The 'Ohana Tree

by Rebecca Addison

  "Ah," I said. "Sorry. My family is traditional. And we can be a bit too involved in each other's lives. It's nothing personal."

  "Oh, I know that," she said. "I know it's not about me."

  It was unsettling the way that she saw everything, understood everything, without knowing anything at all.

  "I watched you," she said, raising an eyebrow. "You didn't tell me you were a musician. Even after you heard me play." She crossed her arms and lifted her chin. But she wasn't mad. She was adorable. "You have an incredible voice."

  "Come outside with me," I said, wanting to be alone with her. I pushed the door open. "It's too loud in here."

  She hesitated at the open door, before nodding and walking through. I shut it after me and followed her down the fire escape until we were standing on the sand.

  "Have you ever thought about playing your own stuff?"

  But I couldn't answer her because the moonlight was touching her hair and face making her look as if she'd been dipped in silver.

  "Come on," I said instead, picking up her hand. She looked down at where they were joined but didn't pull away. "Let's walk down the beach. I've got thirty minutes."

  She kicked off her sandals and placed them on the bottom step, and then we were walking side by side in the cold sand, the music and the people growing quieter by the second.

  "I do write my own songs," I said, letting her hand go. "But my music isn't what that crowd in there wants to hear." She frowned and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. I felt her stiffen and then relax against my side. She was even smaller than she looked.

  "Why not? What kind of music is it? Wait, it's death metal. I knew it."

  I couldn't see her face. But I swear I felt her smiling.

  "How did you guess?" I laughed, and she poked me in the side. "It's a mix of stuff. Some in Hawaiian and some in English. Mostly acoustic, folk rock, I guess. It's hard to explain what it is. I'd have to play you some."

  She stopped walking and stepped out from under my arm so that we were facing each other. "I'd like that. When?"

  I was about to answer but then there was a crashing sound coming from the club. I couldn't see much, but it sounded like a fight was breaking out on the deck.

  "Kai!" Pete yelled down the beach. "Kai, get back in here! I need you back on!"

  I found Tessa’s face in the dark. "I don't know. How about tomorrow?"

  She grabbed my hand in the dark, gripping it tightly in both of hers. "How about now?"

  I didn't know what had come over me, but I knew it was going to get me in trouble later.

  "Aloha, folks. Thanks for waiting. For the next song, we're going to do something a little different."

  I put my uke away and picked up my guitar, keeping my eyes down while I attached the strap to the side. I made sure not to look anywhere near the bar because I knew Pete was over there, glaring at me. Hell, he was probably flipping me off. When I glanced up, I saw Tess making her way through the crowd toward the stage. She pulled a chair away from a table and joined the hens’ night girls right up front, but spun around so that she faced me. She took a sip out of her glass and propped her bare feet up on the edge of the stage. We were only a few feet apart. I smiled at her and she grinned back and waved to the guys in the band. And then before I changed my mind, I gave Sam the nod and he started to play.

  "This is a song my dad wrote for my mother," I said into the microphone. "It's called Pearl's Song."

  Chapter Eleven

  The room was quiet, and even though I kept my eyes closed, I sensed that people had moved away from the bar and gathered at the front of the stage. I wondered what Tess was thinking, listening to that song, and if she understood that I was singing it for her.

  When I played the last note, the room erupted in applause and cheers and I opened my eyes. I saw her. She was quiet and still in the bustle of cheering, jostling bodies, looking up at me with shining eyes. Pete was waiting at the side of the stage. We exchanged words with our facial expressions and then I turned back to the audience. Pete was the boss. And the whole time I played there, he never let me forget it. After a few words to the band, I started to play an upbeat Jack Johnson song, and just like that, whatever spell I'd worked over the crowd was broken and people were moving back to the bar.

  Tess stood up and walked through the crowd, bending down to kiss the bride to be on the cheek and whisper something into her ear as she went. When she reached the door, she went to wave goodbye, but I caught her eye and mouthed 'wait' in between the lyrics, breathing a sigh of relief when I saw her pull a stool away from the wall and sit down. I watched Pete make his way to her, his eyes darting to me every few minutes as they talked. She introduced herself, holding out her hand, and Pete bent down to say something in her ear.

  The song ended and she moved toward the stage. But I'd already taken off my guitar and unplugged my lead by then. Next to her, Pete yelled "Hey!" in my direction but I didn't stop. I grabbed a bag from behind an amp and stepped off the stage. People in the club were beginning to realize that the main act was leaving and a few girls up the front booed.

  "Where are you going, man?" Pete said when I was close enough to hear him. When he moved toward me, I stepped around him and kept walking, my eyes resting on her. As I passed her, I picked up her hand and kept walking. She trailed after me, struggling to keep up, and then we were outside, making our way over the bridge single file for the second time that day.

  She was quiet until we were over the grass and had made our way to the driveway that led to the street. When the club was far enough behind us, she pulled her hand away from mine. "You're crazy. Now everyone on the island is going to think we're together."

  "I didn't want you to walk home in the dark. And, so what?"

  "I told you that I don't know what my plans are," she said, trying to get her bearings.

  "Tess." I moved under a streetlight so that she was able to see. "Just stop."

  "Stop what?"

  "Stop freaking out every time I ask you out." She bit her lip and tried not to smile. "I like you. A lot. And I want to do more than hold your hand sometimes, or take you out on another 'just lunch'. For however long you choose to stay." I closed my mouth and swallowed, my heart picking up speed when I realized that I had just said all of that out loud.

  "Tell me something," she whispered. "Did you pick that song because I would hear it?"

  "You remind me of her."

  "Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?"

  "I don't know. I have this feeling about you like I've met you before. I keep thinking it's because you make me remember things about her."

  "Where is she?"

  "She's gone."

  She stepped back and was immediately swallowed by shadows. "I should go home."

  "I'll walk you."

  "I know the way,” she sighed. “I can make my own way there."

  "Bullshit. I'm walking you."

  I stepped off the curb and she followed me, stepping down carefully as I held her hand. Music and singing floated in from the bars and clubs on the beach, but the street was almost deserted. We walked down the center of the road under the glow of the streetlights, through the main street and past the blackened shops. There were no cars around, just a few people waiting for a taxi to come and pick them up.

  "A friend of mine used to live in Garrett's house," I said at the end of the street. "It's a nice place."

  "I like it, too."

  "How long have you played the violin?"

  "Since I was four."

  We kept walking and when it was bright, she reached her hand up. "I like your hair, it makes me want to run my hands over your head."

  I laughed in surprise and bent forward. "Go on."

  She placed her hands on either side of my scalp and rubbed them around in circles. "It feels just how I thought it would," she said. "I lived near a military base once, and lots of the men had buzz cuts. I've always wanted to do that."

  We reached Garrett's
driveway and I opened the gate. "Is it always like that?" I asked. "When you play?"

  She tucked her hair behind her ear. I knew she didn't like talking about it. But something made me want to keep pressing that button. The truth was, I was fascinated by the way she played. I had been around musicians my whole life and I had never seen anyone get lost in their music like that. It was like she had slipped away. I wanted to understand it, to know what it felt like for her when it was happening. Maybe I was even a little bit jealous.

  "We're trading secrets, aren't we?" she said, seeing right through me. "You told me about your mother in your song earlier. And now it's my turn?"

  I brushed her hair away from her face. "Tess, you don't have to tell me anything."

  "Sometimes I can just choose a song and play it," she said, ignoring me. "But there are other times when it just happens. It's like being in a dream."

  I placed my hand on the side of her neck, my fingers curling around and into her hair, and she leaned her cheek against my palm. "Can I see you tomorrow?" I rubbed my thumb along her bottom lip. "Can I take you for breakfast?"

  "Yes." She put her hand over mine and moved it to her lips, gently planting a kiss in the center of my palm.

  I stepped in and kissed the top of her head. "Be ready at seven."

  As I made my way home, the air was warm and damp with unshed rain, causing my t-shirt to stick uncomfortably to my skin. The moon was low in the sky, full and yellow, and it cast an unnatural light across the trees. I wondered what it would look like to her if she were there.

  When I said to Tess that I would walk back to my house after dropping her home, I meant it. But when I found myself standing at my front door, my keys in my hand, I knew that I wasn't going in. It was late. Too late for Akamu to be awake and maybe even my father, too. I knew I'd probably walk into a darkened kitchen, everything silent and shut away for the night. I'd probably go to sleep in the bed that was too small and I'd leave again before anyone woke up, nothing resolved.

  But I went anyway.

  "Pa?" I said as I pushed open the door to the kitchen. The light was on and it gave me a small flicker of hope and nerves. But then I saw that it was just the soft white glow of the refrigerator. Akamu had left it open again.

  "Pa? Are you awake?" I called softly down the hallway. I didn't want to wake Akamu. A sudden light spilled out from under his door and then I heard his heavy footsteps.

  "Kailano?" He stepped into the hallway and glanced over his shoulder at Akamu's room. I turned and walked back to the kitchen, feeling his presence, thick and dark like smoke following me as I walked.

  "What are you doing here, son?" he said, pulling out a chair and sitting down. "I didn't think you were coming up here tonight."

  "I went home," I said. "But I couldn't sleep, so I came here."

  He kicked at the chair opposite him with his foot so that it shot out away from the table. "Sit."

  "I'm sorry that I said I owned the house," I said evenly. "Especially in front of Tess."

  A muscle twitched near his mouth and he didn't say anything, but his breathing changed. It was barely perceptible. But I saw it.

  "Pa. You can't keep this up forever."

  "That girl isn't family, Kai," he said, his voice colorless and cold. "I don't want anyone in this house who isn't family. That's all I've ever asked of you."

  He was expecting me to nod and stand up, to walk away and go to bed. But I was so tired. I missed talking to him more than I wanted to admit to myself. Every day, every year that we had lived that way had gradually depleted whatever it was that fed my soul. And I was sick with it. I was starving.

  "Pa, you can't keep chasing everyone away. We have to talk about what happened."

  His eyes flicked to mine and widened in surprise. We had never spoken of it. Not since that night. Perhaps it was sharing my song with an audience for the first time, or maybe it was meeting Tess, but something had emboldened me. I felt it, like a current running up and down my spine. I swallowed and forced myself to meet his eyes. For one brief instant, all of the hardness had gone. He was desperate. He looked at me as if he were drowning. And for the first time, I didn’t turn away.

  Chapter Twelve

  "Morning," I smiled at her the following day.

  She blinked at me from the other side of the screen door and yawned. "You know it's Sunday, right? Why are we having breakfast so early again?"

  "It's a surprise."

  She pushed open the door and pulled a pair of big dark sunglasses over her eyes. "Walking or driving?"

  "Driving."

  I followed her down the path to the truck. She was wearing a pair of tight ripped jeans and an oversized t-shirt I knew I'd seen on Garrett. For the first time, I noticed a small tattoo of a bird behind her left ear, bright and bold against her skin.

  "I've got a couple of snacks," I said once we were inside. "It's a bit of a drive."

  She took the bag from me and rifled around, choosing a banana and then passing it back. "How are you doing over there?" She was sitting quietly, the banana resting on her lap, patiently waiting for me to speak.

  "Why?"

  "You look like you haven't slept."

  "I stayed up at Onakea last night. I never sleep well when I'm there."

  She kicked off her flip flops, lifting her feet onto the dash. "Then why do you stay there?"

  I opened my mouth and then changed my mind. Out of all of the advantages of having Akamu as my little brother, and there were many, there was one that I knew would make the conversation go away. The truth was, having an Akamu in your family is an excuse for anything. From the time I was a kid, I'd known that people will make allowances for just about anything as long as I mentioned his name. I used to try and get out of homework just by saying my brother needed me after school. And it worked, too, until the day my teacher called my dad to ask if there was anything she could to do help. I spent the next six weekends painting the school library building. I would have been easy to lie to her. But there was something about Tess that invited confidences. Maybe it was the way she asked direct questions and never assumed you'll tell her anything but the truth. Or maybe it was because I knew she wouldn't be there for long and soon she'd leave the island, taking all of my secrets with her.

  "You know what?" I said, leaning my head back. "I don't know why I keep going back there. I wish I could leave it alone. Most of the time I don't even want to go. I keep finding myself there, though, hoping something will be different."

  "With your dad?"

  I sat up and started the engine, taking the apple from her outstretched hand. "With everything."

  We drove on the road that hugged the coast, through small villages and open land. I smiled at the way she shut her eyes and hid her face when we passed the resorts, saying that she didn't want to see them. She played with the radio, driving me crazy by changing the station every couple of songs. When she sang along, she knew all of the words. Her singing voice was beautiful; strange and raspy then high and sweet. As we drove, she wove little braids into the ends of her hair, the stacks of colored bangles on her wrists clinking together as she worked.

  "We're here," I said when I'd pulled up outside. "You're about to have the best breakfast of your life."

  She grinned. "What is this place?"

  The small diner on the side of the road had a broken sign and bright yellow paint that had been worn off in sheets by the strong ocean winds. I wondered if bringing her there was a bad idea. But Tess had already taken off her seatbelt and was running around the front of the truck before I could stop her. She yanked my door open and stood back, smiling to herself.

  "Phew. I knew I'd have to be quick if I wanted to do that first," she said, shutting the door behind me.

  "I'm pretty sure that's meant to be my job."

  "Said who?" she said, threading her arm through mine, and nudging me so that we faced the diner.

  "My dad, for starters. If he saw that he would have kicked my ass."


  "Well," she said, as we walked up the steps to the diner, "he would have had to get through me first."

  We both made a play for the door of the diner and I won, pulling it open and grinning at her scowl as she walked through. "I have total faith in your ability to kick ass, Tess, but do you really think you could take him?"

  "You don't believe me?" she said, her eyes flecked with laughter. "Do you want to go, punk? Because I can go right now."

  I stepped away from her and crossed my arms. "Are you trying to scare me?"

  "No," she said, closing the gap between us and raising an eyebrow. "I'm trying to rumble with you."

  We stared at each other, the electricity between us building by the second.

  "I will take you up on that, Tess," I said, my eyes moving to her throat when I saw her swallow. "But not just yet."

  "Table for two?" a voice cut in and I jumped, reluctantly dragging my eyes away. "Kai Onakea? Is that you?"

  "Hi, Margie."

  "You got big," she said, planting her hands on her hips.

  The hard round swell of her stomach strained against the fabric of her apron. “So did you."

  "Due next week," she grimaced, then turned to Tess. "Who's your friend?"

  "This is Tessa.”

  She stepped around me until she and Margie were face to face. "Everyone calls me Dipper. It's nice to meet you."

  Margie caught my eye, holding it for a second too long. "You two want some breakfast?"

  She led us to a table by the window, her whole body swaying from side to side with the heavy gait of late pregnancy. "Feels like someone strapped a sack of potatoes to my front," she groaned after we were seated and she'd handed us the menus. "Can't wait to get this baby out of me."

  Tess ordered eggs and toast and I told Margie to surprise me. Before she left, she placed a hand on mine. "Come and see us some time, Kai. I know Joseph would love to see you. Bring Akamu." And then she was gone, yelling our orders at the kitchen and taking a seat in one of the empty booths by the door.

  "We used to run around together when we were kids," I said when Tessa looked up. "I haven't been over here for a while."