The Girl in a Swing

by Richard Adams

Colonel was obviously a good bloke and a very suitable

  match. I couldn't see anything wrong with it at all. I'd better

  get on the telephone forthwith and say so.

  I was just going to dial the number when there was a knock

  at the kitchen door and Jack Cain put his head round it.

  'Hullo, Jack!' I said. 'You're early this morning. Come in!'

  'No, l won't come in, Mister Alan, 'cos I got me 'eavy boots

  on, see, and I don't want Gladys Spencer sayin' as I mucked

  the floor up an' she 'ad to clean it. Still on yer own, are yer?'

  'Till to-morrow, yes, but I'm not repining.'

  'Ah, that's all right, then. You seen the yard yet, Mister

  Alan, 'ave yer?'

  'No, Jack. What about it?'

  'Well, that big ol' water-butt's gone an' bust, that's what.

  Cor bugger, th' bottom must've bin rusted right through!

  "E's clean empty, an' 'ole's big as my 'and, all ragged like,

  bits o' rust an' that. Ain't 'alf made a bloody mess.'

  'Oh, hell! What a nuisance!'

  'Didn't you never 'ear un go? All that water must 'a made

  'ell of a noise, I reckon. Still, I s'pose you slept through it

  nice an' steady like.'

  'I - well, I suppose I must have, Jack. Er -'

  'Well, don't make great lot o' difference, 'cause I don't

  see what you could 'a done about it anyways. 'F you got a

  stiff broom anywheres I'll just get on an' clear th' yard up.

  Then after that I reckoned I'd get me old 'ook to that bit o'

  grass down the shrubbery, 'less there's anythin' else what

  you wants doin'. On'y you're goin' to need a new butt. No

  doin' nothin' more with 'e.'

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  'Oh, well, that's it, then, Jack. Thanks for telling me. I

  expect we'll survive. Here's the broom. Like a cup of tea?'

  'Not just now, thanks, Mister Alan. I know you got to get

  on, and I'd better do same an' all. I'll 'ave one later on,

  when Gladys comes in."

  So that was the explanation. Thank God, I hadn't been in

  the grip of a delusion after all! At least - The only odd thing

  was that as far as I could remember the whole business in

  the night had been pretty noisy and had gone on rather a

  long time. How long would it take a water-butt to empty

  itself? If the rusted part opened and broke up only gradually,

  a fair while, I supposed; first dripping and finally gushing.

  But then, the ventriloquial effect all over the house; and the

  intermissions of silence? Well, but the dreams, the neuralgia;

  the whole subjective thing, in fact Anyway,

  this was no time to be pondering on all that. I

  had to get on the telephone. And dammit, I should now have

  to see to the eats for to-morrow myself. Olives, cheesestraws,

  salted peanuts - what else?

  I decided not to rush out and buy a new water-butt. That one

  had lasted longer than I could remember and had probably

  cost a few pounds in the nineteen-thirties. Now, a presentday

  householder, I should have to perpend before lashing

  out on something smaller and much dearer. What we were

  supposed to be concentrating on at the moment, however,

  was building up capital and paying off the bank loan. Items

  like water-butts would have to wait until Kathe, the living

  asset (according to Flick), had met more people and created

  enough additional goodwill to make our fortune. I still felt

  somewhat sceptical about this and anyway I found the idea

  distasteful. I hadn't married Kathe for commercial profit

  and I certainly didn't want to exploit her as a front-girl. If

  we became a professional team - which I now believed we

  would - that was another matter. Anyway, she was coming

  back to-morrow! No more water, no more fright, no more

  dithering in the night!

  All the same, the state of the business was rather worry265

  ing. The truth was that I had failed to observe that excellent

  rule - keep personal capital and business capital in separate

  drawers. I had spent a considerable amount in K0benhavn,

  London and Florida. Now my available capital was too low,

  and you can't make brass without spending it. Nevertheless,

  the sale of a couple of really good items - frozen assets would

  make a lot of difference. Perhaps I might come down

  a bit on that Meissen tobacco-box with the purple decoration

  - or even put it in to Sotheby's, just to raise a bit more

  wind?

  With these and similar reflections Friday passed quietly,

  Deirdre and I minding shop and Mrs Taswell tapping diligently

  away on her typewriter. I made a schoolboy's chart

  of the hours due until Kathe's return and put a pencil

  through each as it passed, but when the time came to shut up

  shop I'd struck off only seven out of twenty-four, so I tore

  it up. I had supper at Tony's, was in bed by ten, read Malory

  for half an hour and slept soundly.

  Kathe telephoned while I was having breakfast. She'd

  missed the early train; apparently the engagement party had

  gone on late. She was now due to arrive at Newbury at

  twelve twenty-five.

  'But, darling,' I said, 'I can't meet you!'

  'Not on the way up from the shop?'

  'No, not really. These characters are due to arrive any

  time from twelve onwards. I'll have to be leaving the shop

  about half-past eleven.'

  'Ja, gut. I'll take a taxi up. 'See you all about quarter

  to one. Now, here's your geliebte Mutter, wearing a diamond

  ring that'll dazzle you down the telephone. Shut your eyes

  and I'll hand you over.'

  'Alan? Good morning, dear! Oh, we are so sorry to be

  losing Kathe, but I know how glad you'll be to have her back.

  Look, while I remember, you'd better put Gerald and me in

  the Newbury News on Thursday, hadn't you? I've written a

  little piece. Let me read it over to you and then you can tell

  me if it's all right...'

  266

  By quarter past twelve everyone who'd been invited was already

  in the drawing-room.

  Hoping that we might be able to sit in the garden, I'd had

  Jack mow the lawn on Friday; and this morning, before going

  down to the shop, had myself trimmed the verges and cut

  the dead heads off the pinks and godetias. However, as luck

  would have it the weather had turned cloudy and a shade

  cold, though there was still no sign of a steady rain.

  Barbara Stannard was all bare, sun-burned arms, white

  beads and golden hair, and even Lady Alice (who sported an

  ivory-headed stick, like old Queen Mary) had made a concession

  to midsummer by turning up in a short-sleeved,

  flowered silk dress and open-work shoes. I poured sherry,

  squirted soda and mixed vodka and lime, and co-opted Tony

  (in mufti and his Old Lancing tie) to hand round the glasses.

  'Why, wherever's your beautiful Katy, Alan?' asked Mrs

  Stannard, almost as soon as she had sat down. 'You don't

  mean to say she's not here?'

  'Well, she will be very soon. She was coming up from

  Bristol this morning and the silly girl missed the earlier

  train. She's due in any time now
and she'll be taking a taxi

  up.'

  'Oh, good! I do hope the train's not late,' said Barbara.

  'We've been so much looking forward to seeing her again.

  What's she been doing at Bristol, Alan, if it's not a rude

  question?'

  'Keeping my Mum company. They've both been staying

  with Florence and Bill, you see. Mother very much wanted

  Kathe to go down there, you know, and I gather they've

  all been having a whale of a time these last few days.'

  It gave me some satisfaction to say this. Whatever my

  guests might or might not have been thinking about Kathe

  and my mother, the news that the two of them had just

  spent three or four days together at Bristol couldn't but

  allay local gossip - if there was any.

  'Will your mother be living at Bristol now, then?' asked

  Mrs Stannard. 'I do hope I'm not being too inquisitive, but

  naturally we've all been wondering how things were going

  to be arranged.'

  267

  I had already asked my mother what she wanted me to

  say in reply to this sort of question, and we had agreed not

  to anticipate the announcement in the Newbury News;

  though if anything should happen to percolate up from

  Bristol before then and I was asked straight out, of course

  I should have to give a direct answer. I'd told Tony and

  Freda in confidence, but otherwise no one at all.

  'Well, things are being arranged splendidly, Mrs Stannard,

  and they're going to burst upon an astonished world quite

  soon. Stay tuned to Radio Desland for a further announcement.

  It's all working out very well indeed, and Mum likes

  Kathe tremendously, I'm glad to say.'

  'How couldn't she?" interposed Lady Alice, who was adept

  at steering any conversation along the right lines. 'Such a

  charming gairl, isn't she?' (Corroborative murmurs.) 'And

  so terribly clever, I think, the way she's fitting in, coming

  here as a stranger from abroad and everything. I mean, her

  English is so marvellously good! Now she's not here we can

  all have a really nice gossip about her, can't we? Do tell us,

  Mr Desland - I've been longing to ask - how ever did you

  meet her and sweep her off her feet so quickly?"

  'Yes, how did you meet her, Alan?' asked Barbara.

  'Well-' I strolled across to the hearthrug, leant against

  the mantelpiece and took a swig at my gin-and-tonic. 'It was

  in Copenhagen.'

  'Yes, we know that.'

  'I saw her one afternoon, sitting in a park called the

  Kongens Have. She was under a big lime tree, playing with

  a little girl -'

  'A little girl?'

  'Yes, a friend's daughter, you know. I sat looking at her for

  some time, actually; and then I saw they were going and I

  thought, "Well, if you don't do something about this you're

  never going to see her again." So I went up to her and asked,

  "Do you mind if I say something to you?" She was rather

  startled, of course, but anyway she asked what was it. So I

  said, "Well, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my

  life. Will you have dinner with me this evening?"

  'Alan, you didn't!'

  268

  'I assure you I did. So then I walked home with her and we

  went out together that evening and had dinner at a restaurant

  called the 'Golden Pheasant', and I remember some Danish

  chap came up and presented her with a carnation because

  he was a bit merry and apparently the sight of her just bowled

  him over.'

  'But d'you mean to say-'

  'And then the next day we went out to Kronborg Castle

  at Elsinore and we were walking on the battlements overlooking

  the Kattegat and I asked her to marry me and she

  said Yes.'

  'Good heavens!' said Mrs Stannard. 'I never heard anything

  so romantic in my life! Wasn't she a bit surprised?

  What else did she say?'

  'Oh, lots. Tis in my memory locked, And she herself shall

  keep the key of it.'

  They all laughed and then Barbara said, 'It sounds too

  marvellous for words! But I mean, weren't her family rather

  astonished - a man she'd met only the day before?'

  'Well, they didn't actually know about the Desland blitzkrieg

  until a bit later. You see -'

  At this moment I heard the front door open and ten

  seconds later Kathe walked into the room, carrying her suitcase.

  She was wearing her rose-pink dress - the one she had

  worn at Kronborg - with the navy-blue sandals from Ilium,

  and no jewellery except the great pearl cluster above her

  wedding ring. Looking at her - a clutch in my stomach - as

  the dry dust of the past ninety hours crumbled and fell

  away below, I felt, momentarily, as though there were no

  one else in the room, and wondered why she did not at once

  return my gaze. Mr Stannard and the other men stood up

  and she put down the suitcase and threw out her hands,

  laughing and motioning to them to sit down again.

  'Oh, please, everybody! You are making me feel so silly!

  But it's lovely to see you all; and so nice to be home again,

  Alan!' She came quickly across the room, flung her arms

  round my neck and kissed me warmly. 'M'mm! That's

  better!' She turned back to the others. 'I'm so sorry not to

  have been here when you all arrived. I hope Alan's been

  269

  looking after you?' (Polite murmurs.) 'I won't be more than a

  minute. I'll come straight back.'

  'Don't hurry, dear,' said Mrs Stannard. 'We're all quite

  comfortable!'

  'Well, less than ten minutes, anyway,' smiled Kathe;

  picked up her suitcase once more and went out of the room,

  leaving the door ajar.

  'Now you really wouldn't think that gairl had spent the

  morning on a train, would you?' said Lady Alice, expecting

  the answer No, which she duly got.

  'Can I give you some more sherry?' I asked her.

  'Well, just half a glass, Mr Desland, thank you. Really

  half a glass.'

  I had just topped her up and put down the decanter when

  Kathe called out - from the kitchen, as it seemed - 'Alan,

  can you come and give me a hand for a minute?'

  'Sorry - 'won't be a tick,' I said, and went out into the

  hall.

  'Where are you, darling?'

  'Here.'

  I went into the kitchen. Kathe, facing me, was sitting on

  the table swinging her legs. I have never in my life seen

  anyone look more radiantly happy.

  'Alan! Alan!'

  I raised two fingers to my temple in what some people

  call a 'gamekeeper's salute'.

  'Something you wanted, ma'am?'

  She held out her arms to me and I, oblivious of all else,

  stepped forward and embraced her where she sat, kissing her

  eyelids and her lips and holding her close against me. Responding

  passionately and pressing her open mouth to mine,

  she flung back her head and leaned backwards, uttering

  tiny, inarticulate moans of pleasure and rocking slightly from

  her hips, so that her dress, beneath my hands, moved up and

&
nbsp; down against her body. Then, sliding gently forward on the

  table, she clasped me with her legs as well as her arms.

  Suddenly I realized that beneath her dress she was cornpletely

  naked; and she, having already foreseen my dis270

  covery, gave a little, quick gurgle of laughter, drawing my

  hands here and there so that I should be in no doubt.

  At that moment the guests, not forty feet away in the next

  room, meant no more to me than the birds in the garden.

  For all I knew or cared someone might have been standing in

  the doorway. I had no sense of where I was, of the time or

  place or of anything that might be happening round us. I

  felt her hand at my loins; and I felt the table slide and grate

  on the tiled floor beneath us, and for that I cared nothing

  either.

  Kathe's mouth was against my ear, kissing and whispering,

  'Ah! Ah! Yes, come on then my darling, come on, my love!

  Quietly, quietly - that's my dear love. Oh, that's it, that's

  right! Oh, I've wanted you so, night and day. Quietly, my

  sweetheart!'

  A voice - God knows whose - Tony's, I think - called out

  from the drawing-room, 'Are you all right, Alan? Want any

  help?' and Kathe, in a tone of complete self-possession,

  called back, 'No, we're doing fine, thanks! Won't be a

  minute!' Then, as she held my thrusting body against her,

  taking my head between her hands and once more pressing

  my mouth to hers - to make sure I kept quiet, I dare say I

  was swept into a blinding rapture, like a wave shattering on

  a rock. I seemed to dissolve. I could hear nothing, see

  nothing. The voluptuous spouting seemed not from within

  my own body but a tide pouring through me, drenching me,

  an all-enveloping flood pulling and combing me out in long

  strands like tidal seaweed. 'If it doesn't subside in a

  moment,' I thought, 'I believe I'm going to faint.'

  Then Kathe was gently lifting, supporting me half-upright

  with her hands on my shoulders. I was standing on the

  kitchen floor, looking down at her, dazed and speechless.

  She laughed softly, her fingers quick and busy.

  'Please adjust your dress before leaving. Oh, darling, I

  love you, love you, Alan!'

  She stood up herself, buttoning and smoothing the pink

  linen. Then, smiling at me with a finger on her lips, she

  walked quickly across to the 'fridge, took out two bottles

  271

  of tonic and an empty plastic ice-bucket and went back to

  the drawing-room.

  'Maddening, isn't it?' she was saying as I followed her in.

  'That 'fridge door seems to choose its own time to jam.

  I'll have to get it seen to. 'Just as well Alan knows its little

  ways. He's so handy with his screw-driver, he ought to be

  opening safes, really.'

  'Never mind, dear,' said Lady Alice maternally. 'Come and

  sit down here and tell me all about Bristol. I hear you had a

  wonderful time. Of course you'd never been there before? Did

  you see the Clifton suspension bridge? Do you know, the

  first time I saw that bridge was just after the Great War. I

  must have been about ten ...'

  As the Stannards, last to go, drove away, I turned to Kathe

  on the gravel.

  'Kathe! What on earth got into you?'

  'Why, you did, darling!'

  'I don't know whether to smack you, crown you with

  roses or have you certified! That was mad - crazy! If someone

  had come in -'

  'M'm, but they didn't, did they? Or did they, d'you suppose?

  No, don't worry, darling, they couldn't have, because

  they'd ceased to exist, you see.'

  'But listen -'

  'Oh, no, I know! They were frozen in time, like the people

  dancing in "Les Visiteurs du Soir" - did you ever see it? and

  of course we were outside time, so -'

  'Kathe, please listen! I've got a local position to keep up -'

  She roared with laughter. 'But you did keep it up splendidly!

  It was all just impulse, Alan dear. I was carried

  away! How could I help it, you're so wonderful-'

  'Impulse my foot!' I ran my hand up the length of her

  dress. 'What about that? You planned it! You intended it!

  You must have -'

  'M'mm! Lovely!' Suddenly she turned and faced me,

  looking into my eyes with a kind of haughty, almost angered

  272

  authority, like a queen with whom a subject has presumed to

  go a little too far.

  'Well, and shouldn't I feel like that? Aren't I your love

  and your wife? I couldn't wait to be with you, and why the

  hell should I have to, on other people's account? Stupid

  people! What do they matter? I'd give the whole world for