Quantum Cheeseburger

by Jeremy Michelson

  Pejk coughed, his three eyes focusing on me. Without the third eye, he would have looked sort of like some chubby guy with a very bad skin condition. That third eye, with its piss yellow iris, creeped me out.

  "To achieve a global wide event–this is theory, of course, I have no direct knowledge of how these work–" Pejk said. Yeah, sure you didn't, you alien slimebag. "The makers would have to programmed, then seeded into the upper atmosphere of the target planet. They would consume water vapor in the atmosphere as fuel as they multiplied. This would also allow natural air currents to widely disperse them. By the time they reached the surface, they would have a numerical density that would overwhelm any defenses a world might have. In this cause of your world, you have no defenses, so the makers would destroy 85% of human life on the planet within hours."

  Mattany grabbed the Blinky’s arm. “85%? You mean there’s hope some of us will survive?”

  Pejk coughed again. "No. The rest of the human would die within days. Weeks, at most. The makers would stay active for several months before their programming tells them to self-destruct."

  "What if their programming tells them not to self-destruct? Ever." I asked.

  “Then the planet would have to be quarantined until such time as the surface could be cleansed,” Pejk said.

  “And how does one cleanse the surface of a planet?” I asked. I had a notion they didn’t use Lysol.

  “Heat is usually the best way,” Pejk said. “Heat and radiation.”

  “Nuke the planet,” Mattany said, his voice hoarse.

  “So you’re saying, after Bey Jodo kills everyone, SixUnion will scorch the planet with nuclear weapons?” I asked.

  “It is an unknown,” Pejk said, “If Bey Jodo does have such a weapon, then it is likely he has programmed them to be of short duration, weeks or months. It would take time for SixUnion to respond, to send out teams to investigate.”

  “Meanwhile Bey Jodo scoops up the Dendon device and is off on his way back home to his bosses,” I said. I tapped my chest as dry wind blew over me. “And what happens to SixUnion if the Dons get a hold of this?”

  The Blinky rubbed his tentacle-like hand over his face and hopped back and forth on his stumpy feet.

  “We do not know. The Dendon device...we do not have accurate information on what it contains, what it does.”

  “That is why is is imperative to remove the device from you, human,” Azor said, skittering closer.

  Liz stepped in front of him. “You keep your distance, kindling boy,” she said.

  Azor retreated a few feet. The light glittered over the bands and rods of his body. Even in full daylight, the Stickman looked like a walking nightmare.

  I turned my mind inward. So what are you anyway? I asked the Dendon device. I didn’t really expect it to answer, but I felt its consciousness stirring.

  I am the memory of Dendon. I am her glories. I am her pain. I am her vengeance.

  Vengeance? How are you going to get vengeance?

  The Dendon didn’t answer. I didn’t need to ask who he planned vengeance on. The how was a whole other matter. I didn’t want to end up as the instrument of anyone’s revenge.

  How are you going to get vengeance on the Dons? I asked it.

  "Human, are you losing consciousness?" Pejk asked.

  I shook myself. I didn’t have time to try to drag the answer out of the Dendon. I turned to Azor.

  “Are you sure your patrol craft can destroy any missile Bey Jodo launches?” I asked.

  “If Bey Jodo were indeed in this system, and if he did indeed have a device that is indeed outlawed by Union treaty, then indeed the Perseus Clan’s patrol craft could destroy such an object,” Azor said, “If indeed the threat were real.”

  “Yes, indeed,” I said, “Just in case this isn’t a figment of my fevered imagination, have you contacted your patrol ships and told them to move into orbit?”

  Azor’s outline blurred even more. His fibers and rods squeaked and rasped in a frenetic manner.

  “I have alerted two of the ships,” Azor said, “The other three vessels seem to have fallen out of communication.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” Mattany said.

  The goon spat on the ground. "It means old tentacle head is out there, and he's gettin' ready to drop the bomb," he said, "Now are you ladies are going to stand here and talk all day, or can we get going already?"

  Seventy-Five

  The seats were indeed uncomfortable on the Blinky ship. It also stank like moldy seaweed. Even the strong cinnamon smell of Azor, sitting in the control chair, wasn’t enough to overpower the stench. The deck plates of the ship rattled as the ship thundered up through the atmosphere.

  Beside me, Liz gripped my hand. Amazingly she had agreed to turn the armor off. In the seats across the wide aisle from us, were Julie and the goon. They weren’t holding hands. The goon had his head back against the oversize seat. He looked like he was napping. Julie sat with brows furrowed, still gnawing that thumbnail.

  I wondered at the wisdom of bringing them. Or at least Julie. Unfortunately, she was as much bait as I was. I doubted Bey Jodo had any real feelings for her. But I was betting he would like some entertainment for his journey home. The goon had assured me she would follow the plan.

  I wasn’t so sure.

  “I still don’t fucking see while I had to fucking come along,” Kincaid said. He was one row ahead of us, on Julie’s side.

  "More bait," I said, "Now shut the fuck up, you fucking traitor."

  Kincaid slumped down in the big seat, mumbling to himself.

  Tough poop if he didn’t want to play. I had to make this thing irresistible to Bey Jodo.

  “I still wish to protest my inclusion in the exercise,” Pejk said.

  The Blinky sat in the copilot’s seat. His lumpy bulk filled the chair. He wasn’t any more comfortable than the rest of us, but for different reasons.

  “Bey Jodo would be rather suspicious to see a Stickman driving your ship, wouldn’t he?” I said.

  “But I am not a pilot!” Pejk said.

  “Does Bey Jodo know that?” I asked.

  “No, but–”

  “Then shut up,” I said.

  I shoved the last of my bag of burritos in my mouth. It quickly joined its brethren in my belly. I was still hungry, but at least I didn't feel like I was going to fall over anymore. Mattany's men kept bringing me food–over Azor's vocal protests–and I kept putting it away.

  The base’s head cook came out and personally delivered the bag of burrito’s. Wiping a tear from his eye he said: God bless you, son, I’ve never seen a man eat so much army food and live.

  I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, so I thanked him and started eating the burritos he gave me. That were actually quite edible, and I told him so. He smiled from ear to ear, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. He told me I was welcome in his kitchen anytime.

  I just hoped I’d get the opportunity.

  The rattling deck plates quieted down and I felt lighter. Moments later the engines cut out and my weightless body wanted to rise out of the seat. The Blinkys were too cheap to put gravity generators on their ships. Pejk said they had medicines to combat bone and muscle deterioration during long voyages.

  "We have left the atmosphere," Azor said, "I have stationed the ship in an unstable orbit, as you requested. The ship will require correcting burns in thirty-five minutes in order to maintain orbit."

  I nodded to Liz. She unbelted and floated out of the cockpit. I was pretty sure Bey Jodo didn’t know about her.

  Azor moved from the command chair and followed.

  “Ew, stay over there twig boy,” I heard Liz say. Hopefully she wouldn’t kill him.

  I turned to Kincaid. “Okay, doc, since you had the communicator, I’m betting Bey Jodo gave you some instructions in case you didn’t have access to it and need to talk to him. Right?”

  Kincaid tried to slide further down in his seat, but that was hard to do in z
ero gravity.

  “I don’t want to do this,” he said, “That guy is fucking mean. You don’t want to cross him.”

  “Fate of the world rests in your traitorous hands there, doc,” I said.

  He gave me a narrow-eyed look. "Fuck you," he said.

  But he got out of his seat and floated up to Pejk.

  I waved at Julie and the goon. “Follow him,” I said, “and make it good.”

  The goon nodded and unbuckled. Julie just gave me a hateful look. The goon whispered something to her and she got out of her seat and went up front with him.

  I let my body relax. I closed my eyes and went limp. I tried to let my mind go blank. One way or another, this was going to be over soon. I heard Kincaid give Pejk instructions on which frequency to broadcast on. Then he started speaking.

  "Reaper, reaper, reaper, this is Ugly K. I have a package. Repeat, I have a package..."

  Seventy-Six

  Kincaid kept broadcasting for twenty minutes. The same thing over and over. Now that Azor was out of the room, the odor of rotten seaweed took over. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to look at the ocean the same way again.

  “This is stupid,” Julie said, “He’s not going to risk it.”

  “He might,” the goon said.

  To pass the time, I tried to get the Dendon to talk to me.

  How are you going to get your vengeance? I asked.

  It didn’t answer for a long time. I concentrated on it, trying to focus my consciousness on the Dendon. Finally I felt it stir.

  The Don is near, it said.

  I barely managed to keep myself from tensing up and opening my eyes. I was supposed to be comatose.

  How do you know? I asked.

  Their stealthing technology was always flawed. It does not work on a quantum level.

  I couldn’t say anything to Kincaid or the others. I couldn’t risk Bey Jodo hearing my voice. I assumed he was able to detect how many beings were on the ship, but Kincaid and the goon had already agreed on a story to explain them.

  I just had to hang there. And wait.

  “Reaper, reaper, reaper, this is–”

  “Reaper is here.” Bey Jodo’s voice hung in the cabin like a bad smell. I imagined the rancid cat food smell of his ship. It made the Blinky ship seem like it was stuffed full of roses.

  Silence in the cabin. Air from the vents brushed over my face. Made my body bob slightly in the seat. My stomach grumbled and twisted. The taste of that last burrito moldered on my tongue. I don’t think I could have eaten then even if I had something in my hand.

  “Give me a visual on the package,” Bey Jodo said.

  I willed my muscles to stay relaxed. I thought of mountain streams and desert flowers. Calming thoughts. Harmless, relaxing thoughts.

  Pejk must have switched on the video feed because a few moments later Bey Jodo’s voice filled the cabin again.

  “Is it dead?”

  “No,” Kincaid said, “We have him knocked out with a heavy sedative. You don’t know the hell we had to go through to get him.”

  There were several moments of silence before Bey Jodo spoke again. “You survived, Julie. Congratulations.”

  “That was pretty shitty, Bey,” Julie said, “We could have died.”

  “Yes, it would have been unfortunate,” he said, “But I could not chance letting the Dendon get control of the ship. My computer reported a brief system intrusion that had the Dendon’s fingerprints all over it.”

  “Well, we have him now,” Kincaid said, “So let us on board so we can get the fuck out of here. The Stickmen are going to be on our asses soon.”

  “No, they won’t,” Bey Jodo said, “I took out their last patrol ship ten minutes ago.”

  I heard a faint stirring from the other room. Azor. What was he feeling right now? Stickmen must have some kind of emotions. Was he feeling rage, sorrow, frustration?

  “There is a Stickman, and another female human on your ship,” Bey Jodo said.

  “Yeah, they’re locked up in the back,” Kincaid said, “It was easier to bring them along than leave their corpses on the base.”

  “It must have been a very daring escape,” Bey Jodo said. His voice was tinged with sarcasm.

  “Yeah, well...” Kincaid started to say.

  Alarm bells went off in my head. Bey Jodo wasn’t buying it. Any of it. I suddenly realized the flaw in my plan. Bey Jodo didn’t give a crap about any of his human associates. Even Julie. And he certainly didn’t give a shit about me. He could blow up the ship, then shift through the wreckage for the Dendon at his leisure.

  I focused my thoughts on the Dendon. Can you sense his ship? I asked.

  Of course, the Dendon answered, The energy signature indicates he is arming his weapons. If you have deities you pray to, you should do so immediately.

  Instead of praying, I put out my hand and touched the metal hull. It was cold. Take energy from the ship and put a shield around the ship, I said.

  That will only prolong the inevitable, the Dendon said.

  Just do it!

  I felt my consciousness extending into the ship itself. Compared to the Don ship, the Blinky vessel was primitive and weak. The ship’s power plant was poorly maintained. My request would put a lot of strain on it.

  There wasn’t any time to coddle it.

  I pulled energy from it and projected an energy shield around the entire ship. I groaned with the effort of it. It felt like I was trying to stretch my own skin over something the size of an old Naval destroyer.

  “He shoots at us!” Pejk cried, “That was not the bargain!”

  “Son of a bitch!” Kincaid shouted.

  I looked through the Blinky ship’s blurry sensors. Bey Jodo’s ship hung a couple miles away from us. Uncloaked it looked like some black, misshapen bird of prey. Probably modeled after some nasty flappy thing on his home world.

  Fiery streaks raced toward us. Missiles.

  I threw all my energy into the shield in front of us. An instant later, the missiles hit. The ship bucked with the impact. Metal groaned and sparks flew.

  But we were still alive.

  “Holy fuck, what happened?” Kincaid asked.

  The Blinky’s hands moved over the controls. I turned off the panel so he wouldn’t mess anything up.

  “I do not know. The controls do not respond,” Pejk said, “We should be dead.”

  “He did it,” Julie said.

  My human eyes were still closed, but I could see through the ship’s cheap cameras. The Blinkys really were cheap bastards. It was amazing these ships held together across interstellar space.

  Julie pointed an accusing finger at me. I wanted to give her a finger back, but I was too preoccupied.

  “So the Dendon is awake,” Bey Jodo’s voice boomed in the cabin, “That will not save you. Your ship has no offensive weapons. Once he drains your ship’s energy, you’ll be dead in space.”

  Bey Jodo’s ship moved. Slid around to the side of us. His weapons armed again. I diverted the shield’s strength to our broadside.

  Bey Jodo launched his missiles.

  They struck the shield, rocking the ship.

  Bey Jodo immediately launched two more. I pulled from the ship’s power plant. I could feel it crying out in pain as it overheated. We couldn’t take much more.

  The missiles hit. The ship groaned and rolled.

  “Put the human with the Dendon out your airlock,” Bey Jodo said, “I will let you go then.”

  “Yeah, and then you’ll blast us to hell, right tentacle head?” the goon said.

  “We should do as he says,” Pejk said, “A Don would not go back on his word, would you Bey Jodo? Your people are beings of honor, are they not?”

  “Of course we are,” Bey Jodo said, his voice smooth and even, “Now put the Dendon out the airlock and all will be well.”

  “Wait! Bey Jodo!” Julie cried, “I want to come with you! Let me come.”

  This really wasn't going according to p
lan at all.

  Seventy-Seven

  The Blinky ship rolled in space above Earth. The rotten seaweed stink inside it was distracting. My hand pressed firmly against the cold metal bulkhead. Through it, I controlled the ship itself.

  Which wasn’t doing us much good at the moment. Bey Jodo was out there with his–much, much nicer–ship. Getting ready to blast us all to oblivion.

  The Blinky, Pejk, waved his arms. “Please, Bey Jodo, I will give you my undying allegiance if you spare my life,” he said, “I know diplomatic secrets. Locations of secret bases.”

  Bey Jodo laughed. “Do you think we don’t already know all your little secrets?” he asked, “All of you are useless. Though Julie...perhaps you can provide me some entertainment on the way home.”

  “Anything you wish, Bey Jodo,” Julie said, “I can bring the device over to you.”

  How was she going to do that? As far as I knew, there weren't any spacesuits on this rusty tub. I looked through the ship's cameras at Julie's husband. He had a scowl on his face, but he wasn't saying anything. He sat. Unmoving.

  “I will bring my ship closer,” Bey Jodo said, “Julie will bring the device over. And Julie...”

  Julie leaned forward. “Yes, Bey Jodo?”

  “Make sure the organic matter is scraped off it first.”

  Liz came back into the cabin. She was unarmored, but the thin coverall she wore was unzipped to her navel.

  “You’re not scraping anything, bitch,” she said.

  Julie pretended to ignore her, but I could see her body stiffen. I wanted to warn Liz she was more dangerous than she looked. Movement from Bey Jodo’s ship distracted me. The Blinky’s sensors indicated the ship was coming closer, its weapons armed.

  Does he have the maker weapon on his ship? I asked the Dendon.

  That the Don is willing to take on passengers–especially me–suggests that he has already loosed the weapon. He is committed. Most likely the weapon is evaluating the atmospheric conditions to determine the best entry point for maximum dispersion of its payload.

  My heart thudded, nearly coming to a stop. My chest ached like all the air had been squeezed out of it. Everyone down on Earth. How long did they have?