by Kim Smart
The time flew by. With the extra help, they got everything done in three days. Kerry and Jesse had time to explore Pascal and enjoy extra time together. As the final day together approached, they both knew they had to talk.
Kerry shared her fears about showing up unannounced. It was a risk she needed to take. When she found his name on the roster for the cowboy poet’s gathering while searching the internet, she knew she had to come. Especially after she had missed reading his book for all those months. She wanted to be on the front end of his success. She wanted to support him, even if he only wanted to be friends. That was a risk she would take. She loved spending the time with he and Stella out on the trail. It was fun and interesting.
Jesse told her he was returning to Buffalo Ridge Ranch for spring calving. He hadn’t decided how long he would stay there. He didn’t know if he would come back to Stella’s. He wanted Kerry to know that staying in Buffalo Ridge was not a given for him. Jesse knew her heart was set on returning there and setting up a practice after veterinary school. As much as he had loved seeing and spending time with her, he just wasn’t positive that’s what he could commit to.
Kerry said she understood. She also said that single-focused goal was what kept her going. Her dad was sick. She thought about packing it in and going home to help, but her parents both encouraged her to stay in school and reach for her dream. When Kerry told her mother she was going to Arizona, her mother hugged her excitedly. “I know she wants something more for me. She tries not to show it but she always felt she would have had a chance for a different life if we would have lived where she could have pursued her own career.”
Jesse listened. He took her hand. He told her that whatever happened in their future, he would always be grateful for this week together. Jesse praised Kerry’s gutsiness for coming out, not knowing exactly what she would find. They agreed to stay in touch. At the end of the semester Kerry planned to visit Buffalo Ridge. Beyond that, neither would make nor request a commitment from the other. The ache that stayed with Jesse after their last embrace, however, belied his desires. Kerry roused his soul, and his body, in a way he didn’t experience without her. He knew she felt the same way.
On Jesse’s final day in Arizona he hung out with Stella, cleaning tack and helping her get ready for the next trail run. Stella praised him, like a mother hen, for all he had accomplished over the winter. She stayed away from giving advice about relationships and reminded him he always had a place with her if he wanted it.
“What should I tell Mom and Dad about you coming home?” They would undoubtedly want Jesse to tell them all about Stella and what her life was like. He needed to know what was acceptable to share. Stella told him to tell them it was their turn to visit her. In all the years she had been away from home, they had never visited.
Jesse snorted and told her it was obvious they were expecting her to crawl home. The bedroom she left all those years ago looked the same. Nothing had been changed. Stella laughed. She couldn’t believe that the old stuff was just waiting there for her to come home and clean it up.
Chapter 14
Jesse powered through the trip back to Buffalo Ridge Ranch. He stopped only for fuel, coffee and snacks. He was anxious about his transition back to the ranch and steeled himself for the barrage of questions he would get. Jesse also thought of Kerry. Sweet, capable Kerry. Those feeling he had once shelved, hoping to avoid, returned. Yes he loved Kerry, but did not see a happy ending with her because he didn’t know what he wanted.
Yvette and Dan welcomed him with excitement when he returned to Buffalo Ridge Ranch. He told them story after story of his adventures with the ever-capable, and beautiful (no, she hadn’t let herself go) Stella. He also shared a video of their duet poem. It brought tears to their mother’s eyes. Even his father gave him a one-armed hug and told him he was proud. He didn’t mention Kerry’s visit. There was no need to create a ‘thing’ when they weren’t yet sure what they were. He dodged questions about dating and the local Pascal girls.
His father shared a list of repairs and chores to complete. Steve had helped over the winter but was too busy to do the machinery maintenance. This became top priority. Calving started. Nights were late and cold as they stood by to monitor and assist if needed. Jesse took a notebook and pen with him. As he and Dad sat in the pickup while checking cows and calves, he turned on the overhead light and jotted down thoughts. He had written several more poems and possibly some lyrics. He didn’t sing so he would have to share them with someone who did. When his dad asked him about his writings, Jesse just said he was writing about the cowboy ways. His dad could stomach that.
In fact, much of what he was writing had overtones of love in it. There was a woman. That woman took on many forms in his newest poems. Sometimes she was a woman. Sometimes she was a whisper on the wind. It was the look of love between a cow and a calf or the familiarity a horse and rider shared. It seemed to Jesse that the essence of a woman was woven into all of his writing.
When love came in the form of a woman, she was Kerry. She, his muse, inspired lots of thoughts. He tucked them safely in his special book. It stayed under lock and key. He blushed at some things he wrote.
The weeks leading to summer passed quickly. Jesse and Kerry tried to stay in touch but they were both so busy. They communicated mostly by text messages. Benign, ‘thinking of you’ messages. Jesse was anxious in the days before Kerry’s end-of-semester visit. He didn’t expect to feel this way. He was suddenly conscientious about how he looked and whether his truck was clean.
The day finally arrived. Kerry promised to stop at Jesse’s first. They both looked forward to catching up on one another’s busy lives. Jesse cooked dinner, or rather served the dinner that his mom had cooked. His parents were conveniently out. They would not be distracted. Jesse showered and was setting the table as Kerry came knocking.
Jesse opened the door and there she stood, looking all grown up. She traded her jeans in for a skirt and top. She wore open-toed sandals with painted toes peeking through instead of the usual Ropers or trail runners. Kerry’s hair, usually in a long braid down her back, flowed freely. She presented him with a bottle of wine. He laughed. He hadn’t even thought of wine. What a nice touch to what was proving to be a perfect evening.
He reached for the bottle of wine, covering her hand with his. He pulled the wine, and the woman, closer. Jesse brought her to his chest, wrapped her in his arms and held her for a lingering moment before inviting her in. Kerry trembled as his strong arms blanketed her. She had been anxious as she approached the house, fearing Jesse would be cool toward her. They had not spoken much since their visit in Pascal. Her trembling gave way to something much more primitive. The anxiety melted as the yearning grew. It was good to be close again.
Jesse invited Kerry to join him on the porch where the table was set for two. He opened the wine and poured them each a glass. The spicy scent of the red-stained cork pleased him. The beauty sitting before him invigorated him. Kerry was all grown up, and it looked good on her.
The Badlands entertained them briefly as they sat on the porch. Rays from the lowering sun bounced off scattered mica creating diamond-like sparkles. Kerry pointed out areas reminiscent of those they rode through in Arizona. Kerry asked Jesse about his writing. He shared that he was writing more cowboy poetry and considering entering a regional gathering in Nevada in the fall. He kept his private musings to himself. Kerry was glad he was still writing.
She, too, had been writing. They accepted her into veterinary school and she was on the fast track to finish. She had to participate in research and writing up results. She could not stay in Buffalo Ridge more than a few days, as she needed to get back to her project.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about my week in Arizona and how different that life is. I have decided that I have a lot to learn about life and that was only the tip of the iceberg.” Kerry was measured as she shared her thoughts. There was a lot more she wanted to say. She wanted to explore life with
Jesse. Together they would make great things happen. She loved him and wanted to be with him forever. She was too afraid to share these thoughts. He ended their relationship once before and she did not want to feel pain from loss again. She also was not sure what promises she was capable of. She always wanted to come back to Buffalo Ridge to practice but now, she just was not positive.
Jesse agreed that it was an incredible experience. He also shared that it made him wonder what else he needed to explore. Jesse listed places he wanted to visit and experiences he wanted to have. He suggested Kerry might want to do that too.
“This feels good, sitting out here adulting, with our wine and our bucket lists.” Jesse laughed, Kerry followed. He reached across the table and placed his hand on hers. “Thank you for taking the time for dinner before going home. I’m sure you’re anxious to see your parents.”
Kerry stood up from the palm tree cushioned wicker chair. She reached toward the glass-topped table to lift Jesse’s empty plate. He gently encircled her wrist with his big hand and pulled her onto his lap. He took her face in his hands and brought his face to hers. He wanted to do this all night. Jesse gently and deeply kissed Kerry with her head cradled in the crook of his right arm. His left hand rested on her bare knee. Kerry felt the kiss - felt it throughout her entire being.
“Why, thank you Mr. Davies. That was the sweetest dessert.” She swooned as their lips parted.
A car pulled into the yard on the other side of the house. They had talked so much they lost track of time. It was nearing 10 o’clock and his parents were home. They shared one more sweet kiss before piling the dishes and heading into the kitchen.
Yvette folded Kerry in a big hug. They chatted and giggled like two schoolgirls while Kerry cleaned up and poured Mrs. D a glass of wine. “Oh boy, you two are growing up.”
Yvette had not thought of Jesse as a romantic pouring wine and serving dinner. It was time she stopped seeing these two as little school kids playing the dating game. Now they were young adults making adult decisions.
At the end of the evening Jesse walked Kerry to her car. They made plans to catch up again, this time at Kerry’s home. Jesse had intended to see her parents when he returned to Buffalo Ridge, but hadn’t made it over yet. They enjoyed another, longer, lingering kiss there, in the moonlight. The beautiful Badlands stood in the shadows. Ending the kiss was almost painful. The intensity penetrated deeply. Glittery stars danced above in the night sky as they whispered their good night farewells.
“I love you.” Jesse whispered first. Followed quickly by Kerry’s echoed affirmation. “I love you, too, Jesse.”
Jesse had a lot to write about that night. Kerry slept restlessly in her childhood bed, her stuffed animals watching over her from across the room.
She awoke to the sounds and smells of her mother’s kitchen. She greeted her parents with hearty hugs and joined them in their morning coffee. She noticed her dad was thinner than the last time she saw him. The spring sun had not yet bronzed his skin. Her parents were happy to have their girl home. She helped her dad move some machinery. Her mother shared plans to host several family friends that evening. A lot of old family friends wanted to see Kerry and hear all about her school and work. Kerry appreciated their interest. One day, they may be her patients’ humans.
The day passed quickly. When the first guest arrived, Kerry was still drying her hair. She needed that shower to rinse off the dust and grime. It was good to see long-time friends, young and old. Kerry was wrapped up in her work at school. She rarely had a moment to think about life going on back here at Buffalo Ridge. She loved that familiarity she had with the townspeople. For them, there were no gaps in their adoration for the hometown girl. They loved her as much today as the day she left for college, even if they hadn’t seen her often, or at all.
Kerry was in the kitchen freshening up a plate of cookies when Mrs. O’Connell popped in to get some ice. “It’s good to see your dad looking so perky. It’s been awhile.” And with that, she left the kitchen leaving Kerry off-center. What was she talking about? Was there something wrong with her dad? Oh, there would be some discussion later on, she resolved.
The guests left and her dad headed for bed. Kerry stayed to help her mom clean up. As she loaded the dishwasher she mentioned the comment by Mrs. O’Connell and pressed for an explanation.
“We wanted to tell you together, but since the cat is out of the bag -- your dad is sick, honey.”
“What kind of sick? Flu sick, stomachache sick — what?” Kerry knew sick and then she knew SICK. Her mother was worrying her with this vague response and Kerry suspected SICK was serious in this case. He was thinner, pale and tired.
Kerry’s mom explained that he was quite ill. The doctors diagnosed him with stomach cancer, and while they caught it early, the treatment was wiping him out. The Brauns couldn’t afford to hire help and she had been helping him as much as she could. Susan wanted to leave the rest of the discussion until morning but Kerry wouldn’t have it. She begged her mom to let her stay home and help while her dad was getting treatment. Kerry would get a job and pay a hired hand. She would do anything so her dad could focus on getting better.
That’s when Susan announced that they were selling the ranch. They had quietly made inquiries with some land auctioneers and realtors and were considering three different offers. “Your dad is heartbroken that he cannot pass this place on to you. That’s all he’s dreamed of since the day you were born.” Kerry’s eyes welled with tears. How disheartened her father must be. He has worked so hard all his life and this was the reward. They finished cleaning the kitchen. Kerry hugged her mother, long and hard. Her mother was a strong woman who loved her father immeasurably. This had to be hard for her too. Kerry went to her room.
Despite being physically exhausted and emotionally drained, Kerry was restless. She needed some fresh air to feel alive and clear her head. She sent a text off to Jesse. U up?
Before she could put her phone down, the response came through. She needed to talk to him. Kerry wanted to be with him. She didn’t know if she wanted to escape the new circumstances or process the information. It didn’t matter. She wanted him.
Meet at middle-way tree. When they were younger, they picked a place halfway between their homes where they would meet for bike rides, horseback riding or just to hang out. There used to be a tree there. That’s how the spot came to be the middle-way tree. The tree burned down after a lightening strike five years before but they both knew the spot.
Jesse was already there when Kerry pulled up, sitting on the open bed of his pickup. She climbed up beside him and sat. Her shoulder leaned into Jesse’s side as he put his arm around her, and she shuddered. He tightened his hold, reassuring her she was safe. No words needed right now. She would speak when she was ready. Jesse had heard rumors about illness and a possible sale, but he didn’t bring it up with her because to him it was just rumor. He knew nothing for certain.
When her sobs subsided, Jesse hopped down from the truck and angled his body between Kerry’s legs so he could look her in the eye. He massaged the tears into her face and smoothed her hair back. It was hard to see this pain in someone he loved. Jesse ached to take away the hurt and make things better for her. He knew she had to walk through this herself. He would be whatever support he could be to her. He had seen this kind of pain with Steve when Vikki got sick and died. He felt so much uncertainty, hope, fear and helplessness.
“I’m here. Whatever I can do to support you, I’m here.” The words felt empty to him as he said them.
Kerry buried her head into his chest as she reached around and held onto him. That’s all she asked, is that he be there. This would be a rough ride. She shared what little she knew in short spurts. Dad has cancer. He needs treatment. Selling ranch.
That last point struck Jesse hard. The ranch and Buffalo Ridge had always been an integral part of Kerry’s dream. This wasn’t just about her dad being sick. This news could change everything for Kerry! Jesse ne
ver saw this coming. He was certain she didn’t have a contingency plan.
Chapter 15
Working cattle and long days in the field kept Jesse busy over the summer. He helped Steve with the new dude ranch. Steve was prone to doing everything by himself. He failed to hire enough staff to help, leaving chores undone and phone calls unanswered. It was impossible for him to handle all the bookings, lead the trail rides, and prepare the chuck wagon meals. He hired help to clean the bunkhouses and do laundry but nothing more. His horse stalls needed mucking, the hay needed raking, and his cows needed sorting. Jesse pitched in with these things when he could. What should have been a big year turned out just average. They left tons of hay lying in the field.
“There is no way I’m making what your customers expect.” Jesse picked up a soaking Dutch oven to clean for tomorrow’s food prep. Steve said he had no complaints but finally agreed he needed help. He committed to finding help before the next season opened. Until then, he would see if Mom or one of her friends would pitch in. He was happy to pay someone to help.
Jesse built his own herd up through calving. He expected to bank a good profit later in the year. Long days in the field and on horseback over the spring and summer paid off. His wages were good for that work and his bank account was now decent. The earnings from working with Stella plus this year’s crop and cattle cash gave him a nice nest egg. He thought about getting his own place. His dad would help him with a down payment if needed. Jesse wasn’t looking for anything too big, just enough to call his own. His commitment to his parents and Buffalo Ridge Ranch were long-standing. He was in line to inherit the ranch property with his siblings one day.