Love Lost in Time

by Marie Higgins

  “I know. No one but me.”

  “No.” She tried again to not react to him. “No one calls me that.”

  “Ok. Starshine, then.”

  “You can’t…” she trailed off. “You can’t sweep in here and do this to me.”

  He sighed and shook his arms out. It was a move he made when he was gearing up for an argument he planned to win. Then, he glanced behind him as someone called his name, asking if he was ready to go.

  “Give me a second,” Landon threw the words over his shoulder as he focused back on Letty and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Starshine. I have to go. I can’t bail on the guys. But this isn’t over. Will you at least give me your phone number, so I can call you? I think we need to talk.”

  As Letty struggled to form words in response, an arm reached around her and plucked Landon’s phone out of his hand. Sonia fiddled with it for a few seconds before she handed it back.

  “She’ll be out with us all night tonight, but she’ll be home tomorrow.” She started to hand the phone back to him. “Don’t make me regret giving this to you.” Sonia held on to the phone for a second before pushing it at Landon. Letty knew Sonia well enough to recognize that the way she calmly turned and walked away was a façade. Sonia’s hand flexed on her leg, giving away the tension and uncertainty she felt.

  Letty turned back as Landon checked the phone, then placed it back in his pocket. He glanced up at her and opened his mouth to say something. But Letty turned away and started walking back to her friends before he could get the words out.

  He spun her back around before she registered his hand on her arm and put his forehead to hers in a pose they perfected when they were twelve and he finally outgrew her. She closed her eyes and breathed him in for a minute. Before she pulled away, his lips brushed her forehead, then he walked quickly away from her.

  Chapter 3

  Stupid Landon Charles, making parts of her ache that Letty ignored for years.

  She was pretty sure she drank the entire bottle of tequila by herself in an effort to prove he hadn’t affected her. There may have been a point when she drank directly from said bottle. She honestly couldn’t remember.

  And the damn tequila didn’t even live up to its reputation. Sure, there were whole parts of last night she couldn’t recall. Like how she ended up in Patty’s bed in nothing but one of Patty’s oversized shirts. But, because she couldn’t remember everything from the night before, the memories she did have were crystal clear.

  She could clearly remember the shock of being face-to-face with Landon for the first time after a decade apart. And how right it felt to be in his arms. And no matter how often she told herself to knock it off, she couldn’t get the smell of him out of her nose.

  If she wasn’t to hungover to move, she would be seriously pissed off at the tequila company. The stuff was clearly defective. What was the point of downing the entire bottle and dealing with the headache and nausea, if she could still remember every word he said to her?

  Letty flung her arm out towards the nightstand in the hopes her phone would magically appear in her hand. She groaned when her fingers closed over the phone and pulled it towards her. She clicked the home button and blinked in confusion when nothing happened.

  Her phone was off. She hadn’t turned her phone off since the time Katie called in the middle of the night needing a ride home. Sonia picked Katie up, but Letty hadn’t heard the end of it for months. Katie still brought it up when she really wanted something from Letty.

  She pushed the on button and stared up at the ceiling as the phone booted up. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to find out if Landon left a message for her or not, so she avoided it as best she could without actually moving or putting her phone down. Hence staring at the ceiling.

  Counting backwards from ten, she glanced down at the phone. The phone lit up with several messages: a few from Katie and Sonia, one from Henry, but nothing from Landon. She pulled a deep breath in and tried to push the disappointment out with the air in her lungs. Stupid Landon Charles.

  She scrolled through the messages from Katie and Sonia. Mostly them asking her if she still lived and reminding her about brunch. Crap. She didn’t want to get up, put on clothes, and go see those bitches. At least she knew she could catch a ride with Patty. Hopefully, she could find some pants before then.

  She scrolled down further and hit the message from Henry. She smiled as the picture of him at a bar popped up. He obviously went out last night too. Bars weren’t really his scene. He preferred to stay in and watch a movie, but he mentioned something about going out with friends when they met up for lunch during the week.

  She and Henry went way back. Not as far back as her and Landon but close. She met Henry at some point in high school. Interestingly, she couldn’t remember when. He showed up one day and never left. They were friendly through high school, but there wasn’t space for Henry while Landon consumed her every waking hour. They hung out once in a while, but always with a crowd of people.

  Some of the things he said about Landon while they were in high school bothered her. That Landon was too clingy, and she should make more friends. But she brushed Henry off. At the time, Landon and Letty was a constant in her life that kept her grounded and happy.

  When Letty went to college, those first few weeks she missed Landon so intensely it threatened to drown her. Henry and Sonia pulled her out of it. Sonia forced her to go out and get involved with things. Henry always seemed to show up just as the pain of missing Landon became unbearable. By the time she went back home for Thanksgiving, Henry firmly implanted himself into her life. She was pretty sure if not for Henry her plan to transfer schools to be closer to Landon would have happened. And who knew where she would be now if she had gone through with it?

  Right before Thanksgiving break, Henry asked her not to forget about him when she reunited with Landon. She laughed at Henry and reassured him there wasn’t anything to worry about. It turned out Henry didn’t have to worry, since Landon hadn’t made it back for the holiday anyway.

  Letty knew the girls didn’t view Henry in the same positive light she did. None of them ever said anything bad about him, but she could tell they weren’t really fans of his. Sensing the unease, she did everything she could to keep her relationship with him separate from her relationships with them.

  At a recent girls’ night, Sonia got chatty, and Letty used the opportunity to ask her about it. Sonia responded vaguely, “Henry was always there, sticking his nose where it didn’t belong.” Letty let it go once she realized Sonia could keep her mouth shut, even though she polished off an entire bottle of vodka.

  Now, more than ten years later, she still kept them separate even though she was a damn adult. But she owed Henry a lot. Blinded by her desires for Landon, Henry clued her in to what he was up to. Even going so far as to hold her while she ugly cried for a week. And he helped her pick up the pieces when she was sure she would never be whole again. Now, he was the voice in the back of her head constantly reminding her how Landon broke her.

  Giving herself a shake, Letty quickly texted Katie and Sonia back to let them know she lived. Hopefully, Patty would take her to brunch. Then, she settled back into the pillows on Patty’s bed and texted Henry. Vividly, she described the bottom of the bottle she found, and he told her about all of the girls throwing themselves at his friends the night before.

  Patty barged into the room as Letty was firing off another text and threw a pair of jeans at her. “I’m hungry. Time to go,” Patty yelled as she headed back out the door with a smirk on her face.

  Letty put her phone down and shook her head. Patty was usually extremely level headed. She thought about things, made lists and plans, and followed through. Unless she was hangry, then all bets were off.

  “I’ll get dressed and be right out. Just give me a second”

  “Yup. I’ll be in the living room when you’re ready.” Patty yelled from halfway down the hall.

  “Why are you being
so shifty?” Letty called after her.

  “No reason.” Patty called from the living room. “Get dressed.”

  The borrowed shirt rode up Letty’s midsection as she swung her feet out of the bed and placed them on the floor. She paused for a second, then bellowed, “And where are my fucking underwear?”

  Chapter 4

  Letty shifted on the bench seat in her borrowed jeans. After tearing apart Patty’s room searching, her underwear still didn’t turn up. According to Patty she got back to her place with her pants on and no underwear underneath them. But Patty would pay for laughing at her. The borrowed jeans belonged to Patty. And she wasn’t planning on washing them before she returned them.

  As she let her friend’s conversation wash over her, Letty glanced around the little diner. Sonia and she discovered it their freshman year in college. Close enough to school, they could easily get there during lunch, but far enough away, it welcomed a minimal college crowd. She loved this place. Patty and Katie joined them during sophomore year, and they tried to come at least once a month ever since.

  Things were easier since Letty left Scott. All four of them were single and usually ended up spending Saturday nights and then Sunday mornings together. Katie once jokingly compared the four of them to the ladies from Sex in the City. Except, it more closely resembled Celibate in the Small Town.

  Since her break up, she had trouble imagining herself with anyone else. No one really held her attention long enough to get naked with, at least not until last night. Landon made her lady bits sit up and want to get back in the game.

  “Anyone taking bets she’s thinking about him right now?” Katie bumped her shoulder into Letty. “Hey girl. Come back to us. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

  Letty leaned back in the booth and smiled to herself. “I’m imagining how delicious my French toast is going to taste.”

  “Fine,” Katie gulped down a hit of coffee. “Sonia. Tell us what you know.”

  Sonia glanced at Letty for a second before she turned her full attention on Katie. “I don’t really know exactly what happened. Letty and Landon were inseparable since I met them in the second grade. And what ever happened after high school… pushed them apart. Last night is the first time they’ve seen each other since.”

  “They were besties? I thought you two have been besties for forever?” Katie put her elbows up on the table and leaned towards Sonia.

  “No. Letty and I have been friends for as long as we’ve known each other. But Landon was her whole world. We only got close after we ended up at the same college and ran into each other on move-in day.”

  “So, you guys were high school sweethearts?” Patty asked Letty directly.

  Letty sighed and shook her head. “No. We weren’t. We had been best friends since preschool. You don’t ruin it by admitting to some school girl crush in high school.”

  “School girl crush? Is that what you think you had?” Sonia leaned across the table towards Letty. “From where the rest of us were sitting, it wasn’t a crush.”

  “Please. We danced. It was no big deal.”

  “Wait. Are you serious? Your dance was no big deal? I thought you weren’t lying to yourself anymore. We could all see what a big deal it was,” Patty scoffed.

  “And I wasn’t talking about last night,” Sonia clarified. “I’m talking about the entire time I’ve known you. The first day I met you, Landon beat up some kid because he pushed you down in the mud, and you were crying over your dress. And I remember him yelling at the kid because he made you cry. Not for pushing you, but because he made you cry. You are the only reason I ever witnessed Landon get upset about anything. And I’ve never seen you more frantic or out of control than the night in the hospital, after Landon was in the car accident.”

  “That’s what friends do for each other.”

  “To a point. But you and Landon were never just friends. I wish every damn day someone would look at me the way he looked at you.” Sonia seemed a bit startled by her own admission and cleared her throat. “You two are supposed to be together. I don’t know what happened to drive you apart. But you haven’t been the same since. You never would have let asshole Scott get into your head before. You lost a piece of yourself when you walked away from Landon.”

  Letty noticed Patty and Katie turn to each other out of the corner of her eye before they both turned back to her. “What happened?” Patty asked quietly.

  Letty shook her head. “Nothing. Landon and I just don’t work.”

  Sonia put her hands down on the table and pushed her body as far back into the booth as she could. “Why are you doing this? Everyone who has ever seen the two of you together knows how you feel about each other. It’s been ten years, and you still look at each other like you can’t see anything else.”

  “Why am I doing what?” Letty couldn’t stop her voice from rising. “Why am I protecting myself from him? Because he left me. And when I thought I finally had him back, he betrayed me. It took me years to get over him, and when I did, I jumped into a relationship with Scott. You’re right. I never would have let someone like him anywhere near me if it weren’t for Landon. And now you want to know why I won’t let him mess with me again?”

  Letty’s chest heaved as she stared across the table at her best friend. Sonia was there for everything, even before they were best friends. True and loyal since they were seven. How could she not understand the impact Landon had on her?

  “Letty,” Katie placed her hand over Letty’s clenched fist on the table. “What happened?”

  Letty shook her head again. “I can’t. I promised.”

  Sonia snorted angrily. “Promised who what?” She turned slightly in the booth to face Patty and Katie. “Here’s what I think happened. Landon and Letty went to different schools because Landon couldn’t stand to be near Letty anymore without being with her. And he stayed away for the whole first year because it was how long he believed it would take to get over her. Except it didn’t work. When he saw her again the summer after freshman year all the feelings were still there.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t even see Landon the summer after our freshman year.”

  Sonia turned back to Letty. “Don’t I? I was there when he saw you. We were at that barbeque. The look on his face was part pain and the other part pure wonder. When I said hi to him all he could do was ask me about you. He left before you even knew he was there.”

  “When was this? Where was I?”

  “You were in the house where Henry drug you after he realized Landon was there.”

  Katie moved her hand away from Letty’s. “Oh. Henry was there?”

  “Yes,” Sonia spat out. “Henry is always there. I think Landon and Letty finally got together our sophomore year, and Henry found out about it and pushed them apart.”

  “Of course, he did.” Patty shook her head.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Letty asked. “Henry has always been my friend.”

  “No,” Katie stated flatly. “Henry is a snake. Henry is your friend because he’s deluded himself into thinking it will eventually get him what he wants.”

  “What could he possibly want?”

  “You!” Sonia ground out. “Henry has only ever wanted you. He showed up in high school because he wanted you. He followed you to college because he wanted you. And he did everything in his power to tear you and Landon apart, because he wanted you. How do you still not know?”

  Letty slowly blinked at Sonia. The words Sonia said simply weren’t making any sense in the order Sonia said them. The anger slowly drained from Sonia’s face as Letty watched her.

  “Letty,” Sonia started. “I love you so much and am forever grateful you decided the new girl was worth being friends with. Almost everything worth talking about or remembering that has ever happened in my life, I can trace back to you in some way.” She leaned forward, gaze intense. “Your happiness is one of the few things I have ever wanted. Even when you weren�
��t together, you were happy with Landon. He’s it for you. And you are letting asshat Henry mess it up.”

  “Sonia. You don’t know Henry like I do.”

  “No one knows Henry the way you do,” Patty stated flatly. “Because the version of Henry you know only exists for you. That isn’t the real him. That’s the person he thinks he needs to be in order to get you to finally be with him.”

  Everyone sat back from the table as the waitress deposited their breakfast in front of them. Silence descended as they each started to eat. Letty took a few bites of her French toast before she put her fork back down.

  “He told me Landon was bragging about how he finally bagged me. And I believed him because he told me Landon was talking about the birthmark I have on my inner thigh.”

  “You mean the one we all know you have, because we can see it when you wear a bathing suit?” Patty asked.

  “Yes… But Henry wouldn’t know it was there.”

  “He’s seen you in a bathing suit.”

  “But it’s on my inner thigh.”

  “I don’t think you understand just how obsessed with you Henry is,” Katie said quietly.

  “And why would you believe Henry over Landon?”

  Letty watched Sonia carefully. “Because Henry never abandoned me the way Landon did.”

  Sonia put down her fork full of omelet and reached over the table. “I think it’s time for you and Landon to talk. I don’t think this went down the way Henry has convinced you it did.”

  “And when you’re done talking the three of us will hold Henry down, so you can beat the crap out of him,” Katie added.

  Chapter 5

  Letty stretched her arms over her head as she slowly woke up from her nap. Her bed made her incredibly happy. The first thing she did when she moved in was to paint the walls of her bedroom a deep purple. And since then, she slowly collected the pieces that now surrounded her in her coziest sanctuary.