust this place, with all the white. It’s also a bit sterile. He doesn’t say that out loud, though.

  “Where, exactly, are we going tonight?” Todd asks before he puts his bag on the ottoman. It seems wrong to put something so worn and covered in paint stains on furniture so pristine.

  “First to Mick’s place and then to a club.”

  Todd’s pretty sure that he’s a lot less likely to get into a club than a bar but he’s not going to be whiny. He also has no clue who this Mick is.

  “That sounds fun.” It doesn’t, but on the other hand, Todd had a great night the last time he went somewhere unexpected with Daniel.

  “Do you like dancing?” Daniel doesn’t look entirely convinced.

  “I don’t dislike it,” Todd amends. “What about you?”