And then he put his arm around her shoulders and walked her into the house.
They had baked, which was something else that was new, and I was starting to feel a little like I was on one of those hidden camera shows. Akamu had set the table with tea cups, saucers, a jug of milk and little spoons. In the middle of the table was a plate with a lumpy chocolate cake leaning to one side.
"We're getting better," Dad said, winking at Tess.
Winking!
Akamu sat down. "Because Dad said that something sweet is what a lady wants if she's feeling very sad, Dipper."
She smiled at the cake through her tears. "I think your dad is smart."
"Shall we eat?" Dad said gruffly, pulling out a chair for Tess.
She sat down and poured tea for everyone while Akamu massacred the cake with a butter knife.
"You sitting down, son?"
"I guess," I said, leaning my hands on the back of a chair. "Can you just, can someone tell me what's going on? How long was I away on Lana'i? Because this shit is starting to freak me out and - "
"Don't swear in front of the lady, Kailano."
"The lady?"
"Sit down."
I sat down while Akamu served the cake and Tess kept her eyes on her teacup. I hated the way my father reduced me to a little boy again in an instant.
"Kai," he said, his voice much softer this time. "Tessa has been stopping by, that's all. She's been teaching Aka and me how to bake."
I took a bite of the cake and damn it, it was delicious. Akamu grinned at me with a mouth full of sticky, brown teeth.
"I didn't think you'd have a problem with it," Tess muttered.
I picked up her hand. "I don't. Not at all. I'm just surprised."
"So," Dad said, sitting back in his chair. "Garrett doesn't have any family here, so we will take care of everything for him. I want to make sure it's done right."
I glanced at Tess. "Well actually, I met his ex-wife and his daughters this morning. She gave me her number, so we should discuss everything with her, first."
"You met Joan?" she said.
Akamu leaned over the table to cut himself another piece. "Who's Joan, Kai?"
"And Meredith, Theresa, Penny and Kate," I continued, ignoring him. "They all look like him. Especially Kate."
"Because Garrett told me all about Joan and he said she was as crazy as a piss ant."
"Aka!"
"What's a piss ant?"
"I might go for a walk," Tess said, standing up. "Thanks for the cake. I think you've mastered it." She rested a hand lightly on the back of my neck and gently rubbed her fingers back and forth into my hair. "Next time, I'll teach you lemon meringue pie."
"Ah," I said, putting my hand over hers.
My dad looked at us both and snorted. "Why don't you keep her company?"
"Do you want company?"
She gave my neck a squeeze.
"Take your hat," Dad said.
She walked to the door and plucked a big, straw sunhat off a hook that looked like it had been recently put there, just for her, and continued out the door.
"Well, when you two set a date, make sure to send me an invitation, okay? Because I wouldn't want to miss it for the world."
"Ha ha," she said flatly, opening the kitchen garden gate at the far end and stepping through into the orchard. "I like him. He's not so mean once you get to know him. He's a softy underneath."
"He is not a softy."
She shrugged. "He misses your mom. I remind him of her in some ways. I think he likes that, likes remembering."
We stopped at the first row of trees. "Which way?"
I always took her left, down past the noni fruit trees toward the macadamia nut grove, but today I held her hand and led her down the small path to the right. As always, the way the path curved then dropped away slightly, the rocks underfoot and the way it narrowed at the end all took me straight back to when I was a boy, running down this path with Akamu trailing behind, my eyes searching for my mango tree.
"Your dad never walks this way," she said when we reached the end of the path and the mango trees stretched out before us. "We went for lots of walks after dinner and he always goes up there, to the ridge."
"That's because this is where we used to make all our money. Our mangoes were famous. Everybody on the island talked about them. But then we went out of business and we couldn't afford to hire the number of people we needed to harvest and distribute the fruit on our own."
"So what happens to it now?"
"The family come during harvest and take what they want. And we give it away to schools and the hospitals."
She walked ahead of me and stood under the first tree, looking up. It was still early in the season, but the trees were already covered with smooth, green balls. Well, all of the trees except one. "Why doesn't he want to come down here?"
I walked behind her and threaded my arms around her waist. "Too many memories." She yawned and leaned back against my chest, reminding me that she'd barely slept. "Are you okay?"
"I don't know. I feel strange. Like it's not real."
"That's normal."
"I keep waiting for it to hit me. It's too easy for me to pretend that he's just away somewhere, or that I'm traveling in Hawaii and he's back in Texas."
I put my hand on the back of her head, bringing it to my chest. "It will hit you, and when that happens, just know that you're going to be okay."
"Thank you," she whispered into my shirt. "You've been such a good, a good.."
Boyfriend. Say Boyfriend, Tess. "..friend. I won't forget it."
I kissed her hair and stroked her back while I looked through the trunks and leaves to my mango tree. If Garrett hadn't died, I would have been listening to the alarm bells that had been growing louder and louder lately. I would have been preparing to have the talk, the one that started with, "Where is this going?" Instead, I was holding her, promising her that I would be there for her, that I wasn't going anywhere. I knew at that moment that I had swum out too deep with no way to save myself. No matter what it cost me later, I didn't want to be apart from Tess. It was another sacrifice I had to make.
Chapter Thirty
She was awake before me. I heard her moving about in the living room and the kettle boiling as I stretched and switched off the alarm. It was five in the morning, three days after Garrett's death, and the room was still black and cool. I wondered if she had slept at all.
"Aloha kakahiaka," I said as I walked into the kitchen. The light from the extractor fan was on, casting a soft yellow glow down her back.
"Good morning."
"Did you sleep?"
She shook her head. "Not really. Maybe an hour or two."
I walked behind her and pulled her against my chest. Her skin felt cold against mine, she had been out of bed for a long time. "You should have woken me. I would have gotten up with you."
"There's no point in both of us being tired," she said, pointing at the bench. "I baked."
I lifted the tea towels covering a line of plates along the bench top and bent down to kiss her cheek. "I didn't know I had the ingredients to make all of this stuff."
She stepped away from my arms. "You didn't. I walked to the gas station at about midnight. I thought we could take them to the park for you know, afterward."
I leaned back on the counter and crossed my arms. She and I both knew it wasn't safe for her to walk around after dark. It was one of the things Garrett had been most concerned about. In fact, just before I left for Lana'i he'd pulled me aside and made me promise that if I was ever out with her at night, I had to make sure she wasn't walking near the road.
"Okay."
"I'm going to get dressed," she said, walking past me. "What time are we meeting?"
I bent my head so I could see the sky. "The sun will be up in an hour."
"Fine."
"Tess?"
She spun around in the darkness. "What is it?"
"Try to be open to this, okay? It wi
ll help you if you let it."
She was silent for a few seconds and then she made a sound, something in between a laugh and a sob. "I'm going to get ready."
By the time we crossed the road to the beach, two surfboards under my arm and Tess trailing behind me somewhere, there was already a large group of people in board shorts and wetsuits waiting under the hala trees. It was cool and gray outside, but on the horizon, the sun had begun to come up, soaking the sea in an intense orange glow.
"Aloha," I said as we approached. The quiet, morning chatter immediately stopped and people walked out from under the trees toward us.
"Aloha.”
Joan and her daughters stood on the edge, conspicuous in their black dresses and big sunglasses.
I couldn't see her, but I felt Tessa standing behind me, not wanting to be there, maybe even thinking about slipping away. I pulled her against my side and secured her there with an arm around her shoulder. She was ready to run. But I'd been to many funerals by then, and if she allowed it, I knew our way would help her to mourn. Without my father there, it was left to me to officiate. Expectant faces young and old looked in my direction, waiting for me to begin. It wasn’t the first time I’d had to do something like this, there had been other funerals, family meetings, a few weddings in the last couple of years alone. But it was uncomfortable. I didn’t like the sound of my speaking voice, and I still didn’t trust it. I clenched my teeth together and ran through the words in my head. I was determined to do a good job for Garrett. And for Tessa, too.
"This morning we're here to celebrate the life of Garrett Lincoln," I said, fixing my gaze on a tree at the back of the group. Next to me, Tessa tensed and I gently ran my hand up and down her arm. "Before we paddle out this morning, there are a few people here who would like to share their memories of him."
Pete nodded, touching Akamu lightly on the shoulder to let him know it was time. He frowned and said something back, then made his way past a group of surfers until he was standing next to me. I took my arm away from Tess, hoping she would stay, and touched Akamu's back.
"Garrett was my friend!" he shouted. "He was my friend because I always wanted to work in a shop and everyone said I should stay at home because I might have trouble with counting the money and I might not be able to remember all of the things to do. But Garrett said I should have a try because that's a good way to see if you can do it, and he said he would help me. And if I did it wrong he didn't get mad at me. Only sometimes."
A wave of quiet laughter rolled over the crowd and next to me Tessa wiped a tear from her face.
"And Garrett was very funny, too. He told some rude jokes when no one was in the shop. They were very rude, Kai," he said turning to me with a grin. I leaned in and told him to save them for later. "And he always took me surfing at twelve o'clock. Twelve o'clock until two o'clock.." His voice trailed off. I squeezed his shoulder and Pete came forward leading him back into the group.
One by one people came forward and told stories about Garrett. I saw that Tessa was confused that there was so much life, so much joy, on what must have been her saddest day, but that was the way we did it. And Garrett would have wanted it that way.
After the last person had stepped back, everyone faced the sea. The sun had crept higher in the time we had been talking, transforming the sky into clouds of apricot and baby pink. The crowd broke up for a few minutes while people got changed and unstrapped their boards from the roofs of their cars. I was just about to pass Akamu his surfboard when I felt a hand on my back.
"Hello again," Joan said, lifting her sunglasses up onto her head. "That was really something. It seems that he made an impression while he was here."
I smiled. "He did."
"We're leaving soon, I can organize the rest of it from home, and the girls need to get back to school. But before I go, could I say hello to her? Just quickly?"
Tess sat cross-legged under the hala tree, picking at the grass between her legs. "Come on, I'll introduce you."
She tottered next to me, cursing when her heels sank into the sand and I offered her my arm as we made our way to the tree.
"Tess," I said when we got there. Her eyes moved to Joan, wide and dark with wariness. "This is Joan, Garrett's ex-wife."
"It's so nice to meet you at last," Joan said as Tess stood up and brushed the sand off her shorts. "Although I do feel like I know you already."
Tess leaned in and pecked her on the cheek. "Nice to meet you, too. I wish it were under different circumstances."
"Well, he always said you were a beautiful girl," Joan said, "but I think he was being modest."
"He never said that to me." She swallowed and her hand moved to her throat.
"Oh, now I've upset you! I'm sorry. You know, that was just Gary. He thought a lot, but he didn't often say it out loud. Not to your face, anyway." Her eyebrows pinched together as she made a face. "What did he say about me? No, don't tell me. Forget I asked."
We said our goodbyes, and I promised Joan I would keep in touch, and then when it looked like people were ready, we made our way down to the water.
I carried our boards under one arm and gripped Tessa's hand with my free one, pulling her along with me. The rest of the people followed behind us, some talking, some quiet, as they watched the light grow ever stronger in the sky. And then one by one, we lay our boards on the surface of the water and slid over them, our hands dipping in up to our elbows as we paddled out to sea. I kept an eye on Tessa as we made our way out. She was wearing the white rash vest I had bought her and her hair was in a ponytail that had half come undone. She paddled strongly, her hands slicing through the ocean and her arms pumping hard. She was angry, taking it out on the water. I was happy to see it. At least she was feeling something. We stopped at a calm place just behind the breaking waves and I slid my knees up so that I sat, straddling the board. I helped Tess do the same while we waited for the others. Akamu was the first to arrive and he moved next to me and sat on his board, his big hands gripping the sides and his bare chest heaving with the effort it took to get there. Once everyone was in a circle, I cleared my throat and began the mele kanikau chant.
It was quiet, apart from the sound of my voice and the soft slap of the water against our boards. Most people had closed their eyes and a few held hands. I moved my eyes to each face in the circle and tried to use my voice in the way I had been taught. It had been a long time since I had performed an oli. From the looks on the faces around me, it had been a while since they had heard one, too. I heard my mother’s voice, soft in my ear, reminding me to breathe and let the words flow out like a song.
Somewhere in the middle of the chant, I heard a sob escape from Tessa's mouth. Her head was down and she held the sides of the board in her hands as her shoulders jerked up and down. I glanced at my brother, needing him to understand me, and by some miracle he met my eyes and nodded in understanding, knowing exactly what he had to do. He lay down on his board and moved backward, breaking the circle temporarily, before paddling behind me so he could be next to Tessa. He put a hand on her board, drawing her close to his side, and he kept it there, still and silent, until I had finished the chant.
We broke off and paddled back slowly, Tessa in between Aka and me. She had barely said a word to anyone since we'd left the house that morning and my heart ached to look at her. Once we could stand up in the water Tess was off her board, dragging it by the leash through the water until she hit the sand. I hung back with Akamu, letting the waves pull us in, and we both watched as she disappeared over the grass and across the road toward my house.
"Dipper is sad," he said.
"Yes, she is."
"Because it's sad when someone dies."
"Aka? I'm sorry you were there when it happened. Were you scared?"
He was silent for a few seconds as we lay on our stomachs side by side, the waves rocking us back and forth. "It was very, very bad, Kai. Very bad."
"I know. You were brave."
He moved his ar
ms through the waves, propelling himself to shore and I matched his pace, racing to his side so that we could catch the final wave together. It was a game we'd played as boys and I wondered if he remembered it. Once we were standing up and unfastening our leashes, I took the opportunity to try again.
"Do you want to talk about what happened?"
But he ignored me and looked up the beach to the rocks. "Dipper needs a chocolate."
I touched his shoulder, cold and wet. "What?"
"When Mama was very, very sad, she wanted a chocolate, Kai."
I swallowed hard and instinctively looked around to see if we were alone. Even after all that time, and even without my dad there, I still felt guilty talking about her. "You remember that?"
He nodded.
"What else do you remember?"
His face suddenly broke into a wide, toothy grin. "I remember so many things, Kai."
I looked at my enormous, kind hearted, wonderful brother, and I felt that fist tighten around my heart again. Why didn't we talk about her? Even amongst ourselves? Over the years, my own memories of her had faded fast. I wanted his, I was greedy for them. I wanted to know where she took him, what she was like, what they did when they were lost to us and whether she was happy. But first, I had to find Tess.
"Tessa?" I called as I opened the door. "Are you in here?"
She was sitting on the sofa in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, her wet hair soaking through the fabric at the back. "I'm here."
I pulled off my rash vest and threw it out the door then wrapped a towel around my waist before sitting down next to her. "What's happening?"
"I don't like funerals."
"Are you coming out to eat with us?"
"I'm not hungry."
"Tess.”
"What, Kai?"
I put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against me, not caring that I was salty and wet. "Akamu thinks chocolate will help."
I saw her cheek lift briefly in a half-smile that was gone as suddenly as it appeared. "I'm sorry. But I'm not going out there. I want to go to bed."
"Are you sure?"
She nodded.
"Okay, honey. I'll see you in a couple of hours."
The 'Ohana Tree Page 18