Lake + Manning: Something in the Way, 4

by Jessica Hawkins

  “He’s smarter than you were at that age,” my dad had said with renewed energy, “and you know what that means.”

  I feared I did.

  “He’s Trojan material,” he’d exclaimed, and they’d been thick as thieves ever since. Mateo now had his sights set on USC, and he and my dad were already in cahoots about how much mileage they could squeeze out of his adoption and Hispanic background for the admissions essay.

  Lately, though, Manning and I had noticed that the older Mateo got, the more introspective he was becoming. He’d been a child when he’d shot his dad to protect his sister and he was now old enough to start asking harder questions. Even though he and Manning talked it through frequently, Mateo sometimes questioned whether there was some other way he could’ve handled the situation.

  “Did you finish your homework?” I asked Mateo as he messed with the playlist on Manning’s cellphone.

  “It’s summer school,” he said. “It took me ten minutes while I was waiting for the bus.”

  “Smarty pants. You know you don’t have to do what Grandpa says, right? Anytime you feel overloaded, you tell me, and I’ll talk to him.”

  “I know, Mom.” He sighed, hitting play on “House of the Rising Sun” before he started scrolling for the next song. When it came to electronics, he had the same attention span as our two-year-old. “I’m not worried about my classes, but . . . there is something else.”

  I took the phone from him, setting it aside. “What’s the matter?” I asked.

  He swung his legs under the table, watching Manning and Henry. He waited until they’d gone around the side of the shed to throw balls for the dogs.

  Mateo turned to me. He had dark, wide-set eyes that sometimes seemed wise beyond his years—and other times, like now, he just looked like a shy kid. “There’s a rumor going around school,” he said.

  “About?”

  “Us.”

  My breath caught. I’d known this was coming, but I’d hoped I’d be more prepared. With the life Manning and I had led, there was plenty of gossip to choose from. Was it that Manning had fallen for a sixteen-year-old? Or the fact that he was an ex-con? Or that I’d stolen my sister’s husband? Mateo didn’t hide the fact that he was adopted—all his classmates knew—but only the principal and our family had the details of his situation.

  I braced myself for whatever bombshell Manning and I had constructed for ourselves and brought on our children. “What’s the rumor?”

  “That Dad’s a criminal.”

  Shit. My heart fell. Behind door number two—a mistake Manning and I had made in our youths that would haunt us forever. Though we’d gone on to live a fulfilling and rewarding life since then, I hated that decisions made long ago would affect not just us, but our kids. Knowing how sensitive Manning was about his record, and how protective he was of the family, he would not be happy to hear this.

  Mateo and I were speaking quietly, but Manning came around the corner and instantly knew something was up. “What are you two talking about?”

  We sat still and silent, as though we’d been busted. “Um,” I said. “School.”

  “Yeah? What about it?” He pointed a screwdriver at Mateo. “You get a bad grade or what?”

  “Not yet,” Mateo said. “But I’m working on it.”

  Manning laughed. “Atta boy. So what’s with the long faces?”

  I checked on Henry, who was trying to get Mads and Cola to sit still to play Duck Duck Goose. I supposed, at some point, I’d become one of the adults around here, so I had to act like one. “Mateo heard something at school,” I said, keeping my voice low. “About our past.”

  “Ah.” Manning set the screwdriver down and crossed his arms. “What was it?”

  “They say you went to jail,” Mateo said. “But that’s a lie. Your dad went to jail, not you.”

  Mateo knew the gritty details about Manning’s sister’s death. When he’d first come into our home, he’d acted tough but was as scared and confused as Manning and I had expected. Not only was there a lot of commotion and crying with the new baby, but Manning was an intimidating man, and Mateo had just defended his sister from being beaten to death by killing an intimidating man.

  Manning had sat Mateo down and told him all about his past, the way Madison had drowned, how he’d almost gotten in trouble for it, and how he no longer communicated with his own parents. It had bonded them, and I’d come to realize this adoption hadn’t only been about Mateo. Manning had also needed to feel like he’d truly helped. Bringing Mateo here meant Manning had finally ended a dark chapter in his life. A weight had been lifted.

  Manning had shown Mateo many things since then, but most importantly, he’d taught him how to trust, how to confront his past to protect his future, and how a man treated the people he loved. As a new mom with a set of problems all my own, I would never forget how Manning had ensured Mateo understood the responsibility that came with having a newborn in the house.

  Of course, we’d been saving the jail story for when Mateo was a little older, but it seemed as though some town gossips had decided that time would be now.

  “So this rumor,” Manning said. “Where’d you hear it?”

  “The kids at school.”

  “Which ones?”

  It was an odd question that had me wrinkling my nose at Manning. “Why does it matter?”

  Mads stepped on Cola’s paw, and he yelped loudly enough that she started to cry. Manning turned, but I picked her up first so he could focus on Mateo.

  “Which kids, Mat?” Manning asked.

  “Well, a lot of them. Like my friends,” Mateo said. “Michael said he heard from his mom, who heard it from the principal’s secretary that . . .”

  Manning wiped his hands on his jeans. “That what?”

  Mateo lowered his voice. “You’re so dangerous, you can kill a man with your bare hands.”

  “What?” I screeched, bouncing Mads as I whipped my head back and forth between Mateo and Manning. “Are they fucking kidding?”

  “Lake, it’s all right.” Manning shook his head quickly before turning to Mateo. “I did go to jail. Prison, actually. There’s a difference.”

  Mateo’s brows drew together. “You told me you didn’t.”

  “I never said that. I told you my dad went away for hurting Madison. Me, I was arrested many years later for a robbery I didn’t commit.”

  “You were innocent?” Mateo stopped moving his feet, his knuckles whitening as he gripped the table. “That’s . . . that’s not fair.”

  “Yeah, and it made me angry for a long time. Your mom, too. But that was twenty-something years ago. Look at the life we’ve built since then. Look at our family.”

  Mateo glanced at me and Mads. “Your dad and I have made mistakes,” I said. “Some of them very serious. But we don’t let them rule our lives or change the kind of people we are.” I set Madison on the table next to Mateo, lightly holding her there. She reached a chubby hand up, smiling sunshine at him. “We treat people with kindness and respect, and we get that in return.”

  Mateo patted her on the head. I had no doubt he was thinking about his own sister, whom he hadn’t seen since they’d been separated as kids.

  Manning nodded at Mateo. “You asked me if it was wrong to defend your sister the way you did? If you’re a bad kid?”

  Mateo put his hand back on the table, blinking at the ground. “Yeah.”

  “You’re not,” Manning said. “You’re a man, and a good one, aren’t you?”

  A good man. Chills rose over my skin. It was like watching Manning tell his younger self that there were great things in his future, and that he deserved them.

  Mateo was pensive a moment. He was a smart kid, and we’d always treated his past with respect. We didn’t want to cover it up or sugarcoat it or try to erase it. It hadn’t always been the easiest route, but it meant we could have these conversations with him now. Mateo nodded. “I want to be.”

  “Don’t let your past threa
ten what’s ahead of you, Mat.” Manning’s already powerful gaze intensified as he met my eyes. “We all make mistakes, but it was your mom who taught me that only I could decide whether to move forward as a coward or as a man. It’s up to you to make the same choice.”

  * * *

  After lunch, we sat around the picnic table in the front yard with empty plates and full stomachs. Mateo played a game on Manning’s phone while Henry watched, rapt. The dogs surrounded us, hoping for scraps, as Manning sat across the table from me with Madison in his lap.

  “You can’t leave that girl alone for five minutes, can you?” I asked. I’d been ready to put her down for a nap before lunch, but Manning had insisted I wait until he went back to work so he could spend time with her.

  “Don’t worry, Birdy.” He reached across the table, holding his palm face up. “You’re always number one in my eyes.”

  I waved him off but took his hand. He pulled my arm taut until I was forced to stand. “What do you want?” I asked with a laugh.

  “Come over here.”

  I released his hand and switched from my side of the picnic table to his. “Better?” I asked.

  “You have no idea.”

  I smoothed pesky frown lines from between his eyebrows. Was he still thinking about what Mateo had said? We hadn’t been trying to hide Manning’s history considering the crime had gone down in Big Bear, but I’d hoped enough time had passed that people wouldn’t make the connection, or if they did, that they’d have the decency to keep it to themselves.

  “I’m going to call the school in the morning,” I said, checking to make sure the boys were still glued to the cell.

  “What’s the school going to do?”

  “I don’t know but it makes me so mad that someone would go around spreading rumors about us—”

  “Not us,” he said. “Me.”

  “I’ll start with the principal’s secretary—”

  “Grace?”

  “Yes, Grace. She’s a relentless gossip.”

  “Yeah she is.”

  “I mean, come on. You can kill a man with your bare hands?” I shook my head. “Ridiculous. Who would say such a thing?”

  Manning kissed Maddy’s cheek. “Someone who wants the whole town to know how dangerous I am, I guess. What do you think, Mads? Is Daddy scary?”

  She smiled. “Daddy scary. Daddy kiss.”

  “You’re not scary,” I said. “Not even close.”

  Manning shifted Mads to his other side to put an arm around me. “Lake?”

  “Yeah, Bear?”

  “Don’t call the school.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s just a rumor. If people want to think I’m dangerous, let them.”

  I frowned. A lot of his early life, Manning had thought of himself as a bad person. It’d taken me years and a great deal of heartbreak to get him to see that wasn’t true. I hoped Mateo’s recent introspection didn’t have Manning questioning his own past. “You’re a good man,” I told him.

  “Yeah, but we don’t need that getting out.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, drawing back to look at him.

  He had his eyes on Madison, and they were filled with pure adoration. I realized then that he hadn’t even finished his second sandwich. There were still a few bites on his plate, not to mention a small pile of chips. Only one person had ever held Manning’s attention long enough that he’d forgotten to eat. Well, now there were two of us. That was the power this little girl had over him.

  The kind of power that would make a man do crazy things.

  But exactly how crazy?

  I gasped, leaning back to point at him. “Manning Raymond Sutter.”

  “Lake Dolly Sutter.”

  “You started the rumor, didn’t you?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, but the corner of his mouth twitched.

  “You went to Grace and everything.” I gaped at him. “But why?”

  He shrugged, picking a chip off his plate to toss it in his mouth. “Why do you think, Mama Bear?” He pressed his lips to the side of Madison’s head, swaying with her. “Who’s going to wander into these woods knowing there’s a big, bad bear waiting?”

  Our protector. Our great and apparently dangerous bear. My Manning. I didn’t know what to say. “I can’t believe you,” I teased.

  He shrugged. “I want to make sure people know.”

  “What people?”

  He responded swiftly and without mercy. “Fucking boys.”

  I burst out laughing, even though hearing Manning curse in front of the kids was nearly enough to shock me into cardiac arrest. Even Mateo looked up from his game.

  “She’s two,” I said.

  “Have to start young. Do you see this little girl? She’ll drive the world crazy with her mom’s blue eyes.”

  It was true that Madison, a black-haired, blue-eyed Daddy’s girl was bound to cause us some trouble. “Good thing she has you and two brothers.”

  “Plus a badass mom who can drive a stick,” he said. He pulled me back against his side as I laughed. I had to admit, I enjoyed driving a manual now, and not only because it reminded me of the life-changing moment I’d found out I was pregnant with Henry.

  I ran my hand up Manning’s back, over the tattoo on his shoulder, which had grown by many stars. “You’re something else, you know that?” I told him.

  “You too, Birdy. Give me a kiss.”

  “Oh—hang on,” I said, digging my hand into the back pocket of my jeans. “I’ve got something for you.”

  He lowered his mouth to my ear. “That right, Mrs. Sutter? What’re you keeping in your pants for me?”

  “Not that,” I said, bumping him with my shoulder. I took out a tin of Candy Kisses lip balm I’d found in some old boxes my mom and dad had brought on their last visit. I smoothed it on as Manning watched, flicking his tongue over his bottom lip.

  “That the good stuff?” he asked. “The one I’ve been asking about for years?”

  “Watermelon.” I leaned into him, looking up into his eyes. “Happy anniversary of the day we met twenty-five years ago.”

  “Happy anniversary, sweet girl. You know you make me the happiest man alive.”

  “Show me how happy. Kiss the watermelon right off my lips, Great Bear.”

  And he did.

  * * *

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