by Diana Nixon
As for my sister’s words about my boss being hopelessly in love with me, I think she was right. Steven was seven years older than me, he was well-educated and I bet many women would be thrilled to work with him, and even more would love to share a bed with him, but not me.
I missed James… Every day I told myself that I shouldn’t be missing him, but I still did. I kept checking on his success. He was about to release a new book, I read his interviews in different magazines, but I never ever dared to try contacting him, regardless of how much I wanted to.
After his leaving, he never called or e-mailed me. And if first I was a little angry at him for not doing any of that, now I thought it was probably for the best. We went separate ways and there was no need to dig in the wounds that still hurt.
I was happy for James. It looked like everything was all right about his life, and I never wished him anything but good. I didn’t hate him. I knew I wouldn’t, but it was still surprising to know that after reading another article about him, I didn’t feel like stalking and killing him for leaving me. He was more like a sacred memory that I enjoyed recalling. I never regretted a moment that I spent with him. And even though I didn’t know why he decided to leave so soon, I still hoped that one day I would be able to look into his eyes again and not die of misery, knowing that now those eyes were probably the love of someone else…
“Good morning, Miss Holt,” Jodie, my secretary said, smiling up at me.
“Am I fired?” I asked, breathless, frantically thinking about the time it took me to get to the office. I hated New York morning traffic that was probably the worst in the world.
“Don’t worry, Mr. Turner is not here yet.”
I breathed the sigh of relief, mentally thanking heavens for saving my butt.
“Then I should probably go to my office and start working before he knows I was late today.” I asked Jodie to make me another cup of coffee, hoping caffeine would make me feel at least a little better. I wouldn’t mind an energy drink as well, but for some unknown reason the damn thing always made my head hurt.
I loved working for Steven. He let me write about anything and anyone I wanted, and I tried my best to not disappoint him. After all, being his deputy was a too damn good position to lose it.
Throwing my coat over my chair’s back, I opened my laptop and saw about twenty unread e-mails that would probably take a day or two to respond to. Apart from writing for different magazines and newspapers that Turner’s Press had been working with, I was also responsible for different social events, gathering writers and publishers from all over the world. There were so many people dreaming about writing something worth becoming a worldwide bestseller, and my job was to help them spread the news about their new brainchild and make them popular.
“Stella, Mr. Turner wants to see you,” Jodie said into the speakerphone.
“Thanks. Tell him I’ll be in a minute.” I took a small mirror out of my bag and checked on my reflection again. I sure as hell didn’t want Steven to think anything bad of me. Running one hand through my hair, and making sure it didn’t look like a broom, I went to see my boss.
“Morning, Stella,” Steven greeted me, raising to kiss me on the cheek. It was one of those things that according to my sister signaled about his hopeless love for me. I was the only person in the office to get such a warm ‘Good morning’ from him.
“Morning. How was your weekend?” I asked, taking a seat in a chair facing him.
“Long and boring. I had to attend a family gathering and no matter how much I love my siblings, spending two days in a row with them, under the same roof, was too much.”
I smiled. “I know exactly how it feels.” Since the day I left Braiwood, family gatherings had become the first thing that I had been trying to avoid as much as possible. First, because rare moments with my sister were more than enough to know all the news, and second, because my every meeting with my mom ended with her questioning me about James, which was the last thing I wanted and needed to talk to her, or anyone else for that matter. My secret following on his life updates didn’t count, it was just another part of my existence that I preferred to keep secret.
“What about you?” Steven asked. “Did you enjoy your weekend?”
“More or less.” He didn’t need to know the details. “So what plans do we have for the week?”
“First of all, how about sharing dinner with me today?” He smiled, watching me closely.
I honestly didn’t know what to say or how to behave. Regardless of Nikki’s suspicions about Steven’s feelings towards me, he never asked me out or did anything to demonstrate his interest to me so openly.
“Um… What’s the occasion?” I asked, hoping he didn’t mean it like a date.
“Can’t I ask you out, for no reason?” His dark-gray eyes squinted, as if he was trying to read my mind. So it was a date after all.
“Well, it depends…” For the first time in months, I blushed in Seven’s presence. Obviously, I preferred to keep it strictly professional with him. I have heard many things about his relationships with women, and I can’t say I was thrilled about the idea of joining the list of his encounters. On the other hand – I didn’t have to stay alone for the rest of my life either.
He smiled, saying, “It’s just dinner, Stella. Say yes.”
I hesitated for a moment and then nodded. “Okay… Where would you like to go?”
“It will be a surprise, if you don’t mind.”
“Not at all.” I forced a smile, hoping it looked genuine. It’s not like I was going to sleep with Steven or anything of the sort. Dinners don’t always end in bed, right?
“Great. I’ll pick you up at seven. Now, let’s back to the plans for the week, shall we?”
We talked a little about what I needed to do, and then Steven said he had a few meetings outside the office and would be away for the rest of the day.
“See you tonight,” he said, kissing me again before leaving. His hand as if accidentally touched mine, brushing it softly.
“I’ll be ready by seven,” I said, opening the door. Don’t know why, but I suddenly felt like running away. Was I scared? Of what? Letting Steven cross the line that was too thin and easy to be broken, or was I scared to betray my feelings for James that still lived inside me? Whatever it was, I preferred to not think about it now.
***
“You have got to be kidding me … He asked you out?” Nikki was obviously more excited about my upcoming dinner than I was.
“Yes. Do you think I should call him and tell him I can’t go?”
“What? Don’t even think about it, Stella! When was the last time you were with a man? Uh, don’t answer, I know it was forever ago.”
Unlike my mother, Nikki didn’t know anything about my relationship with James. No matter how persistent she was in her attempts to find out at least anything, I didn’t give away a thing. And fortunately, neither my mom nor my grandmother felt like sharing the information they knew I would hate them for telling anyone for the rest of my life. Not that I ever confirmed their suspicions, but my silence spoke for itself.
“What if he tries to kiss me, or … Well, you know what I mean?”
“Come freaking on, Sis! You are not a two-year old, I’m sure you still remember how to kiss. So just put on your big-girl panties and go have fun! Admit it, Steven is a good-looking man.”
“I never denied that. It’s just that…”
“Stop coming up with new excuses to miss this dinner. Put your shit together and don’t disappoint me! I gotta go now, will call you tomorrow. Good luck with your date-dinner!” She giggled into the handset.
“You are not helping,” I muttered, listening to the beeps on the other end of the line. There was my sister for you. She always made me feel worse about everything, but surprisingly enough her words had always been true. Ugh, if only she knew why I was so scared to go out with Steven…
As expected, ‘my date’ arrived at exactly seven in the evening, no
t even a second later. I looked one last time into the mirror, took a deep breath and went to open the door.
Steven smiled, watching me from head to toe. “Stunning, as always. This is for you.” He handed me a bouquet of white tulips.
“How did you find them in the middle of fall?”
“I wanted to surprise you. Besides, tulips are always associated with spring, something new and amazing. Just like you…”
I suddenly felt like laughing. “How many women have heard the same words from you?”
He laughed too. “I’m not as much of a heartbreaker as everyone thinks I am. Rumors can be just rumors.”
“You and I both know how it works, right?” I liked writing about big news, sometimes they were just rumors, and despite how much I liked true stories as well, people more likely buy a paper with shouting headlines and not just a set of well-knows facts. “Give me a moment to put the flowers into the water.”
I went to the kitchen to find a proper vase, and Steven followed me.
“Nice apartment,” he said, looking around. “Do you live here alone?”
I smiled at the question. “Why?”
“Just curious,” he said, shrugging.
“Yes. My sister sometimes stays here overnight, but she has a place of her own as well. You didn’t tell me where you are going to take me. Is it still a secret?”
“Yes. But I hope you will love it.”
I put the flowers into the vase and left it on the kitchen table.
“Ready to go?” Steven asked.
Not even close…
“Yes, let’s go.”
My heart was racing in my chest, and I could feel my palms sweating. I felt so weird, excited and scared at the same time, as if I knew the dinner wouldn’t go as smoothly as planned.
Steven was driving, and I took my time to study him out of the corner of my eye. He was handsome, not a magazine-cover eye-candy, but attractive enough to be a dream of many women. In addition to his outer beauty, he was smart and well-mannered. He always knew what to say and how to behave with people, not to mention his numerous talents as a publisher. Just like me, he believed that everyone deserved a chance to say what he or she wanted to say to the world, either with a book or just an article in a paper or a magazine. He always supported young and talented people and did his best to help them share their talent with the world. In other words, there were many things to like and admire about him. And I would probably be more excited about going out with him, if I didn’t want to see a different man on his place…
James’ image came to my head, but I quickly pushed it to the back of my mind, afraid it would ruin the night that was supposed to be just about Steven and me.
Half an hour later, we stopped at the entrance of the place that I had heard so much about.
“No way! The Birmingham?” It was a new and one of the most popular restaurants all over the city. “How did you manage to reserve a table here? Last I checked all were reserved up until January.”
“Well, sometimes it’s so good to have connections. Besides, I knew you always wanted to visit this place.”
“How did you know that?”
“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop… But I once heard you talking to Jodie about this place. And as far as I could understand, you were very disappointed to know that you couldn’t get a reservation.”
“Uh, Steven… You did manage to surprise me.”
He smiled brightly. “Good to hear that. Shall we go inside?”
I nodded excited in response.
Chapter 17
The place was even more beautiful than on the pictures I saw on the Internet. The decorations were made in white and ivory colors, with the splashes of pale-blue and gold. Soft music filled the hall, making the surroundings look even more magical and romantic. All the tables were surrounded with transparent curtains made of small, shining crystals of different shape.
“Mr. Turner?” The manager asked. Steven nodded. “Follow me please.”
He motioned for me to go ahead, but I didn’t get a chance to take a step.
“Stella?” The familiar voice called behind me.
Blood froze in my veins, turning me into a motionless statue. Slowly, I turned around, feeling a lump forming in my suddenly dry throat. It can’t be happening … Why tonight?
“You are back…” James said, taking a step closer.
My Goodness, how could I believe I would ever be able to stop loving him?
He looked as breathtaking as ever. I never saw him wearing a tux, but today he obviously had a good reason to wear one.
“James…” I hoped my voice wouldn’t tremble, but I failed. I bet I sounded like as if I were seeing a ghost.
“When did you come back to the city?” His eyes travelled down my dress, taking their time to appreciate every inch of it.
I swallowed hard. “A few months ago.”
He nodded, still watching me from head to toe. God, how I wish I could just take a step forward, wrap my arms around him and sink into his embrace, feel the warmth of his body enveloping me, breathe in his unique scent that I could still remember so well, feel his breath on my cheek and the beating of his heart next to mine…
“Good to see you again…”
“Same here,” I said without hesitation. It was so true, there was no point in pretending.
“Mr. Collins, right?” Steven said, outstretching his hand to James.
“Yes, and you are Steven Turner, right? I have heard a lot about you.”
I’m sure he did. After all, James was a part of the world that Steven knew everything about.
“Nice to meet you,” James said. Though I can’t say he was happy about that meeting. Either it was because he saw Steven with me, or because of the reasons I didn’t know. “And this is Olivia,” he nodded to the woman sitting at his table. “She’s my new agent.”
“What happened to Rick?” I asked without thinking. The woman was very pretty, with long red hair and bright green eyes, contrasting with the color of her locks.
The familiar feeling started forming inside me – jealousy… All the joy from coming to the restaurant was gone in no time flat. I didn’t want to stay, and even less did I want to watch James being with another woman.
“Rick’s getting married in a few weeks, and then he and his wife-to-be are going for a honeymoon, so he asked his colleague to replace him, temporarily.”
“Good for you.” My eyes were not focused on James anymore. I couldn’t take them away from the huge diamond ring on the woman’s left hand. “Wow … What a beautiful ring,” I said, feeling my heart dropping to my feet and breaking there, so painfully fast, I doubted I would ever be able to gather the fucking pieces.
Olivia smiled. “My fiancé is so generous, he adores me.”
“You deserve the best,” James said, turning to her.
I wanted to cry. I didn’t give a damn if that would make me look like a fool, but I couldn’t stop the tears, pulling into my eyes.
“Excuse me… Enjoy your night.” I forced a smile to James, and then turned to Steven, saying, “I’ll be right back.” I looked frantically around, looking for the sign of the ladies’ room and rushed away, hoping I wouldn’t fall down and embarrass myself even more on my way there.
James was engaged… I couldn’t believe that. How? Why? Why did he leave me and then got engaged to another woman? What was so special about her?
On my shaking legs, I entered the ladies’ room and shut the door behind me, leaning against it. He fell in love with someone else… He said he couldn’t love me, but now he’s in love with another woman and going to marry her. James… My James now belongs to someone else.
I could have never imagined it would hurt so much to see him with another woman, smiling at her, saying that she deserved the best… How could I believe that he would never start dating anyone? How could I believe that I would always be the one? How could I still love him so much?
I clenched my teeth, still hoping I
wouldn’t cry, but more tears formed in my eyes, and now I couldn’t see anything, blinded by the pain filling my heart and my soul.
I was such a fool, trying to make myself believe that I had moved on, that I was over James Collins, that I could start a new life, without him… You are an idiot, Stella! A stupid and in love idiot…
Someone knocked at the door behind me. I moved away from it and came to the sink, opened the water and put my hands under the cold drops.
“I knew I would find you here.”
I turned around and saw James, leaning against the door, just where I stood a few seconds ago.
“What are you doing here?” I quickly checked on my reflection in the mirror, praying he didn’t notice tears in my eyes.
“Memories didn’t give your beauty enough credit, Stella…”
What was he saying? Why would he follow me and say things like that when there was a woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with?
“I just needed to refresh my makeup,” I said, pretending I didn’t hear him.
But he was obviously not going to help me overcome my shock. He proceeded, “You look stunning tonight…” Our eyes met in the mirror. He didn’t move or try to come closer. He was still leaning against the closed door, with his hands in his trousers pockets.