The 'Ohana Tree

by Rebecca Addison

  I spent the hour outside with Akamu pulling up weeds in the kitchen garden. He didn't like working in the garden much, but he loved having me to himself. He put up with just about anything so long as he talked and I listened. He told me about working at Lulu's and how he could have as many juices as he wanted for free. That afternoon he'd found out the hard way what the consequences of drinking eleven glasses of juice were and he was enjoying telling me about it, in intimate detail. I didn't go in right away when I saw Dr. Frania's car pull out of her parking spot. I knew that Dad was inside and I thought they might need a minute to talk without Akamu or me, or Akamu's diarrhea stories interrupting them. As it turned out, I didn't need to find her. She came out a few minutes later, just as the light was fading in the sky.

  "Dipper!" Akamu called out when he saw her open the gate. "You're staying in the yellow room and we're roommates now, Dipper, because my room is only two doors away from the yellow room."

  "I know," she said, managing a smile. "Now that I'm sleeping over, maybe one night we could watch a movie together."

  Akamu rocked forward onto his toes and grinned. "I know what movie because I have a favorite movie and I haven't watched it for a long time."

  "Bro," I said, landing a playful punch on his arm. "Don't tell lies. You watched Point Break yesterday."

  He gave me a quick, sideways glare as a slow flush crept up his face. I hid my smile. My brother was blushing.

  "Kai," he hissed. "Be quiet!" When I didn't say anything, he threw his hands in the air and stormed off to the house.

  "Oops," I said when he'd gone. "I think someone was planning a Point Break date with you and I just ruined it."

  She walked around the garden bed I was working in, not stopping until her arms were around my back and her lips were pressed against my chest.

  "Are you okay?" I said, hugging her back with my elbows so that I didn't get dirt on her shirt.

  She nodded against me. "She was nice."

  "What did she say?"

  "She's coming to see me once a week, and in the meantime, I have some homework to do."

  "Homework, huh? She's a big believer in that. She still gives Dad an assignment every time she sees him."

  She stepped back and lifted her face. "Can we sleep at your house tonight?"

  "Sure. Why?" I rubbed my hands together behind her back, shaking off the dirt.

  "I sleep better with you in bed with me. And I hate that you're uncomfortable on the floor in there."

  She moved back and I took her hand in mine as we made our way down the strip of crushed shells that Akamu and I had used to make paths between the garden beds. "Tomorrow I'll organize for a bed to be delivered here. Maybe we can redo the room together, what do you think?"

  The coming sunset had turned the garden a soft shade of gold and pink and insects were making their way into the night. She waved a cloud of mosquitoes away from her face and smiled quickly, and it was a genuine smile, the sight of it suddenly making my eyes fill with tears before I could stop them.

  "Kai," she said, stopping at the gate and putting her hand on my arm when she saw my face. "I'm going to be okay."

  I stared hard my feet and tried to control myself. The last thing I wanted to do was break down in front of her. But as much as I told myself to be calm, all of the stress and fear of the last twenty-four hours weighed heavy on my chest. What I felt like doing was dropping to my knees in the red dirt, hugging her legs to my face, and bawling like a baby.

  "Look at me," she said. I reluctantly lifted my eyes to hers. "I love you. And I'm so sorry for the way I first said it. But I do. I love you."

  "Tess," I managed, the tears coming now anyway. She stepped into my arms and put her hands into the back pockets of my jeans, giving my ass a firm squeeze. It surprised me so much that I laughed and when she glanced up, her eyes held a small flicker of amusement. "Don't be sorry," I said, sniffing and bending down to kiss her. "And I love you too."

  She leaned in closer and whispered against my chest. "What can I do to stop you worrying all the time?"

  "Promise me you won't ever check out on me like that again."

  She gave my ass another squeeze. "I'll try my best."

  Chapter Thirty Seven

  "So what's the homework?" I said as I collected up the takeaway boxes and took them to the trash.

  Tess pushed away from the table and stood up, walking into my kitchen and opening the fridge. "Do you have any wine?"

  "In the back."

  She rifled around for a few seconds and then pulled out a bottle, unscrewing the cap and sniffing it. "This has been here for a while."

  It had. It was leftover from Garrett's funeral, but I didn't want to tell her that. "Homework?"

  "Well," she said, tipping the wine down the sink, "she had a list of things."

  I walked behind her and took the bottle out of her hands. "Are you going to drag this out?"

  She spun around in my arms. "I need to get enough sleep. Eat three meals a day from a list of foods she gave me."

  I nodded, it was the same thing she told my dad.

  "I need to write in a journal every morning. Go for a walk every afternoon. Play my violin. And," she said, her face slightly pink, "she suggested we make sure we sleep in the same bed every night. And get enough privacy." I raised my eyebrows and she rolled her eyes at me.

  "I told you she was a good doctor."

  "I told her about Garrett's notebook and she wants me to read it. Or, she said you could read it to me."

  "I'd like that."

  "Apart from that, she wants to see me once a week, and I've agreed to talk about trying some medication if the other things aren't helping."

  I bent down and planted a kiss on her forehead. "I'm proud of you."

  "I still feel like shit, Kai."

  "I know," I said, "it's going to take some time. Can I ask you something? Did you ever listen to that track we recorded?"

  "Yes."

  "What did you think?"

  "I was going to talk to you about it when were on Lana'i. It was, well, it was beautiful. Especially your parts."

  "Want to listen to it again? Maybe head out there and add a few more layers to it?"

  She pressed her forehead against my chest. "Maybe."

  "What do you feel like doing now? Do you want to watch a movie?"

  "I thought I'd take a shower," she said, stepping backward out of my arms. "Do you want to have one with me?"

  I did. It had been weeks since I had felt her body respond under my hands. And I wanted her. Just the thought of touching her, kissing her, made my skin tingle and my head swim with desire. But the last time I saw her naked was when I lifted her into the bath at the motel. I still saw it. The marks, more gouges than scratches that ran all the way up her thighs. The fresh blood that dispersed through the water when I lowered her in. The way it wormed its way out of her skin and turned the water the color of rust. The unseeing look in her eyes as she stared at the ceiling. Her mouth, slack with lips slightly parted. All of it, every mark, scratch, and cut. I shook my head and pressed my fingers to my mouth. "You go."

  "You sure?"

  My eyes saw through her dress to the dry, brown lines of blood and wounded flesh that I knew lay underneath. I was the world's biggest coward. "Yeah, I'm sure."

  We didn't sleep together that night, but we did sleep. Tess climbed into bed after her shower, not bothering with any clothes. And I'm ashamed to say that I averted my eyes when she walked from the bathroom to the bedroom naked because I just couldn't see what she had done to herself again. If she noticed, she pretended not to. She stayed on her side of the bed that night and I stayed on mine, my body stiff and my mind alert as I tried not to let a leg stray over or a hand accidentally brush her back. And then suddenly there was nothing, and when I opened my eyes again, the light was pouring through the blinds, covering the floor and the bed in stripes of gold.

  "Morning," she said.

  I opened my eyes. She was l
ying on her side with her hands under her cheek. "Please tell me that you've been to sleep."

  "I slept all night."

  I rolled onto my side so that we lay face to face. "How do you feel today?"

  She met my stare with a small smile. "The tiniest bit better."

  "I'll take that." I leaned in and gave her a soft peck on the lips. "Do you think you're up to a walk? I have some stuff to do in town."

  Her eyes flicked down. "I'm not sure."

  "Think about it," I said, kissing her forehead and sitting up. "I'm going for a surf. We can decide when I get back." But then I had a thought, and it was a dark, hard thought, and once I had it, I found I couldn't shake it away. "Maybe I'll just take a shower. I'm too tired to go out this morning."

  "Kai."

  "Do you want a coffee? I can make some, or would you like tea -"

  "It's okay," she said and I felt a hand on my back. "Turn around." I kept my eyes on my feet as my fingers dug into the mattress. "Kai, turn around."

  I did, slowly, but I couldn't meet her eyes.

  "I'm sorry," she said, holding my hand. "I didn't want this to happen. I've put guys through this before, you know, and I know how it ends."

  I brought her fingers to my lips. "How does it end?"

  She moved in, pressing her forehead to mine. "I break his heart. And then we both run away."

  "I won't run."

  "I know you won't," she whispered, pressing her palm flat on my chest. "I know you won't give up. That's who you are. But I don't want you to be worried about me and second guess me all the time. I think I’ve lost your trust. And I get that. I really do."

  "You said the other guys ran away. I'm here."

  "I also said I broke their hearts. How about you? How's your heart doing?"

  I swallowed and felt my pulse, suddenly loud and thick in my ears. "Still beating."

  She moved back and slid across the bed, pushing the sheet away and standing up in between my legs.

  "It's not as bad as you're imagining."

  "I can't see that again, Tess."

  "Open your eyes, Kai. Open them."

  So I did. And I saw the thin, straight lines from the razor first, a dozen of them or more across her stomach. They had almost healed. I ran my hands up her legs, feeling the hard, dry scabs that her fingernails had made under my palms. Her arms were the worst so I kissed them as she cried and placed her hands on top of my head.

  "Don't be scared of me," she said when I'd seen all of it. "Just love me."

  I pressed my lips to her stomach and wrapped my arms around her waist. Didn't she know? Loving her was the easy part.

  Chapter Thirty Eight

  Tess said she wanted to go back to Onakea after breakfast. She was feeling anxious again and she wanted to walk through the orchard and take another nap in the yellow room. I packed some clothes into a couple of bags while she watched TV and called a store to organize for a bed to be delivered to the house that afternoon. We were just getting ready to leave when I heard the doorbell. Tessa's eyes darted to mine and she shrunk back into the sofa, mouthing, "Who is that?"

  I opened the door, feeling like an idiot for not remembering that I'd asked her to come by that morning. She must have seen the confusion on my face because she groaned and dropped her bag on the doorstep before rolling her eyes.

  "You forgot! I missed out on paddle boarding with Mike this morning for this."

  I leaned on the doorframe and grinned at her. It was impossible not to find her moods funny. She made it too easy.

  "What are you looking at?"

  "Those things on the ends of your fingers. What the hell are they?"

  "Nails," she said, drumming her inch long hot pink talons on her leg. "You're such a pain the ass."

  "Is that a tattoo?"

  Her hand flung to the line of black that peeked out of the bottom of her short t-shirt. "It's fake."

  "Bullshit," I said. "Aunty is going to kill you."

  "Oh yeah," she smirked, looking past me into the house. "Like my tattoo is ever going to be the talking point with everything you have going on."

  I stepped out and pulled the door halfway closed behind me, lowering my voice. "Hey. It's not a joke. If you can't be serious, I'll call someone else."

  She stopped chewing her gum and glared at me, wide-eyed. "You're not calling anyone else, Kailano freakin' Onakea. I do the best hair on the island and you fucking know it."

  "Hey! Watch your mouth."

  She rolled her eyes again. "Whatever, Dad."

  A growing knot in my stomach warned me that it was way too soon to inflict Pete's 17-year-old sister on Tess. But Mia surprised me by acting like a complete professional. She introduced herself, sitting Tess down on a dining chair she'd moved into the kitchen and pulling out a black roll of fabric from her bag, unrolling it on the counter with a flourish. It had scissors of all sizes, combs and cut throat razors all inserted into sleeves. She met my eye and shooed me into the living room. I heard her chatting to Tess about a couple of boys she liked. I knew them both and made a mental note to give Pete a head's up about one of them. When Tess came around the corner half an hour later, she was transformed. Mia hadn't just trimmed the uneven edges of her hair, she'd cut it to her chin. It framed her face perfectly and made her eyes even prettier.

  "Wow."

  "I know, right?" Mia said, admiring her work. "You have such amazing hair, Tessa. I mean, it's like beautiful."

  Tess thanked her and I put an arm around Mia's shoulders, making her squirm. "Get off, loser!"

  I winked and handed her a fifty and she tucked it into the front pocket of her jeans, biting her lip to try and hide the huge grin I knew was waiting.

  When she was gone, I pulled Tess into a hug and peeked over her shoulder at the back of her hair. Mia had done an excellent job. "You want to go to Onakea now, or have something to eat in town first?"

  She lightly kissed the fabric of my t-shirt and pulled away. "I'm really tired."

  "Home it is, then," I said, picking up our bags and heading out the door. We put the stuff in the back of the truck and once she was in her seat, I pretended to forget something so that I could run back in for one last look. The cottage was my first home away from home. I remembered what a battle it had been to buy it and convince my father that I would still be able to take care of things if I lived in town. It had been my first declaration of independence, the first time I had tried to separate myself from the family. I didn't know when I would be coming back to the cottage to live, if ever, but I wasn't distressed. A sudden wave of calm ran through me as I pulled the door shut and walked down the path. It was time to go home.

  Pete was doing a stock take behind the bar when I walked in after dropping Tessa and our things up at Onakea. He was already in his work clothes - jeans and a long sleeved black shirt with the sleeves rolled up, revealing the chunky gold watch he always wore on his wrist. I guessed that he'd slept in the back room again. When I got closer and saw the dark smudges under his bloodshot eyes, I knew that I was right.

  "Hey," I said as I sat down on the stool opposite him.

  He continued counting bottles. "How's Tess?"

  "Honestly? I don't know."

  He stopped with his finger on a bottle of whiskey and spun around, leaning back against the counter. "It's a haad rub, man. But she'll be okay." He met my eyes and gave me a nod. "You'll help her."

  "Listen, Pete, I wanted to say sorry about the record deal. I know you put a lot of time into negotiating that and I get that it's frustrating -"

  "It's cool."

  "Pete."

  He pushed off and took a couple of steps toward me, leaning his elbows on the counter. "You think you're the only one who's stuck?"

  I made myself look at him. "I need to talk to you. I need your help."

  His eyebrows shot up. "You need help? That's a first."

  "Don't be a dickhead."

  He stood up and reached under the counter, taking out a couple of beers fr
om the fridge and dropping one in front of my hands. "Alright, Kai. What do you need?"

  I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out my keys. "Here. These are the keys to my place. I want you to move in there, permanently."

  He slid them back toward me. "I have a key, remember? And I'm not moving in with you."

  I shook my head. "I'm not going to be there, dummy. I'm moving back home."

  "Why? You hate it up there!"

  "I want to be there with Tess while she gets better. And I need to sort some stuff out with my dad."

  He picked up the keys and bounced them around in his hand. "That's what you need help with? Giving me your house?"

  "No. I want you to buy Makai Surf and run it yourself. The house was just a sweetener."

  He laughed and took a long swig of his beer before his eyes settled back on my face. "Wait, are you serious?"

  "You're the only one in the family with enough money to do it. It's your turn to help out, man. I can't do this one."

  He shook his head and shoved his hands into his pockets. "You're fucking crazy. I already have a job."

  We were the only two people in the bar. Kalea did an excellent job of cleaning every morning but it still smelled like spilled drinks and sweat. And Pete had never looked worse. In the past three years, he'd gained forty pounds and done nothing but drink, work, and sleep. "You need a new one. Hire someone else to manage this place."

  "I built all of this," he said, spreading his arms wide and gesturing to the stage. "I started it from nothing."

  He was trying to sound pissed off with me for even suggesting he leave the bar, but I wasn't convinced. I saw the hollowness in his eyes as he looked around the room. It was tinged with the tiniest glimmer of hope.

  "Aka needs his job and the town needs the shop, Pete. It's a major attraction for surfers who come to the island. And," I said, meeting his eye, "you need a change."

  "You've got balls," he said as he put down his bottle. "You come in here and ask me to move into your house, leave my business and buy a shop? Only you would do that, you know. Bloody Onakeas."