Gold

by E. J. Noyes

  My protector huffed. “If she hurts you again, I’m going to kick her ass. Then I’m going to kick yours.”

  “I’d expect nothing less.” I fumbled for a T-shirt. “I gotta go, they’ll be here soon.” Cate and Gemma were coming for a weekend’s skiing, and Taylor was coming for a weekend of hanging around. Two of my spare rooms were made up ready, but part of me—a large part—hoped Cate wouldn’t use hers. My guest rooms were on the lower level, and my bedroom was upstairs and at the opposite end of the hallway. If Cate came upstairs, nobody downstairs would hear a sound.

  Last week I’d left her house a little after two a.m. with nothing more than a kiss goodbye and what felt like a promise of more to come later. It’d been the right thing at the time, but the aborted lovemaking had left me with a fog of arousal clouding my brain for days.

  “Just be careful, okay?” Hayley implored.

  “I will.” Finger-combing my hair I added, “I’m not going to lie, Hayls, part of me wonders if I can trust her, if she’ll run away if it gets too hard or she gets scared. But if I don’t put myself in there, I’ll never know.”

  “No…I guess you’re right.” Hayley sighed. “I just want you to think about what you’re doing. That’s all.”

  “I’ve done nothing but think for the past five months.” Downstairs, the doorbell chimed and my pulse picked up in anticipation. “Now it’s time to do something with all those thoughts.”

  * * *

  If Gemma was surprised by my reappearance in her life she didn’t show it. She’d greeted me on my doorstep with a cheery wave and smile, then all afternoon on the mountain behaved as though we’d spent no time apart—teasing and joking and laughing with me. Together we dissected the latest Star Wars movie and made plans to have that epic binge-watching session we’d planned all those months ago while in Australia.

  I went along with everything she suggested, not only because I wanted to, but because the feeling of being wanted by Cate’s daughter was so overwhelmingly sweet I couldn’t help myself. Despite the easiness I had with Gem, I kept catching Cate watching us as I helped Gem with her technique and then later when we came back to my place.

  The three of us settled in my den with the television on in the background, Taylor sprawled on her back in front of the fire, and pizza boxes at one end of the couch. When they’d first arrived, Gem had spotted some of my Warhammer figures on the shelf and asked with excitement if I played. I didn’t anymore, but now that I was more or less settled, I had bought some new figures because I was an unrepentant nerd.

  Realizing that it was something we could share, I’d pulled out my as-yet-unpainted Alarielle the Everqueen, as well as Morathi who I’d begun working on a few days earlier. Gem’s eyes had popped when I handed her Alarielle. “Are you sure?” she squeaked. “This is really special. And tricky.”

  “Mhmm, absolutely.”

  “So cool, Tim’s gonna be so jealous that I got to paint Alarielle.”

  Cate alternated between watching a wildlife show and watching Gem and me sitting cross-legged at the coffee table, carefully working on our respective figures. Every now and then, Cate would catch my eye, smile, then look back to the television. Aside from a quick kiss when they’d arrived, Cate and I had hardly touched. And I felt the lack of contact like a hollow space behind my breastbone.

  Around ten p.m., Cate turned off the television. “Bedtime, Gem. Another big day tomorrow and I know you were up until two this morning reading.”

  Gemma stretched, a little squeak escaping. As though swayed by Cate’s suggestion, she smothered a yawn but her longing eyes remained on Alarielle. I studied her work, noting how neat she was, especially for such a detailed and intricate figure. “We’ll do some more before you go, promise. Or we’ll pick it up next time.” Next time. It hadn’t been explicitly discussed but there had to be a next time.

  Apparently my reassurance worked. “Awesome.” She washed and dried her brushes, carefully put everything away, then stood, looming over me.

  I peered up at her. “Night, Gem.”

  “Night.” She patted my head almost absently, then fell into Cate’s arms for a long hug. “Night, Mom.”

  Cate kissed Gemma’s temple, her hand making a sweep along Gem’s back. “See you in the morning, sweetheart.”

  I busied myself cleaning up my own brushes and paints while Cate let Taylor out, and then made sure the dog was settled in her bed in my laundry. When she returned, Cate said simply, “I think I’m going to turn in.”

  “I might too. Long day.” Long, exciting but emotionally draining day. Walking out of the den, I touched her back in the briefest of caresses, guiding her. She tensed at my touch and I withdrew immediately, certain I’d overstepped somehow.

  We paused at the bottom of the stairs, Cate’s expression carefully neutral, and when she didn’t say anything I felt compelled to fill in the silence. “Good night, Cate. I’ll see you in the morning.” I held my breath for a few seconds, willing her to ask me if she could come upstairs. But she didn’t.

  An eyebrow rose infinitesimally. “Good night, Aspen,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Placing a hand on my shoulder, she stood on tiptoes and kissed me. It was just the barest brush of her lips to mine but it turned my stomach inside out with wanting. Then she was gone, striding down the hallway toward her bedroom, leaving me to stare after her.

  The surprise and disappointment in her eyes had been unmistakable. But I couldn’t ask her to come upstairs with me, not yet, not when I’d said I wanted more than just a casual screw. God, I wanted to. I wanted to spend all night reacquainting myself with her body and all those hidden things she’d shown me during our time together. But Cate needed to initiate this, otherwise I knew I could never really be sure if she was ready, or just going along with me. So I’d sit and wait and go slowly insane with the desperate need I had to feel her slick bare skin against mine, to listen to her whispered pleas and encouragement.

  A soft knock on my bedroom door interrupted my tooth brushing. I rinsed quickly, tugged on pajamas and rushed to open the door. Seeing Cate wasn’t entirely unexpected but the sight of her stirred my excitement further. She wore a plain satin negligee, dark blue and edged in lace, that fell to mid thigh. The promise of what was underneath had the excitement spreading through my body until my stomach muscles clenched and my limbs tingled with anticipation.

  Holding the door, I glanced down the hallway, relieved to see she was alone. The reason for her appearance at my door seemed obvious but it was equally possible that Gem was unwell. “Hey. Is everything all right?” Dumb question, but the blood pooling in my thrumming clitoris made it hard to think of articulate things.

  “Yes and no. I thought you might ask me to come to bed with you,” she said quietly, glancing past me into my room.

  “Oh. I wanted to but I couldn’t, Cate. I wasn’t sure if we were there yet.” It was hard to get the words out around the ache of longing in my throat.

  “I’m there, Aspen. I’m sure.” She stepped closer. “I thought I made that clear the other night.”

  “You did, but that was then.” I offered a sheepish smile.

  “And this is now,” she finished with a smile of her own, though hers was less sheepish and more sensual. “I don’t just want casual sex either. I want dinners and activities and watching you with my daughter and as many tomorrows as you’ll give me. So now you know.” Cate pushed the door closed and locked it, and I barely had time to register what she’d said before she yanked me close and covered my mouth with hers.

  Her tongue searched, and as she found and stroked mine, my lust rose to an almost intolerable height. Cate’s leg curled around the back of my calf, her hips rising and pressing against my thigh. “We can spend all night making love, but right now I just need you to make me come.” Her voice broke as she begged again, “Please, I’m so wet. I need you.”

  My stomach flip-flopped at her unashamed demands. Another thing I’d forgotten—her complete
lack of self-consciousness. At another time I might have drawn it out, teased her until she was a begging, quivering mess. But my own need was too great. I pushed her against the wall, hitched her leg around my ass and moved her panties aside to enter her.

  Cate’s moan was muffled against my neck when my fingers slipped into her hot depths. She pressed herself to me, tonguing my ear and biting my neck then soothing the marks she’d made with soft apologetic sweeps of her tongue. As I thrust gently, she writhed against my thumb, her heel dug into the back of my thigh as she begged me over and over to fuck her. After so long without and so much emotion, her urging and pleading pushed me almost to my breaking point, and the mere thought of her coming for me had arousal pounding hard between my thighs.

  A small voice at the back of my head still wondered if it was a good idea, so soon after we’d reconnected. Maybe we should have talked more, maybe we should have waited another week or two. But lust overrode reason and with every word telling me she’d missed me, missed this, please hurry…please…please, I knew this was the only thing I wanted.

  Holding her against the wall I found her hidden landmarks, driving and stroking her closer to her peak. Cate panted with every stroke, her mouth open against my neck. “Oh God. I’m going to come, Aspen please.”

  But I wanted something else. Something more. As I withdrew my hand Cate clenched around my fingers as though she thought she could keep me inside her. “No,” she groaned.

  Kissing her gently, I murmured, “Don’t you want me to lick you, Cate? You’re so hot, I want you to come in my mouth. I missed this so much. I’ve missed how you feel. How you taste.” A teasing tongue over her lips. “Let me, please.”

  Cate dropped off me so fast, the floor almost let off a shockwave when she landed. I knelt in front of her and yanked her panties all the way down. She flung them off and hooked a leg over my shoulder, presenting herself to me.

  I bit my lip, swallowing the sudden flood of saliva when I smelled her arousal. “Someone’s eager,” I said hoarsely, pressing soft kisses to her thigh, drawing my lips closer to her sex.

  Cate clutched my hair. “Don’t tease.” She jammed her back against the wall, encouraging me with gentle tugs on my hair.

  I made a light, delicious sweep over her clit then sucked the hard bundle between my lips. An unconscious growl rumbled in my throat, my hand tightening on her ass. “Tastes so good, Cate.”

  “Fingers. Please.”

  I slipped back inside her, curling my fingers forward while my tongue drove her onward. She let out another low groan, tightening her grip on my hair. “I want, oh that’s it, yes…there. Fuck me.”

  I’d barely made a thrust before she cried out and clenched around my fingers, her climax washing hot and thick over my tongue. She bucked against my mouth, her cries muffled behind the hand she’d clamped over her mouth.

  The tight fist of arousal clenched even tighter in my groin, threatening to spill over, and I spread my legs, desperate for some relief. So close. I buried my face in the soft skin of her thigh, trying to control myself but Cate had other ideas. She unhitched her leg from my shoulder and pushed me onto my back. My lover straddled my legs, working my pajamas over my hips and yanking them off.

  Swollen and throbbing for her, I jerked when she circled light fingers over my clit and any thought of holding back was gone. I managed to rasp, “Lick me, please.”

  She could have prolonged it and drawn me out until I was nothing more than an incoherent mess. But she didn’t. She took me exactly the way I needed it. Sucking my clit, tongue flicking against me, a hand under my tee to twist my nipple piercings and send currents of pleasure shooting down my body. There was plenty of time for slow and careful later. Now was all about raw need. I couldn’t have made it to a count of fifteen before I exploded in her mouth, back arched and feet sliding in the thick carpet of my bedroom floor.

  I lay on my back, trying to remember if anyone had ever made me feel as complete as Cate did. Despite everything that’d passed between us, this was where I belonged, with her, and I could only hope she felt it with same intensity I did. When I’d recovered some of my faculties, she pulled me up and took me to bed to show me again how much she’d missed me. Our frantic, raw lovemaking gave way to soft caresses and gentle words, a long slow rediscovery of one another.

  Minutes…hours later, Cate made her way up my body, peppering my skin with light kisses until we were intertwined with her nose tucked into my neck. I ran my fingers over her back in long rhythmic strokes, playing lightly over her skin. “Cate?”

  “Mmm?” She shifted to look down at me, hair tickling my neck.

  With my lips against her forehead, I murmured, “I could fall in love with you.”

  She went still, almost rigid, for a few moments before uttering a soft, “Oh.”

  Her walls were up and I wanted desperately to climb over them, then break them down and show her she’d never need them again. I tried to put the words I wanted into some sort of order but they felt like a mess. “I know I’m pushing, but I’ve found a sexy, smart, funny, caring woman who seems to like me and she happens to have a daughter who’s amazing. I feel like I’ve been dropped into a ready-made dream and I don’t want to give that up.”

  “Me either,” she whispered. “But I’m still so afraid. Of how much I need you, and of you leaving and then there’ll be nothing left of me all over again.”

  I wondered how many times we would have this conversation, how many times we would need to reassure each other. When would we find a way past our old hurts? “Me too. I’m afraid you don’t need me. Or want me.” I couldn’t help but smile. “Some pair we are, huh.”

  She blinked rapidly a few times. “A pair…”

  “Yes. A pair. That’s what I want. That’s what I need, Cate and I’ll do everything to prove it to you, every day for as long as you’ll let me. Please, let me in,” I begged her.

  Fingertips traced over my cheek. “Where have you been this whole time when I needed you?”

  “Hiding from myself. Until you found me again.” I sucked in a shuddering breath. “This thing we’ve got is new and scary, Cate. We’re going to stumble, but I’m just asking for a little faith.”

  “You’ve got it,” she murmured. “You’re right. I need to let you in. I need to trust you. I want you to trust me.”

  Before I could answer, Cate sat up and climbed over to straddle me. “Please, no more talking. I can’t.” She lifted my hands to her breasts, her gaze so intense that I felt completely vulnerable, yet so safe at the same time.

  The truth welled up, the thing I’d downplayed lest I frighten her. But we were already so exposed, so raw, that I couldn’t keep it back anymore. I forced my hands to be still, to not thumb her nipples or cup her beautiful breasts. If I let myself be distracted, I’d never get out what I needed to say in that moment. “Cate, please. Wait just a moment.”

  Silent, she raised an eyebrow, her hands resting on my chest just above my breasts. My voice barely above a whisper, I gave her my confession. The thing I’d felt and held inside since our first day together, when she’d taken my helmet off, looked into my eyes and seen me. “It’s not that I could fall in love with you. I did, all those months ago. I’m in love with you. I love you.”

  Cate’s mouth slanted over mine, her lips soft yet unyieldingly possessive. Something warm and wet fell to my cheek but I didn’t know if they were my tears, or hers. All her urgency from earlier had evaporated as she held me, as she visited every part of my body again and again. She was slow and indulgent, and after I’d drunk my fill of her, she took my pulsing heat in her mouth and finished me gently. A hand clasped mine and I came almost immediately on a strangled cry, heat curling through my body.

  She hadn’t said it back, but I felt it in the depths of my soul. I felt it when she looked at me, when she touched me and let me touch her. Until dawn began to peek through the curtains she took every one of the fears and doubts I’d nurtured during our time apart a
nd turned them into I’m sorry and I need you. We’d been here, in another time and place, before all the confusion and uncertainty, we’d known what we wanted. And I knew I’d never let her go again.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Between Cate, Gemma, and coaching Stace, my weekly schedule grew fuller than it had ever been. And I loved it. Cate and Gem stayed at my place from Friday night until Sunday afternoon, then I stayed a couple of weeknights at Cate’s, slotted in around training with Stacey four afternoons a week. There was a whole lot of back and forth driving, but it was worth every mile.

  Wanting to make sure I was as fit as I could be to keep up with Stace, I’d also restarted my own gym sessions. That plus the more challenging technical skiing were returning the hard muscle I had during my pro career. In another five or six months I’d probably be almost back at my competition weight and the thought of having my old body back fulfilled me in a way I hadn’t expected.

  The other day, Cate had cornered me in the bathroom, cooing softly as she ran her hands over my abs, down my thighs…between my thighs. In the month since we’d rekindled our relationship, the passion had stayed a raging inferno and I hoped I never lost that quickening of my pulse when we were near each other. The exciting tension in my stomach when she looked at me, touched me and guided my hand to where she wanted me to touch her.

  But underneath the lust was a soft connection that was new—something sweet and delicate to balance our raw physicality. Still, despite all we’d shared and worked through, and our quiet declarations, something still felt tenuous. It seemed like she’d given me ninety percent of herself, but was still holding something back. My I love yous were said whenever I thought I’d burst if I didn’t say it. Hers were nonexistent.