“And I’d do it all again if I had to,” she says as the first tear falls.
Harley started pacing halfway through her story, running into the coffee table twice before eventually turning on the lights. Now that I can see her clearly, I wish the lights were still off. It breaks my heart to see her in pain. I’m holding her hand again but it’s suddenly not enough. Not to comfort her or me.
“You won’t,” I state, attempting to sound reassuring. “Not alone, anyway. Never again will you have to do anything alone, Harley.”
Averting her eyes, Harley tugs at her hand, but I don’t release it immediately. Before I do, I give it a tiny squeeze, making sure she knows I’m here.
“We still have so much to talk about, Alex. You’ve been gone for months. Things can’t go back to the way they were. Too much has happened. Too much has changed.”
“I know.” God, is that all I can say? “Listen, there’s a lot I want to tell you as well. Some things I’d like to tell you and Phoenix at the same time. I’m assuming he’s asleep.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, then I can talk to him tomorrow if that’s okay with you.”
“I’m not sure if he’s ready.”
“And that’s okay. Whenever he is, but there are things I’d like to tell you tonight. A lot has changed, and you deserve to know what you’re getting into if you decide we can try again. Because that’s what I want, Harley. A second chance. A clean slate. I want to hit the reset button. To start over without our pasts dragging us down. No secrets. No lies.”
“Half-truths?” she asks, grinning at me.
“Only the full truth. Nothing less.”
Pulling Harley into my arms, I let out a sigh as she relaxes against me. The last thing I want is to kill the mood but I have to much to say.
She listens intently as I fill her in on everything that went down in Chicago for the last two months. She cries when I tell her about Daphne’s relapse but smiles when I explain how my mother has stepped up the way a mother should. My favorite reaction is when she cheers after I tell her about my father’s day in court.
She wasn’t a huge fan of him after meeting him once. I can’t blame her. Most people are scared of him. Of the power he holds. Of his domineering personality.
I used to be one of those people but not anymore. I’ve cut all ties with him.
“How’s Daphne doing now?” Harley asks.
“My mom says she’s doing better, but she has a long way to go. It sounds like she’s fighting them harder than she fought you.”
“She never planned to stay here, did she? She was always looking for a way out.”
“I think so, but I also think you helped her more than you realize. Being here was good for her. It was being back home that caused her relapse. Being around my father. He berated her for her choices, for shaming the family. Told her to get her act together or he’d cut her off. He’s always used money as a way to get what he wanted from people, including me.
“Daphne freaked out. She went on a binge. I’m not even sure what her combination of choice was this time, but mom found her on the bathroom floor with an empty bottle of whiskey in her hands. It was a wakeup call for my mom. She freaked out. Called my father for help and he threatened her life if she put Daph back in rehab.”
“What an asshole.”
“He really is. I’d like to think he wasn’t always like this. That over time he’s become this miserable person, but I can’t be sure. I don’t have any good memories of him. Not a single one. There has to be a reason my mom fell in love with him, though.”
“Money?” Harley asks, uncertainty pooling in her eyes.
“Maybe. I mean, mom is getting everything in the divorce according to her lawyer.” Thanks to me, but I don’t say that out loud.
Which means I’m lying.
Fuck. This is harder than I thought.
“Because of me,” I spit out before she can say anything. “I thought it, but I didn’t say it out loud, and that felt like I was lying to you.”
Harley nods her head but doesn’t reply. I have a feeling she must realize how hard this is going to be. Saying everything that comes to our minds. Not holding back a thought or feeling from each other because, in a way, by not sharing, it could be considered lying.
“I knew he was cheating on my mom, and I knew how to catch him in the act, so I did, and I took a picture to prove his infidelity. It was the nail in his coffin. I’m the reason he’s about to fall from grace.”
It felt good to get that off my chest. To accept responsibility for the part I’m playing in their divorce, in screwing my father. Not that my mom deserves anything. She wasn’t much of a mother most of my life, but as long as she continues to take care of Daphne, I’m okay with how this is going to turn out.
“What did you get out of all this? Besides a hefty trust fund.” This conversation is obviously making Harley uncomfortable. She keeps shifting in her seat and wringing her fingers.
“Nothing. My trust fund is mine, but it’s not enough to sustain me for the rest of my life nor would I want to sit on my ass and do nothing. I wasn’t going to take it, didn’t really want it, but in the end, the money has helped me get on my feet and start a new life. Plus, I have a job.”
Her head whips in my direction. “You do?”
“I was going to tell you that night. That’s why there were flowers and chocolates on the counter for you. I wanted to celebrate. The Community Assistance Team hired me. They held the job for me, and I start Monday.”
“Which means you really aren’t leaving?” The shock in her voice hurts my heart.
Did she honestly think I would walk back in her life only to leave her again? I fucking hope not. That’s a dick move, though my previous actions were also dick moves, so I can’t blame her.
“I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, Harley. Not without you. Not without Phoenix. I’m putting down roots. In fact, I already have, but you need to wait to find out what that means until Phoenix is awake.”
Pushing herself off the couch, Harley bolts for the door before I can stop her, shouting at me over her shoulder. “Be right back.”
Ready or not, Phoenix is going to face me. I can only hope he’s as forgiving as Harley suddenly appears to be after hearing I’m not leaving again. He doesn’t need to forget, the past will always be there, but he doesn’t have to hold on to the hurt so tight he can’t move on from it.
When he’s ready, I’ll have a man-to-man with him. Like the one he had with me about his mo— his sister.
That’s going to take some getting used to.
“I’m so tired,” I hear Phoenix whine as Harley pulls him through my open door.
I’d just gotten used to closing doors behind me again, and here we are, about to have a conversation for anyone to hear.
“Hey, bud,” I say as he plops down on the couch next to me, Harley sitting on the other side of him.
“Hey.” His voice remains flat, unemotional. He’s half asleep, but he’s also distancing himself.
“Did you read my notes?” I ask, keeping my voice upbeat.
“Yeah,” he replies dismissively.
“And?”
“And I think you left, and now you’re back. So what?” You can’t miss the sudden anger in his voice or the tension in his shoulders as he speaks. I knew leaving would hurt him, but I was confident he would forgive me before Harley would.
“I’m back, yes. Your mo— sister and I have talked,” I start, pausing when he slowly turns his head to face Harley. When she gently nods, I continue. “We’re going to be honest with each other from this moment forward. No more lies. No more secrets.”
“So you two are back together, then?”
“Well, not exactly,” Harley answers before I can.
“We haven’t talked about that yet, but we will, and when we do, we’ll let you know what we decide.” Harley smiles at me over Phoenix’s head, and I get lost in her eyes. We’re back together. There’s
no doubt in my mind. She’s not ready to admit it to herself yet. If I’m being honest, we never actually broke up. I just took an extended vacation.
It’s not until Phoenix clears his throat that I shake away my dirty thoughts and continue. “So, anyway, I’m back and not going anywhere. I have a job and found a new place to live.”
I hear Harley’s sharp intake of breath.
“You won’t be across the hall?” Phoenix asks, his anger replaced with despair.
“No, but you’re welcome to come over and hang out at my house any time you want. We can play video games and hang out. It’s close to the beach, and it has a pool.”
“Really? A pool?” Phoenix is suddenly wide awake at the mention of the pool.
“Did you want to go see it?” I ask, looking to Harley for permission.
It’s late. Harley has to work in the morning. Phoenix should be in bed even though he hasn’t started school again yet. Still, I’m excited to show them.
Phoenix runs back to their apartment to put shoes on and grab Harley’s purse. We’re waiting for him in the hall as he comes rushing out, a huge smile on his face, Harley’s purse in one hand and his swim trunks in the other.
“Bud, I don’t think the pool will be open,” Harley states, reaching for her purse.
“I think it’ll be fine,” I note, turning and heading down the stairs before either of them can see the smirk on my face.
In fact, I put new towels out in case they wanted to come over and swim. I also may have bought a bottle of champagne for Harley and me and a sparkling cider for Phoenix. They’re both chilling in the fridge, waiting to be opened.
Waiting for this moment. For us to be able to celebrate what happens next.
30
Harley
* * *
First, he bought a car. Or he brought one from home. Either way, we weren’t walking and didn’t have to waste money on cab fare. It felt weird to sit in the passenger seat as Alex weaved through the streets and neighborhoods I’d walked a million times. Just after we passed the rehab center, he took a sharp right toward the beach, turning into another neighborhood.
That’s when I realized what he wanted to show us. We weren’t headed to another apartment complex. One that had more to offer than a crappy laundry room and a single flight of stairs. Nope. Alex bought a house.
My suspicions were confirmed when he pulled in the driveway of a massive, two-story home. It was bigger than any house I’d ever been in before. Sure, I’ve seen houses like this on TV, I watch the home decorating channels from time to time, but it was different to see such beauty in person.
Four bedrooms, three bathrooms. A gourmet kitchen. Living room, family room, pool… the works.
It’s large but still has a cozy feel. An open floor plan on the main level and a private master suite upstairs, complete with a Jacuzzi tub that I’d like to relax in for hours. With soft music playing in the background, candles the only form of light in the room, and the smell of lavender or cherry blossoms emanating from the water.
A girl can dream, right?
But this isn’t my house.
This isn’t our life.
It’s never been a secret Alex comes from a different world than I do. That’s a huge part of why I never wanted him to know about my past. Sure, hiding Phoenix’s true identity was the biggest reason but also the shame I felt for where I came from. From the place I crawled out of.
This house is very Alex. I’m sure it rivals the home he grew up in, minus the staff. Well, he might have staff, but I haven’t seen them yet and we’ve been here for over an hour. Phoenix has spent the entire time in the pool, jumping in as soon as he changed his shorts.
“You know, there’s plenty of room here if you guys ever wanted to get out of that little apartment,” Alex says from the lounge chair next to me.
And to think I was enjoying the gorgeous night under the stars. Sitting in comfortable silence, only the sound of water splashing every time Phoenix did a cannonball followed by his laughter when he surfaced. It was the perfect moment, and Alex had to open his mouth and ruin it.
“Wouldn’t that be moving a little fast?” I suggest, not wanting to offend him with my original thought.
“More than a little,” he replies honestly. I like this new pact. I’ll always know what he’s thinking. Now I just need to learn how to not keep my innermost thoughts to myself. That’s going to be a challenge.
“Why don’t we take things one day at a time for now? Try being friends first again.”
“I don’t want to be just your friend, Harley. I want to be with you. All day, every day. I want you and Phoenix to move in with me. Will it work out? I don’t know, but I don’t want to waste time not being with you. There’s a reason I was offered that job. A reason they held it until I could come back. A reason I found that apartment across the hall from you. None of this was coincidence.”
His reasoning makes sense to him, but I still need to guard my heart. Do I love Alex? Of course I do. I’m barely ready to admit that to myself right now. There’s no way I’m comfortable admitting it to him. Moving in together is a huge step. Monumental. The imaginary line in the sand I originally drew with him wouldn’t exist with us living under the same roof.
“Please, Harley. Just think about it. I’m not saying you should move in tomorrow or the next day, but I did buy this house with you in mind. With Phoenix in mind. Because I am planning on asking you to marry me someday. When I think you’re ready to say yes.”
“You’re taking this new honesty thing to a whole new level, you know that?” I joke as Alex takes my hand in his. I can’t look at him. I don’t want him to see the tears threatening to fall, his words jump-starting my heart. Or the fear in my eyes at the thought of not only moving in with him but marrying him.
“I’m here whenever you’re ready,” he says, giving my hand a light squeeze.
“I still think we should try and be friends again first. You never know, you might not like the new, honest version of me. The mystery is gone. There’s no chase. Isn’t that what guys like?”
“There is a thrill you get from chasing a woman, I won’t deny that. That thrill fades when you catch her if you’re not meant to be together. If you are, if she’s the one, you never stop chasing her. Once you catch her, you hold on tight, afraid if you let go, she’ll slip away. You work your ass off to keep her, to prove to her that you’re worthy.”
He’s always going to chase me. What he doesn’t see is that I’m the one who doesn’t deserve him, not the other way around.
“So if you don’t want to be friends, Alex, what do you propose?” I ask, curiosity getting the best of me.
“I’d like to date you, Harley. For real this time. I’d like to take you out to dinner. To the movies. A weekend away maybe.”
“I can’t—”
“I know. You can’t leave Phoenix for a weekend. I get it. If we go somewhere overnight, he’s welcome to come. Hell, he can come everywhere with us as far as I’m concerned. I know you two are a package deal. That doesn’t scare me.” I can hear the sincerity in his voice. He cares for Phoenix, enjoys his company.
“Hey!” Phoenix hollers as if he knew we were discussing him. “Are you two done talking yet?”
“Maybe, why?” Alex asks as Phoenix swims closer to where we are.
“You guys should come in the pool. It’s nice in here.”
I bet it is. Alex mentioned it was heated. Great for swimming at night after the sun has set and the temperature drops.
“I didn’t bring my suit, bud, but Alex can get in if he wants.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as a smirk forms on Alex’s face before he says, “We’ll be right back,” as he pulls me from my chair.
“Where are we going, Alex?” I ask in protest as he takes the stairs two at a time, never letting go of my hand.
“To change.”
“I didn’t bring a suit,” I state firmly, tugging my hand free as we reach
the landing.
“I may have one for you already.”
“You bought me a swimsuit?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest and raising an eyebrow in challenge. Seriously? It’s like he knew this would happen.
“I figured you could keep this one here for when you visit. In case you ever forget,” he explains, pushing open the double doors leading to the master suite.
Following him, I roll my eyes at his ridiculous reasoning but don’t comment. He’s reaching into the top drawer of his dresser when I round the corner, taking a seat on the edge of the enormous bed that’s perched in the middle of the room. All three of us could fit in this bed comfortably.
“Here,” he says, shoving a black bikini toward me. “I wasn’t sure what color you’d want and figured black was a safe bet.”
“Alex, you didn’t have to do that. You don’t need to buy me things. I don’t want your money, I hope you realize that.”
“There are a lot of things I don’t have to do, Harley. Things that will more than likely piss you off, but I’m still going to do them. Not because I have to but because I want to. And I’m aware you don’t want my money. The thought never even crossed my mind. You deserve to be treated like a fucking queen, and I plan to do just that.
“Before tonight, I was convinced you’d struggled enough in life. Raising Phoenix on your own. Working full time to make ends meet. Sharing a bedroom to save money. You’d worked your ass off to make a damn good life for the two of you. You were taking care of shit. All I want to do is help, to be a part of it all.”
“A part of what?” I ask, unsure of where this conversation is headed.
“Your family. You and Phoenix are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You showed me what it felt like to be a part of something greater. To care for someone more than yourself. The portrait of the perfect family that was painted for me was a lie. You two, you’re what family should look like. That’s what I want to be a part of. If you’ll let me.”
Half Truths: An Opposites Attract Romance Page 21