by E. J. Noyes
Sometimes we talked a while before dissolving into a tangle of limbs. Other times we didn’t talk at all except to beg, instruct, and praise. She was almost insatiable, giving as good as she got until I’d be left nothing more than a trembling mess, trying to regain my equilibrium.
Only once did she indicate that she was uncomfortable with what we were doing. We were resting in bed after she’d straddled my face and come in my mouth, and she had her head on my stomach, her fingers tracing up and down my thigh. Almost absently, she murmured, “I feel…guilty. For being here while I’m supposed to be vacationing with my daughter and friends.” Cate’s nose brushed across my skin. “But then a little part of me says I have them all the time but I only have you for a short while. And she’s asleep right now, so…”
“I can’t tell you how to feel, Cate but I can tell you that I’m enjoying this.” My hands slid along the curve of her hip to her ass. “Very much.”
“So am I.”
I swallowed hard. “You could have me for longer, if you want. I’ll be home in October. We could—”
“Mmmm, I know.” She kissed her way up to my neck, sucking the skin under my jaw until I tensed in anticipation. When an unconscious groan slipped from my mouth, Cate reached down to drag a finger through my arousal. “Maybe we can talk about it. Later. Right now, I just want to listen to you come again.” Without warning she bit my shoulder and with a gentle push her fingers slid inside me. I forgot about everything except the way she teased my climax out.
I woke at my regular time, with an irregular addition in my bed—Cate, asleep, her limbs entangled with mine. She didn’t stir when I moved, nor when I slid from between her hands and legs. I watched her, wondering if she was dreaming of more time with me the way I did with her. In sleep, she seemed more serious instead of relaxed, that crease etched between her eyebrows.
I smoothed it with a fingertip. “Cate.” She didn’t stir. I shook her shoulder gently. It took a couple of shakes and another repetition of her name before she opened her eyes. Even then, she came to wakefulness slowly and with clear reluctance.
Smiling, she looked up at me, until realization changed her expression to one of mild panic. “Oh shit! I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” Cate stumbled out of bed and began to dress frantically. Despite her rush, she was clumsy and adorable in her just-woken bewilderment.
“What’s wrong?” I was torn between concern for the sudden mood shift and admiration for her semi-naked body.
Cate snatched her phone from her jeans pocket, texting with both thumbs. “Gemma will think something happened. She’ll be worried.”
I propped myself up on an elbow. “Are you concerned about what she’ll think? About us?”
“No, no! It’s just I’ve never stayed out all night like this.” Cate bit her lip, thumbs still flying over her phone screen. She looked so sexy, I wanted to drag her back into bed. “It’s not you, Aspen, I swear. I just need to go home, have breakfast and get ready.” She pulled her sweater on and bent over to kiss me. “I’ll see you up there. Are we still going to take Gemma on a black today?”
It was Wednesday, my day off, and Gem had gained so much confidence that I’d thought, and Cate agreed, we could try one of the easier black trails. The trails would be fresh and fairly uninhabited first thing in the morning. “You bet. I’ll see you soon. Drive safe.”
She flashed me a still-slightly freaked smile and then raced out of the room. I waited until I heard the front door close, then carefully maneuvered out of bed and hobbled to the bathroom. It was probably good she’d left before seeing me get out of bed, when I was usually so stiff that I could barely walk. I wasn’t ready to show her everything useless about me just yet. Cold weather made things even worse and given I spent most of my life in winter, it was pretty much always like this.
My broken body and all that came after was just another box I had yet to give Cate to unpack, and the longer I left it, the harder it would be. It wasn’t a betrayal, but more an omission of something she should know about. I just didn’t know how to broach the subject with her.
Hi, everyone. Thanks for the warm welcome. My name’s Aspen and I’m a recovering prescription pain med addict.
* * *
Over a quick breakfast I studied the weather and trail reports, and decided on Little Beauty—a nice, wide trail with hardly any lumps and bumps—for Gem’s first black run. Newly groomed, it would be her best introduction to the harder stuff. I met them on the mountain and after a blue to warm into it, we boarded the lift. Every attempt to relax Gemma with banter fell flat until Cate touched my thigh and gave me a smiling head shake that said I shouldn’t worry about it.
Cate went first, then Gem, with me following behind, tracking her movements precisely to protect her from skiers and boarders who might fall and knock into her from above. The last thing she needed was to scare herself. After two hundred feet, Cate made a wide turn and skied to a stop right at the edge of the trail. Gemma and I followed suit, and I hopped around to stand beside Cate.
“How’re you doing, Gem?” I didn’t really need to ask—the tentative way she’d skied told me everything.
Eyes downcast, she shrugged and made an indistinguishable sound as she slid her skis back and forth in the powder.
I tapped her pole with mine. “What’s this?”
Gem looked up at me. “A…ski pole?”
“What’s it used for? Aside from pretend lightsaber fights.”
“Rhythm and balance?”
“Mmm. Then why isn’t it touching the ground in your turns?”
She smiled sweetly. “Because I’m so busy being scared, I forgot.”
Cate laughed and I couldn’t help chuckling myself. “At least you’re honest. But you need to remember your pole plants, yeah? Get that rhythm going, just like a metronome. Count it out, lefts and rights. Everything you do is the same, it’s just that the ground’s a little steeper and bumpier.”
“Okay.” She leaned side to side as though testing the thought out in her head.
“Trust me on this one?”
Gemma’s head came up immediately. “I do,” she said, and the declaration was almost surprised.
I repositioned my pole straps, more for something to stop myself thinking about the prickling of my eyes. The faith this kid had in me felt infinitely precious. I cleared my throat. “Sweet, then let’s go. I’m going to count and for every pole plant you miss, you owe me a candy bar.”
“What about the ones I don’t miss?” she countered cheekily.
Clever. “Hmmm. Maybe your mom can think of something.” I turned to Cate. “Any ideas?”
“I’ll think about it,” she said quietly.
Gem flashed me a triumphant look, then hopped around to face away from us, ready to start down the mountain again. Cate’s hand came to my back and when I brushed my fingers over her jacket sleeve, she smiled and mouthed thank you.
We left Thredbo in the late afternoon after a fantastic day’s skiing and headed back to my place for dinner. The sun was on the verge of setting, the air growing cooler into night. I took off my ski jacket and hung it while Cate and Gemma did the same, then put their backpacks in the corner I’d indicated. Once they’d emptied their hands, I turned to Gem. “Come help me feed the animals?”
“Sure. Mom?”
“No thanks.” Cate glanced up at us, smiling. “I’ll change while you guys are doing that.”
Carrying a bucket, Gem followed me out to help me fill the bird feeders, scatter seed, and set out quartered apples for the possums that would appear like bandits the moment it was dark. “Do you do this every day?” she asked, tossing seed in an arc over the ground.
“Mhmm. Here and back home too.” Suddenly feeling sheepish, I added, “I hate thinking of them being cold and hungry.”
Gem laughed. “You’re a big softie.” One of her throws went wide, perhaps intentionally, and caught me square on my chest. I reciprocated by tossing some seed at her legs, and she ye
lped and jumped out of the way. Movement at the back of the house drew my attention away from Gemma. Cate stood at the full-length windows that faced the backyard, now dressed in jeans and a cable-knit sweater. Her expression was serene, inward as though she was thinking. I lifted a hand to shade my eyes and stared, memorizing the way the setting sun made her hair glow red gold.
A smattering of seed hit my back and neck. Suspicion confirmed—that first throw was no accident. “Oh you did not…” I spun as fast as I could, scooped out a handful from my bucket and flicked it at Gemma. Within moments we were embroiled in a full-scale birdseed fight. Gem lobbed a large handful at me, catching me on the back of the head and as I tried to get away I tripped and landed face-first in the frosty grass. Smooth.
Twisting, I started to get up but paused at the last moment. This was my opening. Wait for it…wait…wait.
“Aspen? You okay? Sorry.” Gem was still too far away for me to make my move.
I heard the thump as Gemma dropped to her knees beside me, then Cate’s call of, “Aspen?”
Gemma’s hand closed on my shoulder. Gotcha. I sat up and dumped the handful of seed onto her head. “I win.”
She yelled and started laughing while she brushed her hands through her hair to flick out bits of seed. Cate reached us just as I stood and offered my hand to Gem to pull her up.
“Are you hurt?” Cate asked breathlessly, clutching my arm.
“Nope!”
Gem’s laughter was the choked, excited kind as she frantically combed fingers through her hair, her eyes closed against stray seed. “You cheater!”
“Not my fault you fell for it.”
Cate brushed her fingers over my cheek, the touch hot against my chilled skin. “Are you guys done?” she asked in a surprisingly tremulous voice.
“Yeah.” I made a sweeping gesture with my free hand. “After you.” I picked up the buckets and followed Cate, with Gem a few steps behind me. From behind I watched Cate run a hand through her hair, pushing all the unruly bits I loved so much out of her face and gathering it at the nape of her neck.
Halfway across my rear deck, I heard a sound but before I could connect what it was—a hand scooping seed from the big drum at the top of the steps—Gem was pulling the neck of my thermal undershirt away at the back and pouring grains down my back.
“Gah!” I jerked, twisting around to brush the seed from where it was stuck under my shirt. “Unfair.”
Gem smiled triumphantly. “Now I win.”
Cate cornered me in my bathroom while I was shucking out of damp, seed-covered clothing. “Are you sure you’re all right?” she asked me in that same trembling voice as before.
“Perfect. I was just kidding around.” I grinned, unfastening my pants.
She reached to hold my face, thumbs gently brushing my temples. “Look at me.”
I focused on her while she stared at my face. Her pupils were so wide I could barely see any blue-gray around the edges. There was ferocity in her kiss, as though she was desperate, but for what I couldn’t tell. Cate yanked my thermals, tee, and bra off, tossing them aside then she pressed herself to me, cheek against my bare chest and I felt the thud of her heart against my stomach. Its language was frantic and I wasn’t yet fluent enough to figure out what it was trying to say. She straightened, head moving to her spot, the one tucked in against my neck.
Cradling her head against my shoulder, I stroked her hair. “What’s up?”
“Just startled me, that’s all. I thought you’d hurt yourself.” She shook her head then stepped back, blinking rapidly. “Are you almost ready for dinner?”
“Mhmm.” Slowly, I leaned down and kissed her again. It was unhurried, gentle, and she pressed against me, the heat of her warming my body. When my hands slid under her shirt, Cate let out a soft moan and pulled away. I kissed the tip of her nose. “Okay. I’ll be out soon.”
I couldn’t help mulling over her odd behavior as I showered and dressed. It came to me when I was pulling on a hoodie—she’d held me like a person who didn’t want to let me go. My thoughts tripped back to a few nights before, when I’d offered her that little piece of myself and asked if she would consider continuing whatever this was when we got home. Then, Cate had seemed ambivalent, noncommittal almost. But now she seemed…invested. The little spark of hope flared, ready to kindle into flame the moment I gave it a little oxygen.
Chapter Thirteen
On Cate’s birthday I finished work midafternoon and drove home to an empty house. Edward was at a party some of the American instructors were throwing, and likely wouldn’t be home until the early hours. If at all. I’d never been much of a partier, and now just in my thirties I was starting to feel like a grandma in that group of early twenty-somethings. Maybe I should make an effort to go later, socialize and all that.
After a bone-warming shower I opened a beer, put heat packs on my legs and sprawled on the couch to turn my brain off with the Xbox. And mope a little. Cate and Co had indeed been away from the mountain all day and I’d felt their absence keenly. The pang of loneliness bothered me, but it wasn’t just missing them. I was more bothered by the fact I was already so affected by her that I felt it physically.
My phone rang halfway down my beer. Cate. My smile was automatic when I answered, “Hey, happy birthday!”
“Thank you. Listen, I’m sorry to disturb you but we’re having a disaster.”
“No disturbance at all. What’s up?”
Her answer came out in an exasperated rush. “Melissa decided she wants to roast a damned chicken but Timothy has teenage-boy inhaled nearly all the bread. No bread means no magic stuffing which means tensions in this house are high.”
Tim’s indignant voice in the background protested, “I was hungry! I didn’t know!”
I laughed and Cate went on, “You’re closer than the store from here. Do you have a loaf? We’re desperate.”
Closer than the store was a technicality. “I should.” Knowing Ed’s penchant for buying things we already had, there was likely a few loaves. “Gimme a sec to go check.” Miraculously there was a loaf of this morning’s bread, with only a few slices missing. “Yep, bread here with your name on it.”
“Aspen, you’re a lifesaver. There was about to be some serious meltdowns. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
She arrived faster than that. Standing on my front steps swinging her key ring on her index finger, Cate flashed me a coy smile. “Hi, neighbor. Can I borrow a cup of sugar?”
“You can have all the sugar you want.” I laughed and kissed her. “Come in.”
“You really are a lifesaver. Big birthday dinners are something of a tradition.” She slipped out of her boots but didn’t take off her jacket or scarf.
“No worries.” I closed the door behind her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t get you a gift.” Smiling helplessly, I added, “It seemed a bit weird.” But I’d thought about it, something small and token just to say I’d thought of her.
Her hand came to the small of my back as we walked to the kitchen. “It’s fine, really.”
I pushed the loaf across to her, scrutinizing her expression. She seemed far more excited than someone who’d just saved dinner should be. “Cate, if I didn’t know better I’d think this was a ploy to see me. The store’s only a few minutes from here.”
“No ploy.” Cate turned the loaf over in her hand, fiddling with the plastic tie. The movement stilled and she looked up at me, a sly smile forming. “But now that I’m here, what are you doing for dinner?”
“I was going to have a sandwich. But you’re stealing all my bread, so there’s a can of soup with my name on it.”
She set the bread down. “Come back with me and have dinner with us, please. I hate to think of you here alone eating canned soup. Dani’s potato salad is out of this world and I made a cake.”
“What kind?”
“Red velvet. It’s from a box, but still…”
“My favorite cake. It is a ploy, isn’t it,” I deadpann
ed.
Cate laughed and slipped around the counter. She grasped my long-sleeved tee. “I swear it isn’t. Come on. Please?”
Why was I holding out? I wanted to go and was only persisting with this idiotic refusal because I didn’t want to impose. She’d asked me repeatedly, it was obvious she meant it. “Sure, okay, I’d like that. Can this magical stuffing wait another ten minutes while I change?”
“It can. And if you want to have a few drinks you can stay the night. I know tomorrow is your day off.” The tone was deceptively casual but still couldn’t hide the charged meaning of her words.
A planned sleepover. I ran my fingers back and forth across the marble counter. “What about Gemma?”
“What about her?”
“How do you think she’ll feel when she spots me creeping out of your room tomorrow morning?”
She tugged me close. “Creep out early and sleep on the couch then.” Fingers ran over my hip and hooked over the waistband of my sweats. “She knows we’re seeing each other, Aspen.”
“I just really don’t want her to be upset.” The situation already felt tenuous enough without potentially getting Cate’s daughter offside.
“That’s very sweet, but Gem’s mature enough to handle you staying over. She’s had no issues with any of this so far.” Cate brushed back my shower-damp hair. “Trust me, please?”
She was so certain that it pushed the last of my worries aside. “All right, I’ll toss some things in a bag. Did you want to grab a few bottles from the cupboard? Whatever you want.”
“We’ve got plenty of booze.”
“I’m sure you do, but I can’t arrive empty-handed.” Halfway out of the kitchen I paused, and turned around to catch her eye. “You know, if you wanted a little birthday sex, you only had to ask.”