“Duh.”
Aisha bounded off the bed. “I’m way too keyed up to go to sleep right away. I’m gonna have a smoke. Do you mind?”
I shook my head and sat up in bed, watching as Aisha rummaged through her bottom drawer and took out a small vaping tube. She grunted as she pushed up the heavy, old window, and then sat on her desk and lit up.
“Can’t believe that by this time next year, we’ll be off in college, doing whatever the fuck,” she said, blowing out a stream of white vapor. “I’ll be in New York, fingers crossed, and you’ll be in Singapore.” She glanced at me, and her face turned sad. “You’re gonna be so far away from here.”
I slumped onto the pillow and gazed at Aisha, leaning against the windowsill and watching the sky, and I tried to memorize this moment. After tonight, there was no going back. My plan had to be carried out to the very end. I blinked away my tears, biting down hard on my lip to keep myself from sobbing out loud. I had to go through with it. And this quiet moment with my best friend could be the last peaceful one I had. Who knew how long this would last?
Chapter Twenty-One
Logan
I shivered myself awake. My bones had turned to chunks of ice. Everything inside me was frozen. Slowly, my surroundings came into focus. I was in the glade. How the hell—
Lolo.
I startled. “So—Sophie?” My words came out in broken bits, my teeth were chattering so hard. I looked around for her, but she was nowhere to be found. A whimper escaped me. How did I end up here?
Her voice came again, a whisper at the edge of my hearing. Lolo, I’ve missed you. I’m so glad you’re here.
I nodded, but for the first time, being in the glade didn’t bring me the sense of peace I used to associate with it. Uneasiness lurked in my gut, and my head was a mess, thoughts flying everywhere, half-baked, shattering before I could catch hold of them. “How did I end up here?” I whispered. I got to my feet and jogged in place, trying to generate some body heat. Fear lurked nearby, waiting to pounce and overcome everything. I could no longer pretend that I was in control of anything. Maybe I should make an appointment to see Ms. Taylor. Maybe I should take some time off school. Maybe—
Oh, Lolo. You sweet, confused little thing. Did you sleepwalk?
I shook my head. “I—I don’t do that. And where are you? You’re dead. You’re not here. I’m just imagining things. Maybe this is a dream.” I was babbling and I couldn’t stop it.
That’s not very nice. Her voice was all wrong, warped and devoid of emotion. Something inside me twisted to get away from her. But where would I go? Her voice came from everywhere and nowhere, all at once.
“Why’re you here?” I squeaked. And yeah, it really did come out as a squeak. Shit, I was so scared. “You’re not—you’re—” You’re dead. But I couldn’t say it. Even now, here in our glade, I just couldn’t.
I’m dead? Yeah, I am. But that’s not a big deal, is it? You know what is?
“Wh—what?”
The fact that you failed to save me. Her voice came out in an angry hiss that made me jump.
“I tried, I really did, I—”
And now you’re going to let the same thing happen with Delilah. After I sent her to you as a gift.
“You sent her to me as a gift?” I repeatedly, stupidly. Then I realized, of course. I’d known it all along. Delilah was my gift. I just hadn’t known she was from Sophie.
Are you going to make the same mistake, Lolo? Are you going to let her slip through your fingers like I did?
“No. NO. I won’t. I’m going to save her. I’ll do it. I’ll even destroy the video, I’ll tell her, so she won’t die hating me. We’ll be like Romeo and Juliet, our love will be preserved forever.”
Forever…
The last word echoed in a mix of my voice and Sophie’s before melting away into the night. I clenched my hands into fists, digging my nails into my palms until some semblance of clarity returned. Sophie wasn’t really here. That was just a dream. But Delilah was real, and after tonight, Delilah would be mine forever.
* * *
Once I showed Delilah that I fully, 100 percent trusted her, I would be unshackled. I could fly, I really could. If I had a running start, if I launched myself at the sky, I’d stay there.
I wanted to run all the way to Delilah’s house and tell her what I was going to do, but I still had enough sense to realize this was probably not the best way to tell her. Might freak her out to find me outside her room at four in the morning, screaming about how much I loved her. And I did love her. So fucking much. Delilah! We were finally going to be together as a true couple, without anything between us.
I was too keyed up to sleep. I ran back and paced around my room for a while, but then Adam, who was next door to me, pounded at the wall and yelled at me to be quiet, goddammit. I tried, I really did, to calm myself down enough to go to sleep, but I couldn’t keep still, not when my blood had been replaced with champagne, so bubbly, so much fucking joy! I took out a foil-wrapped package from my bag. Dee had baked red velvet cookies for me. God, I loved her. I ate half of the entire batch, they were so good. Then I put on my hoodie and went outside. I hurried to the gym, but it turned out to be locked. Finally, I went down to the track and ran laps until the sun rose and chased the darkness away. I raised my hands at the sun in greeting, then I took out my phone. My chest expanded as I scrolled down the screen and found her number. The thought of speaking with Delilah sent darts of excitement shooting down my limbs.
“Hello?” Her voice was slurred with sleep, which was when I realized that just because the sun had risen didn’t mean it was a decent time to call. Oh, no, had I fucked this up already?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” I babbled.
“No, it’s okay,” she mumbled. “What’s up?” Hardly the affectionate greeting I wanted, but at least it was no longer her saying, “What do you want?” or worse, “Ugh, what?”
“I—um, I have something to tell you. I want to do it in person,” I said. Surely she could hear the joy in my voice. The world could hear the joy in my voice!
She was quiet for a while.
“It’s—it’s good, Dee. Really good. Huge. You’re going to love it,” I said.
“Okay,” she said, her voice cautious. “How about telling me tonight? Meet by the river at eight?”
Well. This was new. I didn’t bother fighting the dopey grin that stretched across my face. Delilah wanted to go out with me. For once, I didn’t have to fight to spend time with her. She was taking the initiative to suggest going out, and the river was the perfect spot. Delilah had been waiting all this time to open up to me, to truly connect. I’d been the one holding us back.
Since it was a Saturday, there wasn’t much going on. I spent the rest of the day working out, trying to get rid of some of the excess jittery energy. I had to be on my best game tonight. I loaded on weight after weight onto the bar until the other guys at the gym came over to take a look. After some time, Josh came forward and said, “Let’s go, Logan.”
Confused, I let him lead me out of the gym. “What’s up?”
“Dude, you look bad,” he said, his voice low. “Stop using. Everyone can see it, okay?”
I shrugged him off. “I’m not using.”
Josh shook his head. “Come on, I know when someone’s using.”
This fucking guy, I swear. He thought he knew what was best for me. The old concern was back on his face. I pushed him away lightly, but he stumbled back and crashed into the weights.
“Whoa, hey! The fuck, man?” he said, clambering to his feet. Heads turned to face us.
“Everything okay?” A couple of guys came over, both of them looking at me warily. What was going on? Couldn’t they see I was perfectly fine? I took a step forward to assure them I was okay, and suddenly, the two guys were in front of me, their ha
nds on my shoulders, their grip soft for now, but with a promise that it could get a lot harder if I continued coming forward.
“Logan, chill out, please,” Josh said. He looked so worried. Frightened, even.
“I’m okay, hey, I’m totally fine!” I said.
“C’mon, Logan—” Josh’s hand wrapped around my arm, and I—
I blinked.
And suddenly, my knuckles felt like they’d just gotten crushed, and an alarm was shrieking through my head, and Josh was on the floor, and what the hell just happened—
People were shouting, someone else came at me, but I turned and ran away, every muscle in my body screaming tight. I needed a drink. I could down an entire gallon of water right now. When I got back to the dorms, I stood in the shower for a long time, trying to get my heartbeat to come back down, the room to stop seesawing. Was Josh okay? I should really go check on him. I remembered blood—
Shit. Did I hit him? I couldn’t remember. No, he must’ve fallen. Once I was dressed, I’d go check on him, make sure he was okay.
Back in my room, my phone was ringing.
“Hello?” I said.
“Logan? This is Ms. Taylor.”
The school counselor. I took a silent breath and made my voice come out pleasant, deferential. The way she liked me to sound. “Hi, Ms. Taylor, what’s up?”
There was no kindness in her voice now. She was all business. “We were just informed that you attacked another student. Please report to Mrs. Henderson’s office right away.”
I attacked another student? Me? There must have been some mistake. “Yeah, I’ll go to her office,” I said and then hung up.
I stood there for a while, unmoving, trying to piece together the last few days of my life. Hell, the last few hours. They were all broken up and mixed together, and Josh, there was something about Josh and oh.
I’d hit Josh. I remembered now, the white-hot moment where my fist met his face. That sickening thud underneath my knuckles.
Draycott had a zero-tolerance policy on physical violence. The realization hit me like a storm. I was going to get expelled. I would never be able to get into NUS. Hell, I wouldn’t get into any college. How the fuck would I protect Delilah then? I couldn’t just let her leave. Look what had happened to her with Brandon.
I had to go see Delilah. I had to save her. I had to make her mine forever. And before that, I’d destroy the USB drive in front of her, see the look of gratitude in her face before I did it, so I’d know that she died loving me. Yes! Joy rushed through my veins, breathing new life into my chest. Yes, this was perfect. This was how it had always been meant to be. I could fly, I really could.
I wasn’t sure how long I remained in my room, pacing, but when I next looked out the window, the sun had dipped low in the horizon. What had happened to the day? I quickly styled my hair and got dressed. Ten minutes of heavy searching and rooting around in the depths of my closet, I still couldn’t locate my favorite sport coat. What the hell? I stood surrounded by mounds of clothes, scratching the side of my cheek, trying to recall when was the last time I’d worn it. Was it two weeks ago? Three? Maybe yesterday?
Whatever. I picked a sweater out of the pile and pulled it on then checked my reflection in the mirror. I looked terrible. I was sickly pale. My lips were cracked, my eyes bloodshot and empty. It was all that time I spent obsessing about how to win Delilah over. But I was going to be okay now. Tonight was going to be special for both of us.
At seven o’clock, I started walking toward the river. I was going to be early, but I couldn’t help it.
I was literally skipping by the time I reached the river, a huge, shit-eating grin on my face. And lo and behold, she was there already. The sight of her stopped me in my tracks. She was so luminescent even in the dark, standing there, gazing at the flowing river, surrounded by late blooms and greenery. What a vision. And she was mine, mine, mine.
She turned when she heard my footsteps and gave me a small smile. Shy, sweet, and utterly lovely.
“You’re early,” she said.
“So are you. Come,” I said to Delilah. When she hesitated, I said, “I have what you want.” She swallowed, and I knew I had her. I held out my hand, and after a moment’s reluctance, she took it.
Hand in hand, we headed off the path, into the cozy dark. Delilah had brought a bottle of hot chocolate, and we passed it back and forth as we walked. I wasn’t sure how long we walked, I only knew we had to go far enough from the school, deep in the forest where no one would stumble across us while I did what I had to do. Once we’d traveled a good distance, I stopped close to the river and turned to her.
We smiled at each other, and I knew then, this was it. This was the moment.
“Dee—” I took a deep breath. “These past weeks, I could feel you’d been opening up to me. And you said you’re starting to fall in love with me, which—god, I can’t even tell you how much that means to me. I decided we couldn’t have this thing between us anymore, I have to let you trust me, and I—I’m going to do it.”
Her gaze burned into mine. I could almost see her pupils dilate. “What are you going to do?”
I caught my pendant in one hand and unscrewed it, showing her the USB drive hidden inside. “This is the only copy of the video.”
A short gasp escaped her lips before she caught herself and swallowed. She nodded ever so slightly. “Do it, Logan. Do it and I’ll be yours forever. All of me.”
“I know.” I took the drive in both hands and, in one swift move, broke it in two.
The breath rushed out of me. Delilah sagged with relief. Both of us stared at the broken pieces in my hand, and one of us laughed, I wasn’t sure which, but soon both of us were laughing, and it felt so good, so right.
And her reaction was so much better, so much purer than what I’d dared imagine. I’d thought Delilah looked beautiful before, but now she became transcendent. Little worry lines I hadn’t even noticed were there disappeared. Her eyes brightened. She was radiant, completely, wholly. She shone so brilliantly.
“Oh, Logan.” She flung herself at me and grabbed me in a huge hug. “I can’t believe it.”
I laughed, buried my nose in her hair, and inhaled the wholesome scent of her. My god, if I’d only done this sooner…
“Thank you for destroying the video, Logan,” she said. “I’m just—I’m so grateful. I don’t even know what to say.”
I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close. “You don’t have to say anything.”
Through my happy haze, I heard Delilah say, “You left this at my house the other day.” She pulled something out of her bag. My sport coat. I grinned stupidly and reached for it, frowning when I missed and the coat dropped onto the ground.
Delilah watched as I bent over to pick it up.
“Here, I’ll help you put it on,” she said.
“Naw, I can do it myself,” I said. I shook my head, trying to clear it, and almost fell over. Somehow putting the coat on had become a huge ordeal. Finally, I gave up and raised my hands like a little kid to let Delilah pull the coat on.
An annoying ringtone pealed loud and sharp, shattering the silence. We both froze. Belatedly, I realized it was my phone. I fumbled for it, dropped it on the ground. Mom’s name was blazing across the screen.
“Hey, Mom, can I call you back, I can’t really—” I mumbled, my tongue thick and useless as a slab of meat.
“Logan, why would you do that?” she said. “Your dad and I are mortified.”
“Wha?”
“The school called us. You hit Josh? What’s going on, Logan? They said you were supposed to be at the principal’s office two hours ago and you never showed!”
“But—” I tried to say something more, but none of my muscles worked properly. Josh was right, I shouldn’t have exerted myself at the gym like that—
“I
can’t believe—why would you do that, Logan? And the dean at NUS called. I’m so disappointed in you. I can’t believe my own son would plagiarize his college essay! I’ve told him to reject you. Did you think they weren’t going to find out? Did you think because I know the dean, nobody’s going to look at your essay? How could you be so—I just—I have no words.”
But I didn’t, I wanted to say. All that came out was an idiotic, babbly snort.
“Logan? Are you drunk?” Mom asked. “You are in so much trouble right now. Your dad is going to—”
The phone slipped out of my hand. My chest burned freezing hot, because I’d just recalled my study session with Delilah, when she’d asked to read my essay to NUS, I’d left her alone with my computer. I’d thought she was snooping to try and find the video, but now I realized what had happened.
I looked at her, and I couldn’t help the way my upper lip curled up with rage. “Did you do something to my essay?” I asked, tripping over the words. My tongue wasn’t moving properly.
“Why would you do that?” I shouted. Or rather, tried to shout. My words came out all garbled, my tongue a thick, dead thing I couldn’t control. Tears pricked my eyes. Why would she do such a horrible thing? Why would she ruin us like this? How much more shit did I have to take from her before she realized I was right about us? “Stupid bitch,” I growled, reaching out for her.
She dodged to one side as I moved closer, and I lurched forward. My balance was off. My knees buckled under me, and suddenly, Delilah was behind me. How the hell did she move so fast? I tried to turn, and the world spun around me, wild and fast. From the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Delilah, and I lunged for her. But she was gone again, and suddenly the river was speeding up to meet me.
Water crashed into my face, so cold, stabbing me like knives. I screamed, and water rushed into my mouth. The freezing onslaught of it woke me up, gave me renewed energy, and I thrashed around. I broke the surface at some point, sucked in a mouthful of air. Delilah ran toward me, panic written all over her face, but as I reached for the bank, something in her features changed. In that split second, she hardened, turned to stone. Gone was the fear on her face. Now she wore the same expression she had when she’d turned into a vengeful Valkyrie and crushed Brandon under his own car.
The Obsession Page 21