Set Me Free

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Set Me Free Page 17

by Diana Nixon


  “Thank you,” I said, not knowing what else to say.

  “Are you and Steven Turner … together?”

  Why would he ask about that? Didn’t he have his own date to worry about?

  “Go back to Olivia, James. She must be waiting…”

  “Do you love him?” He asked, ignoring my words.

  I didn’t respond.

  He took a few steps closer and stopped right behind me, still looking at me through the mirror.

  “Do you, Stella?”

  “Why would you care?” All of a sudden, I felt so angry. He left me, he had no right to ask me questions like that!

  “Answer the damn question,” he growled, forcefully turning me around and making me look into his eyes. “Do you?”

  We were standing so close, too close to think about anything but kissing those amazing lips of his. Unintentionally, my eyes travelled down his face, drinking in every line that I loved and remember so well. That face… How many times did I see it in my dreams? How many times did I imagine touching it again? How many times did I want to see it smiling at me?

  “Stella…” My name slipped from his lips in a desperate whisper.

  I was afraid to move, afraid to breathe. My thoughts were disarrayed. So close… James was so close again, and I didn’t know what to do, or how to stop wanting him, around me, inside me, all over me.

  “I need to go,” I said, shaking my head, as if trying to shake off the images of him and me in each other’s embrace from my head. Being with him was just too much… Too much to bear without losing control, without losing myself in those beautiful eyes of his, in those strong arms of his.

  “Steven’s waiting,” I reminded more to myself than to him.

  He put a finger under my chin, making me look up at him again. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long…” He traced a line across my jaw, my cheek and then stopped at my lips. “God, how much I wanted to see you again…” He bent down, touching my forehead with his, his breath burned my lips. “I missed you so much, Stella…”

  No, no, no… Please don’t say it… Don’t you see how much it hurts to see you again?

  “I gotta go,” I said again, my voice broke on the last word.

  Please, James, just let me go…

  Wrapping one arm around me, James pulled my body closer to his. His palm cupped my face, making his lips brush mine. “Every time I closed my eyes, I saw you… Wherever I looked, you were there…” His fingers slid to the back of my neck, I gasped unintentionally. The room suddenly felt so small. I couldn’t breathe. I was spellbound by his every word, sipping through me, and touching the deepest depths of me that only James knew how to reach. I knew I needed to stop it, to take a step back and break the invisible spells that he had surrounded me with. But I couldn’t… I didn’t want to…

  And then, I asked the only thing that was stopping me from accepting the kiss that he was obviously more than willing to give me. “Do you love her?”

  James frowned, as if he didn’t know what I was talking about. “Who?”

  “Olivia.”

  “Is that why you ran away? You thought I’m in love with Olivia?”

  “Isn’t is logical considering you are going to marry her?”

  “Marry her? Oh, my God, Stella… I’m not getting married.”

  “What do you mean? I saw the ring…”

  “Olivia is not my fiancé. I told you she’s my temporary agent. She’s marrying another man, who’s probably already joined her at the table.” A slow smiled played on his lips. “You were jealous, weren’t you?”

  I was not going to say that aloud, but I was so relieved to hear that Olivia was going to marry someone else, and not him.

  “I was just curious…” I said.

  “Liar,” was the only word he said before his lips crushed on mine, capturing my mouth in a mind-blowing kiss, that shattered the ground under my feet, making me so weak and helpless.

  Our tongues mingled, sliding against each other in a slow motion. It felt like months that we hadn’t seen each other didn’t exist at all, as if we were back to the lake house where we spent the night before James’ leaving. Everything that existed before this very moment disappeared, exposing my feelings and thought to him, that I could no longer keep hiding. But despite the beauty of the moment, there was a degree of uncertainty, making me doubt myself, making me doubt him again. But the closeness of his body just wouldn’t let my doubts go too far.

  My fingers clutched the lapels of James’ tux. I was suddenly afraid to let him go, to let him slip away and vanish like those dreams I had been having for nights. I could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Every beat echoed in me like a drum. He could read the slightest movement of my body, pressing me harder against him, or slowing down the kiss and giving me a second to catch my breath.

  He caught my wrists moving my hands behind my back and turning me to the mirror again. The look in my eyes was wild. James’ mouth pressed against the back of my neck, kissing it longingly. Hot lips against my skin.

  “God, Stella … we can’t … do it here…” He let my hands ago, sliding his palms down my sides. “But I seem to be unable to let you go … to stop kissing and touching you. What are you doing to me?”

  “Stella, are you all right?”

  Oh, my God… Steven!

  James and I froze, our gazes met in the mirror’s reflection.

  A knock at the door followed.

  “Stella?” I could hear worry in Steven’s voice. It was like a splash of cold water that shattered the perfect illusion where James and I had been staying for the last couple of minutes, and brought me back to the damn reality.

  “Just a minute!”

  I turned around and looked at James, saying, “You shouldn’t have followed me. It was a mistake…”

  “Don’t go,” he said, catching me by the hand when I tried to go around him.

  “I’m sorry, James… I shouldn’t let it happen. We went separate ways, remember? I swore I would get over you! I swore I would never fall for your charms again… I can’t stay, I’m sorry.”

  “Stella…”

  “It’s for the best, James. We couldn’t make it work then, we can’t make it work now.”

  He let go of my hand, his expression as dark as a stormy cloud. “Is that what you really want?”

  “It’s what you made me want.”

  I turned on my heel and rushed out into the hall, before Steven would come inside to check if I was all right. The last thing I needed now was an awkward conversation between the three of us.

  “Is everything okay? You don’t look good.” Steven carefully touched my cheek, looking at me closely.

  “I’m sorry, I think I have eaten something bad today. I don’t feel good.”

  “Shall I take you to the doctor?”

  “No! Just… Take me home please.”

  I felt so bad about finishing the dinner that didn’t even have a chance to start. I was broken again, and it was James Collins fault!

  Damn you…

  I didn’t say a word on our way home, and Steven didn’t push it, obviously seeing that I was not in a talking mood. Maybe he knew it was not just about poisoning, but about James, he wasn’t stupid after all. But I didn’t feel like explaining things, not right now anyway. I was too shattered to think straight. I just wanted to get back to the safety of my apartment, take the dress and of the shoes off and curl up in my bed, hoping I would be able to sleep off the pain tearing me apart at the moment.

  “Would you like to take a day off tomorrow?”

  “What?” I stared blankly at Steven, trying to understand what he was talking about.

  “I think you need to stay at home tomorrow. Take a day off, Stella. Work can wait.”

  I felt even worse seeing how sincerely he worried about me. Ugh, why on earth couldn’t it be just a dinner, with no James Collins or the damn kiss involved?

  “Thank you, Steven. I think you are right, I
should stay at home tomorrow.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to call the doctor?”

  “I’ll do it myself if I don’t feel better.” Though I was sure there was only one person able to make me feel better, but considering how screwed our relationship was, he was not an option.

  “Call me if you need anything, okay?” Steven stopped at the porch on my house, and smiled at me. “I’m still glad I got a chance to see you in this dress.”

  Man, why couldn’t I feel at least a little flattered by his words? Was I going to brush off all the men trying to get close to me? And all because of James Damn Collins? Un-freaking-believable…

  “Thank you, Steven. And I’m sorry I’ve ruined the night. I promise I will fix this.”

  “It’s okay, Stella. You don’t have to explain anything. We will have plenty of time to catch up on tonight.”

  “Sure.”

  He leaned closer and touched my lips with his shortly. “Get well soon. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  I nodded, too afraid to say anything. His innocent kiss caught me off guard.

  “I’ll walk you to the door,” Steven said, opening the door and getting out.

  I was just about to protest, but it was too late. He opened the door for me and outstretched one hand, helping me out. Gentleman to the max.

  “Thanks,” I said, quickly removing my hand from his.

  We walked to the door in silence, but I felt like I needed to say something, anything to explain myself. I didn’t want Steven to think anything bad about me, and something was telling me that he was not buying my ‘sickness’ story.

  “Sweet dreams, Stella,” he said, before I would do anything to ruin the already ruined night even more with my stupid explanations. Obviously, he didn’t need them.

  “You too, Steven.”

  He nodded once, then turned around and walked back to the car. No short kiss repeating followed. Thank God. I wouldn’t know how to look into his eyes the day after tomorrow.

  I don’t think our relationship could get any more awkward. He was still my boss after all, and I truly hoped one failed date wouldn’t affect my work in his office.

  As for my feelings toward James… I needed to find a way to forget him and everything that put him and me in one sentence, let alone in one room.

  Three months had passed since the day he saw me last. And he didn’t try to find me or contact me, not even once, which meant his attitude to whatever we shared hadn’t changed. He was still afraid of letting it go too far, and I was not ready to let him into my life again just to watch my heart bleeding again if he decided to leave. The attraction between us was more than obvious, but thanks to James Collins I’ve learned one good lesson – sex doesn’t give anything but physical satisfaction, and if there’s nothing standing behind it, it will only make you suffer, a lot.

  Chapter 18

  James

  “Was that her, the Stella?” Olivia stared at me with her eyes full of genuine surprise. “I thought you said she didn’t want to come to New York with you.”

  “Well, she didn’t come here with me, and not even because of me, obviously.” I swallowed the rest of my drink in one gulp and cursed mentally. My night, as well as my life, couldn’t get any more fucked-up.

  “Wait, who is Stella?” Leon, Olivia’s fiancé asked. He didn’t have anything to do with the publishing business, and he didn’t know anything about the story that I once told Rick and Olivia. Not that I did it voluntary, but after they read the manuscript of my new book, they wanted to know everything about the background of the story told there.

  “Stella is the girl who owns James’ heart,” Olivia said, giggling.

  “What? James Collins is in love with someone and I didn’t know anything about it?”

  I knew Leon for almost as long as I knew Rick, we grew up together, but he spent many years abroad and returned to the States just recently, so he successfully missed a good part of the events happening with me for the last couple of years. In his opinion, I was totally hopeless and when it came to women, I didn’t care about anything but sex. Well, it was not far away from the truth. Only lately, I started caring about women a lot. About one of them in particular.

  “If you want to know about the new James Collins, just read his new book,” Olivia said. “There are many things that will surprise you, Sweetheart.”

  “Okay, what have I missed? Who is Stella and why is she not here with us now?”

  Again, Olivia spoke, “In short: a few months ago our James went to a small town named Braiwood where he met a girl who turned his world upside down and stole his heart, all in less than a week. For the well-known reasons he didn’t have a serious relationship with her, so he returned to New York, alone, and hasn’t seen her since then. But tonight she came here with another man and James’ balls exploded from the mere view of her, not to mention his reaction to the guy Stella was with. He tried to talk to her, but judging by his vinegar face that you can see now, the conversation wasn’t successful.”

  “Wow… That’s a very short but detailed version of the recent events,” I said. “You are unbelievably observant, Liv.”

  “I know. So tell us what happened after you followed her?”

  “Nothing. She said it was a mistake to follow her and that she doesn’t want to see me, ever again.”

  “What did you do to make her hate you so much?” Leon asked.

  Olivia shook her head, smiling. “That’s the thing that I bet she doesn’t hate him. I saw that look in her eyes, and I can swear she feels something for you, James. As well as I swear that your feelings are mutual.”

  I sighed. “I don’t know, Liv. You know me, I never loved anyone. Well, after Melody I mean.”

  Olivia was one of those people who helped me not to lose my mind after Mel was gone. She and Rick did their best to save me from alcohol and drugs that I was getting addicted to way too fast. But unlike Rick, she always believed that one day I would be able to fall in love again, and obviously now she thought I was in love with Stella, which I still refused to admit.

  “Why don’t you call her?” She asked. “Is she and Steven Turner dating?”

  “I have no damn idea. She wouldn’t answer that question.”

  “Because if they are not, chances are high it’s still not too late to get her back.”

  “I know why she doesn’t want to see me. I was the one who left. I was the one who said that we couldn’t make it work. She said she loved me, and I, in response, packed my bags and ran away to New York. Like a fucking coward.”

  “You didn’t tell me she said she loved you...”

  “No? Well, I must have forgotten to mention that part of the story.”

  “Now I know why she came here with another guy. She’s trying to move on. But obviously, neither of you is capable of doing that.”

  “What do I do now?”

  “Call her. Call her and tell her you want to talk to her.”

  “What shall I tell her?”

  Olivia smiled, touching my hand and said, “The truth.”

  I shook my head. “No, no I can’t tell her the truth. It will only make things worse.”

  “I think Liv is right, man. Stella needs to know the truth, otherwise she will never be able to understand the reason for your leaving. And if you want to get her back, you need to explain a few things first.”

  “You are killing me guys… Seriously. I don’t even know how to start such a conversation.”

  “I think I know what you should do,” Olivia said. “It will be good for both of you.”

  She told me about her plan, and I got even more scared. Personally, I thought it was insane. But more than anything, I was afraid of Stella hating even more. I know she said she wouldn’t hate me, but today I saw the pain in her eyes. Maybe she didn’t hate me, but she obviously was not going to let her offence go just like that and take me back. I hurt her too much to be forgiven that easily.

  Later that night, when I was back
home and alone, my mental tortures started all over again. For months, I had been trying to realize what was so wrong about my life. The answer was too damn obvious – I missed Stella. I missed her like hell. And no matter how many times I was trying to persuade myself that it would pass, things didn’t get any better. Rather on the contrary. With everything passing day, my desire to see her again got stronger. Then, when I saw her today, it was like a shot straight through my heart. I was speechless, she looked so breathtakingly beautiful in that little black dress outlining her every curve. I wanted nothing more than to lock her in my embrace and never let her go. We stood a few feet away from each other, so close and yet it felt like she was a million miles away from me. The image of her, always lingering deeply within, was finally real, so pure and so perfect. For a moment, I thought I was seeing things. Being so close to her again was just too good to be true. I suddenly remembered of the ocean, with its tranquil surface, splashing in the moonlight, and then raging a storm. She was like that ocean for me, innocent from the outside, but full of unpredictable emotions from the inside. So many thoughts were running behind her stare. Neither of us seemed to be able to find the right words to make a conversation. There were so many things that I wanted and needed to tell her, but the words just died in my throat, and I couldn’t make myself form an intelligible sentence - a curse of being a writer, we are good on paper, but when it comes to live conversations, we either need to be extremely pissed or tremendously happy to talk non-stop.

  I followed Stella to the ladies’ room, hoping she would be alone there. Her eyes were red and puffy, and I knew she had been crying. I felt like a fucking bastard, because I was sure she had been crying because of me. I never meant to hurt her. As well as I never meant to fall in love with her… I drowned in her. She allured me with her kindness and openness. And what an idiot I was to leave right after she told me she loved me… Idiot to the max.

  I used to think that I didn’t deserve to be loved anymore. I didn’t love anyone, and I didn’t expect anyone to love me either. But she did. And I didn’t know what to do with her love, so I just rejected it, as if I hoped I would be fine without it. Far from it.

 

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