B-More Careful

by Shannon Holmes

  “Shorty, what’s the deal, you wanna ride or what? Four wheels beats two heels, baby,” he said with a smile.

  That comment brought a smile to her, matching his. Netta was tickled. This big ass nigga, in this big ass car, broke the ice. However, she didn’t want to appear pressed.

  “How I know you ain’t no rapist or murderer or something?” she shot back.

  Now, it was his turn to be amused.

  “Come on now, I may be a lot of things, but a rapist I’m not. Do I look that bad to you that I got to take some pussy?” he asked.

  “Naw,” she answered. “But looks can be deceiving.”

  “You know what? We can hold this discussion while we ride, for real, yo.”

  Finally, Netta relented and got inside the car. She liked a man with a sense of humor, and more importantly, she liked a man with money. She wasn’t about to deal with no broke ass nigga. She had decided that shit a long time ago.

  Think big, Netta, think big and hold out for all, she always told herself.

  And Major was large. That nigga had so much cash, Sylvester would say, “Sufferin’ succotash!”

  Major had it going on with his hustle, his looks, his car and his bling-bling. Everything about the nigga represented. But, Netta had something much more valuable in her possession: her pussy.

  Major turned out to be Netta’s first boyfriend, but there was no question who wore the pants in the relationship. Netta did and she wore them well, playing her part to a tee. She had him wrapped around her pinky finger. She started trying him, asking for little things like small amounts of cash and gradually working her way up from leather coats to jewelry. Then, she cracked on him for something way bigger and more expensive. She cracked on him for a car. Even though she didn’t know how to drive yet, she wanted a car and she got Major to agree to get her one once she learned how to drive. It didn’t take Netta much to convince him to teach her how to drive either. Netta learned the mechanics of auto operation quickly. Within two weeks of learning how to drive, she had her learner’s permit. He was doing all this, and she still hadn’t hit him off with some pussy.

  She built up his anticipation with mental foreplay. A kiss here and a touch there. After a while, that had him begging for it, sweating her, all over her, ignoring her ‘stops’ and ‘no’s,’ which for him was unusual. Major was a major hustler; he was on ‘big boy’ time and had ‘big boy’ status. The way that his pockets were holdin’ made women simply spread their legs. He had so much pussy coming at him, the shit was overrated and not too many men would agree with him. However, he had so much pussy open for him, he could honestly do without it.

  Now, what he did need was a challenge and Netta was it. When she told him she was a virgin, that shit only heightened his expectations of the sexual act and Netta had him open. The fact that she wasn’t like the other broads, giving him brain and letting him do whatever, made it a sport for him. A game he had to win. The challenge and the sport of it, for a nigga getting dough, was the rush for Major and that’s what was different about Netta to him. And, not to mention, she was still a virgin.

  After three months of waiting, Netta finally gave him some and it was too good for him to handle. Major ejaculated prematurely, over and over again. He’d never been with a virgin in his life, and he was 23-years-old. He couldn’t believe his luck; she wasn’t lying. Netta knew she had a bomb shot too, and after he broke her in, she threw it on him. Lust blinded Major, and he didn’t realize that the sex she was giving up coincided with him buying her the car.

  Catering to all her whims, Major caved into this one too. Netta was his wifey, he reasoned with himself. If she wanted a car, then she should have one. So, he hit her off. He bought her a little red Honda Prelude fresh off the lot. The car was fully loaded, with shiny rims, a system and tints. This was the perfect car for a female since it was so compact and easy to handle. With this gift, Netta learned a valuable lesson. One she would draw on later in life, which was that, a woman could lead a man around like a dog on a chain because men think with their little head and not their big one.

  Having already let her into his heart, Major let Netta into his world as well. He exposed her to the drug game. Street wise and eager to learn, Netta made a good student. Her memory was photographic; everything she saw, she remembered. He taught her how to cut coke, then he taught her how to cut dope. She learned how to weigh drugs on the scales and bag it up. Major would have her baggin’ up coke for hours and hours at a time. Eventually, she could look at a package and weight it buy sight. Major taught her that too. More importantly to her, she got a glimpse of how much money he was making. Netta had severely underestimated Major’s hustling abilities. He was that nigga.

  The whole time Netta was seeing Major, her relationship with Mimi suffered. She tried to manage her time between her man and her friend, but it was hard. Mimi was demanding, even though she was happy for her girl. They still spent quality time together. Every night, they shared the same room, and as usual, the girls would cut off the light switch. In the dark, they’d tell their secrets to one another until they fell asleep. They vowed that no man would ever come between them.

  Secretly, however, Mimi was jealous. She was envious of the things Major was doing for Netta. She never let it show though. That’s because Netta was so humble and sharing. She taught Mimi how to drive and she continued to school her on the game, the do’s and don’ts. Netta was surprised at how naïve Mimi really was to the game. With her father and her brothers in the game, she was supposed to know certain things by now that she didn’t. She was supposed to know how to work niggas and peep game. No man was supposed to be able to run game on her, but that wasn’t the case. It seemed nobody ever bothered to pull her coat. Use what you got to get what you want was the theme Netta echoed to her.

  Heavily influenced by Netta, Mimi got a car, too. Although, hers came from a much more conventional source: her dad. She pressured him into buying it. The same make and model as Netta’s, just a different color. It was all good with Netta. She was happy for Mimi, happy they both were riding.

  Juggling school, Major and Mimi, Netta still got good grades and she would still graduate on time. School was easy for Netta, but hard for Mimi. Mimi’s interest in school began to dwindle her junior year. Partying became more important than education. Mimi was so close to graduating, but yet so far. A couple of times, she contemplated dropping out of school, but each time Netta talked her out of it.

  “Mimi, you’ll never accomplish nothing in life if you quit school. Once you get that diploma, they can’t ever take that from you. So many doors will be open to you and your son will respect you more,” said Netta seriously, hoping her words motivated her friend to stay in school, cause her heart definitely wasn’t there.

  As her relationship with Major began to get serious, Netta had a tough decision to make. She was debating upon taking Major up on his offer to move in with him. It had been weeks since he first asked, and he was still applying pressure. However, after serious deliberation on her part, Netta rejected the idea. Out of respect for Mimi’s mother, she didn’t move out. Besides that, she liked the home environment there and she was comfortable.

  Graduating from high school was the first meaningful thing, other than surviving, that Netta accomplished in her life. She was proud of herself, even though she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life or what the future held for her. Having come so far against so many obstacles was an achievement in itself.

  The day of Netta’s graduation was bittersweet. She woke up, looked out the window and realized her Honda was gone; it has been stolen. And while she was surrounded on this festive day by all the people she loved, including Tina, Mimi, Lil’ Timmy and Major, there was a person not amongst her happy group. Talk about surprise, surprise. An hour later, her mother, Renee showed up looking half decent. Renee, the only outsider in Netta’s circle, sat in the audience alone. Netta barely recognized her mother and barely remembered sliding an invitation under
her door. Just being courteous, she never expected Renee to stop shooting dope long enough to show up. Still, there she was, looking out of place. They kept in contact over the past few years, sparingly. Communicating just enough to let the other know they were alive. Netta buried the hatchet somewhat after she moved in with Tina and Mimi. She still couldn’t totally forget all the things her mother had done to her, nor would those things ever be justified in her eyes. However, the past was the past and Netta intended to leave it there. Sometimes it is better to let bygones be bygones. In order to mature, she had to live in the present. Her mother would always be her mother. No one can pick their family, only their friends.

  Netta beamed as she walked up on stage to receive her diploma. This was her day. As she shook the principal’s hand and received her diploma, she looked out in the audience and saw her loved ones. Everyone was clapping and cheering her on. Ms. Tina was busy snapping her camera as Netta stood next to the principal and gave a big Eddie Murphy smile for the flash. Everybody was clapping and smiling ready to go out and celebrate.

  Downtown at Fisherman’s Wharf Restaurant, they ate and drank champagne toasting Netta’s success. However, Renee was distant and noticeably withdrawn from the group. For the life of her, Netta couldn’t figure what was wrong, but she soon came to find out. As the evening ended, the group split in two, each walking to their separate cars. Before parting, Mimi and Tina took turns embracing Netta goodbye. Ms. Tina looked as if she had tears in her eyes.

  “Netta, we are all so proud of you, sweetheart,” Tina said joyfully.

  “I know, Netta, you did it,” Mimi said, with tears of joy running down her cheeks.

  “I couldn’t have done it without you,” she said, looking at Ms. Tina, then Mimi. “I love you so much. Thank you for everything. Thank you so much.”

  With everybody feeling sentimental, they hugged and kissed some more, exchanging pleasantries. Parting ways, Netta promised them she’d be home tomorrow. Tonight, however would be spent with Major.

  Netta jumped into the car where her mother and Major awaited. She was dropping her mother off and then spending a night of celebration with her baby at a fancy hotel. Or, at least, that’s what she thought.

  Chapter 7

  While driving through downtown Baltimore, suddenly Major made a detour to a nearby parking garage. Curious, Netta wondered what they were doing there. Inside the garage, Major drove around as if he were lost. It took a minute to find what he was looking for then the surprise came into full view. Sitting all by itself, was a brand-new burgundy 535i BMW with chrome dipped deep-dish rims and a big white ribbon attached.

  “Surprise,” Major said, as he turned towards Netta.

  She just sat there, her jaw dropped down to her clavicle and her heart began to pound faster than Congo drums.

  “You got that for me,” she said in disbelief.

  “Yeah, go on,” he grinned back, playing with her.

  “I know that’s right, daddy,” she said, forgetting her mother was in the back seat.

  She reached over and gave him a hug, kissed both sides of his cheeks, then looked in his eyes.

  “You know I love you, right,” she said, not needing to but saying it anyway.

  “You better,” Major said, as he broke out in a big Colgate smile from ear-to-ear.

  “So, it was you who stole my car?” Netta asked, figuring one plus one must equal two.

  Major just simply sat there like the cat that just ate the canary. He didn’t need to nod or say yes, his hand was exposed.

  “You can’t be mad,” he said, reaching in his pocket as he tossed her the keys.

  Netta got out of his car and skipped her ass over to her new ride. She jumped in and started it up. She adjusted everything, from the seats to the mirrors. She played with the radio, setting her favorite stations. Then, she opened the sunroof. She rolled down all the windows then rolled them back up. She looked out her window over to Major.

  “I love my car,” she yelled to him, smiling and waving.

  This nigga is really on his job. I’m so feeling him. I could really learn to love him, she thought.

  Renee climbed out the backseat of Major’s Lexus Coupe and joined her daughter, after saying goodbye to Major. Netta was still fumbling with all the buttons and gadgets in the car. With her mother in the passenger seat, Netta pulled alongside Major’s car. Leaning out the window, they made goo-goo eyes at each other.

  “Thank you, Major. I love you,” she said very appreciatively.

  “I love you, too. We still on for tonight or what?” he asked, hoping that she wasn’t forgetting they were supposed to do it real big. He had champagne, a hotel suite and was ready to do her.

  “Of course.”

  She looked at him like he was retarded.

  “I’ma drop my mother off, then I’ll meet you back at your house,” she said, as if they should synchronize their watches.

  “Alright, yo,” he agreed with a nod as he pulled off with her, exiting the garage behind him.

  Cruising through the streets of Baltimore, Netta headed for the projects. She felt like she was floating. Her car handled like riding a cloud in the sky. Whenever she hit the brakes, the car stopped on a dime. Whenever she tapped the gas pedal, the car leaped forward. She was in a trance, listening to the sounds from the radio until Renee reached over and turned off the volume. The lack of music snapped Netta out of her thoughts. She turned and looked confusingly at her mother.

  “Netta, I have something to tell you. I don’t really know how, but…” she said, her voice going low. “I have AIDS.”

  The last part of her sentence stuck out and lingered in the air like an instant shock wave. It literally hung there, shocking Netta as it echoed over and over and over again.

  Not AIDS, thought Netta. She looked at her mother. After all these years that her mother had been shooting dope, Renee had never once overdosed. Now, she was telling her this.

  “The doctor says it’s full blown and the medication they tried isn’t working for me. They said there isn’t nothing they can do for me. Dr. Peters says I only have a couple of months to live,” Renee said, as a tear welled in her eye. She took a deep breath knowing her destiny was an imminent death.

  “What?” Netta asked, with a puzzled look on her face.

  Just when she was learning how to establish a civilized relationship with her mother, her mother was being taken away. As with any child, Netta always wanted her mother to be a mother for her when she was growing up. Time is so short, and she wished for the time they wasted. But, she knew she would never get that back. Their lives were always separate ones, not like a family. Netta glanced at her mother and looked in her eyes for some type of sign of truth but saw none. Renee looked the same to her. She wasn’t the skin and bones Netta pictured an AIDS patient to be. So many things ran through her mind, she could barely drive.

  “Netta, I know I haven’t been a good mother to you. What can I say? I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. You turned out so nice. So nice, Netta. I’m sorry for how I treated you,” her mother sat alone in her chair, even though Netta was sitting next to her.

  Netta was doing so good now. She was so pretty and had a boyfriend and a new car. Renee didn’t think Netta would stop the car and sit her on the curb and drive off, but deep down she knew she deserved it. Her worth as a mother was below zero. She didn’t deserve the title any more than she ever wanted to carry the name. That’s why she was Renee and a mother was something she wished she could be so bad now. With her head bent down, Netta could still see the tears.

  “I’ll carry this guilt I got about you to my grave, but believe me, baby, I am sorry. I can’t make up nothing, Netta. I know, I remember them things I did to you. I ain’t never do nothing for you. I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t want to die, and you not know how I feel, cause I’m real sorry baby. I love you, Netta. Ain’t nobody ever love me and I ain’t never know how to show it, not even to my own. But, if you don’t know nothing, know that I do l
ove you baby. I do,” Renee said. With that, she broke down, looking at her daughter, tears in her eyes, begging for forgiveness.

  “I forgive you,” whispered Netta, unable to cry with her mother, but very much alive from her pain on the inside.

  “If you forgive me, then help me,” Renee said, pleading with her daughter. “Do you know, you all I got in this world?”

  It was as if Renee had finally figured out one of the key ingredients to parenthood.

  Netta wasn’t sure what her mother wanted, but Renee seemed to want her. For whatever it was worth, Netta felt her mother’s pain and wanted to be there. She just wasn’t sure if her mother was telling the entire story.

  Maybe there’s a little more, maybe there’s not.

  “If you really mean what you say, I’m here for you 100%,” Netta said. “I’ll help you, Renee. There’s nothing in the world that I won’t do for you.”

  Renee felt good hearing that. The realization that she was dying and the way her daughter just told her she would be there for her anyway, no matter what, meant a lot.

  “I don’t wanna die in no shootin’ gallery high. I want to get off dope and spend my last days with you,” Renee said, wiping tears from her face. “I’m scared, Netta. I don’t want to die alone.”

  Neither woman said another word as they rode aimlessly in silence. Netta made a promise to herself to be there for her mother. She wouldn’t forsake her. Instead, she’d keep her despite all they had been through. She immediately called Major on her cell phone. His plans were destroyed, but he wasn’t mad.

  “Baby, I’m sorry. I can’t make it. I have to take care of something with my mom, but I’ll explain everything to you tomorrow, okay?”

  His heart was touched simply by her silky tone and Netta could feel him through the phone. She was gentle, real gentle with Major. She didn’t want him discouraged or unsure of anything. She explained it was her mother but didn’t explain the problem. All she told him, over and over again, was how much she needed him. She asked him repeatedly did he love her, and he repeatedly answered yes.