by Amy Ruttan
His heart was telling him to try and take a chance.
To take a chance on happiness, which was something he was very unfamiliar with.
CHAPTER TEN
RYAN TOOK EMILY back to Dr. Samuel’s office early next morning for her glucose intolerance test, but he couldn’t stay because he had to prep Raquel for surgery. Emily understood and it would be a long test. They had to test her blood at several intervals before and after the orange drink to see how her body reacted.
It would be able to tell Dr. Samuels whether or not Emily had gestational diabetes, which Ryan was hoping she didn’t.
It would put a serious kink in her stamina and she might not be able to perform the conjoined twin surgery and he knew that would devastate Emily. Dr. Ruchi wanted Emily to perform the surgery because Emily was one of the best pediatric surgeons in the country with a high success rate of separations, but Dr. Ruchi was also an OB/GYN and she would understand if Emily couldn’t because of pregnancy complications.
Ryan was really hoping that there were no complications.
He wasn’t sure if he could handle that.
It had scared him enough when he’d found out that Emily had collapsed.
He told Emily to page him as soon as the test was done and let him know, even if he was in surgery. One of the interns could pass him the message.
It would drive him squirrelly, not knowing.
When he got to Raquel’s room, Dr. Ramses was just leaving. She had presented her treatment plan to Vanessa and Raquel.
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Dr. Gary,” Dr. Ramses said.
“The pleasure is all mine,” Ryan said, taking her hand and shaking it. “You came highly recommended by Dr. West.”
Dr. Ramses smiled. “Well, I’m glad to hear that. I just went over my plan for chemotherapy, radiation and immunotherapy. Raquel won’t need many doses, but I plan to start it when she’s two days post-op. I want to make sure that the hormone the tumor is secreting into her blood is almost negative. Radiation will follow after her chemotherapy and once I know her brain has healed from the resection.”
“That sounds like a good plan.”
“I look forward to reading your post-op notes,” Dr. Ramses said before she left.
Ryan found Raquel in bed, prepped and ready to go. She looked so small and scared. She turned her head when he came into the room.
“You ready for our prep?” Ryan asked he held up the electric razor.
Raquel’s eyes widened. “You’re serious?”
Ryan nodded. “Me first. That way you know I won’t back down on my word.”
Raquel sat up and Ryan sat down on the floor so she could reach his head. He knew that this was probably a foolish thing to do, but he felt so bad that this was happening to a sweet girl and he wanted to bring her joy. Give her some hope, when cancer seemed so hopeless.
He closed his eyes after the first few chunks of hair fell.
It didn’t take long for Raquel to shave off his hair.
“I’m done and I swear there’s no racing stripes.”
Ryan got up and took the electric razor from her. “Are you ready?”
Raquel’s lip trembled, but she shook her head. “If I’m going to lose it, yeah, I’m ready.”
“You’re very brave and strong for your age, Raquel, and that strength will get you through anything.”
If only he believed in that himself for himself.
Raquel nodded and closed her eyes. Vanessa sat on the other side of the bed and held her daughter’s hand as Ryan shaved off her hair. Vanessa had given him permission to shave it off as the high doses of chemo would cause it to fall out.
“There, done.” Ryan set down the razor and then knelt down in front of her. “We look good.”
Raquel smiled and rubbed his head.
There was a knock at the door and they looked around to see Dr. Teal and the other operating-room staff in their scrubs with a gurney.
Dr. Teal’s eyes widened for a moment as she looked at him, but she kept her comments to herself.
“It’s time, Dr. Gary,” Dr. Teal said.
Ryan nodded and turned back to Raquel. “I’ll see you in there.”
“Will my mom be coming?”
“Not this time. It’ll be a full house in there but don’t worry, she’ll be waiting for you as soon as you’re out of the operating room.”
Raquel nodded and Ryan left her room.
He headed straight to the operating-room floor and ignored all the pointed looks at his newly shaved head. He hadn’t looked in a mirror, but he was pretty sure it was a hack job and that was okay.
Hair grew back.
He tied on a scrub cap and got ready, scrubbing in as Raquel was wheeled into the operating room. As he was scrubbing he took a moment to close his eyes and think about the next steps, and he wished that Emily was there. Her presence calmed him in the operating room, like no one else had done before, and Raquel was her patient just as much as she was his.
It had been a couple of hours since she’d started that test. He should be hearing something soon.
“They told me your shave job was awful.”
Ryan turned around to see Emily standing in the doorway of the scrub room. She was dressed in scrubs and was smiling at him, her eyes twinkling.
“I would take off my scrub cap and show you, but I don’t want to contaminate the field.”
She chuckled. “Well, hair grows out.”
“Exactly.” He finished washing. “How are you feeling?”
“Good. It’s not gestational diabetes. Dr. Samuel had them rush the lab so that I could get here in time. I hope there’s room for me to assist?”
“There’s always room. She’s your patient too.”
“Good.” Emily began to scrub in beside him.
“So why do you think you fainted?”
“Low blood sugar. Dr. Samuel does want me to take it easier. I’m going to take some time off. My only case will be the conjoined twins, their delivery and the separation. After that is dealt with, I will take time off until the baby comes. He doesn’t want me to push myself.”
Ryan could have kissed Dr. Samuel right now, because he was feeling the same thing, but he knew that Emily, if she wasn’t well enough, would walk away from the conjoined twins.
“I’m glad it’s not diabetes. I’m glad you got the all clear,” he said. “And I’m glad he’s going to make you rest. You need rest.”
“Me too, because I was having nightmares of me being stuck on bed rest and you hovering around and ordering in every night if he had put me on bed rest today.”
Ryan laughed. “What is it that you object to? The hovering or the ordering in?”
“Both, but I honestly don’t mind the hovering.” She shook off her hands in the sink. “I like having you around.”
* * *
Emily couldn’t believe that she’d just admitted that, but it was the truth. She liked that he’d been there for her. Her parents were in Salt Lake City and she knew, deep down, that if there was a problem with her pregnancy her mother would’ve taken time off work and flown to Seattle to take care of her, but she was glad that Ryan was here and that she could rely on him.
Can you?
Emily shook that niggling little thought away. She didn’t want to think about it. She wanted to find the positive and make herself trust him. She wanted to believe that he would be there, because the few times she’d needed him since he’d arrived in Seattle he’d been there and it was nice to be able to depend on someone, even though that independent side of her told her to only depend on herself.
It was lonely, only depending on yourself.
She had never thought she would want someone else in her life after Robert had broken her heart. She never wanted to go through that pain again. It had taken
her five years and a really poor choice of a night in Las Vegas to start to change her mind, to think that maybe love like her parents had was real and obtainable after all?
Love?
She shook that thought away, because she didn’t know if she was in love with him. She was so confused and she couldn’t help but wonder if a lot of it was from pregnancy hormones. One thing she was certain of, she was glad she could be here with him right now.
He’d thought she’d been asleep when he’d reached out and touched her belly to feel their baby kick, when he whispered that he’d try.
Tears stung her eyes as she thought of that.
If he was willing to try, why couldn’t she just bend a little and be willing to try and give this a chance?
Ryan was in the operating room and a scrub nurse had helped him on with his surgical gown and he was now standing next to Raquel, who was being positioned by the anesthesiologist. Raquel looked terrified as they draped her, but Ryan was there, comforting her.
The girl looked up at him with adoration and instantly she saw the child calm down. He may not think that he had a way with children, but he did.
And he was willing to try for their child. That meant so much.
They could talk about that later. Right now, he had to resect the tumor out of Raquel’s brain and give this child a chance at life.
Emily finished scrubbing in and walked into the operating room. Raquel glanced over at her.
“Dr. West?” she asked with hope in her voice.
“I’m here, Raquel. I thought I would help Dr. Gary out, if that’s okay?”
Raquel smiled. “Okay.”
Emily smiled down at her, even though Raquel couldn’t see the smile from behind the surgical mask. The anesthesiologist placed a mask over Raquel’s face.
“Breathe,” Emily whispered to the little girl. “Deep breaths for me.”
Raquel’s eyes went heavy, but they didn’t close. Raquel reached out for her and latched onto her arm. Emily stayed there as Raquel drifted under anesthetic, this time without the excitement phase that she had experienced the first time she’d gone under general anesthetic. Raquel’s muscles relaxed and Emily moved her arm and laid it down on the table.
“She’s under,” the anesthesiologist said.
Emily stepped back as they taped Raquel’s eyes shut and prepped the tube that would deliver the meds to keep her asleep under general anesthesia. She took her place behind the drapes where Ryan was waiting for the anesthesia to be completed so that he could start his work.
“All good, Dr. Gary,” the anesthesiologist said.
“Perfect. Well, let’s get this done and give this girl a fighting chance against cancer. Scalpel.”
* * *
Emily had left the operating room to scrub out and fetch Raquel’s mother, Vanessa, as Ryan finished closing her up. Vanessa was being taken up to the ICU because she would be out for some time yet.
The tumor had been hard to resect, but Ryan had got good margins. It just meant that it would be a harder recovery for her and Ryan wanted to make sure she got a bit more time under to allow her brain to heal.
Sleep was the best thing to allow the brain to heal.
When Emily had delivered Vanessa to the ICU, and Raquel’s bedside, she went back to the operating room where Ryan was sitting, typing on a laptop. He was doing the operative report while the room was being cleaned around him.
“You did a good job,” Emily said, coming into the room. They didn’t have to wear their masks when the room was open.
“Thanks. I was glad to be able to leave good margins, but her recovery will be rough. As soon as I get this operating report done I’ll head up to the ICU and speak with Vanessa and check on Raquel.”
“Are you staying here tonight?” she asked.
He nodded. “I want to make sure she’s okay, and I can check on Jason too.”
Her heart sank as she thought of Jason and how that surgery weighed heavily on them both. She didn’t want him to be wrong about using therapeutic hypothermia, but there was still no movement in his limbs and it was coming down to the sad realization that Jason would be a paraplegic.
“I’m going to head for home and do what my doctor ordered. I’ve ordered a run-through of the simulation of separation for tomorrow afternoon. Will you be able to attend that?”
He nodded. “Of course. I’ll be there. Take care of yourself tonight. Get some rest and eat properly.”
She laughed. “There are leftovers and I will rest.”
“What time will you be coming in tomorrow?” he asked.
“Morning, probably not before nine. I want to prep the simulation lab.”
He nodded. “Okay, page me when you get here. I might be asleep in one of the on-call rooms.”
“I will. Try not to worry.”
“I can’t help that.” He winked at her and then turned back to the laptop and continued typing up his operative report.
Emily sighed and then walked out of the operating room. She didn’t want him to worry, but she was glad that he did seem to care enough that he was worried about her. It gave her a nice feeling, knowing that he was worried about her and the baby.
Don’t get too caught up in it, that self-doubt niggled at the back of her mind, and then her doubt weasels reminded her that he hadn’t responded to her right away, and even when he’d come back from his tour of duty overseas he hadn’t come to find her and he’d known where she was. Especially since he had the marriage license. Her address was on there.
He could’ve come sooner, but he hadn’t.
What if he was scared? You were scared.
She was still scared. Scared about where this was going. She was nervous that he was breaking down her walls and getting through to her, because she was sure that her heart couldn’t take another blow of heartbreak, and she wasn’t going to let her child feel that.
She had to be careful and even though she wanted to walk away and put distance between her and Ryan, she couldn’t.
She was falling for him.
She was falling in love.
* * *
When Emily came back to the hospital the next day to get the simulation lab ready for the conjoined twin surgery, she went up to the ICU floor to check on Raquel, but she really didn’t need to do that.
Ryan was in Raquel’s room, charting, and she found out from a nurse that he’d been there all night. Especially when Vanessa had needed to get something to eat or leave the room for a break. Ryan had barely left Raquel’s side.
It warmed her heart.
He cared so deeply for his patients. No wonder that made him the best and it just made it easier for her to convince herself that she should give him a chance. That maybe he was worth the chance.
Ryan glanced up from his charting and saw that she was hovering in the hall. He smiled and got up to come outside.
“Good morning,” he said.
“Good morning.” She got a closer look at the buzz cut that Raquel gave him and reached out to touch it. “I’m glad to see that she didn’t completely shave you bald.”
He laughed. “Well, I’m sure she tried, but I set the razor to a specific setting for me. I cleaned it up a bit during the night. It was slightly uneven and I can understand the stares and snickers.”
“Well, it suits you.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you ready to go down to the simulation lab?” she asked.
“Yes. I just need to finish my chart, check on Jason and then I’ll come down to the simulation lab.”
“Sounds good. We’re ready to go and...” Emily was baffled as her pager went off and when she looked down at the number she realized it was the emergency pager for the conjoined twins.
“What is it?” Ryan asked.
“The twins. I have to go to surgery.”
“Be careful. I’ll be in the simulation lab, going over the nerve separation.”
Emily nodded. “I’ll let you know what happens.”
Ryan nodded, but she could see the worry on his face. It was too early for the twins to be born and she felt the same way, but they were prepared for this. There were plans that she always had in place for premature births. She was a pediatric surgeon, but she was also a neonatologist, who dealt with preemies, and she’d delivered babies who were more premature than these twins were.
She ran as fast as she could. When she was on the operating-room floor she moved fast to change into her surgical scrubs and tied her hair back. She tossed her lab coat in a cubby and clipped her pager onto the waistband of her scrubs.
She moved quickly to the scrub room and scrubbed in before heading into the operating room.
An incubator with a warming lamp was ready, together with everything she needed for the birth of a premature infant.
Dr. Samuel was at work.
Janet had been put under because there had been no time to wait for a spinal block to take effect as the babies were in distress.
“Glad to see you, Dr. West. I’ll have the babies out momentarily,” Dr. Samuel said.
“Good. I’m ready for them.” Emily stepped up beside Dr. Samuel and looked down to watch the birth. The babies were small and she could see where they were joined, back to back. They would need to get stronger before they could do the separation and it would be a delicate surgery because they were so small.
She’d worked on smaller infants, but usually they weren’t sharing organs with another child.
“And here we go,” Dr. Samuel said as he lifted the babies up and passed them over to her. She gently held them with the help of Dr. Sharipova, who had joined her. Dr. Samuel cut and clipped the cord and one of the babies let out a weak cry, barely audible.
“Welcome to the world, little ones,” Emily whispered as she and Dr. Sharipova carried them over to the incubator and laid them down.
Her surgical staff knew what to do as she got to work assessing them and giving the babies oxygen, readying them for transport up to the NICU.“Oxygen,” she said, and a mask was brought. She held it over one of the babies, while Dr. Sharipova tended to the other one. The mask was too large to place over the face, but at least the baby was getting oxygen. “Dr. Teal, hold this mask.”