Tears are freely streaming down my face by the time he’s finished. It’s always been just the two of us. Phoenix and me. My mother was physically there, but she wasn’t really there mentally. And after we left, I refused to let anyone in. To let anyone get close to us for the fear that my family would be torn apart. That someone would find us and take Phoenix away from me.
But Alex won’t let that happen.
I trust him with everything I have. With my secrets. With Phoenix.
Taking a seat next to me, Alex wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close.
“I know this seems sudden and I’m sorry. I’ve been thinking about this for months. About what I wanted. All while you were pissed off at me. I never considered the fact you wouldn’t read my note. That you wouldn’t at least hear what I had to say before I came back. I was hoping my words would be enough to calm you down until I could get back here, to you, to Phoenix, and that once I did come back, you’d forgive me, and we’d move on like I planned. But it feels like I’ve sprung this on you. You’ve spent the last few months hating me instead of waiting for me. I want you to know that I’m here, Harley, and I always will be. Whenever you’re ready.”
Not knowing how to respond, I do the only thing that comes to mind. I turn in his arms and press my lips to his. The jolt of electricity that flows through my body shocks my heart. The more Alex deepens the kiss, the more alive I feel.
I’ve been a shell of a person since he left. Going through the motions every day. Saying and doing all the things I thought I needed to. Trying to focus all my energy on work and Phoenix, leaving little time for me to think about anything else. Especially the man who walked away from me.
“I don’t want to be your friend either,” I say, pulling away, my breaths coming out strangled from the intensity of his kiss.
“What do you want to be, Harley? I need to hear you say it,” he says, resting his forehead against mine and closing his eyes as he struggles to get his breathing under control as well.
“Everything,” I whisper.
“Deal,” he agrees, the single word slipping past his lips as he captures mine again.
Everything. Nothing more, nothing less. I want it with this man. Every day. Every night. And every moment in between.
“When are you moving in?” he asks as we head downstairs in search of Phoenix.
It took some convincing for him to leave his room. He wanted to snuggle under the covers and hold me. I knew where that would lead. Phoenix and I had to get back to our place. It was going to be a rough morning getting up for work. Phoenix is already hard enough to pull out of bed, no matter what time it is. The later I let him stay up, the harder it becomes.
“Harley,” he says when I don’t answer him.
“It’s not that simple, Alex. I have a lease. Phoenix likes his school. I don’t want him to have to transfer again. There are things I need to consider first before anything happens.”
Pulling me to a stop in the kitchen, I spot Phoenix over Alex’s shoulder. He’s made himself at home, falling asleep on the couch in the adjoining family room. I guess he got sick of waiting for us to swim with him. I hope he changed his clothes first.
“I thought about all those things before I bought this house. It’s two blocks closer to work for you. Same school district as the one Phoenix is in now. The only thing I wasn’t sure about was your lease. When does it end?”
I can’t suppress my smile as I tell him I only have two weeks left. He really did think of everything. The timing couldn’t be better.
As long as Phoenix is okay with it, we could move and be settled before he starts school in a few weeks. No more telling him he can’t have friends over, and I bet he’ll be taking full advantage of that fact. Along with the pool.
31
Six Months Later
Alex
* * *
Harley wasn’t kidding when she said her mother was crazy. Well, that may not have been the word she used, but it’s the one that sums her mother up best. Yes, she’s an addict, but I don’t think the drugs are what fueled her rage when she found Harley and Phoenix.
To the average onlooker, Cherry was probably someone who was lost in our neighborhood. Her car stood out like a sore thumb, her muffler scraping the pavement as she pulled up in front of the house. Rail thin, her clothes hanging loosely on her body, I watched from the front window as she made her way up the drive, her mouth agape as she took in the size of the house.
Good.
Harley struggled for a long time to make ends meet, to provide for Phoenix because she loved him when no one else would. She deserves to live in a house like this, and her mother deserves to see how well she’s doing now. Without any help from her.
I open the door before she can knock, and her words come out rushed as she asks for Harley, pushing past me into the house.
She isn’t here. That was my plan. Harley has no idea I invited her mother over to talk to her. Am I lying by omission? Technically, yes, but after weeks of saying everything that came to our minds, Harley and I decided that there was such a thing as being too honest. As long as the lie isn’t meant to hurt the other person, it’s okay not to tell each other everything. I’m hoping what I’m doing helps Harley more than it hurts her because the last thing I want is for her to be pissed at me. I find ways to make that happen enough on my own without putting any extra thought into it.
Last month, when Harley’s phone rang, a 702 area code prominently displayed, she freaked out. Not realizing what was going on, I answered the phone before she could stop me.
At first she was confused. Wanted to know who I was. Where Harley was. There was no question if she had the right phone number. She somehow knew she did. When I told her Harley didn’t want to speak to her as I watched my beautiful girlfriend lower herself to the couch, her entire body trembling in fear, she blew up on me.
Her mother was rude and abrasive. Threatening. Making demands. Her number one request, to bring Phoenix back home.
That wasn’t going to happen.
Explaining to an addict they can’t have what they want after they finally found it years after they lost it is a challenge. In her mind, Phoenix belonged to her. She gave birth to him, so he was hers. It didn’t matter that he didn’t want to be there or that she couldn’t take care of him. She was looking at it as if she owned him.
Once I finally calmed her down, I told her I’d call her back after speaking to Harley. A new round of threats from Cherry was cut short when I hung up on her.
It took me a week to convince Harley not to leave, not to run. That she was safe here and so was Phoenix. I was prepared to do anything it took to keep them that way.
Once things settled down, I called Cherry. After some back and forth, we agreed she would come here and talk to me before she could see Harley and Phoenix. It wasn’t what she wanted, I knew that, but I also had a plan to make her disappear for the rest of their lives if she didn’t agree to my proposal. That sounds horrible. I wasn’t going to kill her, I swear.
“She’s not here, Cherry. I told you we were going to talk before you could see them. That was the deal.” I speak calmly and clearly as she peeks her head around every corner in search of her children.
“I don’t know who the hell you think you are but—”
“You know who I am. This is my house. My home. You won’t find them here. If you want the chance to see them, you’ll have a seat at the table and talk to me,” I state, motioning toward the dining room Harley finished decorating last week.
Modern chic according to Harley. Whatever that means. It’s a table and chairs. We barely eat in here. It’s more for entertaining when Vivian comes over for dinner or when my mother and sister visit.
Cherry plops down at the table in a huff.
“Here’s the deal,” I start, not wanting her here any longer than necessary. She already showed up twenty minutes late. The bus will drop Phoenix off at the end of the driveway in less than an hour. �
�Harley doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore. She doesn’t want to see or talk to you. Her words, not mine. As far as Phoenix goes, he’s too young to make that decision yet, and we don’t want to make it for him.”
“He’s my child. I decide—”
Cutting her off with a stern look as I take the seat across from her, I wait a few seconds, letting my anger wash away, before I continue.
“No, he’s not. He hasn’t been your child in years. You couldn’t stay clean long enough to take care of him. You should be thanking Harley for everything she’s done for him. For acting like the mother he needed when she shouldn’t have been saddled with that burden.”
“No one asked her to be his mother,” she replies snidely.
“You’re right. That was your job. The most important job in the world. To take care of your child. To show him love and affection. To put him first, before yourself, before anything else. You couldn’t do that, so she took on that role.”
“You make it sound like I don’t care about him.”
“What about Harley? Do you care about her?” I ask without confirming her statement.
“I used to until she did this.”
“If you ever cared about either of them at all, you would turn around and never look back. You’d let them live the life they deserve. The life Harley has worked hard to provide for them. That’s what a good mother would do.”
“And never see my children again? You have no right to tell me what to do when it comes to my family.”
“When they’re my family too, yes, I do. And I will continue to keep you away from them until you get clean. Until you’re sober for longer than a day, a week. Talk to me in a year when you’ve worked as hard as Harley has to make something of yourself.” No longer able to keep my hatred for this woman in check, I let it all out.
“I’m only going to offer this once. Take it or leave it,” I state, leaning forward, snapping my fingers in front of her face to get her attention. Once I have it, I continue. “I will pay for you to go to rehab, to get clean. I’ll even pay to move you here, closer to them. If I do that, you have to leave them alone for one year. Then if and only if you stay clean, can you see them as long as they want to see you.”
Cherry stares at me in shock, thinking over my offer before nodding her head in agreement. Sliding the piece of paper across the table, I say, “That’s the address to a rehab center not far from here. They’re expecting you.”
“Why?” she whispers, staring at the paper in her hand.
“Why what?” I ask.
“Why are you doing this for me?” When she finally looks up, there are tears in her eyes. The same eyes I look into every night before I fall asleep, only these seem tired, worn.
“I’m not. I’m doing it for them.”
It was the truth. I’d do anything for my family, including risking a small fortune on their mother. There’s a chance she won’t show up at the facility. A chance she won’t complete the program. An even greater chance that when she does, she’ll turn right back to her old life. If she does, I will have wasted money on a woman who wasn’t worth it to begin with.
I’m sitting on the patio, watching Phoenix and his friends from the neighborhood swim when Harley comes home. Leaning in to kiss me, I pull her onto my lap before she can protest.
“How was your day off?” she asks.
I love my job, love what I do, but I also love that I only work four days a week. Shortly after I started, they needed to make cutbacks, and being the low man on the totem pole, I was the lucky bastard who got a three-day weekend. Honestly, I was happy I didn’t get furloughed. I want to work. I’m not interested in living off my trust fund for the rest of my life.
“Interesting,” I say, knowing she’s going to ask me why and that I’m going to have to come clean with her about the events of my day. About seeing her mother and the deal I made with her. “What about you? Ready for the weekend?”
“It was fine. Another influx of patients today. I think we’ve had six in the last two days, and none of them have detoxed yet. It’s going to be a rough weekend for the staff. I’m glad I’m not there.” She slides out of my lap and into the lounge chair next to me. “Care to tell me why your day was so interesting?”
Yes, babe. Yes, I do.
I’ve thought about how I want to tell her for the last few hours. The only thing I can think that will not have me sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future is if I explain the reasoning behind why I did what I did before I tell her what’s going to make her so angry.
“You know, there was a time in my life that I never thought my mother and I would be as close as we are now. She was a different person when I was growing up. Never around. Never involved. But she finally stepped up, helped Daph put her life back together. She deserved a second chance, don’t you think?”
Her gaze bores into me, but I continue to watch the boys swim. If I look in her direction, she’ll see the betrayal in my eyes. Because at the end of the day, that’s what it feels like I’ve done. Betrayed her. Betrayed our pact to always be honest with each other.
“Yes,” she replies hesitantly, drawing out the word.
“Not many people deserve a second chance. They have to earn one. They have to work for it and prove they are worthy of your time.”
“What did you do, Alex?” She’s attempting to restrain herself but not for my sake. There are four sets of little ears around.
“Your mother was here earlier,” I start. Her swift intake of breath is easily heard over the laughter of the kids. “We had a nice chat. She checked herself into rehab this afternoon.”
I called to follow up right before Phoenix came home. I wasn’t going to, but curiosity got the best of me. I had to know if she showed up. True to her word, Cherry drove straight there and checked in.
“You did what?” All eyes are on us now, Harley screaming at me even though I’m sitting less than two feet away from her.
“We made a deal. She’s going to complete rehab, get her life back together, and if she hits the one-year mark, she can have contact with you and Phoenix. If you want contact with her. If he does.”
“Why, Alex? Why would you bring her here? Let her into our lives? Expose us. She knows where we are now. She could try and take Phoenix away from me. Is that what you want?”
Turning to face Harley, I pull her into my arms and whisper in her ear, the boys still watching us curiously. “I’d do anything for you, Harley. Anything. That includes protecting you from your mother, helping her get clean, and ensuring she doesn’t take Phoenix anywhere. If you decide to give her a second chance, I’ll be by your side the entire time. We’re a team. We face this together.”
“But I hate her,” she cries into my shoulder.
“I know, and you have every right to hate her, but deep down, I think you miss her. I think you resent her for your struggles, but it’s because of her that you’re as strong as you are. As fearless. As independent. You are the opposite of your mother in every way, and have her to thank for that. For setting an example of what not to be in life.”
“I don’t ever want to see her.”
“And that’s fine. But you have a year to think about it. If she makes it that long.”
“When she doesn’t…” Her voice trails off. It’s not a question but a statement.
“I have a plan for that as well. We’ll deal with it when the time comes. Until then, know you and Phoenix are safe here. With me.”
Harley continues to cry against my shoulder as I run my hand up and down her back. Every once in a while, I’ll place a kiss to the top of her head. The boys went back to playing in the pool, but Phoenix has been watching us like a hawk since her outburst.
He may trust me now, but he’ll always be protective of his sister. The same way she’s protective of him. The way I feel protective of both of them. They’re my family now.
32
Harley
* * *
Alex has the bigge
st heart of anyone I’ve ever met. He always has my best interests in mind. Still, I can’t help but be a little shocked that he met with my mother without telling me.
Sure, there are a lot of people in this world who deserve a second chance. His mother worked hard to get back in his life after years of neglect. My mother… she’s on a different level of awful mothers.
Not only was she an absent parent but she put herself first. She didn’t provide for us. She left us to fend for ourselves when we were just kids. Drugs and alcohol came before anything else. Before putting food on the table. Before buying school clothes or paying the bills.
Yes, I understand that an addict is controlled by their addiction, but she never really tried to get clean. The one time I helped her, forced her, for Phoenix, she relapsed. I knew it would happen. She’s never really practiced any self-control because she never wanted to admit she had a problem.
In my mind, she doesn’t deserve a second chance. I doubt I’ll feel differently in a month or a year, whether she’s clean or not. Though I’ll be surprised if she completes the program. If there’s anything I remember about my mother, it’s that she’s great at giving up when shit gets hard. Or not trying at all.
“I know you’re mad,” Alex starts as I crawl into bed that night.
I’ve been avoiding him, and he knows it. After I spent an hour cooking dinner, I set up my office in the dining room and got ahead on work. I didn’t need to, but I also knew I needed a distraction from the bomb he dropped on me.
“Mad isn’t the word I’d use,” I say, sliding over into his waiting arms. “Scared, maybe. For Phoenix. I don’t want to repair my relationship with her, but if he does, I’m afraid she’s going to do what she does best and let him down. She’ll relapse, Alex. I know it. She knows it. I’m surprised she agreed to your terms.”
After he told me all the details of what he’d done, how he’d planned it all out and not given her much choice in the matter, the anger melted away. How could I be mad at a man who was only trying to help me? To help Phoenix. We’ve become a family.
Half Truths: An Opposites Attract Romance Page 22