by Valia Lind
"He's evil," I say the words out loud, tearing my gaze away. Baba Yaga raises an eyebrow at my tone, before reaching over and running her hand over his side. He turns his head just slightly, but I don't think it's from pleasure. His body goes rigid under the touch and Baba Yaga extracts her hand with a small smile.
"He's yours."
I don't want to believe her, but I feel it, the sort of bond that flows between us. Before I can stop myself, I'm taking a step forward. He doesn't move, watching my progress towards him. When I'm close enough to touch, I do so gingerly, barely grazing the fur by his neck. However, the moment I make contact something unveils inside of me and I plunge my hand in. His response is instantaneous as the rumble of his chest vibrates the ground around us. I glance at Baba Yaga and find her smiling.
"Like I said, yours."
I turn back to the creature, mesmerized and confused. If he's truly mine does that make me evil? Can he sense my true nature inside of me and it won't matter what I chose, because he seems to think it won't be good. From the very beginning, I've felt like I've been fighting a losing battle. There aren't pretty words to make me better, no pats on the back to encourage me. At the end of everything I've done, I'm not good. No matter how hard I try to be.
When we returned to Skazka, when I made a promise to save Jemma, I made a promise to myself to do whatever it takes to take Vasilisa down. I promised myself that I wouldn't back down from the hard choices and if that meant embracing who've I've been fighting against becoming, then so be it. Now, Baba Yaga is presenting me with a perfect opportunity to do just that. She's giving me a chance that I didn't think I would have, because she knows more about this than I do. However, before I can voice any of this, Kot Bayun tenses beneath my hand, putting me on full alert. The same moment I hear a noise behind me and I twist around just in time to see Brendan come through the trees. He’s come to take second watch.
He stops in his tracks, bewilderment written all over his face as he takes in the situation. His hand reaches for his sword, the same moment the creature behind me gets ready to jump.
"Stop!" I call, putting myself between them. Brendan looks at me as if I've lost my mind, but he doesn't move. He's trusting me with this, just like he's always trusted me. His eyes jerk from the cat back to Baba Yaga and then to me.
"What's going on?" He asks, his voice low and cautious. What I wouldn't give to know what's going through his mind right now. I'm afraid he's thinking the worst, but then again, when has Brendan ever thought the worst of me? It's me who always thinks I'm not good enough and to be fair, I'm usually right.
"Baba Yaga is here to...help us."
"Help? You mean how she helped after we helped her escape her prison?"
"If you remember correctly," the woman speaks up, her voice like butter. "I did help. And I'm going to do so again."
"And why is that?"
"Because I am not one to stand by and let great potential go to waste." She spits out, their voices crashing around me like thunder. They're at two ends of this spectrum, with me caught in the middle. My majyk calls to me, almost as if it's ready to step up if need be. But that just gives me an idea. I know what I have to do. Ignoring Baba Yaga, I turn fully to Brendan.
"I'm not asking you to trust her," I say, my voice firm. "I would never ask you to sacrifice your standards of me. But I need you to let me do this. There is no other way."
"We have always found another way!" Brendan's voice echoes around us, as he takes a step closer, as if forgetting we have an audience. "We have always done this together. You lead and I follow. That's the deal."
"So why can't you follow me in this?" I whisper.
"Because it won't lead to a place where you survive."
Suddenly, I understand the emotion behind his words. It's fear. He's choking on it because of everything we've never been allowed to be and if this goes through, will never have a chance to become. The "could've beens" that are constantly present in our lives spring up like weeds on a perfectly manicured lawn. All the times we didn't say what we wanted, didn't reach for each other when we were aching to do so, will now forever be just those memories.
"I will do what it takes to save you," I say, tears brimming at the tips of my eyelashes. Looking at him, feeling the depths of my emotion, I memorize his face as if it's the last time I'll ever see it. "If I'm to have a chance, I need you beside me."
It's his turn to reach for me as he takes one of my hands in his. Just like always, my skin heats up with his touch and then, suddenly, the skies open up and were are soaked in seconds. We stand frozen in this moment, gulping it up like air. My love, I don't think it'll be able to save us. But I will fight to make sure it's enough to save him.
"Promise me you'll fight to survive," he finally says, his touch burning into me like hot coal. There's fire in his eyes, an intensity that I love more than anything in the world. It's that intensity that gives me strength, fueling my now resolve.
"I promise that I will fight."
21
Baba Yaga has disappeared again. Not that I'm surprised. She has her own timeline on how she wants things done. What does surprise me is that Kot Bayun stays. He's watched our exchange with a ready prowess, and now he's retreated into the shadows just enough to lay down, while his eyes stay on me.
"Cal," Brendan says through the rain, his eyes on the cat. I turn, my majyk soaring toward the creature of its own accord. He's calm now, because I'm calm.
"I don't understand it, Brendan," I reply to his unasked question, "But we're connected. He's...mine."
It seems weird using the terminology Baba Yaga used, but nothing else fits. Even now I can feel his majykal presence under my skin. I've never heard of such a connection, or maybe I don't remember if I have.
"How do we introduce him to the rest of the group?" Brendan breaks through my thoughts, and when I look at him, there's a small smile on his face.
"I have no idea," I reply, glancing back at the creature. For the first time I realize that I don't even know if he has a proper name, outside of the one the stories give him.
"You know you do that a lot."
Pulling my attention from my thoughts, I focus entirely on Brendan.
"What do you mean?"
"Get lost in your head." He says, flicking a stray strand of hair from my face. I'm sure I look a mess, windblown and soaking wet. But his touch makes all of the worries disappear.
"What can I say?" I shrug, thankful my voice comes out steady. "I have a lot going on up there."
It's time to take a step away from him, but my feet won't move. Being in the vicinity of him, it's like the moon and the earth. Two entities destined to move together, but never too close, for the fear of destroying everything.
"We should get some rest," I say, knowing full well neither one of us will. But tomorrow, we start our fight back, and we need all the strength we can store up. We study each other in silence, the rain now an unpleasant drizzle on our skin. Neither one of us wants to be the first one to break, but we're always at this standoff. We know our places well. He surprises me again by speaking up
"I'll stay with you."
I don't expect that and I don't know how to handle it. He's good at throwing me off balance. Slowly, as if afraid he'll spook me, he reaches for my hand again. His fingers curl around mine as he pulls me towards him, ever so slightly. He guides us to the tree I occupied earlier, hoisting himself up onto the branches before reaching down to me. I take his hand without hesitation and just like that, we're sharing the branch. He positions me against his chest, and my head falls into his shoulder. His arms come around me as if they're made to be there.
I sigh, the sounds too loud in the near silence. But it's the most honest sound I've made because it comes from deep within me. Brendan doesn't speak and I have nothing to say. I want to be frozen in this moment forever, even though I know we're only stealing time.
The silence stretches and the night gets darker. Lightning and thunder return, but no
rain follows. I watch the shadows play around me, all the worries of tomorrow coming back with the next flash of light. Tugging Brendan's arms more tightly, I hold on to him as if I'm holding on to my sanity.
"Do you know the story of the Little Silver Hoof?" He whispers, sending goosebumps over my body with his simple words. He hasn't told me a story in a while, but right now, it's the most perfect thing he can do.
"Tell me." My skin buzzes with excitement as he pulls me even closer and begins to talk. It seems that I'm relaxed for the first time in days and the feeling is so foreign, I'm almost nervous to stay that way. Then Brendan's fingers caress my skin and I'm lost in his touch, his words.
In him.
"Once upon a time, in a faraway land, lived a lonely widowed hunter, Kokovanya. His wife died a long time ago, he had no children and no one to take care of him and no one for him to take care of. Every day, he'd go into the woods and he would return to his hut and there was no one waiting for him. One day he heard about the little orphan girl who was living in a town over. Her parents passed away and the friends of her parents took her in. But they had seven children of their own and didn't have much room for her. So Kokovanya asked if he could adopt the little girl and the family agreed.
So Daryonka and her cat came to live with Kokovanya and they were all three happy together. Every day, Kokovanya would go to the woods, while Daryonka took care of the house. Then, when he returned home, they would sit by the fire and eat dinner and he would tell her all the stories about the forest and the creatures who live there. Her favorite story was of the Little Silver Hoof.
The wild deer lived in these woods and Kokovanya searched for him every day. He looked like an ordinary deer, except for the little silver hoof where his regular left front hoof would be. All the magic deer had to do was stomp at the ground with his silver hoof and precious gems would appear. Finding the deer was the one thing Kokovanya never managed to do and it was his one desire. Daryonka too became fascinated by the deer and wanted to come on the next trip into the woods.
Well, one day, Kokovanya finally allowed her to come. Although they did not find the deer, Daryonka was able to see all the other beautiful creatures of the forest and she marveled on them out loud. The next day, Kokovanya left again, leaving Daryonka and the cat home alone. Low and behold, when she heard a noise, she looked out and saw the Little Silver Hoof deer right outside the hut. The girl tried going outside to see him better but he ran away. She was sad that her father didn't see him and she told her cat that.
The next day, her cat went outside to play and never returned. Worried, she went out looking for him and found him and the Little Silver Hoof playing in the snow. She watched as they stopped in front of each other and seemed to be talking, as one was nodding at the other and vice versa. The cat then ran over to Daryonka and she picked him up while the Little Silver Hoof watched.
Suddenly, he ran to the hut and began stomping all over the ground, creating precious gems all over the place. Then, the Little Silver Hoof jumped on top of their little hut and continued stomping. Kokovanya came home to witness the beautiful creature raining gems over his house. The cat sprung out of Daryonka's arms, ran to the deer and together they disappeared from view.
Amazed, Kokovanya and Daryonka began collecting the gems and carried them inside the house. The next morning, they went out to look for more gems but everything they didn't bring inside the night before had vanished. And so has the Little Silver Hoof and the cat. Even though Daryonka never saw her cat again, she thanked him for giving her this precious gift, for she believed the Little Silver Hoof was the cat's friend and was asked to give the gems to Kokovanya and Daryonka. From then on, the two lived in comfort.
Even today, some say, if they pass by where Kokovanya's hut stood, they can still find a gem."
He stops talking with a sigh, as if he carried that story inside of him for ages. One of his hands falls over my hair and he runs his fingers through it, sending tingles down my back. I wonder if he thinks I'm sleeping and that's why he's allowing this small glimpse into his vulnerability. But then I realize he can feel me, like I feel him and we're too aware of each other.
"The cat was a kind friend," I mumble, dizzy from the millions of sensations rushing over me.
"Daryonka was a kind master."
I pull back a little, so I can look him straight in the eye.
"Is that why you told me the story? Kot Bayun is not kind."
"No, but the master who holds his heart is and that's all that matters." He sits us up more, so he can look me full in the eye. "It matters what kind of a heart leads. Vasilisa is evil because she is selfish and greedy. Glava is power-hungry in a way that is unfathomable. But you, zaichik, you have the heart of one of the vilest of creatures and he is ready to go to battle for you. You think you're evil because you're connected. But I think that just proves that you're not."
There is so much emotion behind his words, it brings tears to my eyes. I don't think I've cried this much my whole life, but here I am again, trying to keep myself together.
"You always see the best in me."
"And I always will. I won't let you fall into the pit you're so desperate to avoid. You lead, I follow. Till the end of time. We watch each other's backs."
I don't have anything to say to that, because my chest feels like it is going to burst with emotion. Instead of words, I burrow myself deeper into Brendan's arms, holding onto him like a lifeline. Then, only then, do I allow the tears to come and surrender to the dreamless sleep.
The next morning I'm more rested than I've been in a while. It's difficult not to attribute that to the fact that I spent the night in Brendan's arms. After all of this, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to rest without him beside me. But if everything goes according to plan, I guess I won't have to worry about that.
Brendan and I don't talk until we're to the tree line. We're trying to hold on to any shred of this normalcy that we can.
"How do you think we should tell them?" I ask.
"I think we don't have to come up with anything special." There's amusement in his voice and when I glance up at him, I see that he's looking over my head. Turning, I see Baba Yaga's hut running towards us. When it's mere 20 feet away, it stops, the door opening slowly. Baba Yaga steps out, this time in a deep purple gown, her hair up in an intricate twist, her skin glowing. Even I can't help but stare at her beauty.
"I mean, that works." I finally manage. She doesn't come any closer, so I nod in her direction and step through the trees. For a second I wonder if I'll be rejected now, after spending the night with Kot Bayun mere feet away. He's still so close, just through the trees, staying by Baba Yaga's hut.
The rest of our group are up, eagerly watching for our return. When we step through the barrier, Maxwell is by our side in a flesh.
"The natives are getting restless," he mumbles, but I still think the others hear him.
"How's Lana?" Is my first question, as we get closer to the little camp.
"Still sleeping, but her breathing seems to have evened out," Rus replies. He looks about as tired as I feel, which just makes me feel that much worse. I brought this down upon them, just like I'll bring it down upon everyone. Devra hasn't said a word, but she's standing at attention, her eyes exclusively on me. She can tell something is up.
"I have some news," I announce, after checking over Jemma. We all look like we can use a good bath and some moisturizer, but at least we're alive.
"We have a plan on how to infiltrate the palace. We need information," Brendan states, "and we need to do whatever we can to stop Vasilisa from a war."
"Would a war really be that bad?" This comes from Devra and after everything, I saw this question coming.
"Yes," I say firmly, looking them each in the eye. "I mean, we all know we’re already at war, but not of this magnitude. Vasilisa will continue to steal majyk from the land and from the people. With each day she grows stronger. We have to try now, before it becomes too late."
>
They agree with my logic, I can see that. But they don't like it. And truthfully neither do I. Especially when I wonder if it’s already too late.
"So what is this plan?" Rus asks and I see Lana is now awake and watching me with her inquisitive eyes.
Brendan and I exchange a look. "Maybe it's better if we just show you."
Since we don't have anything to pack up, we move towards the outskirts of the graveyard right away. My gaze keeps shifting to Lana, who's walking now, but still looks pale enough that I'm afraid she'll pass out any minute. Rus is walking right beside her and so is Jemma. The two girls are holding on to each other and I'm glad. It makes me less worried for the two of them. They'll look out for each other when I'm not there.
"I'll need you not to react," I say the moment we reach the trees. The rest of the group looks at me in question, but I don't elaborate as I plunge through the thickness. Baba Yaga is still there, standing in front of her hut, as if she's been waiting for me to do this exact thing. She's such a contrast against her barely unkempt house. She looks like she's fit for the royal court.
My friends stop in their tracks the moment they see her. Or maybe it's the moment Kot Bayun snarls at them. He really does not seem to like anyone but me. Devra's sword is already in her hand and she grips it hard enough to turn her knuckles white. All of them are ready to spring to action. Except for Brendan and Maxwell, who move to stand beside me, as we present a united front. Their move brings a heavy feeling to my chest and I choke down the emotion.
"She's going to help us," I say, keeping my voice low and steady. I don't need any of them spooked any more than they already are. It's a culture shock, hearing the stories is one thing, but seeing her here is another.