by Diana Nixon
Chapter 14
James
My phone rang in my pocket. I looked at the screen and saw Rick’s name flashing on the screen.
“Excuse me, I need to take this,” I said to the lady, sitting on my right. I didn’t know her name, and she wouldn’t give me a chance to ask anything. She kept talking about her favorite scenes from my books. Again, I felt a little embarrassed catching all those looks the men at the table were giving me. Obviously, they didn’t know that my sex scenes were that explicit, at least now they knew almost all about them.
“Hey, man! What’s up?” I said, answering the call. I went back to the living room, hoping Rick was not going to tell me that I needed to get back to the city tonight.
“We have an emergency . . .”
Oh, hell, no . . .
“What happened?”
“The bookstore in Seattle that you are having a book signing at ordered another hundred signed copies of ‘Rock Hard,’ which means you need to get back to New York ASAP and sign the damn books!”
“When do they need to be shipped to Seattle?”
“Tomorrow night.”
Shit . . . A million thoughts run through my head at that moment.
“What is it, James? Don’t tell me you can’t do it. You have to get back! Do you hear me? What the hell are you still doing in Braiwood?”
Good question . . .
“I’ll see what I can do,” I snapped into the phone. I had no idea how to tell Stella that instead of a couple of days, I would only be able to stay for one more day, or only one more night to be exact.
“Do better than your best. I expect you to be in my office tomorrow.” Rick hung up the phone before I got a chance to argue with him. He had always been like a brother to me, but when it came to his work as my agent, he could be a real pain in the ass.
The door behind me opened and Stella came in.
“Is everything all right?” She asked, obviously noticing my troubled expression.
“Yes, everything’s great. Do you think we can leave the party now?” I didn’t want to waste a single moment I had left with her.
She smirked. “Getting impatient, Mr. Writer?”
“Patience has never been one of my strongest qualities.”
She shook her head, watching me, as if she had something on her mind that she didn’t really want to think about right now. “Give me a minute,” she said, leaving the room.
I sighed, running both hands through my hair. I suddenly felt like I was losing it. One night . . . It was all I could give Stella, and I was already missing her. Never in my life had I felt such a strong need to run away, to take Stella with me, and just run away somewhere no one would be able to find us, and not just for one night, I would spend the rest of my life by her side. And no matter how much I tried to kid myself, I knew I wanted that more than I had ever wanted anything.
“Ready?” She asked, returning a couple of minutes later.
“What did you tell your family?”
“I said you needed to leave to catch your plane to New York and that I was giving you a ride to the airport.”
“Smart.” I smiled. “Did your grandma say anything?”
“Actually, yes . . . How did you know?”
“I think she suspects there’s something between us. So what did she say?”
“She said ‘I hope Mr. Collins’ plane won’t set on fire the moment he steps on board.’ What do you think she meant by that?”
I laughed. “I love that woman, she’s amazing. And I’m sure that by the ‘plane’ she meant something completely different.”
“Oh, God . . . Do you think she knows that you are going to the lake house with me?”
“I’m pretty sure she knows I won’t get on a plane without kissing you at least one more time first.” I came closer and brushed my lips against Stella’s. Even that simple thing made my whole body tremble, craving more. How in the fucking hell was I supposed to leave in the morning?
“How far is the lake house?” I asked, still standing close to Stella. I was not touching her, but I swear I could feel the heat radiating from her body to mine. We were just too crazy about each other, and nothing in the world could change it.
“It’s a ten-minute ride away from here.”
“Ten minutes . . . I can wait for ten more minutes.”
“Wait for what?” She asked softly. Her deep, green eyes glistened mischievously in the light breaking through the windows. I always paid attention to women’s words and gestures, and I rarely cared if they were openly flirting with me or hating me. I took advantage of both. But with this particular woman, I felt like I was bewitched by everything she did and said. As if she were a glass of cold water teasing a thirsty man in the middle of a desert.
“I’ll show you in ten minutes.” I took her hand in mine and rushed outside where Stella’s car was parked. I didn’t stop to say good-bye to her grandmother, but I guess she already knew all the details about our relationship and she wouldn’t get angry because of my French leave.
I don’t think I had ever been on a ride longer than now. At least it felt like the longest ride ever. Stella was driving and judging by how many times she broke the speed limit, she was as impatient about getting to the lake house as I was. I took my time to drink her in. So many things changed after Rick’s call, and all of them had something to do with how I felt about Stella. I no longer cared about my no-feelings-just-sex rule. My relationship with Stella hadn’t been ‘just sex’ for a while now. Frankly, I think it had never been just about sex. Since the very first moment we met there was a connection that neither of us knew how to break. Was it attraction? Or maybe it was – I can’t believe I’m about to say it – love? Dude, you are out of your fucking mind! Get a damn grip on yourself? Love? Seriously? No, I couldn’t fall in love with Stella. I just couldn’t. . .
“I can almost hear your mental battles.” She smiled, turning to me. “What are they about?”
“You know the answer.” I leaned against the back of my seat, still watching her. She looked relaxed, though I knew better – she was as excited about the upcoming night as I was.
“You’d better not go there, James. . . We both know it’s pointless.”
“Is it?” I asked the question not knowing who it was addressed to – her or myself.
“You said it yourself – you come and leave whenever you want, and I agreed to stay with you for as long as you feel like staying with me. Nothing else was supposed to be involved. . .”
“What if I say that I can’t live without you, Stella?”
She shook her head; her expression suddenly became so sad and painful. “Don’t say that . . . You lived before me, you will after me.” She stopped at the iron gates, opening them with a control panel. “Let’s enjoy what we have now.” The car moved forward, until Stella parked in front of the porch of the lake house. The house was made of wood, with dark-brown window frames and a matching roof.
“I always loved coming here,” she said, getting out of the car. “When Nikki and I were kids we would spend all of our days and nights here, swimming in the lake, playing, laughing . . . Back then everything was so easy.” She turned around and looked at me, saying, “Why can’t things be as easy now?”
“You are not kids anymore, unfortunately. We want it to be easy, but it somehow turns out to be so much more complicated.”
She took a few steps closer, and stopped right in front of me, watching me carefully.
“Will you ever tell me about her?”
I knew she was asking about Melody. Even though she didn’t know anything about my past that turned me into heartless bastard, she was sure that it had something to do with a woman. And, of course, she was right.
“Maybe one day,” I said. “I’m not ready to talk about her.” Regardless of how much I wanted to tell Stella everything, I wasn’t ready to open my soul to her. Maybe if I was sure that even after I told her the truth, she would still be with me, I wouldn’t be s
o afraid of ruining what we had now, no matter how little it was.
“Why don’t we go inside, then,” Stella said, obviously thinking it was pointless to keep asking me questions that I didn’t want to answer just yet.
“Sure, let’s go inside.
It was nearly impossible to imagine leaving in the morning. Leaving this wonderful place, leaving Stella. I started thinking about what to say before I left, but no words came to my head. Nothing felt like enough to explain how little I wanted to say good-bye and how much I wanted to take her to the city with me, making her mine forever.
Making her mine . . .
I still doubted I deserved Stella. Even those few days that we spent together in Braiwood felt so unreal, as if it were not me making love to her, talking to her, teasing her. It was more like watching a better and more alive version of myself living a life that deep down in my heart I always wanted for myself. That life was so easy, painless and happy. The only problem was that I didn’t know how to live without pain. It was an essential part of me that I was sure I would never be able to get rid of. But with Stella, the pain didn’t bother me. I forgot about everything and everyone but her. She suddenly became my heart, my eyes, my voice, my breath. I wasn’t lying when I said I couldn’t live without her. I just didn’t want to think that the life I fell in love with in a just a few days was about to end in less that twenty-four hours.
Stella said something about the things that we needed to bring in from the car, but I wasn’t listening. I kept staring at her, thinking how beautiful and desirable she was. My curse and my salvation, my blessing and my pain. She was everything to me, everything I couldn’t have.
I crossed the room and gripped her face between my palms, kissing her deeply. A sound of surrender escaped from her lips, making me hate myself even more. Being with Stella was a mistake from the very beginning, but regardless of how wrong it felt, I wanted to repeat it, over and over again.
I kissed away her breathless sounds, making her lips mine, tasting the sweetness of the kiss she was giving me and diving into the vortex of excitement she made me feel at the moment.
She broke the kiss and looked up at me, saying in a whisper, “Stop holding back, please. At least for one night, be who you really are, James. That’s not too much to ask, is it?”
“I don’t think I remember how to be myself anymore, Stella. But for you, I will try.”
She stood on her toes, bringing my face closer to hers and placed two small kisses on the corners of my lips, and then one in the middle. “I will never forget you, James Collins. Never.”
In less than a second, my heart shattered into small pieces. The familiar pain returned.
No good-byes, James. You always leave without a good-bye. Can this time be an exception? Absolutely not.
“There’s a part of my heart that will always belong to you, Stella. I will never let anyone else take it.” I didn’t know what would happen tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow. I didn’t want to think about it, but somehow, I was sure I would never be able to let any other woman that close to me. It will always be just Stella – the woman keeping such a strong hold on me. Maybe I will die from loneliness, but I will never let her die because of me. One death was more than enough to feel guilty for. I was too broken for Stella, and I knew she needed someone strong and complete, someone who would be able to heal her wounds, and not to make her feel his own pain.
She pressed her curves into me, giving me another kiss that combined it all: her innocence and femininity, her strength and weakness, her wildness and passion, her beauty and tenderness.
I could feel her with every part of me, but it was not even close to enough.
“Where’s the bedroom?” I asked, surprising us both with the question.
Wordlessly, she pulled me by the hand and we rushed down the hall, occasionally kissing and bumping into the walls. The moment we crossed the threshold of the bedroom, she pushed me against the door, shutting it with my back and her body pressed hard against mine.
“I hope it’s not the only shirt that you have,” she said a second before she tore it open, making the buttons scatter on the floor. A rush of hot kisses cascaded down my chest. Her lips felt like fire against my skin, turning me on and making my surroundings sway in front of my eyes. I grabbed her wrists and put them behind her back, kissing her with all the need I felt for her at the moment.
Everything felt surreal. I didn’t think, I just let myself feel it all, drink it in, and dive in to the sensations rushing through me. I wanted to memorize those feelings forever. I would even tattoo them on my heart if that was possible.
I needed every part of her to be mine. I kissed her, claiming her lips, I touched her, claiming her curves, I wanted to make love to her and claim her mine, just mine . . . Tonight, tomorrow, always. . .
Her palms traveled down my chest, frantically yanking my shirt out of my pants. I took it off, dropping it to the nearest chair. She unfastened my belt, unzipped the trousers and I got rid of them, all in five seconds. Then I stepped forward and pushed her down to the bed behind her hovering over her. Our gazes locked for a moment and my breath caught, she was so freaking beautiful, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my entire life. My heart was ready to burst and for the first time in a very long time I felt like I was seconds from saying . . . I love you . . . But she wouldn’t give me a chance to speak. Pulling my lips to hers, she kissed away the unspoken confession that was addressed to her.
I remembered the book that she wanted me to sign for her, and now I finally knew what to write there. It will be a good-bye, the good-bye that I will never be brave enough to say aloud.
“When I’m with you, I fall apart,” she said, looking up at me. Her words sank into me, making the beat of my heart speed up. “And I know you will leave one day, but I want to be all yours, James Collins, at least for one night. I just want to belong to you.”
I wanted to say something, I knew I needed to say something, but the words just fell away. I bent down and placed a small kiss on the curve of her neck, then another one on her collarbone, and then moved down to her breast, unbuttoning her dress and opening it for me to have a better access to whatever I wanted to kiss next.
My hands gripped the hem of her dress and I pulled it up, taking it off of her over her head. Tossing the dress away, I reached for her panties, pulling them down her legs and exposing the most sensitive part of her. Her scent filled my nostrils and I took a deep breath, letting it take me away. I reached down and circled her clit with my thumb. She moaned sweetly in response. Sweet baby Jesus, she is trying to kill me . . . Her hardened nipples were visible through the fabric of her bra – the only piece of cloth she was still wearing. I bent down and kissed her inviting lips, sliding my tongue against hers in a slow motion. My hand slid to the clasp of her bra and I took it off, tossing it to the floor.
Now that there was nothing but a thin layer of air between us, I could feel my heart racing in my chest. For the first time ever, I was afraid of our naked bodies touching. Hovering over her, I looked into the depths of her beautiful eyes and my world exploded from the emotions overwhelming me at the moment.
“Why didn’t I meet you earlier, Stella?” I would kiss you harder, maybe I would even fall in love with you and love you longer . . .
She didn’t respond.
My palm traveled down her side, enjoying the smoothness of her skin beneath my touch. Placing a soft kiss on her shoulder, my mouth moved down, leaving kisses across her breast and torso. She was completely naked before me, so stunningly perfect and desirable. I could close my eyes, but the image of her would still be in my head, as if imprinted there forever. I knew there would never be a different woman in my life able to make me feel so many things at once. Stella was the one . . .
Chapter 15
The room was dark and quiet. The only illumination came from the moonlight seeping through the window over the bed. It made the view in front of me even more surreal, magical.
> Kneeling, I spread Stella’s legs and ran my fingertips across the silkiness of her thighs. She didn’t say a word, as if she were afraid she would ruin the moment. I couldn’t help but admit that I was kind of afraid of the same thing. I had never been a shy person, if I wanted a woman, I never took ‘no’ for an answer. I didn’t care if she was married or dating someone, I just took what I wanted and left. But then, I met Stella, and my life turned into a screwed-up mess that I had no idea what to do with. Fuck, this woman has so much power over me . . .
I bent down and placed a kiss in between her legs, then sucked her in slowly. A pleased sound escaped from her lips. Her hands tangled in my hair, her fingers running through the strands. Her taste filled my mouth, making me even harder, if that was even possible at this point.
My lips moved up, claiming every inch of her body with my kisses. One small move separated me from diving deep inside her, but I didn’t want to rush things. Our hips rocked together, and I enjoyed every moment of our bodies touching and rubbing against each other. She arched her back, her wetness touched my tip. I growled into the curve of her neck, wrapping my hand tighter around her. Skin to skin, we were lying on the bed, wrapped in each other’s body parts, the only sound coming from the moans we were both emitting. It still wasn’t enough, though.
Her feet ran up my legs, finally wrapping around my waist.
“God, Stella, you are irresistible . . . The more time I spend with you, the less control I have over myself.”
“This makes two of us.”
I lowered my head, touching her forehead with mine. “How am I going to live without you?”
“Don’t leave . . .”
Oh, God, there was so much pleading in her voice. My heart broke.
“You know I can’t stay, Stella. No matter how much I want to.”
“Then stop talking. Just be with me, be yourself, be free.”
I drew a sharp breath and finally pushed myself deep inside her.