365 Days At War

by Nancy Isaak

  The sentry was somewhere behind me, manning his own binoculars. He politely pretended to ignore my fretting and pacing—as did my guards, fanned out along the sides of the knoll.

  Far down below, meanwhile, I could see a small figure—also pacing—back and forth along the highway in front of Zuma Beach.

  It had to be Cammie—like me—waiting with baited breath for Kieran’s return.

  There were two other figures with her—holding hands as they stood at the side of the road.

  I suspected they were Florenza and Pauly—keeping Cammie company.

  * * * *

  There were other people about in those early hours—I could see them now that it was getting light. Some were standing along the cliff’s edge, staring toward the north—the direction Erroll and Kieran would most likely travel to come home. Others were simply going about their business as if it was any other day.

  Down on the farm, I could see Frank and Peyton out in one of the fields that they were creating in their massive front yard. They were using two of the horses to plow furrows for what was to be our first corn crop—well, once we got the seeds Frank needed.

  There was a moment when Frank stopped his plow to come over and help Peyton. After bending down to maneuver a large rock out of the way of her plow, he rose up and took Peyton into his arms—swinging her around and giving her a quick kiss.

  It entranced me.

  But it also made me jealous…because of how much Jacob and I had lost.

  Forcing myself to look away, I searched for Laura and Mia. They were nowhere to be seen and I wondered if they were already at the Medical Clinic.

  Over to the side, the three kids we had rescued from the staging house—were playing in the dirt. They chased each other around, throwing clods at each other’s heads.

  Even from on top of the knoll, I could hear their laughter. It warmed my heart; after all those kids had been through, to see them acting like normal children without a care in the world—they certainly deserved at least that much.

  But it also made my heart ache—for a small Crazy boy who would never get that chance. Instead, he had been shot in the head—just to make a stupid point.

  * * * *

  “Mother?”

  I turned and looked to where the sentry was pointing.

  “Is that green smoke?” I asked, excited. “It’s green smoke, right?!”

  He nodded. “Definitely friendlies coming along the highway.”

  His words were confirmed when, far below, the small figure that I knew to be Cammie began to run north—faster and faster—straight toward the boy that she loved.

  “Good,” I whispered. “This tribe needed that.”

  * * * *

  Kieran gave his report to me a few hours later. We sat in one of the mansion’s living rooms, Cammie with her head on Kieran’s shoulder—yawning, half-asleep. I sat across from them, while Pauly lounged in an easy chair nearby. Erroll had already gone to bed, after a quick breakfast down in the compound.

  “How’s Sophia doing?” asked Kieran.

  “Better than I would be in her position,” I admitted. “I think it helps that she believes Josh to be in heaven.”

  “He is in heaven,” said Pauly, pulling up one leg and placing it over the arm of his chair. “Dude’s surfing the clouds with Ru, no doubt.”

  “That’s your old leader—Ru.”

  Pauly nodded. “Best kid ever. He would have liked you.”

  “From what I’ve heard from Jacob, I think I would have liked him. I wish I could have met him.”

  “Speaking of Jacob,” interrupted Kieran. “I kind of thought he would have been at this meeting.”

  “Absolutely,” I agreed. “He should be here.” Then…I shrugged.

  Kieran gave a big sigh; he looked as irritated as I was feeling. “This is getting fricking ridiculous,” he hissed, under his breath.

  “Well, let’s just get on with business,” I suggested—wanting to change the subject. “Tell me what happened…what you know.”

  Cammie moved slightly—tensing. Kieran immediately reached for her hand, patting it gently, until she relaxed again.

  “Crap load of Crazies in the hills,” Kieran told me. “That’s one of the reasons it took me so long to get up the canyon. I kept having to backtrack and find a different way around them. I wondered why there were so many of them but, when Erroll caught up with me—it all made sense then.”

  “Where’d he find you?”

  “About a half mile away from the water tower. He left his horse down around Mulholland, because he was running into the same problem as me—too many Crazies. Came on foot the rest of the way.”

  “Erroll said that you guys didn’t turn back immediately—that you continued on to the water tower. You took an unnecessary chance,” I said, frowning. “They were looking for you.”

  “We were really careful,” Kieran insisted. “It just seemed important to make sure that there weren’t, like any messages there for us. Especially after what happened to Josh.”

  “But you didn’t reach the tower.”

  “No.” Kieran shook his head. “We got real close. Like we were hiding behind these bushes, just watching. I mean, it looked like the tower was deserted. But because we were looking for them…the Crazies were kinda’ like these darker shades in the bushes. Then, when we figured it out—how to read the shades—we saw them everywhere. Had to be like fifteen, twenty Crazies—just waiting for us—all around the water tower.”

  This was bad news. “If they knew about the water tower, it means that either Josh talked…or Alice.”

  Pauly shifted in his chair, pulling up his other leg. “I vote for Alice.”

  “Well, if it was Josh,” I said,” he couldn’t be blamed for it. After what they did to him, anybody would talk.”

  “Fricking Crazies,” muttered Pauly.

  I turned back to Kieran. “What happened after you saw them?”

  “At the water tower—nothing. Me and Erroll…we just backed up real slow and headed for home. Took a while because we had to walk the whole way. Erroll’s horse was gone when we reached Mulholland.”

  “You think he wandered off or was he taken?”

  “Crazy got him. No doubt about that,” said Kieran. “There were footsteps right where Erroll had left the horse. Also, dude had like taken this massive crap and left it right in the middle of the trail.”

  “But you didn’t see any other Crazies there?” I asked. “They didn’t wait around to try and capture you?”

  Kieran shook his head. “Looked like it was only one guy. That’s all the footprints we saw, so maybe he went to get more guys. And it wasn’t like we were going to wait around. Instead, we climbed up, over that hill that backs up onto Decker Canyon. Came on down that way.”

  “Were there any Crazies along Decker?”

  “If there was, we didn’t see them. Then, we reached Pacific Coast Highway and it was all clear from there. You know the rest.”

  “So, we’re down a horse and it looks like our way of contacting the Stars is gone,” I sighed. “As far as what’s happening in the Valley is concerned, we’re deaf and blind. We can’t get a message in or out safely…and we still have spies up there.”

  “Except that we haven’t heard from any of them in a long time,” grunted Pauly, ominously.

  “So, what do we do?” asked Kieran. “Send up more spies?”

  I shook my head. “Not until we know what’s going on with the Stars and what happened to our guys. There’s no way I’m sending anyone else into the Valley if it’s straight into a trap.”

  “What then?” asked Pauly.

  “We just have to wait. Spend our time on building up our defenses…work on our evacuation plan…do all the things that will keep us safe. It’s all we can do right now—until we know for sure who can be trusted up there.”

  “If anyone,” said Kieran, grimly.

  “If anyone,” I agreed.

  * * * *

>   “Good morning,” I said, coolly—trying to remain detached.

  I had just returned from my meeting with Kieran to discover Jacob sitting on the bed in our room. He was reading the note that Brandon had sent me, which made me kick myself for not having hidden it away—instead of leaving it underneath a book by the side of our bed.

  “Where did you go this morning?” I asked. “You kind of…disappeared.”

  “You had everything under control,” he shrugged.

  My eyes narrowed; more than anything I wanted to grab Jacob and shake the crap out of him right then. Instead, I walked forward and tapped the note he was holding. “So, what do you think?”

  He placed the note back in its yellow envelope and handed it to me. “It’s typical.”

  I’m not sure exactly what kind of a reaction I was expecting from Jacob—but nonchalance certainly wasn’t it.

  “That’s it,” I said, becoming angry. “That’s what you think?!”

  “What do you want me to think?” Jacob shrugged. “It’s just Brandon mouthing off. It’s what he does.”

  “A guy threatens your wife and you’re not even upset about it?!”

  Jacob sighed. “Of course I’m upset. But what do you expect me to do about it? I mean, it’s not like I can run up Kanan-Dume and challenge him to a duel.” He frowned to himself, rubbing his hands on his jeans. “Frankly, Kaylee…you can probably defend yourself from him a whole lot better than if I got involved.” With another sigh, Jacob rose up and walked over to the window and looked outside. “We’ve all seen what happens when I’m in charge,” he murmured.

  The sun shone in through the mullioned panes—bright rays that reflected off Jacob’s ice-blue eyes. He looked achingly handsome to me at that moment.

  Except that it just didn’t matter anymore—my patience was done.

  “Shaddup,” I said, a little louder than I’d intended.

  He turned from the window, shocked. “Pardon?”

  “No, that’s not right,” I said—the anger bubbling up inside of me. “I don’t mean stop talking. I mean…stop it! I mean, stop feeling sorry for yourself—because I’m over it, we’re all, like so over it! Jacob, you had people die on your expedition, who disappeared. Well, guess what…so did I. There are over two dozen graves out in that Nature Preserve because of my leadership! And you don’t think each one of those breaks my heart…you don’t think that?!”

  Jacob said nothing, just stared at me—looking hurt and, perhaps, a little humiliated.

  But still—I couldn’t stop.

  “I’m sorry, Jacob…about everything that happened to you and your team. And I’m sorry about everything that happened to mine, but…you don’t see me acting like an ass about it—giving up, all woe is me, when there’s work to be done…when there’s a tribe that needs leading, that needs protecting. You don’t see me acting like some emo-baby!”

  A shadow came down over Jacob’s face at my harsh words. He looked beyond hurt, beyond humiliation.

  Then, the muscles on his face went lax…and he just looked…bored.

  “Guess that’s why you’re Mother and I’m not,” he said. “Whatever.”

  And he pushed by me and walked out of the room. Honestly—I didn’t know if I was heartbroken…or relieved.

  * * * *

  We buried Josh that afternoon in the Nature Preserve.

  Another grave to add to my never-ending collection.

  It was surprisingly cold; each breath we took a puff of frosty air to hang over our bowed heads. The bright sun from this morning had disappeared behind a dense marine layer, the clouds dark and ominous as they rolled ever closer to us.

  Rhys’ Raiders had dug Josh’s grave; it had taken longer than usual—the ground half-frozen, resistant to their shovels. Pauly had taken part, wanting to do this for his friend. He was now standing with the rest of the Raiders, leaning on a shovel, waiting to help cover Josh up when we were finished with the service.

  Sophia, meanwhile, had just finished reading from the bible—some verses about angels and God and heaven.

  In truth, I hadn’t really been listening; I was too conscious of Jacob standing next to me. Two inches away—yet, the distance was so vast as to be insurmountable.

  We were like strangers now.

  Since our ‘fight’—we had not exchanged a single word.

  * * * *

  “It’s okay, mami.”Florenza looked pale—was obviously still recovering from her food sickness. She reached out and took Sophia by the arm. “You did good, but let’s go home now, chica. All this emotional stuff, it’s wearing me out, too.”

  Only then did I notice that Sophia was nearing collapse; she slumped in Florenza’s grasp, tears flowing down her cheeks.

  As they walked away, I heard a whimper behind me. Turning, I saw Cammie, burying her head into Kieran’s shoulder.

  “That could have been you in that grave,” she cried. “If Erroll hadn’t gotten to you in time!”

  With a whisper, Kieran shushed her. “It’s okay, baby…I’m okay.”

  More tears from the other side of Josh’s grave.

  It was Jay this time. Porter held my best friend in his arms—comforting her…loving her.

  Looking around at the dozens of Locals, slowly moving away, I noticed how many of them were in small groupings—couples, friends, lovers. It seemed that everyone had someone to help them through this hard time, to be by their side, to make certain they weren’t alone with their grief.

  Even Lily and Hannah had each other; they held hands tightly, heartbroken. As the Raiders began to fill in Josh’s grave and the girls began to cry, Wester and Ethan moved over to them—adding their support and comfort.

  Everyone had someone.

  But when I turned to Jacob—he was already gone.

  * * * *

  “Sophia…you don’t have to do this!”

  I was surprised to have found her—ladle in hand—spooning some sort of chickpea stew into the dinner bowls of a waiting line of Locals. Her eyes were red and rimmed with fatigue and sadness. It was obvious that she was exhausted and needed to rest.

  “Go home,” I told her. “Climb in bed and just sleep for a while. Your crew can take care of this for the next couple days.” I motioned to the guys helping her. They all nodded, obviously as worried about Sophia as I was. “You’ve certainly trained them well enough. They can handle it.”

  “No, thank you,” she said, shaking her head. “I want to be here.”

  “You need to sleep,” I told her. “Please don’t make me order you.”

  Sophia stared at me for a moment, then she handed her ladle to a young kid in an apron handing out juice boxes nearby. “Gordie, you take over for me, okay? I’m gonna’ talk to Kaylee for a moment.”

  * * * *

  We sat on the small wall near the cage. There were guys everywhere, but they gave us space—nodding toward Sophia as they passed, small gestures of sympathy and respect.

  “Please don’t take me out of the kitchen, Kaylee,” begged Sophia.

  “It’s not that,” I insisted. “I’m just worried about you, you know.”

  “But you don’t need to be.”

  “Sophia—you loved Josh. Everyone knows that. And he just got killed in the most horrible, brutal way. For you to go on, like it’s a normal day—I just don’t think that it’s the most healthy thing for you, you know.”

  There was a small stain on Sophia’s apron. She brushed at it, trying to rub it away. “Do you remember what I was like up in Agoura? The things I said…did?”

  It wasn’t exactly something that I wanted to remember or talk about, so I simply nodded.

  “Well, Kaylee,” she continued, “I think, maybe…I was, like going crazy or something back then.”

  “Sophia, that was a crazy time. All of us went a little mad, I think.”

  She shook her head. “No…you’re just being kind. If there are demons,” she said, crossing herself, “then I had one inside of my head
during those days. I never said…but I heard things. Like words being spoken to me, screaming…crying…it was so horrible.”

  “Which is why you should be resting now.”

  “Which is why I absolutely must not rest now,” Sophia insisted. She stopped brushing at the stain and turned to face me. “If I stop—what if the voices come back?”

  I didn’t know what to say—she looked so determined and, yet, so desperate, all at the same time. Instead, I reached for her hand and held it.

  “When the world, it changed,” Sophia spoke, quietly, “it changed everything for me. Kaylee, all the stuff I was ever taught, that I believed in—it was all gone…taken from me. But I still had my cooking. And then, such a miracle—I had Josh. With my cooking, with Josh…there were no voices.”

  “And now Josh is gone.”

  She nodded toward the food line. “Now, that’s all I have left, Kaylee—to keep the voices away, to stay sane. So you see it now, right…why I cannot stop?”

  “I do,” I said. “But I also think you’re wrong, Sophia. Cooking is not all you have anymore…you have us.”

  * * * *

  My words were full of compassion and understanding toward Sophia that day.

  If she wanted to cook until she fell down, I would let her—anything to help her through her grief.

  But…

  I also had a private meeting with Porter and Jay later on. Because, if Sophia was admitting to hearing voices—that meant she had to be watched very carefully in case she had a psychotic break and needed to be medicated.

  Like the old saying went—trust but verify.

  * * * *

  Over the next two weeks, however, Sophia appeared to remain sane and my worries about her gradually disappeared. They were replaced instead with the daily trials and tribulations of being the leader of a tribe of mostly hormonal teenage boys and girls living under the constant threat of attack from a bunch of deadly whackadoodles.