Quantum Cheeseburger

by Jeremy Michelson

  Did his entire planet smell like this? Or was it just him?

  Soft blue light flickered on in the cabin. There were two control chairs in front of an arching panel. Lights, symbols, and glyphs moved across the surface.

  I realized I had a problem.

  There was no freaking way I could fly this ship.

  I could access its systems, turn things on and off. But fly it? No.

  I jumped out of the ship. “Azor!” I shouted. His fibrous head lifted above the debris. “Get over here!”

  Gold and black bodies rolled between us, arms and legs swinging. Azor sunk back behind his wall of debris. I cursed under my breath. I needed to end this fight somehow.

  Liz and Julie’s armor seemed to be to evenly matched. As were their fighting skills.

  The Don armor is no match for Dendon armor, the Dendon said, that much has not changed over the millennia. Your warrior is not using her weapons. The Don armor does not have energy weapons built into it.

  “You have any suggestions?” I asked.

  Tell her to use her weapons.

  “Liz! Use your weapons on her!” I shouted.

  “No!” Liz shouted back, “I can take this bitch!”

  I sighed and rubbed my face. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

  “Any other suggestions?” I asked the Dendon.

  Wait. The Don armor is an inferior copy of designs stolen from the Dendon military. Your warrior will likely prevail. Eventually.

  I pulled at my hair. We didn’t have eventually. I needed Azor in that ship so we could stop the maker bomb. And I needed it to happen now.

  “Liz! Stop playing around! I need Azor over here right now!” I shouted.

  Julie broke away from Liz. Flipped backward across the deck. Liz jumped for her, but Julie leapt away. I realized the arc of her leap would take her behind the debris wall. She was going to take out Azor.

  Crazy woman was still protecting Bey Jodo.

  Liz saw it, too. Her arm snapped up. The bulge on her forearm rippled and a beam shot out.

  It clipped Julie’s leg. She spun, crashing against the bulkhead behind the debris wall.

  Pejk screamed and bounded over the wall. He had a spryness and energy that I wouldn’t have thought was in him.

  Azor followed, flowing his fibers around the debris. He rustled and skittered across the deck toward me.

  Julie got back to her feet. She limped forward a few steps. Then ran at Liz. Liz stood still, letting her come.

  Azor skidded to a stop by me. “Human. What are your intentions?” he asked.

  I pointed to the open hatch of the little ship. “Get in there and figure out how to fly that damned thing,” I said.

  Before Azor could reply, a horrendous clang of metal rang out across the hanger. Liz had Julie by the neck. She held her off the deck. Julie pounded and kicked at her. But Liz didn't move.

  Liz’s other hand shot out to Julie’s chest. Something crunched, metal tore with a screech. Liz yanked her hand away.

  The black armor flowed off Julie and into Liz’s hand. An instant later Julie hung naked from Liz’s other hand. Blood dripped down her chest where the black circle had been.

  Julie choked and cried. Her fingers clawed feebly at Liz’s armored hand around her throat.

  “Not so tough now, are you, bitch?” Liz said.

  She dropped Julie to the floor with a wet thud. Then she turned and pitched the black disk out through the hanger bay door. It disappeared into the night.

  “Your pair bond is formidable,” Azor said.

  "Yes, she is," I said, "Now get your tree trunk ass in that ship," I said.

  Azor skittered into the cockpit and into one of the seats. I followed. Plopped myself down in the other seat. He ran fibrous tendrils over the panel and its strange lights and glyphs. Azor’s body shuddered, his multitudinous limbs rustled. A strong cinnamon odor wafted over me. Was that the smell of Stickman sweat?

  “Human, I have heard tales of this, but until now, I did not know it to be fact,” Azor said.

  “What?” I asked.

  Something clinked against the ship I turned my head to see Liz hovering at the hatch.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “Going to go save the planet. I hope,” I said, “If Azor can figure out how to fly this thing.”

  “The Dons have a separate language used for military equipment,” Azor said, “The language has been their secret. I cannot translate these symbols. Without translation, I cannot fly the vessel.”

  I thought about it for a moment. Then I grabbed a bundle of Azor’s fibers with one hand. The other hand I put on the controls. Azor tried to pull away, but my grip was strong. I pushed a tendril of my consciousness into the little ship.

  Translate this crap for him, I ordered the Dendon.

  For a moment I thought it was going to ignore me. Then images flowed into my mind. Glyphs and symbols suddenly made sense. I pushed the images at Azor.

  He moaned and trembled. His limbs flailed.

  Then it was over. I let go and he settled down. He slumped over the controls. His body shook.

  “What did you do to him?” Liz asked.

  “I’m hoping I showed him how to fly this ship,” I said.

  Azor straightened. He paused, then tendrils of limbs moved over the control surface. Lights moved in sequence. Glyphs lined up and blinked on and off. Azor flicked a tendril across a row of symbols. Something began to throb at the back of the ship.

  “I am capable of piloting this craft now, human,” Azor said.

  “Great.” I looked to Liz. Her face was still covered in golden armor. “I’m going to go after the maker bomb and then Bey Jodo,” I said.

  She shook her head. “No, you should go after Bey Jodo,” she said.

  “But the maker bomb–”

  “I’ll take care of it,” she said, “This armor is like a mini space ship. I have a better chance of catching it than you do. Give me the coordinates. You go after Bey Jodo.”

  “But–”

  The armor flowed back from her face. She bent down and kissed me. Hard. The smokey, musky scent of her skin made my breath quicken.

  “Just do it,” she said, “Don’t let the son of a bitch get away.”

  I stared into her eyes. My fierce golden warrior. My heart swelled with pride...and something else.

  “I love you,” I said.

  She smiled. “Ditto,” she said. Her eyes glistened. “Now give me the fucking coordinates.”

  I reached out and touched her armored arm. The armor’s system welcomed me and I fed it the information I took from Bey Jodo’s ship. Where he launched the weapon, direction, velocity and time. It was all I could give her.

  “Don’t blow it up,” I said, “Disable its drive system and push it out of Earth orbit.”

  “I got it,” Liz said. She pulled away. “See you around,”

  The armor flowed back around her face. I looked at the distorted reflection of myself in her shining armor. I started to speak, but she was already gone.

  Through the little ship’s view screen I saw her golden form flying, streaking out the big hanger bay opening.

  Into the night.

  I clenched my fists. Swallowed the knot in my throat. I slapped Azor.

  My voice husky, I said: “Come on, let’s go.”

  Tendrils flicked across the controls. The hatch swung shut as the ship lifted. An instant later we shot out into the darkness.

  Eighty

  The Earth hung below us, a blue-green and white pearl. In the cabin of the tiny ship we stole from Bey Jodo, the air was heavy with the scent of cinnamon. What did I smell like to Azor?

  Probably nothing as pleasant as cinnamon. Assuming he had olfactory senses.

  A streak of gold disappeared over the curve of the earth. Liz. My heart skipped a beat. Could she really take out the maker bomb on her own?

  “Human, where are we going?” Azor asked.

  I pointe
d to the crescent moon. “There.”

  When I pushed my consciousness into Bey Jodo’s ship I found all sorts of information. Most of it was unimportant right now. But there was one piece of information that seemed pertinent.

  “Bey Jodo has an emergency shelter on the far side of the moon,” I said, “I think that’s where he’s heading. From there he can call for a backup ship from home.”

  Azor's limbs shivered. "Impossible. The Dons could not have located a base thusly. The moon is well known to the Perseus Clan and–"

  “You have your own secret base there, too,” I said, “Yeah, I know. That was in the files in Bey Jodo’s ship too. You people really need to reevaluate your security.”

  Azor didn’t say anything. His tendrils flew across the controls. The ship turned and the moon centered in the view screen.

  “Reports will be made,” Azor said. Quietly, as if to himself.

  Assuming we lived. Bey Jodo’s little ship was armed with a wicked array of weapons. I had taken the inventory of its armaments from his starship, too. The list was quite long. The Dons tended not to do anything half way.

  The ship Azor and I were in was only lightly armed with pulse cannons and a pair of missiles. Most of it was engine. A fast escape craft. The other ship was fast. But not as fast as this one.

  If we could find him, we’d catch up to him. It was what happened after we caught up to him...that’s where things would get interesting.

  I put my hand on the controls and put a tendril of consciousness into the ship. I found the sensor arrays and opened my senses to the cold reaches of space.

  At first I saw/felt nothing. The sensors swept around us. Slowly built an image of what was in the sphere around us. I started picking up things. The ship we had just abandoned. The scattered debris of the poor Blinky ship.

  Earth satellites. Random rocks destined to become meteors.

  My heart skipped a beat.

  A ship.

  I honed in the scan, bringing up other sensors. A pit formed in my stomach.

  Not Bey Jodo.

  A dead Stickman ship, tumbling end over end into the void. Another one of Bey Jodo’s victims.

  I didn’t say anything to Azor. Did Stickmen cry over their lost comrades? Were the crew of that ship his friends?

  Azor spotted the ship on his own. He altered course for it.

  “We don’t have time,” I said, “Keep going.”

  “Survivors must be checked for,” Azor said. His voice wavered. Was it anger or sorrow? Or did Stickmen have a different range of emotions?

  I rechecked my scans of the vessel. According to them, there was no life on it. A schematic showed a giant hole blown through the middle of the cylinder. Assuming Stickmen couldn’t survive in a vacuum, any crew was very, very dead.

  “Azor, sensors say–”

  “I must check,” Azor said.

  I sighed. The dead ship wasn’t far out of our path. If I could convince him to do a flyby...

  The Stickmen vessel was quite a bit larger than Azor’s ship I had trashed on Earth, though it had the same shape. We approached. Azor spun the little ship and braked it with the main engine to match speeds with the larger one.

  The Stickman ship hung in front us. Besides the huge hole blown in the middle of it, there were pits and burned scores along the length of its cylindrical body.

  Azor sat silent for a long moment. His tendrils hung limp at the controls. I shifted in the seat, fingers tapping on the control panel. I pictured Bey Jodo getting farther away every second.

  "Crew of twenty-three individuals," Azor said, "Patrol ship Kelhah. Their essence is with Loj now. May they forever hunt."

  I waited a few seconds, trying to respect his grief.

  “Azor, this isn’t getting us any closer to catching Bey Jodo,” I said, “He’s the one who did this.”

  Azor’s tendrils flew up, snapping like little whips. “Bey Jodo must pay,” he said.

  “Yeah, that’s the spirit,” I said, “Now let’s get going and–”

  Something moved inside the wreck.

  My hand was still on the control panel, a tendril of consciousness inside the ship. Sensor telltales flashed in my mind. Weapons powering up. Energy levels spiking.

  “Azor! Move the ship!” I screamed.

  Azor saw it too. Tendrils flashed across the controls. Acceleration slammed me against the seat.

  Sensors fed me images of energy weapons flashing out of the hole in the wreck. The beams sizzled through the spot we occupied an instant before.

  The thing came out of the wreck.

  A small, ugly ship, bristling with weapons.

  Bey Jodo.

  Light flared around the back of the ship as its main engines engaged.

  It lined up behind us and loosed two missiles.

  Eighty-One

  Cold sweat popped out all over me. The cramped confines of the little, stolen ship suddenly seemed claustrophobic. I nearly choked on the cinnamon scent coming off Azor, seated in the control chair next to me.

  My hand clutched the control panel. My consciousness watched through the ship’s sensors as Bey Jodo’s ugly little ship rose out of the wreck of the the Stickman ship. Its weapons fired.

  “It’s after us!” I shouted, “Missiles coming!”

  Azor’s tendrils worked the controls. Slapped against them so fast it sounded like rain. The cinnamon scent grew so strong my eyes watered.

  Our ship accelerated. Sensors told me the missiles were gaining.

  And Bey Jodo right behind them.

  “Human, you must take fire control,” Azor said, “Destroy the missiles.”

  I pushed my consciousness further into the ship.

  I found the weapons control system and engaged it. I brought the rear plasma cannons online and activated the targeting system.

  The missiles were close. Sensors identified them as nuclear warheads, 50 megaton equivalent. One was enough to level a city. Two of them pursued us.

  “Human! Shoot! Shoot!” Azor cried.

  I locked on the missiles and fired.

  The missiles dodged aside. The plasma fire passed harmlessly by.

  Yay, smart missiles.

  Closing fast. Almost close enough the shock wave would kill us if the missiles blew.

  The ship’s sensors fed me a steady stream of information. I locked on target again and fired.

  The missiles dodged it.

  I pounded the control panel. Sweat beaded my face. I shook my head and droplets flew off. Tiny globes floated in the zero gravity of the cabin. The drifted to the back as Azor tried evasive maneuvers.

  “Human. Shoot more accurately,” Azor said.

  Easy for him to say.

  Try this.

  An image came up in my mind. Detailed schematics of timed firing patterns.

  The Dendon was throwing me a bone.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  The missiles use a simple AI. This pattern will cause sufficient confusion to their navigation systems.

  I fed it into the fire control.

  “Hurry, human,” Azor said.

  I let loose with a rapid barrage of plasma fire. The missiles dodged. Dodged again. Dodged one more time.

  Strike.

  The first missile exploded. Consumed its sibling in its blast. My sensors shut down for a few moment to prevent damage.

  A shockwave hit the ship. Sent us into a tumble. Azor’s tendrils slapped the controls.

  Sensors came back online. Azor brought the ship level.

  Nuclear fire faded behind us. I scanned the area. Where was Bey Jodo?

  Something struck the ship. Bright telltales flashed across the controls. The ship cried damage reports at us.

  Azor worked the panel frantically. G-forces wracked us as he spun the ship around burned in a different direction.

  Sensors built a picture of what happened. Bey Jodo had overtaken us and fired down on the ship with a plasma cannon. He got a glancing blow, slicing throu
gh part of the fuselage.

  Damage reports flowed to me. The craft was mostly okay, but our port side plasma cannon was disabled.

  I dismissed the damaged reports and concentrated on sensors.

  Bey Jodo was behind us again. His ship was slower than ours, but he still had missiles. We couldn’t afford to let him launch more. Not with just one plasma cannon operational.

  “Azor, turn the ship around and do a hard burn straight at him,” I said.

  “Human that is suicidal,” Azor said, “Normally I would encourage suicide in your species, but in this instance–”

  “Just do it, and be ready spin back around,” I said.

  Azor shook his tendrils, but he complied. The ship spun on its axis. Azor slammed the main engine to full power.

  G-forces slammed me against the seat. A giant sat on my chest, squeezing the air out of me.

  Black spots danced in front of my eyes. I fought against my fading consciousness.

  Somehow I kept a tendril of consciousness locked into the ship’s sensors. Bey Jodo’s ship hurtled toward us as we accelerated. He only had a moment to react. Otherwise...well, I guess it would take care of one problem.

  Bey Jodo’s ship did a hard burn. Angled out of the way.

  “Turn around! Follow his vector!” I shouted.

  Azor worked the controls. For a moment the giant’s hand eased off my chest. Then it slammed the air back out of me as Azor set course and engaged the main engine.

  “We’re faster than he is,” I said with gasping breath, “Stick behind him.”

  Bey Jodo’s ship was already far ahead of us. He had momentum on his side, but we had a little ship with a big engine.

  “He is vectored for Earth orbit,” Azor said.

  “What? Why would he–”

  Images of vector lines came up in my mind. If he stayed on that course...

  A lump formed in my throat. I pulled up another vector. Overlay it on Bey Jodo’s.

  “Shit, he’s going after the maker bomb,” I said, “He’s going after Liz. He must have figured out what she’s doing.”

  “Dendon armor is powerful, but no matched for heavily armed fighter craft,” Azor said.

  I concentrated on the sensors. The blip that was Bey Jodo’s ship. We started to close the gap, but slowly. I had the system calculate our vectors. Bey Jodo would intercept Liz before we got to him.