by Kaci Rose
"Still want to go say hi to Lexi?" I ask him.
His eyes are searching over the lobby, and I know he's taking it in, planning.
He nods and takes a step forward. His steps are slow and measured. When a woman on the other side of the lobby laughs a little too loud, he jumps, and Molly is right there, licking his hand. She switches sides and puts herself between him and the lobby, and that seems to relax him slightly, but not by much.
A few more steps, and someone walks by a little too close, and he tenses, but Molly forces the guy away by getting in his way. I make a mental note to spoil her rotten tonight.
Noah walks up and stands by Lexi at the front desk in as much shock as Lexi is, even though he tries to hide it. Once we reach the desk, Easton reaches out and grips hold of it, like it's the only thing anchoring him to this world, and it might be, I don't know.
"Hey, Easton," Noah says, offering him a big smile.
Noah doesn't make a big deal out of this, and I'm thankful. I think the last thing he needs is to be the center of attention no matter how good natured it is.
Easton is breathing hard, his jaw and fists are still clenched, and Molly is right by his side.
"We can go back, Easton. You did really well." I say in a soft voice, and he nods again and turns back towards the hallway, but he doesn't move right away.
Lexi looks at me and mouths 'Wow,' and I mouth back 'Talk later,' and she nods. Noah catches my eye and mouths 'Thank you,’ and I give a slight nod and turn back to Easton.
"Ready?" I ask.
He doesn't respond, just starts walking. He walks a bit faster to his room, like he can't wait to get back there, and I can understand, since that’s his safe place.
Back in his room, he heads right for his chair and sits, and Molly is in his lap a second later.
"Close the door, please." He says, as I step into the room.
I do as he asks and sit down in the chair across from him.
"You did really good, Easton. I very much wish I could give you a hug and hold you right now." I almost whisper the last part.
He stares at me for a moment, before he speaks. "I know how you feel. When you came in here after your brother’s party, I felt it and wanted to hold you so badly."
Watching him, I nod, and he slowly relaxes.
"I'm trying, Paisley. I'm trying... for you." He says, and my eyes snap to him, but he's looking out of the window.
I almost wonder if I imagined it, until his eyes meet mine, and in them, is a vulnerability that I know is hard for him to show.
"I’ll be here every step of the way," I tell him.
***
After my visit to Easton and Oakside, I head home to drop off Molly and pick up Atticus, and then go to Amanda's house. Amanda is the one who got me into training dogs. She’s a friend now, and the one I always turn to for help.
In the beginning with Atticus, she helped me train him. Now that I think he's ready, we’re going to put him through his paces. She has this obstacle course set up at her place, but it’s not a normal obstacle course.
This one is designed with noises, distractions, and tests to see if a service dog is ready. It's not foolproof, but it's a good indicator.
I love my time with Amanda, though. We talk about anything and everything, and I really want to get her to take on Easton, because I'm feeling a bit guilty about keeping it from my brother, even though I'm still mad at him.
"Hey there, Atticus," Amanda says, as we get out of the car. She always greets the dog first, as she is so much more of a dog person than a people person.
"Hi, you." She stands up and hugs me.
Amanda is in her early forties. Older than me, but not quite old enough to be my mom. Well, I guess if she had been super young, maybe. She has blonde hair that is turning to gray at the roots, and is a very easygoing person, who always prefers to be comfortably dressed.
"Let's put Atticus through his paces. He can nap, while we chat. You're staying for dinner, right? I have a pot roast slow cooking you’ll die for."
"Well, if I wasn't I certainly am now." I joke.
We both know there’s no way I'm passing up some of her home cooking.
We take Atticus to the obstacle course and run him around obstacles, distractions, loud noises, and things that would scare most dogs. We have him react to commands, interact with other dogs, and more.
He passes his tests with flying colors. I fill her in on the pool test, and how he did with Easton.
"I think he's ready to start training with his new owner."
"I thought so. I’ll let him know," I say.
The next step will be to work one-on-one with his future owner, so they’ll get to know each other. Teach his owner all his commands and cues, and then find the best ways Atticus can help him. This is my favorite part of the whole job.
We spoil Atticus with some attention, before heading inside to give him some water and treats, as well as get ready for dinner. I help set the table, and before we even sit down to eat, Atticus is already passed out on Amanda's couch with his feet in the air, head hanging off the couch, and tongue hanging out of his mouth.
I snap a few photos and send them to Jake, Atticus' owner.
Me: Passing his training test was hard, but he passed with flying colors.
Jake: Really? What's the next step?
Me: Training with you every day that’s possible.
Jake: I'm ready. Let's do it.
"Well, Jake is excited to take the next steps," I say, as we sit down to eat.
"So, tell me about this Easton."
I've been texting her highlights here and there, and how I took Atticus to see him, so now I fill in the bits. I start at running into him at Oakside, and a bit of his history as a POW. I talk about how Molly took to him, and the progress he's making.
She studies me for a minute. "There’s more to it than that." She points her fork at me.
"Easton was my brother's best friend growing up. They lost contact over the years and with his deployments."
"And?"
"And I had a crush on him for years, and I guess I still do," I say.
"And does your brother know he's there?"
"Nope. He doesn't want him to know. At least not yet. There’s a reason they lost contact, so when he's ready he’ll reach out."
"He’s doing good with Molly?"
"Yeah, I think he’s more interested in Molly's visits than mine, but he talks to me. I'm the only person he lets in his room other than his nurses and doctors as needed."
"That's because he knows you. You’re from his past life, the one before his military time. You’re safe. Have you thought about getting him his own dog for when he gets out? I’m sure it would be a good thing, and give you a reason to be around him, when he gets out. Just a thought." She smiles.
We dig into our dinner some more, before she starts up again.
"Now, what happened at the pool party? I only got the Reader’s Digest version." She says.
By the time I'm done telling her about getting pimped out by my mom, hit on by the drunk guys, my brother encouraging it, and then my leaving in a yelling fit, Amanda is laughing hard.
"I'd have paid anything to see that," she says. "When I was in school, the frat boys were all the same. A few friends of mine would get together, and we'd go to the frat parties just to watch them, and it was the best entertainment you could get."
I just shake my head and smile. She studies me for a minute, as we finish eating.
"Honestly, you’ll forgive your brother. He's family, and I'm sure he got his ass chewed out by your mama. You’ll forgive her, because after all, she thought she was doing something that would make you happy.”
“As for Easton, just be there for him. If you stand by his side through this, then there’s a good chance something more might be in the cards. When he's ready, he’ll reconnect with your brother, but you have to respect his wishes on that one."
That's exactly what I was afraid of.
Chapter 8
Chapter 8
Easton
When I wake up, it's light outside. It takes me a minute to realize I slept through the night and didn't have a nightmare. No, I had a dream. A dream of being able to take Paisley out on a date, like a normal couple.
In my dream, I picked her up at her parents’ house with her parents’ and brother's blessing. I took her to the burger place she loved so much in Savannah, when we were in school, and we had burgers, fries, and milkshakes.
After dinner, we went for a walk along the riverfront, going in and out of stores, getting free samples at the candy shop, before heading back to the car, and driving around downtown, looking at the historic homes and talking all night.
Such a simple date, but one I crave. Each day Paisley visits, I want her more and more. I crave being around her. She’s like an addiction and is the one person that can pull me out of the dark place and help me open up.
In school, dating her wasn't an option, since her brother was my best friend. I'm sure it's still against some kind of guy code, even though it's been a few years since Leeland and I have spoken, but I find I don't care.
If Leeland had stayed in touch, it would be a different story. The tides have turned, and I'm now a closer friend with Paisley than I am him. Not that I want to stay friend zoned much longer, or at all really.
If I can convince Paisley to give me a chance, I'm going to take it. To do that, it means I need to push past my comfort zone and see if the doctors here can help me.
A knock on my door reminds me I have a therapy session today. Dr. Tate has been really great at working within my boundaries, and that means coming to my room. In the beginning, he would pull up a chair and sit across the room by the door. But like my nurses, doctors, and Paisley, the more I got to know him, the further into the room he was able to come.
Now, he sits on the couch during our sessions. Most of the time I don't talk much. I’ll answer his questions, and he’ll go over some things for me to try. Maybe, it's because of the dream I had of Paisley, and knowing for her, I have to work with him in order to get better, but today is different.
"I didn't have a nightmare last night," I tell him.
He doesn't even bother to hide the shock on his face.
"What do you think brought this on?"
"Paisley," I say.
"Who is Paisley?"
"She's the sister of my best friend from high school. She volunteers here and brings in service dogs. Her dog, Molly, sits on my lap, while Paisley visits, and we talk."
"Paisley sits where?" He asks.
"She started on the couch, but now it's the chair here." I point to her chair in front of me.
"Is this the same girl you walked out to the lobby with the other day?"
Yeah, I knew Lexi and Noah would tell everyone on my care team about that. They’re proud of it, and I am too as much as it scares me.
"Yes," I say. "She makes me want to push and to be better. Also, to be able to take her on a date, like in my dream."
"You had a dream about taking her on a date?" He asks.
"Yeah, last night."
While he’s busy scribbling notes down in his notebook, I keep talking.
"In school, Paisley was always off limits. Her brother said so, but I liked her even then. Her brother and I lost touch about the time of my first deployment. So, does that rule still count?" I ask, thinking out loud.
"A good friend would want you to be happy. If he trusted you enough to be your friend, then he should trust you enough to take care of his sister, though it's not really his choice, is it?" He says.
He has a point. Paisley is an adult now, and so am I. We can both make our own decisions. He might not like it, but if he's a true friend and knows this is serious and not just some fling, he’ll forgive me, right?
"Does her brother know you’re here?"
"No, and I don't want him, too. Not yet. I'm not ready to face him just yet."
Even just the thought of it ramps up my anxiety.
"You’re taking the sleeping medicine?"
"No, I haven't been for a while. I didn't like how I felt, and I couldn't wake up from the nightmares." I tell him.
"We can try a different one."
I shake my head.
"I know I'm not in a good place, but I'd like to try to do this with as little medication as possible. I don't want to be dependent on that stuff."
"I respect that. There are some more natural things we can try. Melatonin is a natural sleep aid. There are also some sleepy time teas you can try, even essential oils. Those are all more to get you to sleep. I have seen great results with meditation, too. It helps clear your head, so your focus is better."
We talk some more, and he suggests taking up a hobby. Painting, coloring, reading, writing, and puzzles, were some of his suggestions. Then, he said once I was ready to leave the room, exercise or gardening would be beneficial. None of it appealed to me, but I might talk to Paisley to see if she has any ideas. Maybe, we can find something we can do together.
When our time is up, Dr. Tate takes his things and leaves, and I have to say it was the most pleasant session we have had to date.
I decide to try moving around, so I slowly start pacing my room. The more I do it, the easier it is, as long as the door is closed. The knock on the door makes me jump and panic slightly, as I make my way back to my chair.
It's Noah who peeks his head in, and he instantly knows something’s wrong.
"What's wrong? What do you need?" He asks.
"Just need a minute. Was up and moving, when you knocked, and it was a bit too much." Once I calm, he looks more relaxed.
"Pushing more boundaries?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I'm here for you in any way I can. All you need to do is ask."
"Well, Dr. Tate said I should start a hobby. I've never been a hobby person. Haven't had time," I say.
"You know, Lexi is really good at photography. We could get you a computer with some editing software to do photos. Some guys here do puzzles. We also have a library. Lexi's dad is a contractor, and we can teach you some basic woodworking."
"Can you bring me a book? Something action packed and nothing horror. You know the drill."
"Sure thing. I'll ask Brooke since she helped stock the library." He says, heading out.
Brooke is the head nurse here, and the few times I've interacted with her, she's been really nice. She was Noah's nurse in the hospital, and then she and Lexi bonded, and she followed them here.
Noah shows back up and holds up a book. "This one Brooke says has a Mission Impossible meets Ocean’s Eleven feel. Where do you want it?"
I take a deep breath time for one more push today. "Can you bring it here?"
I'd say Noah is the closest thing to a friend I have other than Paisley, but he's never been more than a few steps into my room. So, I'm not surprised, when shock crosses his face.
"Just go slow," I tell him, and he nods, taking slow steps with his eyes on me I'm sure, watching for any change. He gets close enough to hand me the book, and I take it. I find with him it's the same, as when Paisley is here. My anxiety is up a little, but I still feel safe.
He goes back to the door and smiles. "Let me know how you like it." He nods and heads out.
I think I've done enough pushing my boundaries today. Paisley should be here tomorrow, and that means some more pushing tomorrow.
This isn't as bad as I thought it would be. It seems the more I push, the more I find it doesn't bother me like I thought it would, and I have no idea when that happened.
Chapter 9
Chapter 9
Paisley
Molly and I are back at Oakside and decide to visit a few other patients, before we go to Easton’s room. Molly has a good time. She really enjoys visiting the other guys and soaking up the attention. There are a few guys on the back porch, who have fun tossing a ball around for her. She's a big hit with them, but after some running a
round, she’s looking at me, and I know she wants to go see Easton.
So, I take the long way to his room, stopping to see Lexi in the lobby, but Molly gets impatient with me and starts pulling me along.
"Guess she’s telling you who is boss today." Lexi laughs.
"Guess so." I laugh.
We get to Easton's door, and as soon as he sees us, he stands up. Molly stops and cocks her head to the side watching him. When he takes a few steps forward, she’s at his side.
"To the lobby and back?" I ask.
He nods, and we wait for him in the hallway.
Once he joins me, I smile and ask, "So, what should I talk about today?"
"Your friend who helps you train the dogs."
"Oh, Amanda. She's older, not quite old enough to be my mom, but close. I was just over there with Atticus, and he passed his tests with flying colors. Jake, his owner, has started working with him, and it's great watching them together. My favorite part of the job is the training with the dog and their owner." I keep the conversation going, as we slowly start down the hallway.
"But Amanda, she’s more of a dog person than a people person, so the fact that she took me under her wing means a lot. She always greets whatever dog I have with me first. She has several dogs that she has rescued and can't be used as therapy dogs, so they just wander the property. She owns about thirty-five acres. All the furniture in her house is pet friendly, and they have free rein of the place." I tell him, as we reach the Lobby.
Lexi is still at the front desk and offers us a warm smile.
"Do you want to walk to the desk, or maybe, out to the courtyard?"
"The desk," he says.
Then, he shocks the hell out of me and starts talking.
"A buddy of mine was an MP, military police, and he had an MP dog. He said the training for the dog and him was ruthless, but the bond he shares with the dog is like nothing he’d ever seen."
"Yes, when you take the time to train them, and you’re working with them night and day, there’s a bond. It's always hard to let the dog I train go, but it makes it easier, knowing who they’re going to and that they’re making a real difference in a person's life. You'd be a great candidate for a therapy dog, when you get out of Oakside." I say, as we reach the desk.