The 'Ohana Tree

by Rebecca Addison

  She kicked off her sandals and stepped down onto the sand. "How does what work?"

  "You said before that you'd let me know when it was time for you to go. How do you know?"

  She picked up her hair in one hand and twisted it up, securing it with a band she'd had on her wrist. The wind lifted strands at the front, blowing them across her face, and she pushed them away impatiently before answering.

  "I have this feeling," she said, stepping into my arms when I walked down onto the sand to join her. "I feel it whenever I arrive somewhere. It guides me on how long I should stay. When the feeling goes, I go."

  "This feeling," I said, pushing her away slightly so I saw her face. "Describe it."

  "Well.." she glanced away, "I guess it's a bit like the energy of the place. Some places I've been made me feel nervous or agitated and I knew I wouldn't be there for long. Other places make me feel warm and calm and happy, and I know I'll stay longer."

  I took a step back and crossed my arms. "How did you feel when you arrived on the island?"

  She scratched her arm and looked at me carefully. "Why does this bother you?"

  "I'm not bothered."

  She nodded slowly. "Okay."

  "Just answer it, Tess. How did you feel?"

  She closed her eyes for a second as if she was trying to conjure up the moment she landed in Hawaii in her mind. "I felt excited because I was seeing Garrett after a long time away. I felt warm, not from the sun, though, inside, with happiness. And I felt at peace."

  I let go of the breath I'd been holding. "So you're saying that you'll stay here until you stop feeling happy and at peace?"

  She opened her mouth and shut it again, swallowing hard. "There's more to it than that."

  "Yeah, there is."

  "Hey," she said, walking toward me and threading her arms around my waist. "We agreed to just enjoy it. So can we stop thinking about me leaving now? And just walk along this beautiful beach together?"

  Over her head, the waves gently rolled to shore in the late afternoon light. She pressed her face against my chest and rubbed her hands up and down my back. I felt my body responding to her, wanting her, even as my mind warned me to be careful. I didn't want her to go but I knew that she would. Not knowing when that was going to happen, how far I could go with her before she would leave felt a little like running over uneven ground with my eyes closed. I just wanted to know what was ahead.

  "Let's walk to those rocks down there," I said, pointing down the beach. "Then we should head back before it gets too dark."

  "Are you okay?"

  I kissed her forehead. "I'm trying to understand you. But you don't make it easy."

  And then we didn't talk anymore. We walked hand in hand to the rocks and back, then up over the grass and along the road toward the house.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  We went to bed early and spent the night sleeping for an hour or two and then waking and finding one another again in the darkness. When the sun came up, I left her sleeping and pulled on a pair of shorts and my runners before slipping out the door. I ran hard that morning, all the way along the shoreline and back, pushing myself much further than I normally would. By the time I made it to the steep driveway that led to the house, I was doubled over, my hands on my knees and sweat pouring down my forehead into my eyes. I peeled off my t-shirt and wiped my face as I looked up. You could only see a corner of the roofline from the road, the rest of the house was hidden by the trees. I wondered if she was up yet, what she was wearing, if any of the love bites I'd given her last night had made a mark on her milky white skin. My heart banged against my ribs and the tree in front of me warped, swimming in front of my eyes. I sat down in the dirt. I always knew getting involved with Tess would put my heart at risk. But that was the moment I knew I was in big, big trouble. I was falling in love with a woman who didn't want to commit to a person or a place, and I was a man who was tied to both my place and my people. I was angry that I'd put myself in such an impossible position, and sick because there was no way out of it without it hurting like hell.

  "What are you doing down here?" her voice said from over my shoulder.

  I jumped, jerking my head around. "I ran too hard this morning. Just needed to catch my breath." She was wearing the dress she'd arrived in and her hair was pulled back, making her eyes even brighter and her lips even redder. God, she was beautiful.

  "I made a fruit salad. Want some?"

  I stood up and took her hand. "Sure."

  "You're all sweaty."

  "You're all beautiful."

  "Well, you know what they say about flattery.."

  We reached the door and I pushed it open, turning before I walked through to kiss her slowly on the mouth. "Hey. Thanks for coming here with me."

  She put her hands on my chest and pushed me into the house. "Thanks for the invite."

  "Don't you want breakfast?" I said as she pulled her dress over her head.

  She met my eyes and the corner of her mouth lifted. "It'll keep."

  A few, frantic, sweaty minutes and one long, slow shower later and we were sitting opposite each other at the table, trying to keep a straight face.

  "I'm kind of glad Akamu isn't joining us for this breakfast," she said, popping a grape into her mouth and rolling it around seductively.

  "Ah, me too."

  "Banana?"

  "No, thank you."

  "Just me, then," she said, peeling it slowly and touching the tip of it to her lips. I readjusted myself in my chair and she raised an eyebrow. "You know, I think we should have a naked breakfast every day. What do you think?"

  "I would be on board with that," I said, looking down at my bowl of lychee balls and cringing, "if the table wasn't made of glass."

  She followed my gaze and grinned. "So, what should we do today? It's my last day as a free woman before I'm bonded to you as your landscaping slave."

  I started to push my plate away, and then quickly moved it back. "Let's write a song."

  "Really?"

  "Yeah. Why not?"

  She dropped her banana skin into her bowl. "I don't have my violin here."

  "I do. I borrowed one from a guy in the hotel band. I don't know how good it is, but it's in the truck if you want to check it out."

  She locked eyes with me for a second and then looked away, her shoulders slumping. "You're persistent, you know that?"

  "I guess so."

  She reached over, looking down through the glass as she pushed my plate aside. "Bringing my stupid violin up totally ruined naked breakfast."

  "That was my plan all along."

  "Okay then," she said, a muscle in her cheek twitching. "Let's write a song."

  I stood up and collected the plates and forks from the table. "Can we put some clothes on first?"

  "No."

  "No?"

  She shook her head. "Think how much better the song will be."

  "What?" I walked the plates to the kitchen and dumped them into the sink. "You're weird."

  She leaned on the counter next to me and kissed my shoulder. "I know."

  "Are you a closet nudist?"

  "Only with you."

  "You know," I said, moving in front of her and pressing her against the counter. "It's going to be really hard for me to concentrate on anything today if you refuse to put any clothes on."

  She tilted her head up and lightly kissed my throat. "That's the point. Don't think. Don't think about anything or anyone."

  "So this is your perverted form of therapy," I said, putting my hands on her hips. "You're trying to cure me of over thinking?"

  The smile faded from her face as she ran her finger over my lips. "I just know that you don't get to be in the moment very often. And yes, it's therapy. Naked therapy."

  I took her hair in my hand and pulled her head back, kissing her throat slowly, running my tongue around her earlobe and along the line of her jaw. My other hand stayed on her hip, holding her against my stomach, her legs against my
legs. When her breathing hitched and her eyes closed, I dropped my hand and stepped to the side to finish rinsing the plates. Her eyes flew open and her hands gripped the counter on either side of her waist.

  "Two can play at that game," I said, keeping my eyes on the sink. "Now, are you going to do a nudey-run to get the violin, or am I?"

  It was me, of course, who had to get the violin in the nude. She peered around the door, laughing her head off as I sprinted down the steps with one hand cupping my dick and balls, sucking my breath in when my bare feet hit the burning hot cement of the driveway. When I couldn't get the truck to open, she had tears. We spent all afternoon writing a song that wasn't a song at all. I don't even remember how it went now, but I know it was something about balls and cocks and it had us lying side by side on the living room rug laughing until our stomach muscles cramped and tears leaked from our eyes. It was exhilarating to see her playing her violin with a big, broad grin on her face and having to stop every few minutes because she was giggling too much to pull the bow across the strings. I had nothing to record the song on except my phone and we tried a few times to get it down, but in the end, every attempt ended with someone getting the words wrong and the other one saying, "Wait, wait, do it again.." I still have those recordings saved on my phone somewhere.

  We ate when we got hungry and took a nap when we felt tired. We took another bath and spent the early evening back in bed. It was like some kind of Utopia, where responsibilities and expectations didn't even exist. It did feel like we had made time stand still after all.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  I loved having her by my side at work. It was the first time that I'd ever enjoyed my job. She worked hard, digging soil until her muscles stood out like ropes in her arms and her face glistened with sweat. I tried to give her planting duties because it was the easiest work we had, but she insisted on helping carry wheelbarrow loads of pebbles, dragging bags of sand and anything else she could possibly do without killing herself. The guys thought she was amazing. And so did I. She was more than amazing. She was the toughest girl I had ever met. Watching her going at it even when she was clearly exhausted made me feel so stupidly proud of her.

  We had lunch every day with the guys and she fitted right in, telling jokes that made even the crudest of my uncles blush to their roots. We drove home in the early afternoon and showered together. Made dinner side by side. Play music together. Then one of us would give the other a look and we'd run down the hallway, falling onto the bed with tired, sore bodies that were somehow still desperate for one another. It was everything I never knew I wanted. And it scared the shit out of me.

  After the third day of work, I was having trouble sleeping again even though I was more tired than I'd ever been in my life. After she had fallen asleep, I'd lie there, staring out that glass ceiling at the moon and the clouds overhead and I'd try to imagine what it would be like when she left the island. I thought about working at resorts cleaning out their garden beds and trimming bushes, barely making enough to cover the mortgage payments after all of that effort. I imagined dragging myself to Pete's every night where I'd play the same old songs and then pack up the gear by myself because I wanted to drag it out a little, delaying the moment when I'd walk home to my empty house. And then there was Akamu, who still needed me to take care of an infinite number of little things so that he could be out there in the world living as independently as possible. I rolled onto my side. Her back was to me, her hair spread out across the pillow, silver, sparkling in the white light of the moon. I didn't know how I would be able to go back to that life. Tessa made me feel like the world was full of choices. It was dangerous for someone like me to open that door, to let in the hope.

  On our last morning on Lana'i, we'd slept in and taken a long bath before returning back to bed with breakfast and a pile of Sudoku puzzles. I'd gotten better at them with practice, bringing out a competitive streak in Tessa that I found hilarious. So now we couldn't just do puzzles together. It had to be a race. We were just about to start our third one for the morning, pens poised and shoulders hunched, when her phone vibrated on the bedside table.

  "Hello?" Tess said down the phone as she smiled at me. She climbed off the bed and walked to the windows in my boxer shorts and her singlet top, wiggling her butt at me as she went. "Hello?"

  "Just hang up," I yawned, rolling onto my back. "Get back in bed."

  We had until the afternoon before we had to leave for the airport, and I had some pretty specific ideas of how I wanted to spend it.

  She held up her free hand, the color draining from her face.

  "Yes, I'm Tessa Copeland. Who is this?"

  Something in her voice made me sit up immediately, shaking off the sheets and taking the few steps between us almost at a run.

  "I don't know what you're saying," she said, walking toward the bed. "Can you say that again?"

  Her hand fell to her side and she sat down heavily, dropping the phone to the floor between her knees.

  "Tess," I said, kneeling in front of her. "Honey, what's going on?"

  Her eyes were wide, empty, and her shoulders shook.

  I picked up the phone and held it to my ear, my eyes never leaving her face. "Who is this?" There was silence for a couple of seconds and then I heard someone clear their throat.

  "My name is Joan," a woman said in a soft southern accent.

  "This is Kai. I'm a friend of Tessa's."

  "I'm sorry," she said. "I know this must be a shock."

  Tessa's teeth were chattering, and she stared through me to the wall behind my head. Her hands gripped the sheet on either side of her so tightly that her knuckles popped out of her skin. I used my shoulder to hold the phone to my cheek and gently pulled her hands away, uncurling her fingers one by one.

  "Joan?" I said, "can you tell me what the hell is going on here?"

  In the background, shoes squeaked on a linoleum floor, growing loud in the silence and then quiet again.

  "I'm on my way to Hawaii," she said. "I'm at the airport."

  In front of me, Tessa gasped and her eyes flew to mine. I wrapped an arm around her waist and she fell forward, her head curling into my neck. "Hang on, you're okay," I whispered then turned my attention back to the phone.

  The woman was talking. And once she started, she didn't know how to stop. She blurted out her news, the words running faster and faster and most of it making no sense at all. I heard a flight being called, someone saying, 'Mom,' and then there was nothing, the line dead in my ear.

  The clock in the kitchen ticked and the sun shone through the shutters onto the floor. The coffee next to the bed was still hot, steam curling into the morning air. Everything was the same. And nothing would ever be the same again.

  "Take a breath, Tess," I whispered urgently, stroking my hand up and down her back. She took a long, ragged breath in and out through her mouth.

  "Kai?"

  "I know, honey."

  She dug her fingers into my shoulders and gulped back air into her lungs. "Garrett is dead."

  "We need to go, right now." She paced the room, stuffing things into a bag and tried to find her shoes.

  "Tess."

  "How far away is the airport?" She bent over, looking under the bed. When I didn't say anything, she stood up and glared. "Why aren't you moving?"

  I watched her stomp over to the armchair and look behind it, her lips clamped shut and her eyes cold. Everything about her fiercely determined not to feel. She picked up a magazine off the floor and hurled it across the room. "Where are my fucking shoes?"

  "Hey," I said softly.

  "What?"

  "Just give it a second, okay?"

  "I don't have a second," she screamed. "I need to get back there!"

  "We're going back." I walked toward her and took her hand, leading her to the bed. She sat down, and I brushed the hair from her face. "Tess, look at me. Even if we get there in the next five minutes, there's still nothing that you can do."

  Sh
e set her jaw and shook her head, her eyes welling up with tears she wouldn’t allow to fall. I reached for her and she met me halfway, falling against my shoulder as my arms went around her back. "I need to go," she gasped.

  I stroked her back and she leaned in the rest of the way, her body heavy and boneless in my arms. I scooped my arm under her knees and lifted her onto my lap. "It's going to be hard. But you can do this. You're so tough, Tess. You're the strongest person I know."

  "But I don't want to."

  I held her tighter. "I know."

  "It's not fair."

  "I know that, too."

  The flight home was only short but it took me a couple of hours to get us booked onto an earlier plane back. Tess spent the time walking the length of the departure lounge, back and forth, back and forth, her eyes trained on the carpet. When it was finally time for us to go, she walked across the tarmac and up the stairs in silence, her hands gripping the strap of her bag. She spent the flight with her body turned toward the window and when I talked to her, she wouldn't answer. By the time we picked up my bag and made our way out of the airport, it was late afternoon.

  "Come over here," I said when we sat down side by side on the bench seat next to the taxi stand.

  She slid closer but left an inch of space between us. "How long will we have to wait? I just want to go home."

  The taxi lane was deserted. "I'll call Pete."

  "Don't bother," she said, standing up. She left her bag on the seat next to her and walked across the road toward the car park.

  "Tess!" I yelled, picking up our stuff and jogging after her, she was walking slowly, being careful in the fading light. "Where are you going?"

  "I'll walk! I'm not waiting any longer."

  I dropped the bags and grabbed her arm, and she stopped, her head hanging down. "Tess, I'm calling Pete. He'll be here in twenty minutes. Just hang on, okay. It's going to take you much longer to walk there."

  She slumped down, sitting on her bag with her arms around her knees. I took a second look at her, making sure she was going to stay, and then I pulled my phone out of my pocket and made the call.