Springhaven: A Tale of the Great War

by R. D. Blackmore

  CHAPTER XLVII

  ENTER AND EXIT

  The summer having been fine upon the whole, and a very fair quantityof fish brought in, Miss Twemlow had picked up a sweetheart, as theunromantic mothers of the place expressed it. And the circumstances wereof such a nature that very large interest was aroused at once, and notonly so, but was fed well and grew fast.

  The most complete of chronicles is no better than a sponge of inferiortexture and with many mouths shut. Parts that are full of suctive powerget no chance of sucking; other parts have a flood of juice bubbling atthem, but are waterproof. This is the only excuse--except one--forthe shameful neglect of the family of Blocks, in any little treatisepretending to give the dullest of glimpses at Springhaven.

  The other excuse--if self-accusation does not poke a finger throughit--is that the Blockses were mainly of the dry land, and never went tosea when they could help it. If they had lived beyond the two trees andthe stile that marked the parish boundary upon the hill towards London,they might have been spotless, and grand, and even honest, yet musthave been the depth of the hills below contempt. But they dwelt in thevillage for more generations than would go upon any woman's fingers,and they did a little business with the fish caught by the others, whichenabled it to look after three days' journey as if it swam into townupon its own fins. The inventions for wronging mankind pay a great dealbetter than those for righting them.

  Now the news came from John Prater's first, that a gentleman of greatrenown was coming down from London city to live on fish fresh out ofthe sea. His doctors had ordered him to leave off butcher's meat, andbaker's bread, and tea-grocer's tea, and almost every kind of inlandvictuals, because of the state of his--something big, which evenSpringhaven could not pronounce. He must keep himself up, for at leastthree months, upon nothing but breezes of the sea, and malt-liquor, andfarm-house bread and milk and new-laid eggs, and anything he fanciedthat came out of the sea, shelly, or scaly, or jellified, or weedy.News from a public-house grows fast--as seeds come up quicker forsoaking--and a strong competition for this gentleman arose; but heknew what he was doing, and brought down his cook and house-maid, anddisliking the noise at the Darling Arms, took no less than five rooms atthe house of Matthew Blocks, on the rise of the hill, where he could seethe fish come in.

  He was called at once Sir Parsley Sugarloaf, for his name was PercivalShargeloes; and his cook rebuked his housemaid sternly, for meddlingwith matters beyond her sphere, when she told Mrs. Blocks that he wasnot Sir Percival, but only Percival Shargeloes, Esquire, very high upin the Corporation, but too young to be Lord Mayor of London for someyears. He appeared to be well on the right side of forty; and everyyoung lady on the wrong side of thirty possessing a pony, or even adonkey, with legs enough to come down the hill, immediately began totake a rose-coloured view of the many beauties of Springhaven.

  If Mr. Shargeloes had any ambition for title, it lay rather in amilitary direction. He had joined a regiment of City Volunteers, andmust have been a Captain, if he could have stood the drill. But this,though not arduous, had outgone his ambition, nature having gifted himwith a remarkable power of extracting nourishment from food, which isnow called assimilation. He was not a great feeder--people so blessedseldom are--but nothing short of painful starvation would keep him lean.He had consulted all the foremost physicians about this, and one said,"take acids," another said, "walk twenty miles every day with two Witneyblankets on," a third said, "thank God for it, and drink before youeat," and a fourth (a man of wide experience) bade him marry theworst-tempered woman he knew. Then they all gave him pills to upset hisstomach; but such was its power that it assimilated them. Despairing ofthese, he consulted a Quack, and received the directions which broughthim to Springhaven. And a lucky day for him it was, as he confessed forthe rest of his life, whenever any ladies asked him.

  Because Miss Twemlow was intended for him by the nicest adjustment ofnature. How can two round things fit together, except superficially?And in that case one must be upper and the other under; which is not theproper thing in matrimony, though generally the prevailing one. But takea full-moon and a half-moon, or even a square and a tidy triangle--withmanners enough to have one right angle--and when you have put them intoone another's arms, there they stick, all the firmer for friction. JackSpratt and his wife are a case in point; and how much more pointed thecase becomes when the question is not about what is on the plate, butthe gentleman is in his own body fat, and the lady in her elegant personlean!

  Mr. Sugarloaf--which he could not bear to be called--being an ardentadmirer of the Church, and aware that her ministers know what is good,returned with great speed the Rector's call, having earnest hopes ofsome heart-felt words upon the difference between a right andleft handed sole. One of these is ever so much better than theother--according to our evolutionists, because when he was a cod, a fewmilliards of years back, he chose the right side to begin lying down on,that his descendants in the thirty-millionth generation might get flat.His wife, from sheer perversity, lay down upon the other side, and thisexplains how some of their descendants pulled their eyes through theirheads to one side, and some (though comparatively few) to the other. Andthe worst of it is that the fittest for the frying-pan did not survivethis well-intended involution, except at a very long figure in themarket.

  As it fell out upon that day, Miss Twemlow was sitting in thedrawing-room alone, waiting till her mother's hair was quite done up,her own abundant locks being not done up at all, for she had latelytaken to set her face against all foreign fashions. "I have not beenintroduced to the King," she said, "nor even to the Queen, like thoseforward Darlings, and I shall do my hair to please myself." When herfather objected, she quenched him with St. Paul; and even her mother,though shocked, began to think that Eliza knew what she was about. Therelease of her fine hair, which fell in natural waves about her statelyneck, made her look nearly ten years younger than she was, for by thistime she must have been eight-and-twenty. The ladies of the Carne race,as their pictures showed (until they were sold to be the grandmothersof dry-salters), had always been endowed with shapely necks, fitcolumns for their small round heads. And this young lady's hair, with noconstraint but that of a narrow band across the forehead, clustered andgleamed like a bower of acanthus round that Parian column.

  Mr. Shargeloes, having obeyed his orders always to dine early, wasthrilled with a vision of poetry and romance, as he crossed the firstsquare of the carpet. The lady sat just where the light fell best from afiltered sunbeam to illumine her, without entering into the shady parts;and the poetry of her attitude was inspired by some very fine poetryupon her lap. "I don't care what the doctors say, I shall marry thatgirl," said Mr. Shargeloes to himself.

  He was a man who knew his own mind, and a man with that gift makesothers know it. Miss Twemlow clenched in the coat upon his back the nailshe had driven through his heart, by calling him, at every other breath,"Colonel Shargeloes." He said he was not that; but she felt that he was,as indeed every patriotic man must be. Her contempt for every manwho forsook his country in this bitter, bitter strait was at once soruthless and so bewitching that he was quite surprised into confessingthat he had given 10,000 pounds, all in solid gold, for the comfort ofthe Royal Volunteers, as soon as the autumnal damps came on. He couldnot tell such an elegant creature that what he had paid for was flanneldrawers, though she had so much strength of mind that he was enabled totell her before very long.

  A great deal of nonsense is talked about ladies who are getting thebetter of their first youth, as if they then hung themselves out as oldslates for any man to write his name on. The truth is that they havebetter judgment then, less trouble in their hearts about a gentleman'sappearance, and more enquiry in their minds as to his temper, tastes,and principles, not to mention his prospects of supporting them. Andeven as concerns appearance, Mr. Shargeloes was very good. Nature hadgiven him a fine stout frame, and a very pleasant countenance; andhis life in the busy world had added that quickness of decision andimmediate s
ense of right which a clever woman knows to be the verythings she wants. Moreover, his dress, which goes a very long way intothe heart of a lady, was most correct and particular. For his coat wasof the latest Bond Street fashion, the "Jean de Brie," improved andbeautified by suggestions from the Prince of Wales himself. Brightclaret was the colour, and the buttons were of gold, bright enough toshow the road before him as he walked. The shoulders were padded, as ifa jam pot stood there, and the waist buttoned tight, too tight for anyhappiness, to show the bright laticlave of brocaded waistcoat. Thenfollowed breeches of rich purple padusoy, having white satin bows at theknee, among which the little silver bells of the Hessian boots jingled.

  Miss Twemlow was superior to all small feeling, but had great breadth ofsympathy with the sterling truth in fashion. The volume of love, likea pattern-book, fell open, and this well-dressed gentleman was engravedupon her heart. The most captious young chit, such as Dolly herself,could scarcely have called him either corpulent or old. Every day hecould be seen to be growing younger, with the aid of fresh fish as atotally novel ingredient in his system; his muscle increased with thegrowth of brain-power, and the shoemaker was punching a fresh holein his belt, an inch further back, every week he stopped there. Afterbuckling up three holes, he proposed. Miss Twemlow referred him to herdear papa; and the Rector took a week to enquire and meditate. "Take amonth, if you like," said Mr. Shargeloes.

  This reply increased the speed. Mr. Twemlow had the deepest respect forthe Corporation, and to live to be the father of a Lord Mayor of Londonbecame a new ambition to lead on his waning years. "Come and dine withus on Saturday, and we will tell you all about it," he said, with apleasant smile, and warm shake of the hand; and Shargeloes knew that theneck and the curls would bend over the broad gold chain some day.

  How grievous it is to throw a big stone into a pool which has plenty ofdepth and length and width for the rings to travel pleasantly, yet notto make one ring, because of wind upon the water! In the days that werenot more than two years old, Springhaven could have taken all this news,with a swiftly expanding and smoothly fluent circle, with a lift ofself-importance at the centre of the movement, and a heave of gentleinterest in the far reflective corners. Even now, with a tumult ofthings to consider, and a tempest of judgment to do it in, peoplecontrived to be positive about a quantity of things still pending. SirParsley Sugarloaf had bought Miss Twemlow for 50,000 pounds, they said,and he made her let her curls down so outrageous, because she was to bemarried at Guildhall, with a guinea at the end of every hair. MissFaith would be dirt-cheap at all that money; but as for Miss Eliza, theywished him better knowledge, which was sure to come, when it was no goodto him.

  "What a corner of the world this is for gossip!" Mr. Shargeloes said,pleasantly, to his Eliza, having heard from his cook, who desired no newmistress, some few of the things said about him. "I am not such a foolas to care what they say. But I am greatly surprised at one thing.You know that I am a thorough Englishman; may I tell you what I think,without offending you? It is a delicate matter, because it concerns arelative of your own, my dear."

  "I know what you mean. You will not offend me. Percival, I know howstraightforward you are, and how keen of perception. I have expectedthis."

  "And yet it seems presumptuous of me to say that you are all blindhere, from the highest to the lowest. Except indeed yourself, as I nowperceive. I will tell you my suspicions, or more than suspicions--myfirm belief--about your cousin, Mr. Carne. I can trust you to keep thiseven from your father. Caryl Carne is a spy, in the pay of the French."

  "I have long thought something, though not quite so bad as that,"Miss Twemlow answered, calmly; "because he has behaved to us so verystrangely. My mother is his own father's sister, as you know, and yet hehas never dined with us more than once, and then he scarcely said a wordto any one. And he never yet has asked us to visit him at the castle;though for that we can make all allowance, of course, because of its sadcondition. Then everybody thought he had taken to smuggling, and afterall his losses, no one blamed him, especially as all the Carnes had doneit, even when they were the owners of the land. But ever since poorMr. Cheeseman, our church-warden, tried to destroy himself with his ownrope, all the parish began to doubt about the smuggling, because it paysso well and makes the people very cheerful. But from something hehad seen, my father felt quite certain that the true explanation wassmuggling."

  "Indeed! Do you know at all what it was he saw, and when, and under whatcircumstances?" Mr. Shargeloes put these questions with more urgencythan Miss Twemlow liked.

  "Really I cannot tell you all those things; they are scarcely of generalinterest. My dear father said little about it: all knowledge is deniedin this good world to women. But no doubt he would tell you, if youasked him, when there were no ladies present."

  "I will," said Mr. Shargeloes. "He is most judicious; he knows when tospeak, and when to hold his tongue. And I think that you combine withbeauty one of those two gifts--which is the utmost to be expected."

  "Percival, you put things very nicely, which is all that could beexpected of a man. But do take my advice in this matter, and say no moreabout it."

  Mr. Shargeloes feigned to comply, and perhaps at the moment meant to doso. But unluckily he was in an enterprising temper, proud of recoveredactivity, and determined to act up to the phosphate supplied by fishdiet. Therefore when the Rector, rejoicing in an outlet for his longpent-up discoveries, and regarding this sage man as one of his family,repeated the whole of his adventure at Carne Castle, Mr. Shargeloessaid, briefly, "It must be seen to."

  "Stubbard has been there," replied Mr. Twemlow, repenting perhaps of hisconfidence; "Stubbard has made an official inspection, which relieves usof all concern with it."

  "Captain Stubbard is an ass. It is a burning shame that importantaffairs should be entrusted to such fellows. The country is in peril,deadly peril; and every Englishman is bound to act as if he were anofficer."

  That very same evening Carne rode back to his ruins in a very grim stateof mind. He had received from the Emperor a curt and haughty answer tohis last appeal for immediate action, and the prospect of another gloomywinter here, with dangers thickening round him, and no motion to enliventhem, was almost more than he could endure. The nights were drawing in,and a damp fog from the sea had drizzled the trees, and the ivy, andeven his own moustache with cold misery.

  "Bring me a lantern," he said to old Jerry, as he swung his stiff legsfrom the back of the jaded horse, "and the little flask of oil with thefeather in it. It is high time to put the Inspector's step in order."

  Jerry Bowles, whose back and knees were bent with rheumatism and dullservice, trotted (like a horse who has become too stiff to walk) for thethings commanded, and came back with them. Then his master, withouta word, strode towards the passage giving entry to the vaults whichStubbard had not seen--the vaults containing all the powder, and theweapons for arming the peasantry of England, whom Napoleon fondlyexpected to rise in his favour at the sight of his eagles.

  "How does it work? Quite stiff with rust. I thought so. Nothing is everin order, unless I see to it myself. Give me the lantern. Now oil thebearings thoroughly. Put the feather into the socket, and work the pinin and out, that the oil may go all round. Now pour in some oil from thelip of the flask; but not upon the treadle, you old blockhead. Now dothe other end the same. Ah, now it would go with the weight of a mouse!I have a great mind to make you try it."

  "What would you do, sir, if my neck was broken? Who would do your work,as I do?"

  They were under an arch of mouldy stone, opening into the deep darkvaults, where the faint light of the lantern glanced on burnishedleather, brass, and steel, or fell without flash upon dull round bulk.The old man, kneeling on the round chalk-flints set in lime forthe flooring of the passage, was handling the first step of narrowstep-ladder leading to the cellar-depth. This top step had been takenout of the old oak mortice, and cut shorter, and then replaced in theframe, with an iron pin working in an iron collar, just
as the gudgeonof a wheelbarrow revolves. Any one stepping upon it unawares would godown without the aid of any other step.

  "Goes like spittle now, sir," said old Jerry; "but I don't want nomore harm in this crick of life. The Lord be pleased to keep all themExaminers at home. Might have none to find their corpusses until nextleap-year. I hope with all my heart they won't come poking their longnoses here."

  "Well, I rather hope they will. They want a lesson in thisneighbourhood," muttered Carne, who was shivering, and hungry, andunsweetened.