Forsaken (Vampire Awakenings, Book 10)

by Brenda K. Davies

  Cassidy glanced between them as Kyle walked to the door. “We’ll be back later,” she said. “If you need anything, Aida, just call, okay?”

  “I will,” Aida murmured, and they grabbed their coats before leaving the apartment.

  Julian half expected her to change her mind and run out the door behind them, or call them back, but she remained where she was as the door closed.

  “Are you okay being alone with me?” he asked.

  “Is there a reason I should fear you?”

  “No! You never have to fear me, but after what you saw me do to Gerald, I’m surprised you’re not trying to run away from me.”

  Aida gulped as she considered his words. “I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m not afraid of you. Every rational part of me says I should be terrified. I haven’t seen you in years, and I just watched you brutally beat a vampire to death, but for some reason, all I want is to hug you. Maybe I’m going insane, or maybe Gerald’s blow rattled my brain.”

  Julian suppressed a growl at the reminder of what that piece of shit did to her, but growling at her would not help this situation.

  “I would never deny a hug from you,” he said.

  Knowing it made him vulnerable to rejection, he still opened his arms to her. Aida hesitated before rushing into them and throwing her arms around his waist. He crushed her against him and lowered his head to nuzzle her ear.

  Her body came alive in a way she’d only ever experienced when he kissed her four years ago. How could she react to him in such a way when she hadn’t seen him in years? How could she hug this man when he’d beaten someone into a bloody pulp only a few hours ago?

  Despite everything she’d witnessed and everything she knew, desire bloomed hot and fast inside her. She dug her fingers into his back as her body pressed against a wall of muscles that weren’t there the last time she held him.

  This thickly muscled man was so different than the lean boy with his long legs and gangly appearance. Back then, he’d been like a colt trying to figure out his legs and arms. He’d always possessed the inherent grace of vampires, but his feet and hands were too big, and he couldn’t consume enough blood to keep weight on him.

  That obviously wasn’t the case anymore. Turning her head, she rested her ear over where his heart beat in his chest. Unexpected tears burned her eyes; it was such a good heart. He’d always been so kind to her, so tender and supportive. He’d been her best friend, and then he kissed her and became someone who haunted her for years.

  Everything about him felt so different than the boy she recalled, yet it was all so strangely familiar. She’d never been held by the man before, but her body recognized the curve of his and the solid wall of muscle. It was all so disorienting in its familiarity, and she clung to him to keep from sinking to the ground.

  He was here again, and she’d missed him so much. He screwed with your mind.

  The reminder was a cold bucket of ice on the strange sense of security she experienced in his arms. Leaning back, she examined the stubble lining his cheek as a vivid image of that scruff scraping the inside of her thighs burst through her mind.

  The world lurched, and if he hadn’t been holding her, she would have staggered back and collapsed on the couch. How could she so vividly recall something that never happened? She was losing her mind. Had he done that to her? Had he screwed with her brain so much it broke?

  When a lump clogged her throat, it took a minute to find her voice. “What’s going on?” she demanded with more strength than she felt. “How can you be so familiar to me when I haven’t seen you in years?”

  “Because I love you, and you love me.”

  Aida’s eyes crossed as she watched him lift a strand of her hair and run it through his fingers. I love you, and you love me. She wanted to deny it, but it felt so true. How could it be true when she couldn’t remember any of it? And if it was true, then why would he take the memory from her?

  Feeling like she was on a bad acid trip, she lifted a hand to the side of her head. She’d be less confused if the walls started talking to her. “How can that be true when I haven’t seen you in years?”

  “Because you have seen me.”

  Julian clasped her cheeks and lifted her head so she had to look at him. Love shone in his eyes when he bent to kiss the tip of her nose. She should pull away from him, but she didn’t trust her legs to support her.

  “Then why would you take the memory of our love away?” she asked.

  “Because it was necessary.”

  Taking her hand, he led her over to the couch. Slumping onto the couch, she clasped her hands in her lap while he knelt before her. The world lurched again as the familiarity of his matured face struck her. All she’d ever known was the face of the boy who could go days without shaving and still not have a five o’clock shadow.

  Julian brushed back her hair to reveal more of the dark purple bruise on her cheek. The lump, standing out at least an inch from her cheekbone, had caused her eye to swell shut. “This never should have happened,” he murmured.

  His fingers stroking her cheek were as soft as a butterfly’s wings. Unable to take this tenderness on top of everything else, she caught his hand and pulled it away. “I’m fine. Just tell me what is going on.”

  “I’ll let you remember it all,” he said. “Or at least I’m hoping you’ll remember it all because I need you to love me again and to know I’m not a monster.”

  “I don’t think you’re a monster.”

  “How could you think I’m not after what you witnessed tonight?”

  “I don’t know,” she admitted.

  She didn’t understand anything anymore, but Julian could never be a monster, not to her. No matter that he hurt her when he walked away, he would always be the beautiful boy who gave her a swan, held her when she cried, and helped her through the worst time of her life. She’d witnessed him murder another tonight, but he would never be a monster to her.

  “I should have run out of the gallery after what I saw and heard tonight. I never should have come back here, but I feel”—she rested her hand over her heart—“like I can trust you, and even if we haven’t seen each other in years, I don’t think you’d ever attack me. Besides, I know Kyle and Cassidy would never put me in danger. You may be their brother, but they still wouldn’t leave me with you if they believed you’d hurt me.”

  Julian buried the surge of hope her words brought with them. Her trust had to come from her buried memories and love for him. He had to be able to set her memories and love free. He couldn’t let himself consider the possibility he might fail.

  CHAPTER 46

  Kneeling before her, he took her clasped hands and held them in his. “Do you give me permission to control your mind again so I can set your memories free?”

  “Did I give you permission to do it before?”

  “Yes.”

  She’d given him permission to take control of her mind and mess with her memories? There was that damn rabbit hole again as the world lurched in some odd way. She couldn’t imagine ever agreeing to such a thing. She’d been helpless and at the mercy of vamps on the island; she never wanted to be so vulnerable again, and having someone invade her mind was about as vulnerable as it got.

  She resisted putting her head between her knees as the coppery taste preceding vomit filled her mouth. What would he do if she threw up all over him? She almost laughed as she imagined the shock on his face, but if she opened her mouth, she really would unleash the meager contents of her stomach all over him.

  Julian rested his hand on her shoulder when her skin took on a greenish hue. He didn’t know what was wrong, but she looked ill. “It’s okay. Deep breaths. It should all make sense soon.”

  “Should?”

  He sighed as he massaged her shoulder. He didn’t want to upset her more, but he couldn’t lie to her. “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to unlock everything. It took a lot of power and time to bury the memories we’ve built over the past couple of wee
ks.”

  “Weeks?” she croaked.

  “Yes.”

  “And we’ve been together that whole time?”

  “Just about.”

  “Are we really having sex?”

  “Yes.”

  She lowered her head between her knees. How could she not remember that?

  Because he’s been inside your head.

  But you gave him permission to do it.

  Had she really, or was he just saying that?

  Well, the only way to answer that question was to let him into her mind again. But how could she be sure what he unleashed was the truth?

  She could go on with these questions and possibilities and never-ending doubts forever, or she could hand herself over to him. Or she could walk out of here and never look back. She could never shut Mollie out of her life, but she could shut out the Byrnes and every other vampire who had screwed with her life.

  Lifting her head from her knees, her gaze went to the door. “Would you let me leave?”

  His hand tightened on her shoulder. He’d never survive if she left him, but he would never deny her. “Yes.”

  She turned her attention back to him as he released her shoulder and leaned away from her. The sorrow etching his face created pinched lines around his mouth as red flickered in his eyes. The idea of her leaving tormented him, but she suspected he would let her walk out the door.

  Her feet remained frozen in place. She didn’t understand why, but she couldn’t do that to him.

  He loved her. The realization hit her like a hammer between the eyes. He’d said he did, but now she saw that love etched onto the planes of his handsome face. He really loved her, and he was terrified of losing her. He might be more terrified of losing her than she was of letting him into her head.

  Unable to resist touching him, she cradled his cheek in the palm of her hand. “If I let you into my mind, will I understand everything?”

  “I hope so. I told you to remember everything when I said you could, but something could have gone wrong, or I might have buried your memories so deep that I can’t set them free again. However, I’m going to do everything I can to unleash them.”

  “Then do it.”

  Julian bent to kiss her hands before placing his palm against her uninjured cheek. Pride swelled inside him as he took in the steely determination on her face. “You are so strong.”

  Aida’s mouth parted on a breath, and feeling like she’d taken a shot of whiskey, a warm, fuzzy feeling spread through her insides. She hadn’t survived the island by being weak, but for some reason, hearing Julian say she was strong turned her insides to goo.

  Julian’s smile faded as his power swelled inside him until it filled his cells and swirled up through his body. He kept his eyes locked on hers while he pushed his power out to take control of her mind. He hated doing it as much now as he had the first time, but the desperation driving him now hadn’t been there before.

  “You are to remember everything I told you to forget. Remember me telling you that only I could set your memories free again, and I am setting them free. Remember me, Aida, and everything we’ve shared. Remember our love and everything I told you to forget.”

  Instinctively, Aida tried to resist him taking control of her mind, but her walls toppled beneath the wave of power he emitted. She lost herself to the beauty of his lapis-colored eyes as memories rushed over her. Caught up in the tsunami of emotions and images battering her, she lost her ability to breathe as the truth replaced everything she believed she knew.

  How could she have forgotten so much? How could the life she’d believed she lived for these past few weeks be so different than what it truly was?

  The power he possessed and the way he so effectively changed her memories caused goose bumps to erupt across her flesh. Yes, she’d given him permission to invade her mind, and she would do it again if it meant keeping him safe, but this ability unnerved her. She needed a few minutes to orient herself. Screw minutes, it would probably be years before she made sense of all this.

  Aida looked a little green again, and when Julian went to hug her, she held up a hand to keep him away. “Just give me some time.”

  His hands fell to his sides as frustration and apprehension warred within him. She agreed to let him into her mind, but was it the final straw? She’d dealt with so much from vampires over the years and suffered far more at the hands of them than any mortal should. She loved him, but had he driven her away?

  Aida leaned forward and put her head between her knees again. Her stomach revolted when she recalled Gerald’s violation of her mind and what he made her do to Julian. “I stabbed you,” she moaned.

  When Julian reached for her again, his hand hovered over her shoulder before he pulled it away. She’d lost control of her mind and body because someone else invaded them. No matter how badly he ached to hold and comfort her, he would respect her wishes.

  “You were compelled to do it, but you still broke through his control enough to fight against what he ordered you to do,” Julian said. “Your love for me is so strong you resisted the control of a vampire. That’s an amazing feat.”

  Tears burned her eyes as she recalled the torment tearing her mind apart. She had to kill him, but she loved him so much the idea of doing it fractured her into a million little pieces. Thankfully, she hadn’t killed him, but she’d never forget the feel of plunging a stake through his flesh before striking bone.

  “I’m so sorry,” she whimpered.

  “It wasn’t your fault.”

  Aida took some comfort in his words as her nausea subsided. Still, it was another few minutes before she pushed herself up to meet Julian’s troubled eyes.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  Aida leaned forward and, clasping his hands in hers, squeezed them. “I’m okay.”

  “If there had been another way, I wouldn’t have taken control of your mind.”

  “I know.” Aida rested her palm against his cheek as she studied the face she loved so much. “I can’t believe I forgot about you.”

  Julian turned his mouth into her palm and kissed her. “That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

  She hugged him when he rested his head on her lap. “What would you have done if you couldn’t free my memories of us?”

  “I would have found a way to make you fall in love with me again.”

  “And I would have.”

  She didn’t doubt that. She couldn’t imagine never remembering the joy of their time together, but she would have grown to love him again.

  Pulling away, Julian sat up and studied her as if he were scared she wasn’t real. Aida slid off the couch, and encircling her arms around his waist, she rested her head on his chest. The reassuring beat of his heart burned away her remaining tension.

  “It’s over; he’s dead,” she whispered.

  Julian ran his fingers over her silken hair as he held her against him. “I brought him here.”

  “None of this was your fault. Gerald was a fucking psycho; you never could have anticipated he would stalk you like he did. You did the right thing by saving that woman. You couldn’t have let her die.”

  “I know, but—”

  “But what?” she demanded. “There is no but. He’s dead; that woman is alive because of you, and we have each other. Are there any other vamps who might crawl out of the woodwork to hunt you down?”

  “Not that I’m aware of, but I wasn’t aware of Gerald either. Who knows if the Savage I killed when I first arrived or the vamp from the bar has any friends or family out there?”

  “If that happens, then we will deal with it. I think we’ve proven we’re pretty strong together.”

  He smiled before kissing her. “That we have. I’ll never let anyone take you from me.”

  “No one ever will,” she assured him.

  CHAPTER 47

  Before going to sleep, Aida drank some of Julian’s blood in the hopes her cheek would look better in the morning. When she woke t
he next day, her cheek still ached, but the lump was no longer the size of a golf ball.

  Julian tried to pull her back when she slid from the bed, but she evaded his grasping hands. “I’ll be right back,” she said and kissed his forehead.

  A strand of black hair fell into his eye when it cracked open. “Everything all right?”

  She rested her hand on his cheek. “Yes.”

  Pushing herself off the bed, she snatched her robe from the floor and pulled it on before leaving her room to plod down to the bathroom. The apartment was so quiet, she didn’t think anyone else was home, and she couldn’t recall hearing Kyle and Cassidy return last night.

  They’d probably decided to rent a couple of rooms somewhere to give her and Julian time alone. She didn’t feel good about chasing her roommates away, but she was glad to have the apartment to themselves.

  She pushed open the bathroom door and stepped inside. When she flicked on the light, her eyes widened at her reflection in the mirror over the sink. Her face was ashen, shadows lined her eyes, and the purple bruise marring her cheekbone still looked ugly, but it was a lot better than last night.

  She used the toilet before washing her hands and splashing water on her face. Feeling a little more awake, she dried herself and returned to her bedroom. Sitting up on the bed, Julian had his back against the wall when she entered.

  The blankets fell to expose his well-muscled chest, and her feet froze as she stopped to admire him. This magnificent man, with his kind heart, gorgeous face, and a body that could rival the gods was hers. Her fingers alone knew every inch of him. She was the only one who would ever experience the pleasure of having him inside her, and the only one who could complete him.

  She smiled as she marveled at this knowledge.

  “My face is a lot better,” she said.

  He grunted, but she didn’t miss the flash of red in his eyes when they latched onto her cheek. When he opened his arms to her, she eagerly went into them. Curling up against him, she rested her hand on his chest as she closed her eyes and savored the delicious scent of him.

  “I have to call out of work,” she said. “I’ve never done it before, but I can’t go to the gallery with my face looking like this.”