The Four Kingdoms

by Maryam Durrani

  “No.”

  He shrugged. “Alright then,” he said almost apathetically. When he grabbed my shoulders and gave me a push, I was shocked at how easily I gave way.

  “Stop this,” I said, reaching for his bag. He sidestepped me, a prominent scowl on his face.

  “This has nothing to do with you,” he said, his voice gravelly. I could tell I was beginning to get on his nerves. “Let me go.”

  “You know I won’t.” I waited for him to push me again, but instead, he dropped everything he was holding. “This is about Lorelle, isn’t it?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His eyes found his shoes and his shoulders slumped.

  “You’re lying,” I urged. “Out with it.” His fists curled at his sides, dark hair falling into his eyes. We stood still.

  I searched his face. “Xavier?”

  “I’m fine!” Xavier shouted. He looked up, his eyes ablaze.

  They were in pain. Darkness loomed around him dangerously. Even his bright eyes no longer shown with warmth. They looked tormented. His guard was lowered and finally I could see how much he was suffering.

  “Tell me the truth,” I pressed. Xavier rubbed his face, his cheeks flamed from frustration. “Xavier,” I urged.

  “That’s supposed to be me up there!” he shouted, finally breaking. “That was my throne. I hate my father! I hate that he let me live a lie my entire life.” His voice was so loud, but I stood my ground. “I would’ve been prepared for this, but he left me on my own!” His eyes were glassy. This was the first time I’d seen him like this. Xavier was always the calm one. He was the one who told me to look on the bright side, and yet here he was falling to pieces in front of my very eyes.

  “I understand,” I said calmly. Xavier walked to a chair, grabbing the legs, and slammed it against the ground. I handed him a ceramic plate and he threw it on the ground, pieces flying everywhere. His hair was a mess, his chest rising and falling. I moved as he smashed his fist against the table. I waited until he stopped, and then asked, “Better?”

  He stood, straightening his shoulders, and smoothed back his dark, curly hair, his rare gold eyes fixing on me. “Yes.” He was out of breath.

  “Good.” I held out my arms, the way Jax did when I wanted to flip over the world. Xavier walked towards me. He was taller, stronger, and meaner.

  But under all that change, he still smelled the same. Cinnamon and roses. I smiled to myself.

  “What did I do to deserve this?” his voice came muffled through my shoulder. I didn’t have an answer, because he didn’t deserve this. This was my fault. Thinking back, if only I’d gone and done my job correctly, nothing would have changed. The king would’ve been alive, Xavier would be next in line for the throne and I wouldn’t have felt this pain in my chest every day for two years.

  “You don’t. You don’t deserve this.” I wanted to pull away and look at his face, but he yanked me back.

  “Don’t go.”

  With a sickening feeling, I realized my shoulder was wet. Xavier Cane was crying.

  FIFTEEN

  I was pushed into the line of fire when the queen arrived.

  “You are to be with me at all times,” Zinovia murmured under her breath as I watched Lorelle’s guards enter the room. They bowed in front of the princess.

  Lorelle entered the room.

  She was clad in gold from head to toe—her pink lips the only exception. Her blue eyes were fierce as she stopped, nodding her head at Zinovia.

  “Your Majesty,” I bowed slightly, but she paid no attention to me. Her ignoring me stung more than I thought it would.

  “Do not mention Cadeyrn,” I said softly, my lips barely moving. Zinovia gave no sign she heard me, but I knew she’d gotten the message when she dipped her chin just barely.

  Lorelle started speaking immediately, not wasting any time. “We were attacked, and lost three men. It’s becoming more and more difficult to travel here. If we need to meet again, it’s you who will have to come to Astodia. I put too many lives on the line for these trips.”

  Zinovia nodded, motioning for Lorelle to take a seat.

  They sat across from each other as I leaned against the wall, listening.

  “I understand why you’re upset,” she said, “but if I leave and something goes wrong in my absence—”

  “The same goes for me,” the queen said, her face hard. She pulled her lips into a taut line, and suddenly she was unrecognizable. She wasn’t just Lorelle anymore. She was a queen, and she would do anything to protect her people.

  Zinovia nodded curtly, but I could see the calm look disappearing from her face. She rested her hands against the velvet armrests on her chair, waiting for Lorelle to go on.

  “I’ve decided that I will send two of my ships with yours to Trella. As you may see, this is benefitting me as well as it is you.” She leaned back into her seat. “You get a strong ally that should protect your kingdom, and I,” she said, brushing a lock of loose dark hair behind her ear, “well, let’s just say, you will be indebted to me.”

  Zinovia showed no signs of fear, but I could see something flicker in her eyes. She knew she owed her kingdom to Lorelle after all the queen had done for her. After this could-be war—if there was still a kingdom of Crea—Lorelle’s wish was her command.

  “I’ll be here a while. I have someone running the kingdom in my absence. Someone I trust.” For a second, Lorelle’s eyes flickered to mine. A shiver ran up my spine. She was talking about Lance. Her eyes focused back on Zinovia. “I was going to bring him here, but I realized that would only cause him pain after my last visit.” She got to her feet, bowing her head. “Thank you for having me.” Zinovia stood too, and I noticed how small she looked in front of Lorelle—even though they were the same height.

  “Adalia will escort you to your chambers for the night.” I cursed under my breath, letting my eyes find the high ceiling for a moment. I should’ve asked Zinovia to keep me by her side. I didn’t want to be alone with Lorelle.

  “Of course, Your Highness.” I strode forward, not meeting the queen’s eyes. “If you’ll follow me.”

  The doors shut behind us as I led in silence.

  When we were out of earshot, her footsteps stopped. I stopped walking as well, but didn’t turn around. I knew what was coming now.

  “After our last encounter, I did some looking in to you.”

  “Is that so?” I asked coldly. “What business was that of yours?”

  “Is that how you speak to your queen?” I bit back a retort, feeling my cheeks flame. I kept my back towards her. “So you’ve started fighting,” she continued. “You ran away, taking part in these foolish games like a child, and made your way to the top in another kingdom. What will you do if one of your new friends die?” Lorelle said quietly. “Jax, Isabel. If they die in this war, will you join the enemy? Will you run off to Dystalphi, and hope to protect their king?” I heard her take a step towards me, and I curled my hands into fists. Breathe. Lorelle is in there, somewhere. Don’t make a queen your enemy.

  “What happens,” Lorelle continued, her voice unwavering, “when you run out of kingdoms to run to?” I heard her scoff. “Rough times have hardened us, Adalia. But they seem to have softened you.” I could feel my shoulders strain from the sudden tension.

  Inhale.

  Exhale.

  “Have you told anyone about your true identity?” I felt her hand on my shoulder, and I flinched. Stop it. “Or has everyone you told run away from you?”

  She would never understand.

  “That’s enough,” a voice said from the shadows. “You’ve turned out to be a very damaged queen.” I let my shoulder lean against the wall for support. Cold seeped from the stone through the fabric of my clothes, freezing my skin. Xavier.

  Hide.

  Lorelle frowned, turning towards the voice. “Who is it?” she asked, taking a step back.

  Xavier stepped out, smiling at her. “Your majesty.” He bowed.


  What are you doing . . . ?

  “It can’t be!” Lorelle pressed a hand over her mouth. “You were dead!”

  “I’m a spirit,” he said in his deeper, almost unfamiliar voice, baring his teeth. “I’ve come back to this world for vengeance. I have unfinished business here.” I wanted to punch him in the face.

  Lorelle stared at him in horror. Xavier rolled his eyes, continuing after no one laughed at his annoying comments, “Adalia had her reasons to leave,” he said, his eyebrows knitting together. “But you’ve proven to be able to rule a kingdom without her, so why are you behaving this way?”

  “This must be a dream.” There was disbelief written all over her face, the way I imagined I looked when I saw him in the Rings.

  “It must be,” he said, amusement coloring his voice, “Lorelle.” She stared at him for a moment and turned to me, losing all her queenly poise.

  “Adalia. What’s happening?”

  I stood in Lorelle’s chambers as she tried to wrap her head around what had just happened.

  “Well . . . did you . . .” she swallowed, trying to find a way to phrase her words. “Did you two run away together?”

  My jaw dropped in disbelief. “Do you really believe that I had anything to do with this?”

  She stood up abruptly, eyes wild. “What am I supposed to think, Adalia? I haven’t seen you in two years, and now I meet you and the prince—” she stopped, swallowing, “—Xavier, I mean—at the same time in Crea together. So you tell me; what should I think?”

  I brushed a lock of hair behind my ear. It was pointless arguing with her.

  “Well?”

  “Lorelle, I can’t do this.” I shook my head at her.

  She waited for me to go on.

  “It’s been too long. I just can’t deal with so much at once. A dead prince is following me around, and now you, my friend, a queen,” I said softly, “loathe me. It’s as if no matter how hard I try, I can’t start over again. I needed to start over.” I curled my fists at my sides. “I needed it. I don’t know how to feel. So stop pressuring me into taking all the blame.”

  Lorelle’s blue eyes softened. “That’s not what I was doing.”

  “It doesn’t matter now.” We stood in silence. “Lor—” She raised a hand, cutting me off. She walked towards me slowly, wrapping her arms around me.

  “I’ve had to be strong, Adalia,” she said into my shoulder. I stood with my hands hanging limply at my sides. “I’m sorry for all those things I said.”

  “I understand.” I reached up to pat her back, almost awkwardly. “You don’t need to apologize.”

  She pulled away, pulling a handkerchief out of nowhere to dab at the crystalline tears forming at the corners of her eyes. “I need to be on the ship to Trella,” she said, sniffing softly. “I have to be of use in some way. I haven’t been able to do anything important since I became a queen.”

  I let out a short laugh. “You ruled a country for two years. What could be more important than that?”

  She looked at me hopefully. “Is that a yes?”

  “Absolutely not,” I crossed my arms over my chest. “You will stay in this room as long as I have anything to say about it. Goodnight, Your Majesty,” I whispered, shutting the door behind me.

  I stood in front of the Andromeda, admiring the build of the ship. It had been transformed artfully.

  “This is the one we’ll we sailing to Trella on?” I asked the man who designed the ship itself.

  “Yes,” the shipwright said, looking at me over his shoulder. “Ain’t she a beauty?”

  “Indeed,” I said, impressed. “Who named it?”

  “Ah, that was me,” he said with a grin, shaking his head. “Suits her. She’s sharp and dark. Could almost pass for a pirate ship herself.”

  “You’re right. It doesn’t look like it’s a part of the royal navy.”

  His green eyes found mine, a bright smile on his face. “Except for the flags.” He rubbed at his scruffy beard. The dark blond ponytail at the back of his head was flying up as the wind blew, but he seemed unfazed by the cold in his sleeveless, tan tunic.

  “We’ll need to replace those,” I said, nodding towards the waving flags. A swan raised its elegant head, neck arched in grace.

  “You’re right. She’ll be less of a target then.”

  I internally groaned. He seemed to be more worried about his beautiful ship than the dozens of people that would journey on it in two days.

  “Thank you,” I said, “for your hard work.”

  He tipped an imaginary hat. “I worked on my old ships to create these masterpieces.” He gestured widely to the four ships that stood tall, docked and ready to be boarded.

  I reported back to Zinovia.

  “Everything seems to be ready to go,” I announced.

  Today, she wore a lavender dress, accessorized with silver jewelry. The sleeves were tight, shaping her arms all the way down to the bones of her wrist, her shoulders bare. How she had time to accessorize and rule a kingdom, I didn’t know.

  “My people are prepared to join you. Have they started loading the ships with supplies?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then I wish you luck on your journey.” She smiled, reaching to put a hand on my shoulder. I was worried. We were going to lose people. We were going to lose supplies. We could get lost.

  I found myself standing outside, realizing my legs had moved without my permission. I rubbed my eyes, suddenly weary.

  “Getting into more quarrels with royalty, are you?” a voice asked. Xavier approached me, a smile on his face.

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Do you want to do something fun?”

  I looked up at him, frowning. “Fun?”

  He jaw dropped in mock surprise. “Please tell me you know what the word ‘fun’ means.”

  “I know what it means,” I snapped, letting my hands drop to my sides. “I don’t understand what it has to do with this conversation. You may have ‘died’, but you’re still a child inside. I was expecting some maturity.”

  He crossed his arms over the front of his black tunic. His boots reached up to just under his knees, leather pants covering the rest of him. “Are you saying you’re more mature than I am?”

  “Undoubtedly.”

  “Come here,” he said, holding out his hand. His eyes see-

  med to be asking, do you trust me?

  I did trust him, but I lost my faith after I saw where he was taking me.

  “Xavier, the stables? I don’t have time for this!” I pulled my hand from his grasp. He stopped, a wide smile decorating his face.

  “Oh come on. Hand. Now.” I refused to give it to him, so he sprinted behind me and grabbed my shoulders, pushing me forward.

  “Stop.”

  He spun me around to face him like a top, bending slightly, his eyes boring into mine. He was deadly silent.

  Then, “No.”

  He mounted his horse, giving me a smile that brought light and warmth to the gloomy cold around us. Butternut, my horse, stamped her foot impatiently, but for a few minutes, I couldn’t find myself able to look away.

  Swinging my leg over Butternut, I pulled up next to Xavier’s blue dun stallion.

  “I’ve never seen this one before,” I said, flicking my eyes towards his horse.

  “He’s new. Meet Toffee.”

  I snorted, and couldn’t keep myself from laughing. “Did you name him?”

  “Did you name Butternut?”

  “No,” I snickered. “I didn’t. The princess seems to have a liking for sweets.”

  “Race me.” It wasn’t an offer, he was demanding a race. I smirked.

  “I’ve beat you every time. What makes you think you can win against me now?”

  “What world have you been living in?” he narrowed his golden eyes. “When have you ever beat me?” He took off like a bullet. Toffee was fast, and I was second guessing Butternut’s stamina. I urged her on, but she knew what she was d
oing. If she had feathers instead of hair, she would be flying. Xavier leaned forward, dark hair whipping around his head. He laughed through the wind. He let go of the reins, free, fingers cutting through the wind.

  A pang of jealousy ran through me. I wanted that freedom. He rode a free stallion as a free man.

  I leaned forward to help Butternut boost forward, and she did, propelling forward on her legs. Toffee’s feet were barely skimming the ground, and I could already tell who was going to win. A stallion, versus a mare.

  They won.

  Chest heaving, I let out a deep breath, sliding off the saddle. Xavier did the same, happiness plastered across his features. He held out his right hand for me to shake, which I did.

  “That was fair,” he said, his breath forming a cloud of cold air around his lips. It disappeared.

  “It wasn’t. Our horses weren’t evenly matched.” Butternut stomped her foot in protest, and I grinned at the tan mare, running my fingers through her pale mane. “We’ll get them next time,” I whispered under my breath, and Xavier gave me a sly grin.

  “Take a look around you.”

  I examined our surroundings. We stood in a barren field, with no people or trees in sight.

  “Why are we here?” I asked, confused.

  He took his place beside me, and looked up at the sky. “To let out our feelings.”

  “What do you mean?” He was making no sense. Xavier was always a hard shell to crack, but now he just sounded crazy. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was truly insane.

  “Scream.”

  “Xavier, are you feeling well?” I asked, concerned.

  He smiled at me.

  “Just scream.”

  “I will not. That’s childish.” My face turned red.

  “Let it out, Adalia. Whatever you’re feeling. I’ll turn around if you want me to.”

  “Fine. Do that.”

  He turned, keeping his back to me. “Are you going to do it?”

  “No.”

  “I’ll close my ears.” He pressed his palms over his ears, softly humming a tune.

  Fine. If he wanted me to scream, I would scream. I was going to let the whole world know how I felt.